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I've gone on a few dates with this guy who I'm pretty sure is an ISTJ. Things are going well, but there's something he does that I can't figure out. He's always making recommendations for things I should see/do/watch/eat. Like, if we're at a restaurant he's been to before, he'll recommend something for me to order. Not at all in a controlling "you should eat what I want you to eat" kind of way. But more than just a casual "hey, this is what's good, in case you're interested." Same thing with movies. He'll mention a movie I should go see but will actually follow up to ask if I've seen it. He's not at all a jerk about it if I tell him I haven't or don't want to. Though I feel like maybe he is a little hurt if I don't take his recommendation? Like maybe it's a kind of rejection of him?

I don't know where this is coming from. It's kind of odd to me. I totally suggest things to people, too, but when I do it, I don't really care whether they take my suggestion or not and might not even notice if they do or not. For me it's always a "hey, here's something you might find useful, do whatever you want with it" kind of a thing. I don't really care what the other person does with the info. The guy--it's not like he gets angry if I don't take his suggestions, but I feel like even if I don't take it I have to listen to them carefully and if I don't want to take them at least seem to think about it seriously and give a reason why I don't want to do it, or he seems to think I'm blowing him off. Again, not talking about big life-changing advice kind of things that almost everyone would agree would need to be taken seriously--just things like what to order in a restaurant or what website to look at or what youtube clip to go see.

Anyway, just hoping someone here might be able to relate/give some insight into what's going on.
 

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I think I can relate to how he might feel. I tend to be so careful about making a social blunder sometimes, or if I feel my tastes are too weird/boring/whatever I often keep them to myself. ISTJs tend to form their opinions on lots of facts/research and the assumption that we're right about whatever we think tends to carry over into areas that are merely personal preference. I actually have felt like I wasn't taken seriously if people don't consider my suggestions. I feel like I've actually taken the effort to share something I really enjoy and feel a little hurt when it doesn't seem like the other person really considered it at all. Mostly because I tend to carefully think about EVERYTHING.

If he seems weird about you not taking his suggestions it's probably more of an insecurity thing since you guys are just starting to get to know each other. He may be trying to find a way to make conversation about things he likes/feels confident about so it may be awkward when his "conversation starter" is shot down. As far as checking up on whether you took his advice, it seems like he's trying to make a connection with you somehow - like looking for common ground. If for example you went to see a movie he recommended then you guys could talk about what you both liked/disliked about it and get a conversation flowing that way. I sometimes script conversations in my head beforehand because I'm not super confident with my conversational abilities... ESPECIALLY with a romantic interest I'm trying to impress. At least that's the way I'm interpreting it from what you've said. It may also be an ego boost if you take his suggestions because it's like you're acknowledging and affirming his judgment. ISTJs love to be right and have our opinions validated :) As an NF you care more about connecting on a personal/emotional level, but often the first connection an ISTJ makes and considers to be "clicking" with someone has more to do with sharing information/facts about similar interests. If he's making that many suggestions he may be looking for common tastes and stuff that he can start to open up more to you.

If the relationship continues I would imagine this pattern would start to go away; that's been my personal experience anyway. After I know someone well enough to know that they value me and my opinions, I care less when they don't agree with/take my suggestions. I also don't make that many suggestions overall to people I know well. Not unless I feel they'd actually agree with it. By that point I know you well enough to know what you'd actually like/dislike and wouldn't bother suggesting something I don't think you'd be likely to do. I may make more stabs-in-the-dark with someone I don't know well and end up feeling like an interrogator at times >_<

I'm impressed that you're so perceptive... must be the NF in you ;)
 

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I like suggesting things if I see something isn't working or if I think the person would like it i.e. I suggest good films and explain why or suggest a restaurant and explain why (usually with anecdotes). I tend to do this if I care about the person and not so much with others I'm not close to.
I don't like making suggestions to people when I'm on the spot i.e. today I had to say my thoughts of theaterical costumes and got really embarrassed (too many eyes on me at once).
 

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I think this behavior is his way of sharing his interests with you or he may be trying to impress you by showing off his vast knowledge. I also think that he's interested in you and he's hoping you'll like what he likes.

I suggest you ask him what the reason is if it bugs you.
 

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I've noticed this about myself lately - offering suggestions for action. I think it's a knee-jerk reaction meant to help people - "If you're interested in applying for X, you should really talk to so-and-so". It comes out before I even notice it. I've told myself to tone it down. Sometimes people just want to share news; they don't want my opinion. I'm trying to control my mouth.
 

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I think this behavior is his way of sharing his interests with you or he may be trying to impress you by showing off his vast knowledge. I also think that he's interested in you and he's hoping you'll like what he likes.

I suggest you ask him what the reason is if it bugs you.
I like your Henry Bemis avatar. One day, there will be time enough at last... :)
 

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I suggest stuff often if I think I'm somewhat knowledgeable, its just me being helpfull. Its basically me showing what I know, what works for me, my insights, and you can do with it what you please I suppose. For your case if he suggested a movie and then asked if you saw it he was probably hoping you saw it so you would have a conversation point with something that he knows about. Overall I'd say that the greatest depth that this behavior could have is just getting your opinion on things that he himself is interested in.
 

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Typically I don't make suggestions, and when I do it is when someone has asked for my input or the discussion calls for it (discussing good books to read). I don't expect people to follow my ideas or input just kind of throw them out there as an FYI more than anything.

I dated an INFJ for a while who exactly the same thing, after three months I asked him and was told it was a combination of insecurity and his attempt to find common interests. If it bothers you, ask him. If he is an ISTJ he likely won't have any problem explaining.
 

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As an NF you care more about connecting on a personal/emotional level, but often the first connection an ISTJ makes and considers to be "clicking" with someone has more to do with sharing information/facts about similar interests.
^ This. You have nailed exactly what I was thinking. ISTJ's communicate by sharing/disseminating data.
 

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I've noticed this about myself lately - offering suggestions for action. I think it's a knee-jerk reaction meant to help people - "If you're interested in applying for X, you should really talk to so-and-so". It comes out before I even notice it. I've told myself to tone it down. Sometimes people just want to share news; they don't want my opinion. I'm trying to control my mouth.
I do this. I'm trying to tone it down too.

I also like making suggestions to see how much people's interests overlap with my own. If someone has no interested in watching my favorite TV shows, then I know to talk about something else. I don't like sharing my interests just to have someone flip them off as boring or something.
 

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I do this. I don't even realize I'm doing it. I have to mentally block myself when people are telling me all about their day. Now when I am at home and it's just hubs and me, well, I don't have to do anything or say anything I don't want to.

Love my hubs.
 

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I do this. I'm trying to tone it down too.

I also like making suggestions to see how much people's interests overlap with my own. If someone has no interested in watching my favorite TV shows, then I know to talk about something else. I don't like sharing my interests just to have someone flip them off as boring or something.
Doesn't that just get on your nerves? Try to relate your interests and just get dismissed as boring! And they wonder why we prefer to be by ourselves sometimes.
 

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I do this. I don't even realize I'm doing it. I have to mentally block myself when people are telling me all about their day. Now when I am at home and it's just hubs and me, well, I don't have to do anything or say anything I don't want to.

Love my hubs.
So you're the reason why I couldn't get the handle CrazyCatLady when I joined PersonalityCafe. Damn.

And if anyone is a crazy cat lady, it's my "hubs".

:)
 

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So you're the reason why I couldn't get the handle CrazyCatLady when I joined PersonalityCafe. Damn.

And if anyone is a crazy cat lady, it's my "hubs".

:)
LOL I can relate. I only take responsibility for two of our cats. He says that "he hates cats". I just joined up in May though so I don't know if it was me that had the name first. Maybe someone else had it then deleted their account?
 

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I have five and this is the last time I will ever have that many. We live out in the country and a feral "mama" cat sorta adopted us. By adopted I mean she would hang around. Didn't like to be touched much and there was no catching her for a few years. However she brought her babies to us one night. They had been attacked by something. Two of them died and we nursed the other baby back to health. She brought us two more babies. So we have the three "kids" and the two older ones which are 13 and 14 years old. It's a lot of work but I'd rather deal with the cats than most people I know.
 
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