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Discussion Starter #1
I posted recently on the INFP forum trying to see how my strong emotions might affect my SO...

And the responses really got me thinking that I cry WAY too much. My emotions just get the better of me, and nothing I do can stop the waterworks.

My question, is if it's an INFJ trait to be hyper emotional and have difficulty controlling crying when strong emotions are felt, or if it's more of a highly sensitive person sort of trait??

I mean, I'm not just talking about negative tears, and I'm not just talking about in front of my SO. I've felt strong happy, sad, upset, worried emotion and broken down crying in front of teachers, bosses, co-workers, friends, parents, boyfriends...

My ex HATED when I cried and wouldn't talk to me until I calmed myself down. My folks just give me a hug and let me cry it out, and thank gawd, my boss just hands me a tissue and waits for me to compose myself or blabber through whatever I'm trying to say.

I've been told this is manipulative, or controlling or dependent behavior, but I don't know how to control it. Am I alone in this regard??
 
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The only times I cried a lot was when I went through mild depression. I don't cry like that any more. Crying a lot the way you've described it doesn't sound normal.
Is there a triggering event that caused you to cry in front of the people you've described?
 

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My question, is if it's an INFJ trait to be hyper emotional and have difficulty controlling crying when strong emotions are felt, or if it's more of a highly sensitive person sort of trait??
Its definitely not a trait of Introverted Intuitives as a universal rule (or any type for that matter - INFPs are no more likely to be crybabies either despite what some of them may think). As far as HSP, I dunno. I think your case is probably unique and dependent on a number of psychological issues that are unique to you. Everyone experiences and reacts to what is going on around them differently and that includes how they deal with their emotions. Some people have learned to be able to have some authority over their emotional reactions (rather than them controlling the person) and others can't. Everyone is different there are no real universals in this area. Same goes with how sensitive a person is (sensitive as compared to what?)
 

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The only times I cried a lot was when I went through mild depression. I don't cry like that any more. Crying a lot the way you've described it doesn't sound normal.
Is there a triggering event that caused you to cry in front of the people you've described?
Every event is different, but I've always cried a lot. I cried in front of my boss the first time because our work group was "bickering" and he wanted us to talk it out. I'm not good with that sort of confrontation and when a co-worker told me I needed a personality change, I started crying. Later we talked about it privately, and I cried again while explaining how weak and embarrassed crying at work made me feel, and that my crying makes me feel like he no longer sees me as someone who could be a leader, because crying is weak, and I've now made myself weak.

I cried in front of my dad the other week when he insulted my boyfriend. He hit on a very emotional issue and made fun of it. It upset me greatly that he could be insensitive to the issue AND that he would perceive my boyfriend as being so unworthy.

I cried in front of a teacher who didn't believe me when I approached them about a fellow student blatantly plagiarizing their part of our group assignment (I approached the student directly, but they told me to f'off). They accused me of lying and said that it was disrespectful to accuse another student of such a thing. No matter what I didn't, they didn't see my concern about handing in an assignment when plagiarism is punishable by being kicked out of the program (and I was in my final year of school).

I've cried in front of my boyfriend...well, for way too many reasons. An absolutely beautiful caring gift that makes me feel crazy loved, once when he looked at me so sweetly and said "Gawd you're beautiful!" and recently when I felt I had disappointed him without meaning to.

Suppose "not normal" is me...
 

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I don't meant to sound condescending but are you on the pill or could there be anything else affecting you hormonally?
When I was on the pill I became a crazy depressed whiny person who cried just about daily about something. Not anymore fortunately...
 

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crying is a way to accept loss. if you dont, the loss you have will only cause more and more pain, until you cant take it any more.

ive been blocking myself from that specific emotion the majority of my life, and its probably the reason ive experienced (anxiety?) an immense emotional pain thorought my life that has made my life a living hell.

im learning to cry again now. i stopped it at age 9. in my country its believed to be a thing males shouldnt do.. and you know how open to influence children are. its like ive lived my whole life trying to be what others wanted, never being myself.

i find it very hard to allow myself to feel what i feel. ive always been scrutinized if i ever acted on my own feelings. so its something im very afraid of.
 

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I sometimes cry when in a big disagreement with my SO. Other than that... I never cry. Especially in front of other people. The only person I feel okay crying in front of is my SO. Even then sometimes I feel embarrassed having done it.

As a small child I actively tried my best to never let anyone see me cry. In the 4th grade I fell off a toy in the playground and broke my arm. Everyone asked if I was okay, and I said "Yup!" despite the agonizing pain. I then went straight to the nurse and when I realized 911 was going to have to be called... I got scared and finally cried. I was a crazy kid. :crazy:
 

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I cry a lot too. I have several triggers and it may be worth seeing if there are triggers like the presence of conflict, certain people or ideas that tend to lead to the waterworks coming.

Could well be more of an HSP trait than INFJ though this isn't to say there can't be an INFJ that isn't HSP that cries a lot too.

Nah, you're not alone in this regard. Course as a guy, I have had more than a few tough times with this side of myself.
 

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I think it simply stems from our soft hearts that have the huge walls around them, when the walls are down every emotion hits tenfold. Also we are terrible at having our character attacked because of our fear of ridicule of our inner most depth.

In the past I was terrible with conflict, but with lots of debating and exposure to various conflicts I have grown accustomed to it and i'm becoming more able to be the real me while being able to counter any offenses made at me without it cutting too deep.

So I believe you just need exposure at different levels until you are more comforatable. Personally though I never cry, it feels wierd

Sorry for any terrible grammar, I hate my phone
 
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I have many memories of crying very suddenly. Like...I'll be fine...everything's dandy, and if it's not, i'm handling it...and then suddenly I'm on the verge of tears. By then, it's pretty much too late for me to hold them back.

This happens if I feel I've disappointed somebody, if I'm frustrated way past where I can handle it, and if somebody did/said something damaging.

I remember one time when I was in this supermarket with my aunt and cousin. She entrusted me with 2...shower curtains maybe? wrapped in plastic. By the time we got to the check out counter, one of the packages had slipped from my hand and i hadn't noticed. When she asked me what happened to it, I was so mortified that i had lost it, that i began laughing. I think I subconsciously started laughing to keep from crying in public, because i certainly wasn't amused. Then my aunt, in a very harsh voice, asked, "Why is that funny??" I don't actually have memory of me crying there, but im 95% sure it happened after she said that.

Nowadays I'm better at noticing when I'm near tears, and I find some reason to leave before it happens. I cry a fair amount, over things people would probably think are insignificant. But I also don't cry over the things that people WOULD consider significant. Crying in front of people makes me feel really weak, but I don't regret or feel bad about the crying itself. I think it's a healthy thing to do. I just wish there was more delay between when I know i'm about to cry and when i actually cry. pinching myself helps postpone, so if i'm stuck in a situation, and you see me doing that, or clenching my fists enough to bite into my palm...i'm at a very unstable emotional point. (never any real physical damage, of course. just enough to reroute my focus from the emotional pain)

If I was to estimate how often? hmmmm. sometimes I go months without crying, but I'd say twice a month during the difficult months when i'm in college. but it really just varies with whats going on in my life. If there's conflict among the people i love or between me and somebody else, the likelihood of it goes up ten fold.
 

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Onions make me cry?

For reals, I cry about once or twice a month on average. One day just before periods. Gawd, what hormones will do to ya. I remember once I saw a video of a freaking kitten and found myself bawling my eyes out. And remember thinking why the heck am I crying over this? I normally wouldn't.
 

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It's not my place to say someone is depressed since I'm not a doctor and of course I don't know you. It sounds like you are sad. The incidents you describe do sound like they would cause hurt feelings. I would have to agree with @Tenshi that it might also be a hormonal thing and you might want to look into that. It's amazing what hormones can do. :-/
 

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I do not cry. I might tear up a bit at a particularly poignant scene in a novel or film, and almost certainly at the death of a loved one, but otherwise I never cry. I cried a great deal more when I was younger (somewhat difficult childhood at times, and no small amount of angst in my teens) with more volatile emotions. Perhaps I cried out most of my tears. Though I am often rather passive and apathetic, I am at times somewhat emotional, but it is generally all bottled up.
 

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I dunno about other people but I don't cry in front of others, unless it's my SO. I don't think I cry more than other people - a few times a month.

I never cry at movies or music, no matter how sad or emotional they are.
 

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Not a big crier here. I am however, easily moved by music or movies. Otherwise, I pretty much keep my emotions under control, except for frustration or exasperation :)
I do concur with the others that possibly there is something hormonal going on. On the other hand, you may simply be highly sensitive, especially to perceived criticism.
 
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No, I don't really cry except for extreme situations or sappy movies.
 
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I cry easily. But I can hide it too most of the time. But don't ask me anything because my voice will be all choked up.
Especially during sad movie moments and music. I don't like to cry in front of people.
Most of the time I cry privately.

Only during funerals am I willing to let go of my tears. And even then it really depends...

Stupid social conditioning that men shouldn't cry in public.
 
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