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Even as a demisexual, I find that I still find it much easier to be attracted to my female than male friends.

Does it ever irk you that you have these natural preferences dictated by evolution? I mean, ideally, we'd get married to, and would become contractual best friends with, someone who understood us and was like us and had a compatible mind and kept us going, etc.

However, we have natural preferences. Does it bother you that if you're a homosexual female, that if you met a male that had the perfect mind, you wouldn't be able to have a committed relationship with him just because of his body, because he was born with a penis? I suppose you could start a committed platonic relationship, but I honestly have no idea what that entails.

I suppose that today, we can have sex changes and whatnot. Taking that out of the equation, does this faze you at all?

Also, while I'm on the subject, why is it easier for me to be attracted to females than males? A slight heterosexual demisexual...? Is it possible that females are more likely to have traits that allow for a connection that would allow me to be attracted? Theories on this, please. Theories theories theories.
 

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Not really, l used to think visual attraction was the most important factor but l don't think that now.

l don't think it determines satisfaction completely. l find women more visually appealing, but the sex just feels ''meh'' all around, like l can't really feel a connection on a biological level.
 

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I'm attracted to people's minds, and looks come later. I don't notice people until I've heard them say something intelligent or have gotten in a heated debate with them and they've defended their side admirably. Almost exclusively only then do I go "Oh my... he's kind of gorgeous..." followed by sexual attraction if that's going to develop, even if I've known him for ages.

Most of the men I've found myself attracted to aren't what you'd call conventionally attractive. I find them attractive, but usually my friends stare at me like I'm mad when they find out who I'm into.

I've never found myself attracted to another woman. I've found women who I thought were beautiful, even to the point of wanting to paint them, like the ever lovely Vivien Leigh (my avatar) and a few others. Sexual attraction? Nope. Never. It's just not my thing.
 

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I can connect to people on different levels. However, when it comes to physical attraction; there's no doubt: only women have the magic touch with me. Even if they were from a different sexual orientation; there's no reason why we couldn't be friends.
 

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Does it ever irk you that you have these natural preferences dictated by evolution? I mean, ideally, we'd get married to, and would become contractual best friends with, someone who understood us and was like us and had a compatible mind and kept us going, etc.

However, we have natural preferences. Does it bother you that if you're a homosexual female, that if you met a male that had the perfect mind, you wouldn't be able to have a committed relationship with him just because of his body, because he was born with a penis?
Sometimes, but not for the "right" reasons, or the kind of reasons, you're talking about. As a heterosexual male with Borderline disorder, I remember sitting in the gay bar, wondering if I drank enough, if I could "force" myself to be gay for a night, because I loved the attention and all the flirting the guys were doing with me. It was a totally new experience for me. From my distorted (by the personality disorder) perspective, if I could force myself to be attracted to them or drink enough to shut my natural preferences down, I could get their company for a night, I could feel loved and wanted for a night. I used to really, really wish I was born a woman for similar reasons. Love is something I'm always chasing, and in those days, I lacked the ability to think it through and to imagine the emptiness, that would come from whoring myself out that way; gay, straight, man, woman, whatever. Still, looking back on it now, it seems kinda funny, I was so bad in those days, I was actually sitting there downing whole pitchers of beer, trying to drink my heterosexuality away...
 

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Yes, being a "heterosexual demisexual" bothers me, but not too terribly because it is too confusing and complicated to mean anything significant that I can figure out.

I fully believe that if my husband had been a woman, I would still love that version of him exactly as much as I love him now, but the truth is that I probably wouldn't have ever found him, because I have only ever been romantically attracted to men. I wouldn't have known to look for him.

Specifically, I like men who have an androgynous feel to them internally, regardless of how they present their bodies.
It isn't even a love of masculinity, nor does it have anything to do with the penis. In fact, I strongly dislike most of the qualities the surrounding culture associates with masculinity, and I usually find female bodies more visually pleasing than male bodies. I don't get sexually excited by pleasant visual experiences, so it doesn't matter.

Despite all of this, I have had crushes mostly on gay, transgender or effeminate men. There is a certain, very narrow range within the gender spectrum that appeals to me. It is the range I can relate to. It is not defined by body parts, and it is not exactly gender either... at least, not gender alone. It is related to gender, but there is much more to it. It is the quality of identifying oneself as a man while simultaneously having an identity that transcends gender.

I don't even know how to describe it accurately, but my husband has the special something that I find appealing. He is right for me, not because he is a man, but because he is a man who has rejected all of the negative masculine qualities society has tried to sell him, and has chosen instead to be authentic. I can get to the core of him, without having to peel off all of those extra layers most people put on to seem more masculine or feminine. What I found at that core was beautiful.

I have fantasized about what it would feel like if I had the male body and he had the female one, if we both had male bodies, or if our bodies didn't exist. In such fantasies, we are still the same people, because it seems to me that we are both internally agender. I think of him as a man because he thinks of himself as a man. He was socialized as a man because of his body, and he instantly rejected most of what he was taught to be. I was socialized as a woman, and I also rejected most of what I was taught to be.

If we were stripped of our bodies, we would both be the same gender, or lack thereof. In a sense, one could just as easily call me a homo-demisexual as a hetero-demisexual, because I sought out my own kind. I found someone just like me, with the same internal feeling of gender as my own, but whose body just happened to differ from mine, and I married him because it is very hard to find one of us.
 

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What would be the alternative?

Have sex in a mass orgy with anyone you want like the mass dances in Matrix?

I think if you have to get out of the "natural boundaries", perhaps you have a problem letting go or taming your sexual desire - like any other desire it can take you to do extreme things.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
What would be the alternative?

Have sex in a mass orgy with anyone you want like the mass dances in Matrix?

I think if you have to get out of the "natural boundaries", perhaps you have a problem letting go or taming your sexual desire - like any other desire it can take you to do extreme things.
I...what? Every time I change the page, everyone stops making sense.
 

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I'm attracted to people's minds, and looks come later. I don't notice people until I've heard them say something intelligent or have gotten in a heated debate with them and they've defended their side admirably. Almost exclusively only then do I go "Oh my... he's kind of gorgeous..." followed by sexual attraction if that's going to develop, even if I've known him for ages.

Most of the men I've found myself attracted to aren't what you'd call conventionally attractive. I find them attractive, but usually my friends stare at me like I'm mad when they find out who I'm into.

I've never found myself attracted to another woman. I've found women who I thought were beautiful, even to the point of wanting to paint them, like the ever lovely Vivien Leigh (my avatar) and a few others. Sexual attraction? Nope. Never. It's just not my thing.
Same here! A lot of people's beauty comes out through their actions, imo.
 

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Sometimes, but not for the "right" reasons, or the kind of reasons, you're talking about. As a heterosexual male with Borderline disorder, I remember sitting in the gay bar, wondering if I drank enough, if I could "force" myself to be gay for a night, because I loved the attention and all the flirting the guys were doing with me. It was a totally new experience for me. From my distorted (by the personality disorder) perspective, if I could force myself to be attracted to them or drink enough to shut my natural preferences down, I could get their company for a night, I could feel loved and wanted for a night. I used to really, really wish I was born a woman for similar reasons. Love is something I'm always chasing, and in those days, I lacked the ability to think it through and to imagine the emptiness, that would come from whoring myself out that way; gay, straight, man, woman, whatever. Still, looking back on it now, it seems kinda funny, I was so bad in those days, I was actually sitting there downing whole pitchers of beer, trying to drink my heterosexuality away...
I have not taken it this far or in quite this way, but it is indeed stressful and annoying that homosexual men let me know how attractive I am and pursue me on a scale that makes women look like the un-intiating wet blankets they all seem to be.

I am not talking about JUST surface details either. True observation, intellectual resonance, ... everything but physical. I shut them all down but the quantity and frequency is exactly where I would wish female interest would at least aspire to, ... let alone attain.

I still flip the script and get busy being a chaser even though I equally enjoy being chased. It's a part of my life I have just had to resign myself to leaving unfulfilled. Being truly pursued by a woman. We do see this on TV shows and I have seen a few outrageously boyish charmer friends that had that rare pleasure. C'est la vie!
 

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I feel very fortunate to be exempt from the rules of this game that seems to just make many people lonely. Looks and personality for me are all this abstractly fused together thing that I see as a general vibe and I'm drawn in or repelled. When I feel an attraction its typically to kindred spirits, and I have never once found myself thinking they're less 'hot' than the generic channing tatum look. I'm very happy with the way I experience it and I can't fathom thinking about it the way most 'normal' people seem to. I would say that I'm demisexual, maybe pandemisexual (pansexual demisexual). I absolutely experience attraction, and intensely, probably moreso than the people who's step one is to objectify some dumb body part. I can experience primary instead of merely secondary attraction but its like I said, gotta be about the whooolleee vibe.

Anyway, yes demisexuality exists and I don't understand the assumption that it has to do with low testosterone, other than its the typical "all men think like me" utter bullshit. I know a guy with a lot of testosterone whos a demisexual, though he has never used the word, I decided after many conversations on the topic of attraction - how he perceives himself different from the other men he has known.
 

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However, we have natural preferences. Does it bother you that if you're a homosexual female, that if you met a male that had the perfect mind, you wouldn't be able to have a committed relationship with him just because of his body, because he was born with a penis? I suppose you could start a committed platonic relationship, but I honestly have no idea what that entails.
I sometimes wonder if the reason I am a lesbian in the first is because I'm a woman and my mate in this life is a woman too, so in order for us to meet and relate properly it really made sense to for me to be made as a lesbian. Whatever the case, I'm glad we're both attracted to the right gender for us. I just wish I had met her when I was 16 and hadn't spent over a decade in a relationship with my male high school sweetheart because I didn't know I was allowed to be attracted to women.
 

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Not at all,
I like what I like,
The grass isn't at all greener on the other side.

Sexually males are just attractive to me,
Much more so than females,
And only males would be able to take care of my need for intimacy and sexual activity.

I don't ever wish to like women more as to want to pursue anything sexual,
Or over and above a friendship.
 

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Most of the men I've found myself attracted to aren't what you'd call conventionally attractive. I find them attractive, but usually my friends stare at me like I'm mad when they find out who I'm into.
This in particular needs emphasis. In the face of a really deep attraction to someone's character, especially love, they will become your new definition of 'beautiful'.

None of the women I've had the honor of being in a relationship with were fit or conventionally beautiful either, but I still honestly thought they were gorgeous. I think everyone likely experiences this to some degree, but no one can say anything like that with certainty.
 

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It's because demisexuality doesn't exist, at least not in the extent people would have you believe. You're just a regular heterosexual low on testosterone who has socialized yourself to be somewhat attracted to men.
I agree with this, x10000000

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You'll find that you're more attracted to women because millions of years of evolution tends to have that effect.

You'll find yourself attracted to some men because it's normal to recognise beauty in all its facets. I bet you'd still jump out of your skin if one of them confessed a desire for intimacy with you.

Demisexuals probably do exist but I think the vast majority are just people who've seen too much porno and been desensitised to it, leading them to assume they're probably 'open to anything', even though they haven't even really dipped their toes in the water to properly find out.

I've been on 4chan a lot recently, specifically the 'adult GIFs' section (it's an interesting porn fix, heh...). I'm quite largely turned on by the strangest of things, particularly the really taboo stuff - pegging, shemales, men cumming with dildos up their arses, etc. When I really, really think about it, I bet I could be seduced into taking part in homosexual intercourse, given the right circumstances and the correct level of 'YOLO' persuasion.

But holy fuck, I don't even remotely consider myself as gay or demisexual or whatever other stupid hipster identity. Given the choice of every human being on the planet, I'd take a woman to satisfy my sexual desires every time.

It just happens to be that most humans suffer from varying levels of a thing most commonly known as 'curiosity'.
 

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I honestly don't even think about it, or try to classify it in any way. It just bears no significance to me to try to put it into boxes, explain or understand it. If I feel physical attraction, I feel physical attraction. If I feel emotional attraction, I feel emotional attraction. Often they go hand in hand, often they don't. They can exist without each other (and I can have sex without being in love and indeed did so in the past), but in a romantic relationship, I need both.

I've only ever had romantic (and sexual) relationships with men, so you can call me heterosexual if you want to. I feel physically attracted to women on occasion, and if the situation had arisen before I was in a committed, monogamous relationship - who knows? That's about how brainy I get about it ;)
 
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