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Maybe it is because I watch Entourage or pretty much any Hollywood depiction of friendship, or maybe it is because I have spent half of my young life as a stoner and drunk, but my most prominent depressant is a lack of friends. I feel ridiculous reminiscing to such a young age, but in 5th and 6th grade I was Mr. Popular. I was the guy who had to approve of you in order for you to start hanging out with the cool kids. It isn't something I mean to embellish, but that is who I was back in the day. Then I changed schools, became a punk-rock loving skater, smoked weed, and got my first diagnosis of clinical depression. Since then, I have had a hell of a lot of friends, but most were distant and the small groups I considered close stuck around for a few years or less before losing contact completely. I don't know if it was because I was too intoxicated to keep them close or because I really wanted to be more of a loner, but the most obsessive plague I have been cursed with is the desire to be a social butterfly while sabotaging every opportunity to flourish in my social life.

Being sober for a few months has not made things a lot better. I am more comfortable being alone in my own head, but i still have a strong desire to expand my social life. I try, but I seem to be one of those people you are happy to see at social functions and whose number you ask for while tipsy, but I don't get many calls or texts the next day.

Another thing that makes this hard for me to understand is how resistant I am to close friends. In my ideal fantasy world, I have a crew of 5-10 people who invite me out on a regular basis and who know my down to my personal quirks, but in reality I sabotage or ignore any relationship that gets that intimate. Being sober does not help the situation since my inhibitions are constantly raised, but it is hard to tell if that is due to personality or low self-esteem. I am just beginning to understand who I really am, and I have this feeling in my gut that confuses me: I am way cooler than I knew possible but nobody else will see it.

The vast majority of personality tests I have taken tack me as INFP, but I have also been pegged as INTP, ISFP, and ENFP. I definitely relate most to the INFPs, but I am not quite convinced. I relate to INFPs in most cases, but on the globalchatter forum I felt out of place posting pictures of myself having a blast with friends and family to people who really seemed to enjoy being alone.

But does anybody actually enjoy being alone??
 

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I dont think anyone likes being alone, but its necessary sometimes for me, INFJ. I feel judged when around ppl, I can be me at home and when I am not around ppl. I liked being married but it was really a need for me to be in something maybe a feeing of being loved...
 
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I love the balance of a couple friends and being alone. All my impulses towards having more than 2-3 close friends have been motivated by appearance rather than desire. We live in an extroverted world and not having a tonne of friends makes you look strange (especially in university).
Not having close friends - or at least the feeling that I don't have close friends - is horrible. I don't think I'm being understood and I get super lonely. That being said, even if I love being with my friends, I definitely need my alone time. I love being alone but an easily get tired of socialization - but still, I do need it. I can't imagine living in a cave away from society for years.

So basically, I wonder if it is your lack of close friends at the moment that's making you not want to be alone at all? Or maybe you are more extroverted than you think?
 

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But does anybody actually enjoy being alone??
It all depends on their tolerance for it. I can spend days at a time without leaving the house and feel perfectly fine with it, but eventually I have to get out and be around people.

So does anybody enjoy being alone? Yes of course, that's sort of the staple definition of being introverted. but for a really long time/permanently? not many. There have been people who went off into the mountains, built log cabins and never saw civilization hardly ever, but I only know of 2 off the top of my head.

Just look at Second Life, anyone who's played that game knows that it's LOADED with introverts imprinting their ideal social life and who they wish they could be onto virtual characters.
 

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It all depends on their tolerance for it. I can spend days at a time without leaving the house and feel perfectly fine with it, but eventually I have to get out and be around people.

So does anybody enjoy being alone? Yes of course, that's sort of the staple definition of being introverted. but for a really long time/permanently? not many. There have been people who went off into the mountains, built log cabins and never saw civilization hardly ever, but I only know of 2 off the top of my head.

Just look at Second Life, anyone who's played that game knows that it's LOADED with introverts imprinting their ideal social life and who they wish they could be onto virtual characters.
This. I don't think it'd be good for my mental health to be alone all the time, but I'm certainly not opposed to spending days at a time in my room.

But I live in a family of introverts who are similarly, if not more solitary, so if you're more used to being sociable then it's no surprise you'll enjoy it, and have more stamina for it.

After periods going on holidays with my oldest frend's family - (2 weeks at a time) I've gotten a little more used to what it's like to always have company, and must admit I come out of them...with a sort of...well kept head space - my dark is kept back by all the positive interactions - and I suffer anxiety dreams and nightmares due to returning to home.

But when I'm home, it is 'home' for me. If that makes sense. When I'm surrounded by people, I do have to take time to just curl up inside myself and not talk - even be called boring, - which I don't when I'm at home.


I would say if you want more close friends, meet them while not intoxicated.
 

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What social life....again ??? , I am a misanthropically pragmatic individual the only three major things that I require in my daily existence are solitude , comfort , and peace . Are we copacetic with that ??? :wink:
 

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I like being alone.

But there's a difference with being alone and feeling lonely.
I do wish sometimes that I really put in extra effort with people,
but that's just about it.

I don't want people around me all the time, but I'd like to know
that there are people, who when I feel like, I can interact with
go out, do something crazy with e.t.c

<random> Celine Dion's All by myself is on the TV now...so fricking on cue! lol :laughing: </random>
 

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Maybe it is because I watch Entourage or pretty much any Hollywood depiction of friendship, or maybe it is because I have spent half of my young life as a stoner and drunk, but my most prominent depressant is a lack of friends. I feel ridiculous reminiscing to such a young age, but in 5th and 6th grade I was Mr. Popular. I was the guy who had to approve of you in order for you to start hanging out with the cool kids. It isn't something I mean to embellish, but that is who I was back in the day. Then I changed schools, became a punk-rock loving skater, smoked weed, and got my first diagnosis of clinical depression. Since then, I have had a hell of a lot of friends, but most were distant and the small groups I considered close stuck around for a few years or less before losing contact completely. I don't know if it was because I was too intoxicated to keep them close or because I really wanted to be more of a loner, but the most obsessive plague I have been cursed with is the desire to be a social butterfly while sabotaging every opportunity to flourish in my social life.
I definitely crave an extensive social life.

There are definitely times when I enjoy being a recluse. I don't like to be disturbed and I can fully relish in my solitude. I know that at my core, I am an introvert, but that does not mean I am alone in this world. I love being able to deeply connect with people, discuss things, go out, be young and enjoy my life. I enjoy getting to know people. It's a struggle because while I wish I could be an extrovert, I know that pushing myself in that direction would just wear me out and break me down. Society (at least in America) discourages introversion and considers it a flaw, especially in children, so I think that is maybe why we can sometimes feel uncomfortable being alone.

I can definitely relate to the quote above. As a child and young teenager, I had a lot of friends. I smoked weed everyday throughout middle school and high school. But they weren't deep connections and I wasn't happy. As someone who is always in my head and always analyzing myself and experiences, I was socially awkward. Drinking and doing drugs makes me feel way, way more comfortable in my endeavors to be extroverted.

Anyway, I don't know where I am going with this. But yeah, I am an introvert who enjoys socializing.
 

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I would have to say that, no, I don't crave an extensive social life. I do socialise with friends occasionally, but I prefer to be alone, with my books and my dog for company.
 
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I like my alone time, and sometimes when I'm in a group setting too long, I crave it. There's a limit, though. I have to have people I can talk to, and who understand me (even a little). When I feel left out, it's usually because people I actually want to spend time with don't feel the same way about me. I try not to take it personally, though.

But yes, being introverted doesn't necessarily mean you don't want an active social life. Extensive may be pushing it.
 

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hmm i still don't know very much about MBTI, but i think what you're talking about here transcends the realms of one's type. i don't think it's so much about introverts wanting to fit in as it is about you wanting to fit in. i do know of extrovert-types who have very few friends - it causes distress for some, not for others, so perhaps I/E tendencies aren't the primary factor?

i would think it's a lot more about accepting your overall state now.

you say that you don't know why you're pushing people away - perhaps exploring that first before trying to meet new people would help? take it slow and get to know yourself first - what's the rush?
 

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I actually don't mind being alone at all. It's the social pressure that forces me to "get out and have fun". I feel uneasy when I don't hang out with my friends at least once a week, but mainly because I think people (my family) would think I'm some kind of a hermit or just plain weird. I would love having lots of friends; I admit I envy social butterflies; I occasionaly wish I could be like them, but then I'd have less alone time which I honestly, like.
I get lonely as well, but even then I sometimes dislike social interaction, esp. because I'm shy and have low self-esteem (I'm working on fixing it, working out once in a while really helps).
 
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