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Do ISFJ's give others second chances?

5128 Views 11 Replies 6 Participants Last post by  EYENTJ
Hey guys,

I really screwed the pooch with an ISFJ and I'd like your input.

We "dated" for several months, but while I wasn't thinking long-term, it seemed like she was. I kept dropping hints that since she was going off to a new college and I was leaving the country in a year, that perhaps this wasn't the best of ideas. I certainly didn't treat her as well as I would have if she were my girlfriend, but she treated me so well that I couldn't muster the usual INTJ ruthlessness and cut the relationship off. She was always initiating contact and coming over to my place... it was intoxicating.

After a while she began to look elsewhere while still hanging out as friends and hooking up. Her temperature towards me began to fall a little (laughing less at my jokes and pranks, breaking dates, etc) and I slowly, slowly, slowly (I'm an INTJ keep in mind) began to realize that I had fallen in love without realizing it and that I had pretty much lost her. She found a new guy and is dating him currently. I reacted in typical INTJ fashion: Freeze Out, which was a huge no-no. In my emotional distress and severe, atypical loneliness, I wound up sleeping with one of her "best friends," who had been attracted to me the whole time (not excusing what I did, but she initiated the seduction).

I've reconciled with the fact that my chances again with her are extremely low. But, have you, as an ISFJ, ever been in a similar situation with a happy ending? My plan is to just wait it out until she breaks up with her current guy and see if she still has feelings towards me. In either case, I know I've royally fucked up and have since resolved to be there for her if she ever needs anything. Hoping for friendship/relationship, but expecting nothing. Any input would be great. And feel free to yell at me for having acted like an emotionally insensitive d-bag.

Addendum: I've since fixed my insensitive behaviors (the stupid crap I would pull when we were "together") and have been, as much as an INTJ can be, emotionally sensitive. Predictably, when I ended my freeze out, she hated me utterly for about a month and I endured cheap shots, low blows, and her own freeze out. She's since warmed up a bit from "undisguised hate" to "benign tolerance." For what it's worth, I can still make her laugh (alot), but she begins grinning or laughing and then catches herself doing so and immediately stops with a sigh.
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My input on INTJ's with ISFJ's is simple:


Run as fast and as far as you can. When you get done running, don't turn around, run some more. If you're tempted to go back, find a good solid rock and beat yourself over the head with it until you are bloody. This should give you a fair approximation of life for an INTJ/ISFJ pair.

Your mileage may vary, but in my experience, INTJ/ISFJ is a powder keg.
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