[caraez]

I know three ENFJs, I'm pretty sure, and I like them all a lot (friendly, not crush). You guys are so great to talk to and have awesome conversations.

Unfortuanately, you don't seem to like me back as much. I start conversations with them, but they almost never start one with me. So the result is, I will start conversations with them once in while because I like them enough to go out of my comfort zone to talk to them because I like talking to them but not very often cause I'm scared they don't like me. One of them, the conversations are kinda awkward and I don't think they like me much.

So, I think what I'm trying to ask here, is what is they best way to evaluate these attempts at friendships and make them better ones if possible?

 

[amanda32]

ENFJ's take a little while to let you into their circle I found, despite how social they are.

 

[Benedox]

Caraez,

Have you known these ENFJs for a long time? I ask because INFPs are hardly ever on my radar until they make several attempts to get to know me. Even these attempts are so subtle that sometimes I don't realize that they're so much more than just little acts of kindness. Whoops! :crazy: I used to have a habit of only talking to those who approached me and pursued my frienship aggressively, kind of like a first-come-first-serve policy, and this led to me having a ton of extroverted friends. I thought that the people who didn't come up and talk to me didn't really care to be my friend. My bad again, haha. :tongue: So it's probably not that the ENFJs aren't into you as a friend, but they probably don't realize how much you want to get to know them better.

I'd say your best bet is getting the ENFJ interested in you. Personally, I love how INFPs are value-oriented, dreamy, playful, appreciative of small things, intelligent, cultured, passionate, emotionally intense, (I mean this in the best of ways), concise yet poetic writers and able to communicate so well without words. That last bit might help you out the most, as this is what made me curious about my INFP friend. I never really thought anything of her (though she had contacted me several times) until one day we were watching a movie with a bunch of our mutual friends. I have some kind of movie ADHD so I couldn't pay attention to it for the life of me, so I just started watching people. The INFP sat, kind of curled up, smiling as she watched the TV, eyes almost glowing. I thought it was the strangest sight 'cause I never thought anyone could seriously be that happy watching a show, especially when sitting in the corner of the couch, not talking to anyone. It was like she was in her own little world and completely fine with it. SO not anything I would be caught doing, and this is what interested me the most.

Once we try to look under the surface--even for just a second--of an INFP, most of us will be hooked. There's so much in you guys!! :laughing:

As for the ENFJ that seems shy/awkward around you... I bet they're trying to impress you. That's what happens to us when we really want to befriend someone. Before this little movie incident, I didn't have a care in the world what I did or said around my INFP friend. After it, once I established that this person was absolutely AMAZING, I could hardly talk to her. She'd ask me a question and I'd think, "Oh no. She's thinking too fast. I'm gonna sound so dumb. I don't have an answer. What do I say? She's too cool for me. Ah!" Yep. First you're not on our radar and within a couple seconds you're too cool for us. Ugh, INFPs. You're my kryptonite--all of you.

 

[caraez]

Thanks, you really got my hopes up! One I've known shortly, and the others I've known for awhile but don't see them super often.

I'll definitely take both your guys's advice into consideration and not be too afraid to talk to them, and try to show something about my deeper side to make me seem more interesting

I'm glad that I'm (probably) not disliked by that one!

Thanks so much, this helps a lot!

 

[jdmn]

I have zero INFP friends in real life, they much more uncommon than me. Any ENFJ know how are they IRL? But.. If they're kryptonite, I'd better stay away from them :/

It's true, it takes a lot for an ENFJ to consider you a good friend. Most of my people are acquintances, but really good, friendly and awesome ones! I don't usually start conversation either... but I think that's a personal trait of me, not of all ENFJs.

 

[Jojo]

I guess one thing is I expect people every love or hate me from the start. It's usually the case people think no one is ever that nice.(Yes! I have helped old ladies cross the street) which makes me odd! I also tend ask homeless people their names and buy them lunch just never donate. My point it is easy to be friends. Just approach. If you make the iniative I respect that. I enjoy random comments like when your in the grocery line and they look at your items and make witty comments. But if you really want to be my friend and hear my deep dark secrets you will have to be very patient.


Side note: I will be your friend!:happy:

 

[pmj85]

I don't know any ENFJs and after reading this thread, I really wish I did! Funnily enough I only know people that are (for the most part) in stark contrast to my own personality type.

Oh and Benedox, don't ever worry about an INFP thinking you're dumb; if you said something a bit daft, we'd find it endearing and love you all the more for it!

 

[caraez]

It's true, it takes a lot for an ENFJ to consider you a good friend. Most of my people are acquintances, but really good, friendly and awesome ones! I don't usually start conversation either... but I think that's a personal trait of me, not of all ENFJs.

That's okay, because it takes awhile for us INFPs too to get super close to a person.

My point it is easy to be friends. Just approach. If you make the iniative I respect that. I enjoy random comments like when your in the grocery line and they look at your items and make witty comments. But if you really want to be my friend and hear my deep dark secrets you will have to be very patient.


Side note: I will be your friend!:happy:

Okay, I will continue to make the initiative - and thank you Jojo! *hugs new friend*

Oh and Benedox, don't ever worry about an INFP thinking you're dumb; if you said something a bit daft, we'd find it endearing and love you all the more for it!

So true. And especially since we're a type to mess up what we say IRL, we won't assume you're dumb if you do say something that seems so. And it doesn't matter to us anyways - we like people of all intelligences as long as they aren't too contradictiry to our values :tongue:

 

[saccharomyces]

one of my very, very best friends is an infp, and i know my life wouldn't be half as great without her, since, even if we are not in close contact all of the time, because she's studying abroad, when we get together, it always feels wonderful. i like the opportunity to indulge in long conversations on abstract subjects and sharing opinions, which always differ at least slightly, but are usually compatible, so there's space for great discussion and, of course, partying with infp is great, because, from what i've noticed, when in party mode, infps can go quite wild in their own way, which just makes me more attracted. i think infps and enfjs are quite compatible, because even if i am annoyed sometimes by the self-righteousness that surfaces in the infp once in a wile, it's not difficult to forgive that, even if it really offends me, because my infp is so cute.

i think that the only thing you have to do to make an enfj be friendly is give them the chance to be friendly - welcome them somehow. doesn't have to be much, starting a conversation is enough,and, trust me, the enfj will be exalted when he/she finds out what talking to you is like. and they will start converstions on their own, when they feel secure enough that you want them to do it. one little hint to them in a conversation, something like "i wish we could talk/hang out more often" should do the trick.

 

[northernsky]

I was just reading that ENFJ and INFP are a good match! I have a really good ENFJ friend and the first few times we talked I felt she didn't really like me, but I think I just had it wrong! We used to go to dance classes together, but I think that's more her sort of thing than it is mine - bit too much pressure for me. So we meet up in a bookshop cafe each week which we both like ) She's really good at getting me to open up and express myself and I think I understand her pretty well when she expresses her thoughts so we get on very well. We haven't met up for a few weeks now because of the holidays and I miss her!

 

[roxasquall]

I mentored someone who was an INFP. We clicked VERY WELL, so well that he actually opened up a lot about himself to me that he never opened up to anyone else. He's like one of my best friends now. However, my first experience with INFPs, hard to get to talk to/hard to get out of their shell (at least the ones I know). It takes two to make a friendship occur. Not saying that its your fault. With my experience of INFPs, I found it kinda hard to penetrate. It was more body language than anything in my case. They seemed like they want to talk more about themselves in a deeper manner, but they close up, thinking that I'm getting too far (which I probably am when I meet them for a few times). But everyone is different, I do love INFPs though...for some reason I want to lay my arm around their shoulder and talk deeper into their lives, and cry aboyuut it...:happy::happy::happy:

 

[caraez]

It's nice to know we make such good matches. Now I want more than ever to become friends with them! Thanks to all of you for the advice

 

[smiley]

I find that ENFJs and INFPs are pretty similar in terms of being compassionate and caring... and both have the capacity to be both delightfully silly and incredibly deep.

I adore my INFP friends. I feel like they are kindred spirits (anyone seen Anne of Green Gables?)...

 

[Jojo]

Is this the part where I admit I have seen Anne of Green Gables, and Anne of Avonlea then deny it in other posts? I had a crush on her!

 

[smiley]

Hilarious. I had a crush on Gilbert Blythe...

 

[thehigher]

I mentored someone who was an INFP. We clicked VERY WELL, so well that he actually opened up a lot about himself to me that he never opened up to anyone else. He's like one of my best friends now. However, my first experience with INFPs, hard to get to talk to/hard to get out of their shell (at least the ones I know). It takes two to make a friendship occur. Not saying that its your fault. With my experience of INFPs, I found it kinda hard to penetrate. It was more body language than anything in my case. They seemed like they want to talk more about themselves in a deeper manner, but they close up, thinking that I'm getting too far (which I probably am when I meet them for a few times). But everyone is different, I do love INFPs though...for some reason I want to lay my arm around their shoulder and talk deeper into their lives, and cry aboyuut it...:happy::happy::happy:

I think.... I think it might be a kind of development thing with the closed off body language.....I say that cause... well it's... complicated... but I have a strong intuition that we grow out of that. Also the hard to get to know thing I think gets better when we learn to use Ne better.... just takes some realizations and the right circumstances possibly I tank!

 

[Roland]

Some of my closest friends have been INFPs - even before I knew of MBTI. My current girlfriend is INFP and we were best friends for about a month or so before things got intimate. The chemistry between us is unbelievable. We simply click. We come from pretty different backgrounds and have some different interests perhaps but we learn a lot from each other. At least I do, and I can only hope she does to. We do sometimes get mad or frustrated at each other, but that's only because one of us communicated something poorly or made a mistake and has yet to acknowledge it. Our problems usually derive from some sort of presumption, from assuming the worst (is that an INFP thing, assuming the worst?). Though we've always confronted each other with our problems and talked things out. We usually know exactly how the other feels and we can always get the other smiling. Gah.

Edit: I also needed to mention that we think exxxxxactly alike though at the same time we're almost polar opposites. I don't know what I mean by that yet but ill soon figure it out and respond when I do. Theres kind of like a ying/yang thing going on. We always think about the exact same thing at the exact same time. For example we always think of each other at the same times when we're apart. I always get texts from her while im in the middle of writing her one (and I'm not one to send a billion texts a day, perhaps a few, but only meaningful and proactive messages). What made me mention this is that just as I was writing this, thinking of her, she called me. Perhaps a coincidence, but it happens all too often. And this pattern transcends throughout in our relationship.

 

[caraez]

All of this is really fascinating and helpful. I wonder if other mirror partners experience similar chemistry? (cause according to socionics, we're 'mirror' relations).

 

[Oliver]

(is that an INFP thing, assuming the worst?)

Assuming the worst but hoping for the best. :wink:

 

[Razvan]

Assuming the worst but hoping for the best. :wink:

Not sure this is somewhat true...I try most of the times to have a balnced view, not to go in any extreme. I do think about what's the worst thing that can happen and the best thing.I'm not really asuming the worst will happen, in fact, a lot of times, I get higher hopes than I should've ahd in the first place. So not sure this is an INFP thing, I do try to be positive most of the times...not sure if I succed in doing that though...