Do other INFJs have a tendency to disappear off the face of the Earth for periods of time? I'm honestly not sure why INFJs are known as "the most extroverted introvert" because I truly can not describe in words how easily I am drained by social interaction. I will want to spend time with someone, but I can't help but feel mentally fatigued and lethargic when around even introverted types at times. I actually feel like the most introverted introvert. I feel bad because I do not want to hurt anyone's feelings by ignoring/avoiding them. I usually do end up hurting someone because of the fact that I don't always answer every text message or phone call I receive. I try to, but it makes me feel like all of the life is being sucked out of me, even though I do very much enjoy building relationships with people. Do other INFJs have this issue as well? This is especially evident when around depressed people. I will want more than anything in the world to help them and make them feel better, but after awhile, it feels like I haven't slept in a month. Then, I myself become depressed by worrying about them. I've disappeared from heavily draining people for months at a time, and the only people who have understood this behavior were an INTP and an ISFJ. I think I give people mixed signals because I can range from distant and aloof to warm and bubbly. I wish I could stop this because it hurts people, but I have an uncontrollable desire to be a hermit sometimes. Perhaps this is because INFJs are so in tune with the emotional energies of everyone around us. Maybe constantly reading/evaluating people's true feelings quickly diminishes our energy. All I know is, I need human interaction just like everyone else does, but I can not handle it in large doses. Even introverts find me to be reclusive. My question is, can anyone relate to this?
Do other INFJs have a tendency to disappear?
[INFJ]
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Yah, I can relate.
And I'm sure it can be confusing to other people because I oscillate, too...from bubbly and outgoing to withdrawn, non-existant. And I don't really know why I do it, I just get tiredddd. I think they call us the most 'extroverted extrovert' because of Fe or something? We get mistaken for extroverts a lot, perhaps more than our introvert brethren. But that's a guess on my part. And I don't think it means we're extroverted, per se, just...seems that way to other peeps.
But yeah, I think that's like...a common thing, for INFJs to need that recharge alone time. For any introvert, really. I know I love being hermity, much to the dismay of others eheh.
And I'm sure it can be confusing to other people because I oscillate, too...from bubbly and outgoing to withdrawn, non-existant. And I don't really know why I do it, I just get tiredddd. I think they call us the most 'extroverted extrovert' because of Fe or something? We get mistaken for extroverts a lot, perhaps more than our introvert brethren. But that's a guess on my part. And I don't think it means we're extroverted, per se, just...seems that way to other peeps.
But yeah, I think that's like...a common thing, for INFJs to need that recharge alone time. For any introvert, really. I know I love being hermity, much to the dismay of others eheh.
Yes, I definitely, definitely relate. I feel that perhaps as I mature and become more self-aware, this behaviour will stabilise. Interacting with people is both the best and worst things for my state of mind, weird as that sounds. Doesn't help that I'm currently very self-conscious. I've found that in the past when I was pretty self-confident for a period of time, I found it much less exhausting to be extroverted because I wasn't preoccupied with scrutinising my own behaviour at the same time.
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I tend to do this as well, and it is not good regarding friendships since the other person takes it personally. I'm not sure why I do it, I'm not feeling depressed perhaps more drained? I do need a significant amount of "me time", always have. Apparently my friends don't think it's "normal" or they just accept that's how I am. I do get tired when constantly around people. I just need to regroup. My kids are my stepchildren and we have them during the entire school year, while their mother has them during summers (odd situation that I rather not get into). I know this sounds horrible, but I really enjoy my summers! I DO love my stepchildren, and I appreciate when they contact me when they are away(because I know there is that loyalty to their mother dynamic that makes them hold back.) The other day my stepson (he's 8) went into his closet and whispered he loved me on the phone LOL so sweet. Their mother doesn't think they should call me, it used to make me angry because I have done so much for them. My stepson couldn't read when I met him (he just turned 5), I spent everyday after school with him and taught him, he is a little delayed when it comes to reading. Now, I understand where the mother is coming from, I think I'd be resentful or a bit jealous, but trust me when I say I am not one of those stepmothers that make the kids call me "mom". Nor do I want to take her place, even if I did, no one can take the place of your own mother. Being a stepmother is tough, and I don't think anyone can fully see that unless they are in that position. Like I said, I treasure the summers because when school time comes around lots, if not most, of our energy goes into the kids. My husband and I have to make extra effort and plan time for ourselves, and the kids have so much energy...my God. The house is only quiet while they are at school. My relationship with my stepdaughter has been a roller coaster, but have read that's usually the case with stepmothers and stepdaughters. It seems to be getting better as she is getting older, and I am learning more about my roles. They were very ambiguous at first, felt like I was thrown to the wolves.
Anyway, sorry about going off on a huge tangent...but yes I do this too. :tongue:
Anyway, sorry about going off on a huge tangent...but yes I do this too. :tongue:
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Yes, that's me.
When I feel overwhelmed about the world and problems I need to shout down myself for a period of time. It is way different to "our time alone", I always need time, everyday when I have conntact to the world, then I need to recharge myself, but I dissapear, it can be for months and then I come back again.
I also have this days when I don't want to talk with nobody and I don't even asnwer my phone-text, etc.
When I feel overwhelmed about the world and problems I need to shout down myself for a period of time. It is way different to "our time alone", I always need time, everyday when I have conntact to the world, then I need to recharge myself, but I dissapear, it can be for months and then I come back again.
I also have this days when I don't want to talk with nobody and I don't even asnwer my phone-text, etc.
I even do that on here... I'm super active for two or three days and then I go "Nope. Shared too much, feel too much for others, gotta go." and leave for two weeks.
Just saw two guys I went to high school with yesterday, both of them noticed me, paled, looked at each other, RAN over, and said "We all thought you were dead." in the most serious expressions. I know I'm introverted but this may be a bit of a problem now xD
Just saw two guys I went to high school with yesterday, both of them noticed me, paled, looked at each other, RAN over, and said "We all thought you were dead." in the most serious expressions. I know I'm introverted but this may be a bit of a problem now xD
I like to focus very deeply on one relationship at a time so if you're receiving a bunch of texts from a lot of different people, I can understand how that would overwhelm you...especially if the people in question are that draining and codependent.
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YES.
YOU DO THAT.
Stop please.
YOU DO THAT.
Stop please.
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I've been told that I do that a lot. I'm a weirdo. I need my own space and time to sort my feelings out and conclude on them on my own accord. 3rd party views and opinions and judgements tend to cloud how I feel inside at my core. I like to be by myself to revel in my exaggerations and eventually come back down to reason on my own terms.
I don't think there's anything wrong with "disappearing" from time to time. More people need to take a hiatus in lieu of plopping their issues on unsuspecting people anyways. That's my justification and I'm stickin to it
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I have a bad habit of being a creature of habit. So quite often, my conscious decision not to frequent a spot is perceived as disappearing.
I don't think there's anything wrong with "disappearing" from time to time. More people need to take a hiatus in lieu of plopping their issues on unsuspecting people anyways. That's my justification and I'm stickin to it
.I have a bad habit of being a creature of habit. So quite often, my conscious decision not to frequent a spot is perceived as disappearing.
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The problem is the difficulty with which they have simply prefacing that disappearance with a courtesy text.I've been told that I do that a lot. I'm a weirdo. I need my own space and time to sort my feelings out and conclude on them on my own accord. 3rd party views and opinions and judgements tend to cloud how I feel inside at my core. I like to be by myself to revel in my exaggerations and eventually come back down to reason on my own terms.
I don't think there's anything wrong with "disappearing" from time to time. More people need to take a hiatus in lieu of plopping their issues on unsuspecting people anyways. That's my justification and I'm stickin to it
I have a bad habit of being a creature of habit. So quite often, my conscious decision not to frequent a spot is perceived as disappearing.
This simple solution allows people like me to give people like you alllllll the time in the world.
When you disappear for no reason that we can see, we then look for problems, which aren't there, and then we find some anyway and you're all like
"what did I do?"
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Yes, often. I tend to push my social interaction gas tank waaaay past E every once in a while, and lately I've experienced this weird period of time after where I feel like I have withdrawal from the interaction, so I go out, but when I go out and be social I get incredibly anxious and feel almost not like a person, it's hard for me to explain. It feels like the beginnings of a panic attack, and it's getting harder to control. Basically, I need to disappear from the world every once in a while or else I feel like I am dying.
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Haha...Guilty...Trust me, some good friends of mine have totally confronted me in frustration and anger demanding an explanation from me. Disappearing on people I consider in my "circle of trust" is quite ill and was something I used to do as well. I guess I always thought I had to articulate why and didn't know how to explain myself. Almost always, my reasons for going into recluse mode has nothing to do with them. Recently, I've found it has helped to just let my good friends know that I'm down and/or need some time to myself.
Quite often I'm managing my thoughts and perceptions on things. When I dip out or "fall back" for a moment, it's not because I doubt the other person's ability to be there for me. It's more because I just need some silence to hear my voice inside. I've just become acquainted with that voice and it's still kind of hard to distinguish that voice from the surrounding ones.
Sometimes, I know how I'm feeling and what I'm thinking is a total lie--For example: I feel ugly and fat some days for no reason...I hate myself and everything about myself for no reason....I feel like a loser other days...other bad days, I may just feel empty and alone...just flying on the wrong side of the clouds.
While I may know the truth, some days these negative thoughts saturate my mind and I need to be by myself to develop the strength to steer my thoughts towards believing the truth if that makes any sense in my babblings. When I'm feeling down and hopelessly negative, I prefer to wallow in my own self pity in solitude. It usually bleeds out and I float back to the middle again.
I'm thankful for the close friends and family that I have in my life that actually care about my well being. I definitely let them know I just need to fall back and regroup in my thought life. They understand. But I think dating-wise, my ex-boyfriend had a problem with this.
Perhaps I'm just not ready for dating...Perhaps, I just haven't met the right man yet....
I confess i am trying to stop this habit myself.If i do not interact socially with others for extended periods of time, i feel awkward when interacting with people again, and when i sense their discomfort, i can become anxious and retreat further. By interacting less with the world you are neglecting your secondary function, which in turn can make you feel like a failure if you remain stuck in your intuition -living in your head-and never try to release that breadth of emotion and wisdom you should express as an INFJ. This phenomenon is something i have witnessed in both INFJs and INTJs: that they arrive at enlightening truths about the universe, yet quite a few of us seem to sit by idly and do not participate in the world-at least in our younger years. I have known quite a few INTJs that only sit around all day playing video games, and INFJs that spend all day in bed daydreaming. They condemn themselves to an existence akin to that of an animal, comprised only by earning their subsistence, but not contributing anything to society.
I am currently in a retreat mode but logging on here at least once a day to get some interaction. It drives my family and friends nuts because I will completely drop off the face of the earth. No cell phone or communication for days or sometimes weeks with those friends and family. When I'm 'ON' I'm extremely outgoing but I fall hard after. It sounds terrible but I have a very big family that requires too much of my energy and it's seen as 'duty.' Lately I've been putting my foot down a lot and saying there are things I need in return to recharge. They will say things like "well it's nice to see you're still alive!" I usually tell them when I've had enough I break and I don't believe there is anything wrong with that. It's no ones fault. It's just the way that it is.
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I want to leave, when I want to leave. As soon as I'm not having fun anymore, I'm gone. I just dissapear . I'll be somewhere with a group of people, they'll turn around, and I'm gone. I don't owe people explanations of my whereabouts. People are always trying to impose social situations on me. I don't like going through the whole "goodbye" process. It is awkward as hell. It is a formality. So I take the path of least resistance. It is also easily understood. I'm gone, means I don't want to be there anymore. There is no reason for further explanation. People are so pushy. One of the reasons I don't say goodbye, is because I am going to have to go through the guilt/charade of them trying to get me to stay, and explain myself. And it brings unnecessary attention to myself. It is just absolutely superfluous, and a hindrance to everything I am trying to accomplish.
That's why I like a site like this. I control how I interact. I can come in spurts. I am never trapped here, or have to explain where I have been. I don't owe anybody anything.
That's why I like a site like this. I control how I interact. I can come in spurts. I am never trapped here, or have to explain where I have been. I don't owe anybody anything.
This whole thread has been highly edumacational since I have a good INFJ friend I love to death, but this post especially needed to be QFT. This is an echo of what I've been pondering lately. I've had quite a lot of epiphanies over the years, and I did make my attempts to share them with the world. In my case, I published books.
While I absolutely agree with you, there is another side to the coin that I found from experience. There are a lot of fakers in the world, and a lot of people that are good at jumping around, waving their arms, making a lot of noise. All of these people tout that they have something important to say for the world to hear, and the collective consciousness of humanity is smacked with disappointment when it's discovered there is, in fact, no substance. There is a whole lot of cynicism and complacency to push through now to be heard.
The other thing is that everyone hears what they want to hear. Again, when I attempted to share my message with the world, I had a bunch of people try to edit it or put their own spin on it for sensationalism. I guess it's a backwards compliment in a way. They wouldn't try so hard to take it or control it if it didn't have substance. But that became a fight far bigger than I could take on by myself.
If you have some pointers about that, I would absolutely love to hear it. I want to make another run at it, but I haven't been able to figure out how to work through these issues.
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Perhaps not.
Think of the numbers that are against you thought and reconsider that with optimism.
There's a decent chance that you're as ready as you need to be, but now we're doing math.
1% INFJ looking for, when considering personality challenges, an uncommonly intelligent ENTP, lets cut that to 2%.
So, now 1% is trying to find 2% among the other 95% and IF that is lucky enough to happen, they must then be physically attracted as well as age/maturity appropriate. The odds are really, really, REALLY against us.
I've been with 3 INFJs and 3 INTJs in varying degrees of sexual and romantic involvement. I seriously romantically pursued every one of those INFJs and even WITH my fairly extensive understanding of the psychology couple with an innate ability to read people, I still am single.
Keep your eye out for those ENTPs and ENFPs and you'll be alright.
You won't get what you want every time, but that's dating.
And if I remember correctly, it's usually you INFJs that can't make up their mind while we're sitting here for months waiting for you to figure out what we've been feeling for weeks at this point. lol.
So, idk, take a risk next time you find MR. ENxP?
WOman up.
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A bunch of people = 16-24% of those there? Roughly what your average sensor population is going to be?
Yeah dude, they don't get your theory and will never quite accept it the way you want them to off the bat like that.
The only pointer I can give is to stop expecting to be understood by even half of the population when we intuitive types make up about 16%, I believe.
All that you can do, is learn how to identify a sensor and don't push your book through them.
Find your market and don't expect the majority to really get you. Then, working through the issues may be easier without yourself in the way.
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