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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
No, this is not a trolling thread.

Intellectually, I understand that men have feelings -- but I seem unable to believe it and I find myself not only surprised but shocked when men show emotion, just before I dismiss it as some kind of ... fraud on their part.

No need to tell me I'm messed up and very deluded -- I know that I am and I know why: my father is a very unhealthy INTJ and my brother was not exactly a warm INTP growing up, so my view/understanding of men's emotions are very messed up.

I don't want to dwell on the past though, that's not why I bring it up. I've realized this is causing problems for my personal life. Though I find men physically attractive, I seem unable to connect with them on an emotional level -- in large part because I have trouble believing they have true emotions! Therefore, although I'm 34, I've not had a relationship with a man over one month...

I used to think this is because I'm INFP. And I still think this is part of it. However, now I'm beginning to realize that it may also be because of this wrong perception I have of men.

Of course, it doesn't help that the few times I have opened myself up emotionally to a man, they've been deceitful and even cruel at times...but I know that's just what happens sometimes to everyone when they take chances on finding love.

I guess what I want to know is:

How do you men feel? How does it hit you?

Do you think you experience emotions differently than women? If so, how is it different?

How do you feel about women?/what is your opinion of women in general and the women in your life?

What does love feel like to you?

Do you often say things that you don't mean?

Have you ever lied to a woman to get something you wanted from her? Did you feel bad? If not you, your friends?

Does your heart ever break? Over what?

What are you most afraid of?

What do you most want?


And anything else you'd like to add. Perhaps this will give me more insight into men's emotions?

And for the women: What do you think? What are your experiences with men's emotions? Have you ever been surprised by their depth or realized they felt more or far less than you imagined?

Thanks everyone for your responses.
 
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We feel, but society forces us not to show our emotions, because if we do, then we're sissies and pussies.
 
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How do you men feel? How does it hit you?
I experience feelings and emotions just as much as anyone. They don't usually have a big impact on me though. But when they do, the blow is crippling if negative and magical if positive.

Do you think you experience emotions differently than women? If so, how is it different?
No idea.

How do you feel about women?
What do you mean, 'how do I feel?'

What does love feel like to you?
Wonderful and painful.

Do you often say things that you don't mean?
No. I always say things that I mean.

Does your heart ever break? Over what?
Not yet it hasn't.

What are you most afraid of?
Never seeing the one I love.

What do you most want?
To see the one I love. :dry:
 

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Discussion Starter #7
Women say that but then they get wierded out when a guy acts affectionate or emotional (and I'm not talking about a creepy kind of emotion or affection). I've learned to keep my cards near my face regardless. Although I'm appearently bad at hiding them (facial gestures and such).
Yes, but you're practically anonymous here and this is for research:wink:
 

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It's really hard for me to feel as a man, because i've been trained to NOT show my feelings by my dad. And society also dictates that it's a bad thing, not just American society because I grew up in the middle of American and Chinese worlds. To be a "man" I must be in control of my feelings and I've learned to do that by stifling my feelings. The only feeling i can say i "understand" is anger and even then, i don't know how to control my anger very well. All i Know is that i try to not get angry by not caring and that doesn't really work in a relationship

i've been heartbroken a couple times, but i try to not let it stop me from trying to get into relationships. I don't know how to answer your other questions
 

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Discussion Starter #9
It's really hard for me to feel as a man, because i've been trained to NOT show my feelings by my dad. And society also dictates that it's a bad thing, not just American society because I grew up in the middle of American and Chinese worlds. To be a "man" I must be in control of my feelings and I've learned to do that by stifling my feelings. The only feeling i can say i "understand" is anger and even then, i don't know how to control my anger very well. All i Know is that i try to not get angry by not caring and that doesn't really work in a relationship

i've been heartbroken a couple times, but i try to not let it stop me from trying to get into relationships. I don't know how to answer your other questions
Hm...yes, this has been my experience with men...

So in essence, men have in large part trained themselves not to feel through continually pushing away their feelings? Or have learned not to look at them, or examine them. And they come out in other ways, primarily anger.

So do you consciously or unconsciously stifle your feelings? And how exactly do you do that?
What do you think you would express if you could? If no one was watching?
Does anything move you?
What would you most want someone to say to you when you were upset?
 

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Hm...yes, this has been my experience with men...

So in essence, men have in large part trained themselves not to feel through continually pushing away their feelings? Or have learned not to look at them, or examine them. And they come out in other ways, primarily anger.

So do you consciously or unconsciously stifle your feelings? And how exactly do you do that?
What do you think you would express if you could? If no one was watching?
Does anything move you?
What would you most want someone to say to you when you were upset?
Actually it's hiding their feelings than not feeling. Which is a huge difference.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
Actually it's hiding their feelings than not feeling. Which is a huge difference.
Okay. But can you be more specific?

'men have feelings but they hide them', doesn't help much.
 

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How do you men feel? How does it hit you?: I don't think we feel any differently from women. Things only seem different because we handle how we feel differently. Like some have mentioned, we can be good at hiding it, to the point that it seems like we're not feeling anything.

Do you think you experience emotions differently than women? If so, how is it different?: I think most men are more in control of their emotions than women.

How do you feel about women?: I love them. It probably helps that I was raised by a ton of women with no father or brother figures around. I feel like I might be able to understand them a little more than the average man, because of that.

What does love feel like to you?: Love means everything to me. Love is like a religion to me. It's what I put my faith in. It's what I live for. It's what keeps my head up. Love is my meaning in life. Love is the best feeling ever. I know love can also be the worst feeling ever, but when I find myself in those situations, I handle my business. That's the problem with most people, they just can't handle the downside of love. And just because you can't handle it, doesn't mean everyone else can't. Remember that.

Do you often say things that you don't mean?: I always watch what I say. I'm not much of a talker, in the first place.

Does your heart ever break? Over what?: I've had my heart broken, just like everyone else, over the same things as everyone else, but I've always known that it's not going to stay broken forever. That's where my faith in love comes into play.

What are you most afraid of?: Change. Big change, as in becoming a totally different person. I don't want to lose what I feel makes me who I am.

What do you most want?: A women who has the same strong feelings about love as I do.

Anyway... Yes, men feel. It's all about how we handle our feelings, that makes us different.
 

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Hm...yes, this has been my experience with men...

So in essence, men have in large part trained themselves not to feel through continually pushing away their feelings? Or have learned not to look at them, or examine them. And they come out in other ways, primarily anger.

So do you consciously or unconsciously stifle your feelings? And how exactly do you do that?
What do you think you would express if you could? If no one was watching?
Does anything move you?
What would you most want someone to say to you when you were upset?
No, I just don't dwell on my feelings, primarily because I am ESTP and what I feel usually doesn't pertain to the "problem/situation" at hand. I don't think I'm a good example of "men", I'm just expressing my own thoughts and feelings because this is just for me.

I do feel, I watched the Notebook the first time and I cried. It moved me a lot. Toy Story 3 I didn't cry because I was expecting the "touching moment". I cried when I had my heart broken the first 3 times.

Someone to say to me...I don't know, when I lost patience(which happens easily) I don't listen to reason or anything, I just need to be heard and then I move on and get over my anger.
 

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In a short answer, yes lol.

I guess what I want to know is:
How do you men feel? How does it hit you?
I feel just like you feel. It's not even like a wave that hits me. It's more like an ocean I always live in. If I think I am without emotion, that's a lie, because even that is an emotion -- the emotion would be "hollow" or "calm." So I'm always feeling something, sometimes quite powerful.

Do you think you experience emotions differently than women? If so, how is it different?
Maybe a little bit. After all, we don't have to deal with lots of estrogen and the once-a-month. But we do have a bunch of testosterone. Lots of guys like to get high on that kind of thing. So I think among men, "testosterone addiction" has led to problems moreso than say in women -- ie., the love of explosions, sports, obsession with sex, fighting to prove your "manhood" etc. Lots of men are simply under-developed emotional creatures, like boys who have tantrums.

How do you feel about women?/what is your opinion of women in general and the women in your life?
I love women. :laughing: Aside from their beautiful physical characteristics, I find I relate to some women more than men.

What does love feel like to you?
Awesome! Feels like heaven really. Or, if it's drawn out, more like a warmth.

Do you often say things that you don't mean?
Yes.

Have you ever lied to a woman to get something you wanted from her? Did you feel bad? If not you, your friends?
Not really. I try to be honest. If I ever did that to take advantage of a woman for my own pleasures, I would have a hard time living with myself. It's kind of the lowest form of respect possible.

Does your heart ever break? Over what?
Yes, but only in select, dramatic instances. Only over people, not things. The most catastrophic have been during periods of great loss, me fighting to hold on to a person/people that were being ripped from me.

What are you most afraid of?
Emotionally? Hmm. Perhaps I have a subtle fear of loss. I almost get physically ill during times of great change, where I lose important people in my life. Or another fear may be of losing my way, and not knowing it until it is too late.

What do you most want?
Love, and to find my way. Mostly love, but long-term.

And anything else you'd like to add. Perhaps this will give me more insight into men's emotions?
I think we are much alike, you and I. Feelings are a part of every human being. Some just choose to ignore them, or pretend they don't exist.

I understand how you could get this perception, of guys with no feelings. There are lots of stoic guys out there, either by choice to protect themselves or by conditioning. When you hear guys say "man up," or "take it like a man" -- ie, to not show emotion during important moments of pain; when you hear guys shout at babies to be quiet when they are crying; when you hear guys take pride in how tough they are (how walled-off they are) ---- this is where boys growing up today can be confused. We still live in a culture that actively puts down women.

I'm just under the belief that men are simply modified versions of women. We all come from women. And, well, we have nipples, right? How else?
 

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OF COURSE men feel. The only difference is that the emotions themselves, may, in some cases be less intense. It is also the case that men usually hide their feelings. What I mean by that is that their feelings are kept internally and when they are expressed externally they may be masked (indirect). Nonetheless, plenty of men will express their feelings directly (but this may be a turn off for women and the cause for mockery by peers).
 

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How do you men feel? How does it hit you?

I'm kind of squishy, but crunchy on the inside...pretty hairy, in some spots. Eh, kidding aside, I actually feel like I imagine anyone else would. Crying episodes are usually triggered by movies, sometimes music. Other times, completely out of the blue, I'll just cry for no apparent reason.

Do you think you experience emotions differently than women? If so, how is it different?

I very much doubt it. Though, I seem to get more pissed off, than anyone else I've ever known.

How do you feel about women? What is your opinion of women in general and the women in your life?

My opinion of them is the same one I have of all humanity. To quote Mr. Horse, "No, sir. I don't like it!"

What does love feel like to you?

What I used to imagine Hell felt like, when I was still Catholic.

Do you often say things that you don't mean?

Sometimes, but I wouldn't say often.

Have you ever lied to a woman to get something you wanted from her? Did you feel bad? If not you, your friends?

Yes, I have. No, I didn't. And, probably. Though, I'll lie to anyone to get what I want.

Does your heart ever break? Over what?

Depends on who you ask, or your perspective. My therapist would say, that I've lived in a perpetual state of heartbreak, and that I was an extreme example of a completely emotionally deprived person. If you ask me, it's broken several times. I've actually only been truly in love, twice. One probably had borderline personality disorder and the other was probably histrionic. They both broke my heart on a fucking daily basis, and seemed to get off on it.

What are you most afraid of?

Showing vulnerability. I'd just as soon dig my eyes out of my skull, with a dull spoon. Even in therapy, if I catch myself starting to feel emotional, I shut it the fuck down. I attempted, very hard, to train myself simply not to feel. I couldn't manage that, so I learned to attack all other feelings, with hatred and anger, and I absolutely do not express emotion, in public, except at funerals. Even then, I fucking hate it.

What do you most want?

Either to actually have no feelings or emotions (not gonna happen), or to quit being a dumb ass and falling in love with women, who have more emotional problems, than I do (will happen, with work).
 

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How do you men feel? How does it hit you?
I can't think of any way to describe my feelings.

Do you think you experience emotions differently than women? If so, how is it different?
Yes. Most of the women I've been around tend to embrace their feelings. I usually try to suppress mine.

How do you feel about women?/what is your opinion of women in general and the women in your life?
I don't know

What does love feel like to you?
I can't honestly I've ever experienced love, and I doubt I ever will.

Do you often say things that you don't mean?
Nope.

Have you ever lied to a woman to get something you wanted from her? Did you feel bad? If not you, your friends?
Probably.

Does your heart ever break? Over what?
Not anymore.

What are you most afraid of?
I don't know if you what I'm afraid of in a relationship, or what I'm afraid in general. I can't think of anything I am afraid of.

What do you most want?
I really don't know. I want a lot of things. I can't say I value one more than others.

:blushed:
 

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I "feel".

But where a lot of people seem to have their feelings in the room screaming at them, mind are more like they are in the next room whispering to me though the wall. If I don't make a conscious effort to listen to them I don't hear them at all. Sometimes I don't hear them very well when I do try to listen to them.

In addition, I usually find that they are counter indicative to the situation anyway, so what little I do hear, I tend to not pay much attention to because they are not very useful.
 
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Okay. My 2 cents on this are:
Men feel. Well some of them. To have an understanding on this you need to first know, that a lot of people are not in touch with the thinking or feeling aspect of themselves. Thats what MBTI is talking about aswell. For me i do feel very deeply about people i get to know on a deeper level. But sadly a part of me dies with every relationship and i grow more sceptical about feeling in general. The older you get the more "wise", or i say would say, numb you are. You grow tired of being let down.
So yes, men feel, i feel, but i have become more and more hesitant of showing my feelings to anyone, since it is a weakness some people exploit.
I am sorry if i am brief and maybe not as clear as i could be, but need to do some work atm. Message me if you want any more info.
 
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