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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My dear fellow INFJs,

As I eagerly anticipate the release of the video game Fist of the North Star, that I have been waiting months for, it triggered my question for this post. Despite the violence of the manga which the game is based upon, the lead hero has a sensitive emotional side. When you look at his finely chiseled body that is the epitome of manliness, you would never expect a seemingly cold and aloof man like him to shed tears. And yet he does, repeatedly, out of compassion for the pain and suffering he sees around him.

So my questions are:

1. How do you feel about men who cry? Does shedding tears make him less manly in your eyes?

2. How far should a man go in crying? What is acceptable and what is way too much?

I look forward to your views on these questions whether you are male or female. In fact I am curious to hear the female point of view since guys are conscious of their self image because of them.

Also, if you have any other thoughts and views related to this matter or even stories, I would be happy to hear them. :happy:
 

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It depends entirely on what they are crying about.

I've had plenty of men cry in front of me, but their reasons vary.
I gain a lot of respect for a man who can honestly and openly grieve a loss.
After all, crying is a form of communication which states clearly "I'm in pain and need your help", even if it's just a shoulder or a hug.
Good on them for being so open and honest.
It adds to their manliness because it shows emotional strength.

On the other hand, I lose all respect for men (or should I say little boys) who cry crocodile tears.
I thinks it's meant to work like a mask, you're too busy feeling sympathetic to notice the ulterior motives.
Some chicks fall for it I guess, but being an INFJ helps you see through it.
I think it's disgusting.
If you call their bluff people will think you are unfeeling :S
No respect for these guys!

Then there's the one's who cry about problems they've made for themselves.
I had one just recently, who after a lengthy discussion on how to get over some relationship problems he'd had, burst into tears saying "I just want it all to stop, when will it stop".
Don't get me wrong, I felt heartbroken for the guy, but I also wanted to tell him to be a man and grow some 'manhood'.
He'd was maintaining the prolonging of his own suffering by not doing anything proactive about it!!!
Very frustrating.
Not sure if I think better or worse of them, but it does change how I see them as men.
 

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I'm not a feeler, obviously, but when a man cries it breaks my heart more than when girls do, unless they're asshole faking for their own gain. I think it's just because women tend to be more emotional than men so when I see a man cry I know something is seriously wrong instead of just being overly emotional and crying over a puppy with a sad face. I think it's nice to see a man is a human with emotions also, but then again if I'm the one having to do the comforting it's just awkward regardless of gender and would rather not have it happen. So I guess I only find it nice in theory, but it still breaks my heart regardless.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Then there's the one's who cry about problems they've made for themselves.
I had one just recently, who after a lengthy discussion on how to get over some relationship problems he'd had, burst into tears saying "I just want it all to stop, when will it stop".
Don't get me wrong, I felt heartbroken for the guy, but I also wanted to tell him to be a man and grow some 'manhood'.
He'd was maintaining the prolonging of his own suffering by not doing anything proactive about it!!!
Very frustrating.
Not sure if I think better or worse of them, but it does change how I see them as men.

Hi ShadowPlay,

Thanks for your insightful reply.

I agree with you here. I know how frustrating it is to watch people remain a passive victim of circumstances. If they could focus on finding a solution instead of harping on the problem, they would not be in pain. Well at least they try to resolve the problem and will feel better about it.
 

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I'd go with AnnaKatherine too. It often makes me think it's much more serious (unless you know he is watching a movie).


I remember crying after I got in trouble one time (the only time) in high school. I had already stopped sobbing and was walking to the doors when these two girls passed me --they could have missed me I was moving quickly. I remember hearing them laugh together about it. I was so... *#(&&#... I thought, why would you laugh when someone is sad?! For god's sake
And then it happened again in college.. This girl who seemed the nicest even, totally Fe-dominant (ENFJ for sure), just giggled when she saw that I didn't say hello back to her after I'd just got in trouble (I cried then too but the tears and red eye was gone).

Just want to point out this is extremely rare :tongue: I had had been filled with stress to the brim and it had to overflow eventually...
 

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hmmm

i don't mind a man crying.....i don't even mind the circumstances, but the way he does it bothers me. i'm not sure how well i can articulate this......but i'll have a go.

there are some moments where a man cries and it is just really kinda awkward and he just seems really weak........maybe the circumstances do play a role in it and i am just not able to remember them - i tend to remember feelings rather than facts :unsure: but there are other men that pull it off beautifully. they cry and retain that manly in control sense about them. even in real pain i have seen men cry and still be beautiful.

maybe some men just aren't emotionally resilient and those are the men that seem really weak to me......and unattractive when in pain (that sounds so harsh - but i dont mean it harshly). i mean i would definitely love to be there for any cryng man, and would be a supportive friend.......but some men just cry better than others......

:tongue: gees does that even make sense!!! haha
 

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I think this is just one of those things that need " conditioning "

Like once the subject/person has seen enough men cry, it will be ingrained into the mind and they won't bat an eyelash anymore the next time they see it

The same way people frown when a man holds another man's hand
and a man kiss another man good-bye
etc etc
I remember there was a time when I'd see that and I'd think it was weird... but now I'm so used to it. I lived in a gay district a few years ago, I'd see that pretty much everyday and soon I'd even see it in my own apartment (roommates).
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 · (Edited)
hmmm

i don't mind a man crying.....i don't even mind the circumstances, but the way he does it bothers me. i'm not sure how well i can articulate this......but i'll have a go.

there are some moments where a man cries and it is just really kinda awkward and he just seems really weak........maybe the circumstances do play a role in it and i am just not able to remember them - i tend to remember feelings rather than facts :unsure: but there are other men that pull it off beautifully. they cry and retain that manly in control sense about them. even in real pain i have seen men cry and still be beautiful.

maybe some men just aren't emotionally resilient and those are the men that seem really weak to me......and unattractive when in pain (that sounds so harsh - but i dont mean it harshly). i mean i would definitely love to be there for any cryng man, and would be a supportive friend.......but some men just cry better than others......

:tongue: gees does that even make sense!!! haha
Hi Beanz,

It must be an INFJ thing since it is also easier for me to remember feelings instead of facts.

Yeah I am aware of appearances even when crying. I mean I could just let go and not bother, but the way you cry and who you cry in front of is important. I suppose when men cry, they do have to be in control and to know what they are gonna do even if they don't. I could never do out of control crying as if it is the end of the world. What I do manage in my moments of weakness is controlled sobs. This sort of helps me to relieve the tension and prepare me for the action I have to take later.

I'll have to be sure to act manly when if I ever cry in front of you hahahah! :crazy:
 
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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
I think this is just one of those things that need " conditioning "

Like once the subject/person has seen enough men cry, it will be ingrained into the mind and they won't bat an eyelash anymore the next time they see it

The same way people frown when a man holds another man's hand
and a man kiss another man good-bye
etc etc
I remember there was a time when I'd see that and I'd think it was weird... but now I'm so used to it. I lived in a gay district a few years ago, I'd see that pretty much everyday and soon I'd even see it in my own apartment (roommates).
Good point about conditioning Linus. Once we are used to seeing something, it will hardly bother us and we will also have more experience in coping with the situation.
 
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I actually prefer men who can sincerely cry in front of me. It is manly and appealing to me, because it shows that they have the courage to seem human :happy:

It's like I can see his authenticity and how much he cares from his tears, and that can actually be very attractive :crazy:
 

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I'll have to be sure to act manly when if I ever cry in front of you hahahah! :crazy:
hahahaha :laughing: you are (virtually) my friend......you can cry in front of me and it wouldn't matter......you are The Vizier.....wisdom - manliness - tears......... beautiful :wink:
 
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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
hahahaha :laughing: you are (virtually) my friend......you can cry in front of me and it wouldn't matter......you are The Vizier.....wisdom - manliness - tears......... beautiful :wink:
Haha! You sure know the things that an INFJ wants to hear. Bless you. :wink:
 
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Does asking the types that are most likely to cry achieve anything other than an affirmative?

The answer is no it's not ok for men to cry.
 
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I have not cried in front of anyone yet, I would only allow myself if I really trust that person.
Crying is something that puts yourself up very vulnerably.
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
Does asking the types that are most likely to cry achieve anything other than an affirmative?

The answer is no it's not ok for men to cry.
Thank you for offering an alternative point of view. :happy:

Why do you think it is not ok for men to cry?
 

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Under all circumstances? And why not? Or any exceptions ?
Crying is a signal to the universe to come and take something from you.

You ever see a girl crying in a public place?
Go console her it's guaranteed poon.

That's essentially the nature of it.

If you're a man and you're crying you're begging to get fucked.
Crying is one sort of emotional expression, violence is the other.
If you have the option of crying and shooting your neighbors dog.

Take the latter, trust me either one will make you feel better, but the former won't have people trying to swindle you for money.
 
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