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Do other INFP's HATE This?

5306 Views 32 Replies 30 Participants Last post by  twilightmoon777
This seems to happen a lot to me.... mostly with family. I invite people to a party just a very small get together and they invite more people without asking me if it's okay. I then always think "who's party is this? Mine or there's?" This actually makes my blood boil. Am I over-exaggerating? Or are most INFP's like this?

Then it kills me because, I tell them I don't what the other people to come, and then they say "oh I'll just call them back then" it's like a spit in the face because 1) I don't want to look like an asshole. Picture this "Oh hey by the way you can't come anymore to the get together because, Keg doesn't actually want you to come! FALSE ALARM! SORRY TO GET YOU EXCITED!" I mean what the fuck? It's like people can't follow simple instructions and then they expect me to follow everything else. Then instead of me being angry at them I get mad at myself for being so mad about other people showing up. It's fucked up and if anyone knows other INFPs don't invite other people, my friends NEVER do that unless they ask me first.
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Err, that would depend on who brings who and how many of them :p
But it'd be common courtesy to ask the host if you can bring people along id say
I'm angry jsut reading it=P

I can relate in some ways; growing up I always had friends who would constantly impose, like showing up to my house at 2 in the morning! I've learnt to only befriend people who're respectful.
yeah, i don't really host my own parties. everyone else is always having some kind of something often enough, i can just go to theirs instead. people and social interactions are too fluid to know who will end up showing up.

plus when a party is at your house it's harder to run away if things get dodgy :crazy:


(i do like to organize camping trips though! you can bring all your favorite people into the middle of the woods where no one will bother you!)
This is why I never organize my own get togethers, the most I've done is events that aren't as personal as I would prefer where the more people the better. Such as airsoft matches.

Though this would annoy me a lot, and it's one of the resentments I have against E types. They usually never consider my need for personal time. And that's fine, but at the end of the day, I need it at some point and I usually end up spending it alone.
This seems to happen a lot to me.... mostly with family. I invite people to a party just a very small get together and they invite more people without asking me if it's okay. I then always think "who's party is this? Mine or there's?" This actually makes my blood boil. Am I over-exaggerating? Or are most INFP's like this?

Then it kills me because, I tell them I don't what the other people to come, and then they say "oh I'll just call them back then" it's like a spit in the face because 1) I don't want to look like an asshole. Picture this "Oh hey by the way you can't come anymore to the get together because, Keg doesn't actually want you to come! FALSE ALARM! SORRY TO GET YOU EXCITED!" I mean what the fuck? It's like people can't follow simple instructions and then they expect me to follow everything else. Then instead of me being angry at them I get mad at myself for being so mad about other people showing up. It's fucked up and if anyone knows other INFPs don't invite other people, my friends NEVER do that unless they ask me first.
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I'm a culprit of this. *dodges tomatoes* I've learned over the years that it really is just a question of manners, even though I'm a more the merrier type of person.

It makes your blood boil though? Really? That would never be /my/ intention...in fact I used to think it was making the event better until I read an extensive book on manners in highschool. Why does it upset you so much? Is it the inner vision you have of the party being ruined? That I totally get.
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Pretty much. The difference between hanging out with 2 people and hanging out with 3 people is noticed greatly by INFP's. So adding another person is a far bigger deal to us.
Why does it upset you so much? Is it the inner vision you have of the party being ruined? That I totally get.
I see. So it's like inviting three friends over to play Cranium, and then four people show up, and your plan is ruined. Now someone is left out, or doubled up. This logic, I get very much.

Now I want to play Cranium. :sad:
Pretty much. The difference between hanging out with 2 people and hanging out with 3 people is noticed greatly by INFP's. So adding another person is a far bigger deal to us.
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I so know what you're talking about. My 2 best friends and I plus my girl get together pretty much every Friday and I hate it when its more than us. Either my girl would invite her friends or one my friends invite some other dudes. I just feel like I get lost in the mix and can't really be myself. Sometimes I'll think just gonna be us but then all of a sudden it turns into a party and I play host for a bunch of strangers and hardly get my special weekend hangout buddy day. But it's cool though 'cause you'll end up having a blast and strangers thinking you're cool. Although I definitely require notice before large groups are involved.
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I remember when my friend would show up at my house after I told him, "hey ive got some bud, dont bring anyone eh" and after I let him in, he just whistled and a whole crew of people that had nothing came inside my house expecting some bud. I am a generous person, but when people take advantage of ones generosity, that is where the situation changes. :frustrating:
Luckily, that doesn't happen that much with my intermediate and extended family. But, this happens a whole lot when I go to a get-together. I call the person to see about how many are coming, and sometimes it's a lot more than I thought the amount would be. With some previous posts, I agree about getting lost in the crowd. I don't throw parties because you have to prepare things, make sure no one is bringing "stuff," and along with kleptomaniac behaviors. I don't even want one on my birthday because I just want to be with my family.
This would send me through the roof if someone did this to me more than once. I could handle special exceptions ("Hey my cousin is in from out of town and I don't want to leave him here, do you mind if he comes?") and stuff like that since I'd want to be accommodating and helpful, but guests imposing others on me regularly or telling other people they could come without asking me first would be seen as rude and disrespectful. There is a good chance after the second or third time they simply would not be invited back to my house.

There are a few things going on. First, it is my place and my party/event, so it is up to me to decide who comes or doesn't come, not any of my guests. You don't invite people to someone else's house. Second, I usually plan events with a certain number of people in mind with a plan for recuperating as well. So if I only invite 2-3 people, I expect I'll be able to recover and have some alone time to myself, but if that suddenly ballooned in size then it would take a lot more out of me. Also if suddenly there were more people than I expected, I wouldn't be able to relax at my own place/event since I need to mentally prepare to deal with these kinds of things. Third, I care greatly about being a good host to my guests, so I generally make plans for food and drinks and all that. Extra people coming could ruin those plans. I expect my guests to care as much about being a respectful guest as I care about being a great host to them, it is definitely a mutual respect thing.

I can handle large groups of people if I plan ahead and have everything ready, but sudden additions and last minute changes of plan irk me in all sorts of ways. I'm usually a "go with the flow" kind of person, but this is one of those things I put tons of planning into because I always want things to go off without any problems, and changes are always bad in cases like that.
I'd hate it if something like that happened. Strangers change the whole atmosphere and one more person changes the group dynamic a lot. If I have a party with my closest friends I don't want it to be a "hey-let's-meet-this-strange-dude-I-don't-even-want-to-know" -party.

Luckily all my friends are INFX so none of that has ever happened and If it happened we would all feel as violated about it. All our "parties" is something like three nerds hanging around someone's house and playing Scrabble. Oh, good times.
wow... That almost makes me mad hearing about that happening to someone
I remember when my friend would show up at my house after I told him, "hey ive got some bud, dont bring anyone eh" and after I let him in, he just whistled and a whole crew of people that had nothing came inside my house expecting some bud. I am a generous person, but when people take advantage of ones generosity, that is where the situation changes. :frustrating:
Charge a $20 cover fee for any guests uninvited (by you).
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Never in a million years would this occur to me by family or friends. It would be considered disrespectful and *homey don't play that game... I don't think so!* homey = me.
.. they invite more people without asking me if it's okay.
Depends what the gathering was and where. If I'm at my parents house just playing video games or chilling or something, I'd be really pissed if a friend showed up with a bunch of people I didn't know. But if I had people over drinking at my crappy college apartment, the more the merrier as long as no one's gonna fight. Although I've been in Panolx's situation before, tag along stoners are the worst. When I used to smoke and find myself in the position I'd always offer the person money or something if I didn't have anything of my own.
um, i'm probably putting my infp-ness to test by admitting this (i'm not really sure about the e/i anyhow)

..but i actually enjoy when that happens a lot. i never really admit how much i love to meet shitloads of new people in search for the ones i can relate to because usually it's no one. (because i think i would sound like a desperate attention whore or something, incapable of making new friends which is rather true. sad, if you think about it. it's like wanting to have sex but not having genitals.. or something.) as i can do nothing by making this happen myself because i suck at making new contacts i really appreciate when others bring along new people. i'm excited about them even if i not always know how to connect to them.

the only times i resent that is when they bring people i know and don't particularly like ಠ_ಠ
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