do u like how your parents raised you up?
[INFJ]
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Yes. My mom basically raised me to give the middle finger to all the haters...... Ok but seriously she did teach me that success is the best revenge. Well, she didn't teach me that. She taught me to learn everything myself and be proactive in my own life, so because of that I figured that out. Basically she let my INTPness blossom and I thank her for that.
My grandparents raised me for the most part. I lived with my parents until I was 9.
They were a little too conservative but still very caring individuals. Both were extroverted sensors, so they had a hard time understanding me, but they were still excellent gaurdians.
My parents were the opposite. They were liberal-minded, but undisciplined, and they fought with each other all the time. I still spent time with my parernts regularly, so I think I've got a little bit of liberal and conservative in me, although I am certainly not a "Republican" or a "Democrat" by any means. I hate the way politics are done in America. I just have some "social attitudes" that lean one way and some that lean the other.
They were a little too conservative but still very caring individuals. Both were extroverted sensors, so they had a hard time understanding me, but they were still excellent gaurdians.
My parents were the opposite. They were liberal-minded, but undisciplined, and they fought with each other all the time. I still spent time with my parernts regularly, so I think I've got a little bit of liberal and conservative in me, although I am certainly not a "Republican" or a "Democrat" by any means. I hate the way politics are done in America. I just have some "social attitudes" that lean one way and some that lean the other.
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In my opinion I had a pretty perfect childhood up until I was nine. I was raised by my parents and my grandparents looked after me in the mornings and afternoons. Teachers also took a liking to me. I didn't need to be disciplined much because I was terrified of my father and getting in trouble.
After that they developed their own problems and had my sisters, which made them emotionally and situationally? neglectful. I mean, they don't really support us intellectually. We don't really talk. But they are very accepting, always providing. I don't think I've ever gone without something i've needed. How many people can say that, right? my father will be angry, but I think I could call him at any time and he'd come and pick me up. I owe them a lot. I like how I can just be me. They don't tell me what to do, they let me go about life for myself, and without their permission to do this, I don't know what type of a person i'd be. I need to grow and develop on my own and if they didn't appreciate this, the suffocation would cause me to crumble.
After that they developed their own problems and had my sisters, which made them emotionally and situationally? neglectful. I mean, they don't really support us intellectually. We don't really talk. But they are very accepting, always providing. I don't think I've ever gone without something i've needed. How many people can say that, right? my father will be angry, but I think I could call him at any time and he'd come and pick me up. I owe them a lot. I like how I can just be me. They don't tell me what to do, they let me go about life for myself, and without their permission to do this, I don't know what type of a person i'd be. I need to grow and develop on my own and if they didn't appreciate this, the suffocation would cause me to crumble.
I think I've always had low confidence, even as a little kid. Do I think they could have helped me with that? I really don't know. Other than that, they have and will always be great. I have a good relationship with them most of the time and am thankful for it.
I actually feel like they didn't raise me :crazy: I am always questioning myself and things. What I'm grateful for is how much freedom they have given me to figure it all out myself. I don't have shoulds and should nots, I can make it all myself. And it's a surprise since they are very traditional, my dad in particular sometimes complains..but he quiets down when mother appears. I really feel like they were 'given' to me on purpose.
Well, I think my earliest memory was when I was about 3 or 4...
I was reaching up to my father's hand, saying "I love you dad". His hand had a cigarette in it, which burned me - then he slapped the crap out of me and called me stupid.
That was about par for the course for him until I left him unconscious in the driveway when I was 17.
My mother was great though.
As to the forming my personality part - well, in enneagram terms, it did kind of give me my 9w8 type, yes.
Also prepared me for the rest of my life - no good deed goes unpunished, as they say. I suppose I'm a glutton for punishment, in that case.
I was reaching up to my father's hand, saying "I love you dad". His hand had a cigarette in it, which burned me - then he slapped the crap out of me and called me stupid.
That was about par for the course for him until I left him unconscious in the driveway when I was 17.
My mother was great though.
As to the forming my personality part - well, in enneagram terms, it did kind of give me my 9w8 type, yes.
Also prepared me for the rest of my life - no good deed goes unpunished, as they say. I suppose I'm a glutton for punishment, in that case.
No. I don't like the way they went about it at all. My parents are good people, and are very loving, but my father was completely hands off (Not absent, just lacking in any power) and my mother was like, Communist dictator style. I struggled with depression growing up, and extreme shyness alongside a natural tendency for introversion. When I needed a chance to foster myself privately and work things out without interference at a critical turning point in my life, mother installed spyware and child locks on my computer so I couldn't do or say anything without it showing up in a log on her computer, and I languished under that authoritarian style rule because I couldn't talk to the people I had been using as a resource. I stayed in the depth of my life a lot longer and worse than I could have, until I finally made her understand, through loud words and lots of shouting, that I needed the kind of freedom I have today. I understand what she was trying to do at the time, and what she had intended it to be (Her and dad were not, by any definition of any word, evil, they are very loving and had all the best intentions, I want that to be VERY clear), but it was completely contrary to who I was becoming/am as a person.
Did their style damage my personality? No. My personal relationship with my mother has yet to recover four years after the fact, but I'd say my personality had already taken deep roots by the time her parenting style kicked in. If anything, it only served to make me more introverted and feeling than I might have been.
Did their style damage my personality? No. My personal relationship with my mother has yet to recover four years after the fact, but I'd say my personality had already taken deep roots by the time her parenting style kicked in. If anything, it only served to make me more introverted and feeling than I might have been.
it was quite like that with my parents, i felt like they have no views about life or any particular thing they wanted to teach me so any choice that i ve made about life was OK with them even if it was't ,they won't persist to make me change my mind.
as much as that helped my independent thinking and my ability to make my own decisions, i always felt like i ve lacked direction.
but actually my mom was highly critical of my introversion ,she has seen it as a character flaw that i should work hard to get rid of and she was always criticizing me in any social encounter, and that has done some damage to my self esteem and my identity because i was trying hard to be something i am not and i remember looking to her after any social gathering waiting for her to assure me if i ve done good enough today or not, it was crazy:dry:
and my dad was overprotective and he didn't let us (me and my brother) to take any responsibility, he was doing everything by himself and that made me take alot of things for granted and it influenced my ability to take any responsibility and my mom always blamed him for that like he is spoiling us.
but despite of all that, they were very loving parents and very dedicated to make us happy
in their way and they worked hard to provide us with a stable, safe environment so they weren't that bad:laughing:
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