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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
Back a few years ago when I was trying out online dating, I browsing pretty much everyone's profile, just to see what was out there. From what I could gather, men only had a few, like being semi thin, pretty, nice eyes, a good laugh, et cetera. They seemed to be physically oriented. It seemed to me that women, in particular, had more demands of their potential partner. After seeing so many of the same things being demanded by women, I started to take note. I actually wrote them down so I could figure out how many men in the USA actually met their criteria. I realize my method is highly flawed, but I just wanted to get a ballpark figure. My findings are as follows (mind you, this was a few years ago, so the numbers aren't the same anymore, but the percentage should be somewhat close):

313,900,000 population of USA

49.2% are men (50.8% female) - 154,438,800 are men.

96.2% are straight (3.8% of American adults are lgbt) - 148,570,126 are straight.

77.9% are white - 115,736,128 are white.

22.3% are aged 25-39 years - 25,809,157 are the appropriate age.

14% of men are over six feet - 3,613,282 meet the height requirement.

78.4% are non-smokers (21.6% of men smoke) - 2,832,813 are nonsmokers.

47% of men unmarried - 1,331,422 are not married.

3.305% (6.61% percent of US individuals make over 100k a year) - 44,003 are rich enough

The man most women think they deserve and want according to criteria statistics found on various dating sites is 0.00028% of the male US population.

The odds of that are 357142 : 1.

Am I just in the wrong place or are people way too picky?
 

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Am I just in the wrong place or are people way too picky?
It depends.

I date in the 1%, and my preferences are often met with criticism as well.

I think it really depends on if these people are consistently & successfully dating in the 1%. Most of my partners, and all of my relationships have been with men that have met most of those standards, with some falling under 100K/year, and over 40 years of age. I have no problem dating, and no shortage of sufficient suitors interested. My preferences aren't negatively impacting my well-being, so I wouldn't classify myself as too picky.

But if may be a different story for women that find dating hard, or tiresome due to their fastidious preferences.
 

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People can be as picky as they like as long as they are happy with the results they are getting. If that result is no dates and they are happy with that, good for them. If they are unhappy with the results they are getting they always have the option of changing their wishlist.

Overall, I've not met anyone who meets my wishlist and overall that result doesn't bother me a great deal. Am I too picky? Only if the objective is to be with someone at the expense of everything else. But that isn't my objective. I'd rather be solo than with someone who requires too much compromise. My satisfaction with solo is pretty high. It's all a matter of personal priorities.

Going by your stats there, the basics of straight, male, unmarried and in a comparable age group alone would eliminate much of the population. Are those really representative of sky-high expectations?
 

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I think Dan Arielys example of dating being like wine is appropriate.
Online dating and many ideals are only descriptors, much like how one can describe the taste of wine.
But its not the description we like, instead what we like is the taste of wine, in the case of dating the experience of interacting with another a person is what we decide on.
Point being that people might say they want something and when push comes to shove, their words don't count for much.

How you make people feel has a more profound impact on them than the actual details of what you did. There's also an issue in which people incorrectly attribute their physical sensations and perceive attraction where it might not be.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Misattribution_of_arousal
 

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Yes, women have priced themselves out of the market. I think it has to do a lot with the princess syndrome in western countries and feminism, or rather the "feminization" of its women - women who do not identify as feminists yet hold many of its ideals close to heart. With women's expectations continuously over exceeding availability, they're divorced the reality.

With women "empowered" today, they hold a very different status in society than they did 70 years ago. Unfortunately these same women who are now economically independent still hold on to a bulk of traditional expectations. Although a number of them might earn more than the males, although they don't want to admit it to themselves, they still desire to see the man as the provider, and an incongruence develops. I believe this is the root of what has driven the formation of many MGTOW and Japan's "Herbivore Men".

Hypothetically speaking, in a society where you have a 50/50 percent ration of males to females, if women in that society generally earn as much as men, how realistic is it for every single heterosexual female to expect their partner's earnings to fall within the top 10% highest salary in the nation?

In order for some of this to clear up, the hypergamous mindset needs to die.
 

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It depends.

I date in the 1%, and my preferences are often met with criticism as well.

I think it really depends on if these people are consistently & successfully dating in the 1%. Most of my partners, and all of my relationships have been with men that have met most of those standards, with some falling under 100K/year, and over 40 years of age. I have no problem dating, and no shortage of sufficient suitors interested. My preferences aren't negatively impacting my well-being, so I wouldn't classify myself as too picky.
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You are beautiful and drink a lot of whisky. Men like women who drink whisky. I'm sure that has a lot to do with dating success. :wink:
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
It depends.

I date in the 1%, and my preferences are often met with criticism as well.

I think it really depends on if these people are consistently & successfully dating in the 1%. Most of my partners, and all of my relationships have been with men that have met most of those standards, with some falling under 100K/year, and over 40 years of age. I have no problem dating, and no shortage of sufficient suitors interested. My preferences aren't negatively impacting my well-being, so I wouldn't classify myself as too picky.

But if may be a different story for women that find dating hard, or tiresome due to their fastidious preferences.
I could see this, but why do you think that is? Are you dating online or are you frequenting areas these men also frequent?

People can be as picky as they like as long as they are happy with the results they are getting. If that result is no dates and they are happy with that, good for them. If they are unhappy with the results they are getting they always have the option of changing their wishlist.

Overall, I've not met anyone who meets my wishlist and overall that result doesn't bother me a great deal. Am I too picky? Only if the objective is to be with someone at the expense of everything else. But that isn't my objective. I'd rather be solo than with someone who requires too much compromise. My satisfaction with solo is pretty high. It's all a matter of personal priorities.

Going by your stats there, the basics of straight, male, unmarried and in a comparable age group alone would eliminate much of the population. Are those really representative of sky-high expectations?
I, too, have a wishlist which no one has yet met, but I know the chances of the absolute ideal person showing up are infinitesimal. Somewhere, I can't remember, said that you're lucky if you get half of your list. Knowing I have my own things to deal with like being tall and well to do and whatnot, I don't think it's reasonable to write off so many people just because they don't fit into a predefined box.

I remember, not too long ago, hearing woman and her friend at an office I was contracting for pulling the whole woe is me thing about not being able to find a man, and it wasn't the first time I'd heard that. She was quite pretty and seemed to have a decent job, so I'm not sure as to her problem, but it seems to becoming increasingly common in some of the locker and bath rooms I've passed through.

The race, height, and income did throw me a bit, though. I did find it intriguing that more women of different races preferred white males. Height has been discussed elsewhere and income strikes me as having an ulterior motive.

I think Dan Arielys example of dating being like wine is appropriate.
Online dating and many ideals are only descriptors, much like how one can describe the taste of wine.
But its not the description we like, instead what we like is the taste of wine, in the case of dating the experience of interacting with another a person is what we decide on.
Point being that people might say they want something and when push comes to shove, their words don't count for much.

How you make people feel has a more profound impact on them than the actual details of what you did. There's also an issue in which people incorrectly attribute their physical sensations and perceive attraction where it might not be.
Misattribution of arousal - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
This really sheds some light on the world of online dating. Thank you, very much, Wellsy. I enjoyed it.

Yes, women have priced themselves out of the market. I think it has to do a lot with the princess syndrome in western countries and feminism, or rather the "feminization" of its women - women who do not identify as feminists yet hold many of its ideals close to heart. With women's expectations continuously over exceeding availability, they're divorced the reality.

With women "empowered" today, they hold a very different status in society than they did 70 years ago. Unfortunately these same women who are now economically independent still hold on to a bulk of traditional expectations. Although a number of them might earn more than the males, although they don't want to admit it to themselves, they still desire to see the man as the provider, and an incongruence develops. I believe this is the root of what has driven the formation of many MGTOW and Japan's "Herbivore Men".

Hypothetically speaking, in a society where you have a 50/50 percent ration of males to females, if women in that society generally earn as much as men, how realistic is it for every single heterosexual female to expect their partner's earnings to fall within the top 10% highest salary in the nation?

In order for some of this to clear up, the hypergamous mindset needs to die.
This is a very interesting perspective on the subject matter and deserves some research on my part.

Gay/lesbian relationship have their own criteria, as well, I know that, but I'm not anywhere near as picky as some of the things I've listed above. It's as if they're looking for a needle in a haystack but don't know it or want to know it or be informed of it. It also seems that women are listing things of a more tangible nature whereas men are listing things that are more subjective.

Maybe I should ask if they're being realistic, instead.
 

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I, too, have a wishlist which no one has yet met, but I know the chances of the absolute ideal person showing up are infinitesimal. Somewhere, I can't remember, said that you're lucky if you get half of your list. Knowing I have my own things to deal with like being tall and well to do and whatnot, I don't think it's reasonable to write off so many people just because they don't fit into a predefined box.

I remember, not too long ago, hearing woman and her friend at an office I was contracting for pulling the whole woe is me thing about not being able to find a man, and it wasn't the first time I'd heard that. She was quite pretty and seemed to have a decent job, so I'm not sure as to her problem, but it seems to becoming increasingly common in some of the locker rooms passed through.
I think there are some cultural differences as well. This kind of thing seems to be more pronounced in the US than in my country. I rarely hear women talking about salary expectations for potential partners for example and white males aren't always the preferred option either. Plenty of women I know particularly like pacific islanders, asians, african's etc. Or if they don't have a preference for them, they usually don't have a particular prejudice against them either. It seems less extreme. And mostly men in trades here is still a high enough percentage that there is no stigma to dating them at all.

The wistful 'There's no good men' sighs are everywhere. I pay them very little attention, more often than not I usually hear them from women who aren't very motivated to have a partner anyway. It's often just a conversation starter, or I discover the woman just expects some guy to randomly fall out of the sky and doesn't do anything about finding one. 'Oh, so you mean the perfect partner has failed to trip over you at the supermarket? Yeah I'm sure that means all the good ones are taken.':rolleyes: Being a female who also makes zero effort to date, it's no surprise to me these women are single. I figure when the priority gets high enough she'll put some serious effort into it. In the meantime sure have your wistful sigh over a coffee in the office kitchen and I'll just tune out and not listen to any of it.

The ones who really do want partners generally have them. And they're not all dating 6ft $100k a year earners. Most of the younger women I know who are married or engaged have partners who don't at all match this wishlist which kind of confirms my suspicion. If she's got sky-high wants, then she really doesn't want a partner. She's just fishing for attention or hoping against hope that some prince charming's going to run over her in his Audi at the pedestrian crossing. :laughing:
 

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@InSolitude

It's rare in the US to see women outright stating their only interested in people belonging to a specific salary bracket. One of the many issues I take with the methods used by the op.
Don't get me wrong. I have issues with it too. Too many to bother listing.

But lets look at the most interesting statistic offered that 53% of eligible males are in fact married. Either they're all over 6ft and on $100k or more, or perhaps these wishlists only represent the desires of.....wait for it....single women. The inference therefore is that women who don't have these desires are already partnered.

So no, people [in general] aren't too picky because most of them are in relationships and not looking for dates. This isn't representative of women at large, only a certain type of woman who appears (by virtue of her availability) to be not very successful at getting a relationship.

Whether or not she is serious about seeking one is what I'm questioning. IME, women with wishlists like this who won't look outside of them don't have relationship as a high priority.
 

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@Doktorin Zylinder

Yes I am aware of that. Whether you admit that or not doesn't mean I can't state that I find your methods questionable.

The fact that others don't appear to hold my same doubts is rather frightening though.

We have zero idea just how many profiles you looked at nor can we prove that your observations lacked some bias. Furthermore there's no follow up information on the women you did look at. Were they successful? If yes then they weren't being too picky. If no then there is a chance they were being too picky.

The fact that you only calculated the numbers for women's criteria of men does indicate a level of bias however.

Edit: Glad someone else has doubts as well.
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
@Doktorin Zylinder

Yes I am aware of that. Whether you admit that or not doesn't mean I can't state that I find your methods questionable.

The fact that others don't appear to hold my same doubts is rather frightening though.

We have zero idea just how many profiles you looked at nor can we prove that your observations lacked some bias. Furthermore there's no follow up information on the women you did look at. Were they successful? If yes then they weren't being to picky. If no then there is a chance they were being too picky.

The fact that you only calculated the numbers for women's criteria of men does indicate a level of bias however.
I realize that and I'm not taking it nearly as seriously as you are. I had nor do I have any intention of running precise double blinds to get a bunch of information I don't need when this is what will suffice for the time being. It was just something I observed and extrapolated from. I make no claims to the numbers being anywhere accurate. I just thought they were interesting. Of course I'm biased. Who isn't?
 

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@Doktorin Zylinder

I understand if you're not taking it seriously but others will/are. I mean this is the internet and people will cling to anything that reinforces any negative views they themselves hold which is why I'm adamant about pointing out the flaws I see.

I agree completely that everyone is indeed bias.
 
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