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On good days, I'm cheerful, flirty, accommodating, playful, driven to succeed, friendly, helpful, success-oriented, group-driven, silly, curious, caring, competitive in a sportsmanlike manner. I'm okay with things slipping through my fingers, for the most part.
But then other days...
I have a particular tendency which can be viewed in two lights, I have a habit of grasping onto issues with suffocating, piercing talons, never letting go until what I'm grasping is violently burst into pieces. It is a quality that has made me resourceful, giving me the ability to find out what I want to find out, or get certain things that I want, but it's also a quality that has destroyed many other people including myself. When I have a problem which prods at my brain I will stop at nothing to get it relieved, particularly when this problem has to do with someone not giving me what I want. I also get many compulsions of physical violence, but I have never followed through on them (with exception to a couple times in my youth).
When I'm in this state of mind, I can't let go regardless of how hard I try, and this will usually end up in me compromising important tasks and goals that I need to get done.
I've noted that I enjoy seeing the aggressors in emotional distress/pain at one point or another -- at a certain point getting what I originally wanted is not enough, I find myself wanting to twist their arm backwards as well, kind of like a "fuck you for what you put me through".
I become controlling, domineering, manipulative, exploitative, uncaring of other's emotions or obligations. Fierce, determined, and relentless, but usually for unhealthy goals.
One particular example is a girlfriend. Everything started out quite well, as it always does. Overtime I slowly began to feel more and more of my values or lines were being violated, particularly in the trust department. We live in a big city, and often times she'd be traveling alone through the city, or going to private events, or meeting with certain guy friends -- and wearing outfits I'd deem inappropriate for those situations such as short skirts, low-cut shirts which reveal too much, etc. (they'd be particularly low cut because she would get comments left and right about pulling her shirt up from various people). Anyway, long story short -- I confront her, she disagrees, I confront her again until she eventually agrees, then she finds loopholes, then I confront her about those loopholes, then she finds other loopholes, etc. Eventually accuses me of micromanaging her, I can't not because trust is violated, etc. etc.
This just one example. Eventually it gets to a point where I'm punishing, turning cold shoulders, hitting where I know it hurts. Because it almost makes me feel better knowing I have control over the situation, and exercising that control means seeing the aggressor in pain.
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The reason I bring up the whole story is for a complete background. So far, this seems to resonate quite closely with a level 7 (unhealthy) type 8:
I've noticed when I get in these phases I tend to lose zeal for other areas of my life; I become a one-way street. Apart from my goal, I fall apart, lose order, lose organization, lose friendliness, etc.
One thing I don't do is pick fights with others when I'm like this -- I'm pretty talented at compartmentalizing my relationships with people. But, of course, there is always a little bleed over.
Could I be a mistyped 8? I considered the idea of being a type 2 who has disintegrated to type 8 but devoting my life to helping others generally isn't enough for me -- I've tried that out. I don't know if these qualities are characteristic of any type 3...
Edit: wanted to add that when I get like this, I make for an incredible detective (adds on to my resourcefulness). If any of you have seen the show Dexter, I can become that stalker -- but on a smaller scale of course.
But then other days...
I have a particular tendency which can be viewed in two lights, I have a habit of grasping onto issues with suffocating, piercing talons, never letting go until what I'm grasping is violently burst into pieces. It is a quality that has made me resourceful, giving me the ability to find out what I want to find out, or get certain things that I want, but it's also a quality that has destroyed many other people including myself. When I have a problem which prods at my brain I will stop at nothing to get it relieved, particularly when this problem has to do with someone not giving me what I want. I also get many compulsions of physical violence, but I have never followed through on them (with exception to a couple times in my youth).
When I'm in this state of mind, I can't let go regardless of how hard I try, and this will usually end up in me compromising important tasks and goals that I need to get done.
I've noted that I enjoy seeing the aggressors in emotional distress/pain at one point or another -- at a certain point getting what I originally wanted is not enough, I find myself wanting to twist their arm backwards as well, kind of like a "fuck you for what you put me through".
I become controlling, domineering, manipulative, exploitative, uncaring of other's emotions or obligations. Fierce, determined, and relentless, but usually for unhealthy goals.
One particular example is a girlfriend. Everything started out quite well, as it always does. Overtime I slowly began to feel more and more of my values or lines were being violated, particularly in the trust department. We live in a big city, and often times she'd be traveling alone through the city, or going to private events, or meeting with certain guy friends -- and wearing outfits I'd deem inappropriate for those situations such as short skirts, low-cut shirts which reveal too much, etc. (they'd be particularly low cut because she would get comments left and right about pulling her shirt up from various people). Anyway, long story short -- I confront her, she disagrees, I confront her again until she eventually agrees, then she finds loopholes, then I confront her about those loopholes, then she finds other loopholes, etc. Eventually accuses me of micromanaging her, I can't not because trust is violated, etc. etc.
This just one example. Eventually it gets to a point where I'm punishing, turning cold shoulders, hitting where I know it hurts. Because it almost makes me feel better knowing I have control over the situation, and exercising that control means seeing the aggressor in pain.
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The reason I bring up the whole story is for a complete background. So far, this seems to resonate quite closely with a level 7 (unhealthy) type 8:
Though also seems like it might fall under levels 8 or 9 of a type 3 (excluding the murderous tendencies):Level 7: Defying any attempt to control them, become completely ruthless, dictatorial, "might makes right." The criminal and outlaw, renegade, and con-artist. Hard-hearted, immoral and potentially violent.
Level 8: Devious and deceptive so that their mistakes and wrongdoings will not be exposed. Untrustworthy, maliciously betraying or sabotaging people to triumph over them. Delusionally jealous of others
Level 9: Become vindictive, attempting to ruin others' happiness. Relentless, obsessive about destroying whatever reminds them of their own shortcomings and failures. Psychopathic, murder. Generally corresponds to the Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
I've noticed when I get in these phases I tend to lose zeal for other areas of my life; I become a one-way street. Apart from my goal, I fall apart, lose order, lose organization, lose friendliness, etc.
One thing I don't do is pick fights with others when I'm like this -- I'm pretty talented at compartmentalizing my relationships with people. But, of course, there is always a little bleed over.
Could I be a mistyped 8? I considered the idea of being a type 2 who has disintegrated to type 8 but devoting my life to helping others generally isn't enough for me -- I've tried that out. I don't know if these qualities are characteristic of any type 3...
Edit: wanted to add that when I get like this, I make for an incredible detective (adds on to my resourcefulness). If any of you have seen the show Dexter, I can become that stalker -- but on a smaller scale of course.