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When you've observed someone from afar and find you're attracted to them, do you generally make the first approach?

Or are you more of the type that avoids people you're attracted to and waits for an opportunity to bring you two to interact?

Also how do you guys act with people you're attracted to?

I'd be interested in knowing how this differs between enfp guys and enfp girls.
 
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When you've observed someone from afar and find you're attracted to them, do you generally make the first approach?

Or are you more of the type that avoids people you're attracted to and waits for an opportunity to bring you two to interact?

Also how do you guys act with people you're attracted to?

I'd be interested in knowing how this differs between enfp guys and enfp girls.
I do approach, after making sure that there's some attraction going on, but it might sometimes be too late because of me not making a decision right on the spot. I've found that just being myself and trying to have fun with the girls I get along wit tends to make them attracted to me, while with girls I'm extremely attracted to I tend to overthink my actions and come across as tense and serious. I'm at a point where I think making good connections, working on my own stuff and having fun on the way is the right way to go, and that I shouldn't go out of my way to force a connection. If they'll be interested, they'll try to get closer. Whether they want to or not shouldn't be my business.
 

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1.When you've observed someone from afar and find you're attracted to them, do you generally make the first approach?

No rarely but then I've been with the same partner since I was in my late teens

2. Are you more of the type that avoids people you're attracted to and waits for an opportunity to bring you two to interact?

I don't avoid them- if I like somebody I'll seek out opportunity to hangout in the same area or crowd that they do

3. Also how do you guys act with people you're attracted to?

Depends on the person - it's usually a mixture of bantering ' poking fun at each other place with interval of deep conversations

If I know for a fact that the person is attracted to me ( guys usually approach me in my younger years - sometimes I'll get extremely woo by one of them) then I'll reciprocate bantering flirtation- sit closer to them ...laugh more and same as above a mixture of bantering and light to deep conversations - I'll show obvious sign that I'm attracted to them as well

If I don't know if they like me or not - for example I had a crush on an older classmate back in hs, he was a T.A. for one of my classes . He was very artistic and had a quiet mysterious aura to him - one day as I was walking home from school he drove by and asked if I needed a ride home- we quickly became friends afterward- turned out we have a lot in common- and I end up hanging out with him a few times a week - I thought that he knew I was attracted to him and is flattered by it but only thought of me as a good friend - so I hid my feelings well- even our platonic flirt I'll play friendly fearing he thinks I want more - eventually the crush faded away and he became one of my closest guy friend- years later when we were both married with kids- his wife told me " you know my husband use to have the biggest crush on you and he said you were nice enough to make friends with somebody as awkward as he was) hahaha so yeah the way I act heavily relies on who the other individual is and knowing whether or not they like me



What about you ?

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No, not really.
Perhaps it's a cultural/gender taboo, but I'd feel disturbed vying for someone's attention, for the most part. Don't know why.

I'm "aggressive" or bold enough, as it stands, outside the arena of romance. Extending that further (emotionally) would feel inauthentic and a little excessive. Moreover, I normally don't take attraction into account--sexually or romantically--when first meeting others. I try to remain respectful, amicable, and open with everyone. That way, I'm free to experiment companionately with various individuals, without unecessary anxiety. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Also, I don't place people on pedestals, or hero-worship, which makes it easier. If my affection for him is unrequited, his loss. XD

Normally, I'd appreciate being approached first. If there's a person I take affinity towards, I'll engage them in conversation. (Quips, requests, interrogation, banter, etc.) If they gladly reciprocate, I MIGHT just ask them out for coffee. (Don't get me wrong, getting there might take awhile!)
If someone requests my company, I participate in explicit plan-making, or turn it down.

No games or awkwardness, for either party. I see no reason to make things complicated.
 

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No, not really.
Perhaps it's a cultural/gender taboo, but I'd feel disturbed vying for someone's attention, for the most part. Don't know why.

I'm "aggressive" or bold enough, as it stands, outside the arena of romance. Extending that further (emotionally) would feel inauthentic and a little excessive. Moreover, I normally don't take attraction into account--sexually or romantically--when first meeting others. I try to remain respectful, amicable, and open with everyone. That way, I'm free to experiment companionately with various individuals, without unecessary anxiety. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Also, I don't place people on pedestals, or hero-worship, which makes it easier. If my affection for him is unrequited, his loss. XD

Normally, I'd appreciate being approached first. If there's a person I take affinity towards, I'll engage them in conversation. (Quips, requests, interrogation, banter, etc.) If they gladly reciprocate, I MIGHT just ask them out for coffee. (Don't get me wrong, getting there might take awhile!)
If someone requests my company, I participate in explicit plan-making, or turn it down.

No games or awkwardness, for either party. I see no reason to make things complicated.
Wow, thats something I wish I was able to control, how do you control your feelings of attraction? Perhaps it's an Enneatype thing?
 

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Wow, thats something I wish I was able to control, how do you control your feelings of attraction? Perhaps it's an Enneatype thing?
Interesting question! I'd describe it as a "headspace" or mindset thing. Could easily be enneagram; type 3 ENFPs are known to soft-loop frequently. (Major application of coupled Ne-Te irl, while overlooking Fi.)

Also, I lean towards aromanticism/asexuality, translated to viewing others as close siblings, rather than potential romantic partners.
I can ask myself, "I feel attraction, but is it really? Am I anxious/excited over something else (e.g. a project, book, idea, etc.), and can I attribute the emotion there? Am I well-rested, and how long has it been since I've eaten? Is it that time of the month?" XD

So, essentially--harboring healthy skepticism of one's own reactions, or intentionally diverting focus away from the target person.
If you can sort of depersonalize it, reduce its personal significance, or detach and redirect the energy to a more neutral subject, the intensity dissolves. The feelings themselves aren't quelled, just shifted elsewhere.
 
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In person or online, I observe for awhile before I make a move. Or sometimes I see something I like and I respond quickly. It's case by case. But generally I don't wait for the other person. I'm getting too old to be sitting here acting like my future wife will come knocking on my front door. I've got to be the one to chase and initiate! And chase, I do!
 

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Interesting question.

Personally, I don't make a move... but I would passively be around them.
Sometimes, at the initial stages, I would be too nervous around them...which makes me freeze up lol... but that mellows out after some time and ill be my enfp self again.

haha so if an ENFP guy suddenly acts awkward around you for some time ...then that could be a sign...
 

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I will make a move but only if I get to know a person a little bit first. Like in a group, school, church, etc. setting.

It's not because I'm fearful of asking a girl out - I have no fear at all of that. It's that my mind sees past the potential of how meaningless to me attraction is without actually getting to know that person's personality at least a little to start.
 

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I will make a move but only if I get to know a person a little bit first. Like in a group, school, church, etc. setting.

It's not because I'm fearful of asking a girl out - I have no fear at all of that. It's that my mind sees past the potential of how meaningless to me attraction is without actually getting to know that person's personality at least a little to start.
We got a toe dipper here! :laughing:

Makes sense. Cold approaching is generally pretty awkward in my experience. Nothing wrong with it, just not the default setting for this dinosaur.
 

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When you've observed someone from afar and find you're attracted to them, do you generally make the first approach?

Yup. I'm bold. I only live once and I have a deep seated fear of missing out. I crave connections and interaction so if I see someone I'm physically or personally attracted to, I generally force the shyness away and will approach them.

Also, approaching them and making conversation is a good technique to determine if they're worth my attraction and if I should continue pursuing.

Or are you more of the type that avoids people you're attracted to and waits for an opportunity to bring you two to interact?

Hell no. I actually can't stand people who do this. Watching them frustrate the hell out of me.
You like someone? Tell them or freaking do something about it.

Why? Cause it's always going to be a NO unless you do something about it.

Also how do you guys act with people you're attracted to?

Don't put them on a pedestal or have that hero worshipping thing going on. That's stupid. They're human, I'm human. We're both equals regardless of anything society says.

I like to banter and tease.
 

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When you've observed someone from afar and find you're attracted to them, do you generally make the first approach?

Yup. I'm bold. I only live once and I have a deep seated fear of missing out. I crave connections and interaction so if I see someone I'm physically or personally attracted to, I generally force the shyness away and will approach them.

Also, approaching them and making conversation is a good technique to determine if they're worth my attraction and if I should continue pursuing.

Or are you more of the type that avoids people you're attracted to and waits for an opportunity to bring you two to interact?

Hell no. I actually can't stand people who do this. Watching them frustrate the hell out of me.
You like someone? Tell them or freaking do something about it.

Why? Cause it's always going to be a NO unless you do something about it.

Also how do you guys act with people you're attracted to?

Don't put them on a pedestal or have that hero worshipping thing going on. That's stupid. They're human, I'm human. We're both equals regardless of anything society says.

I like to banter and tease.
Only noting--as a point of interest--how two ENFPs with the same Enneatype, offer wholly disparate responses to this question.
I'm strongly SP, though (in comparison to your SO preference), which would explain it.
Funny how we both have a zero tolerance policy for so-called ass-kissing.
 

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Only noting--as a point of interest--how two ENFPs with the same Enneatype, offer wholly disparate responses to this question.
I'm strongly SP, though (in comparison to your SO preference), which would explain it.
Funny how we both have a zero tolerance policy for so-called ass-kissing.
Not just So. I have extremely strong Sx.

That and I have 7 and 8 in my enneagram stack.

Don't forget, I'm also older than you so my personality/lifestyle/approach changes with age. You're still in your teens. When I was around your age, I was much more unapproachable and shy.
 

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Only noting--as a point of interest--how two ENFPs with the same Enneatype, offer wholly disparate responses to this question.
I'm strongly SP, though (in comparison to your SO preference), which would explain it.
Funny how we both have a zero tolerance policy for so-called ass-kissing.
For some additional SP comparison, because I really do think Instinct has everything to do with these answers. Note, I'm older and maybe bolder, but also extremely avoidant:

When you've observed someone from afar and find you're attracted to them, do you generally make the first approach?

I do, yes. But it's a slow process. I either try to organically create connection, somehow have them take note of me, create situations of commonality, create patterns in which we will run into each other, etc. And this is a slow process, like weeks or months. At some point I will close the gap and suggest we hang out or something.

And when I talk about 'attraction', I can't tell if I am romantically attracted to somebody or just generally intrigued. If there is actually attraction, I will fight the attraction even within entering a relationship phase.

Or are you more of the type that avoids people you're attracted to and waits for an opportunity to bring you two to interact?

See above.

Also how do you guys act with people you're attracted to?

I dunno, I've never seen myself from the outside.
 

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...And when I talk about 'attraction', I can't tell if I am romantically attracted to somebody or just generally intrigued. If there is actually attraction, I will fight the attraction even within entering a relationship phase.
Are you me? Lol. I won't even attempt recalling the countless instances I've been "interested" in someone--out of innocent curiosity. As in, "I want to know you, under the intention of psychological study/experimentation, or compiling a character sketch."
If I find a particular individual is knowledgable in a field I'm interested in, has a strange cognitive style, etc., I may encourage a connection. Occasionally, the line between romantic attraction and investigation ends up blurry.
It could be confusing for the subject, I'd imagine.
It's rarely (if ever, at all), "love at first sight". That circumstance doesn't compute.
In contrast, I see my personal -emotional- life as a possession, in a sense; and am unlikely to share too much at first.
 

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Are you me? Lol. I won't even attempt recalling the countless instances I've been "interested" in someone--out of innocent curiosity. As in, "I want to know you, under the intention of psychological study/experimentation, or compiling a character sketch."
If I find a particular individual is knowledgable in a field I'm interested in, has a strange cognitive style, etc., I may encourage a connection. Occasionally, the line between romantic attraction and investigation ends up blurry.
It could be confusing for the subject, I'd imagine.
It's rarely (if ever, at all), "love at first sight". That circumstance doesn't compute.
In contrast, I see my personal -emotional- life as a possession, in a sense; and am unlikely to share too much at first.
I agree quite much with this statement every word

Also crushing from afar doesn't equivalate with wanting to date the person

*I never understood throwing away or risking everything for a partner, sure I'm extremely devoted and passionate about my partner now , but that took time ( I've been with him for nearly half of my life)

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Are you me? Lol. I won't even attempt recalling the countless instances I've been "interested" in someone--out of innocent curiosity. As in, "I want to know you, under the intention of psychological study/experimentation, or compiling a character sketch."
If I find a particular individual is knowledgable in a field I'm interested in, has a strange cognitive style, etc., I may encourage a connection. Occasionally, the line between romantic attraction and investigation ends up blurry.
It could be confusing for the subject, I'd imagine.
It's rarely (if ever, at all), "love at first sight". That circumstance doesn't compute.
In contrast, I see my personal -emotional- life as a possession, in a sense; and am unlikely to share too much at first.
I think there's a misunderstanding with how you interpreted my original response because I related to everything you and Whippit said.

When I say I approach people I'm attracted to, it doesn't necessarily mean romantically.

By saying I do approach and strike up conversation with people I'm attracted to, it means I'm trying to build a connection with someone I find interesting to see how it fares.

None of what I originally said meant romantic or sexual.
 

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Also, approaching them and making conversation is a good technique to determine if they're worth my attraction and if I should continue pursuing.
I don't do it with this thought in mind, but I do it for the same reason. I'm just genuinely curious about the person at that point and see a potential. The first interaction allows me to recalibrate and see if the person fit the idea I've had of them in mind. Once I know what they're like, this (c)rush of wanting to explore them might either fade away, et stronger or stay the same. When I somehow stay excited and don't feel like I have to force/convince myself to interact with them and everything goes smoothly, that's when I know that there might be something going on, otherwise I just give up on it.

There was one such girl who I've seen a week ago and asked out for coffee, she said she can't because she's studying, even for just 20 minutes. Sure, if you don't think I'm important enough to engage with, I don't think you're worthy of my attention any longer. That's when Te goes in and makes me analyze the bad qualities of the person. I've run into her again yesterday and she started walking beside me expecting I'd give her the same amount of attention, haha. "Sorry lady, it doesn't work that way, I know what you're all about and I can't stand you." Was what I thought.
 

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There was one such girl who I've seen a week ago and asked out for coffee, she said she can't because she's studying, even for just 20 minutes. Sure, if you don't think I'm important enough to engage with, I don't think you're worthy of my attention any longer. That's when Te goes in and makes me analyze the bad qualities of the person. I've run into her again yesterday and she started walking beside me expecting I'd give her the same amount of attention, haha. "Sorry lady, it doesn't work that way, I know what you're all about and I can't stand you." Was what I thought.
I'm sorry to intrude but how can you expect somebody to find you important within the first interaction- also there are many possibilities to the situation
She really is busy
She isn't in the mood to socialize at the moment
She is only interested in you as a friend and doesn't want to lead you on but is flattered by the fact that you're attracted to her
She is shy


I've had guys crushed on me and i didn't want to lead them on so I friendzone them and they ended up avoiding me- some even turn cold or cocky- it is very disturbing to observe and experience

There are many times where it takes me a while to know that I'm attracted to somebody



Unless there is more to the story that I don't know about, if that's the case, I apologize in advance

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I'm sorry to intrude but how can you expect somebody to find you important within the first interaction- also there are many possibilities to the situation
She really is busy
She isn't in the mood to socialize at the moment
She is only interested in you as a friend and doesn't want to lead you on but is flattered by the fact that you're attracted to her
She is shy


I've had guys crushed on me and i didn't want to lead them on so I friendzone them and they ended up avoiding me- some even turn cold or cocky- it is very disturbing to observe and experience

There are many times where it takes me a while to know that I'm attracted to somebody



Unless there is more to the story that I don't know about, if that's the case, I apologize in advance
Forget it, I have my reasons and trust my feelings and judgment.
 
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