[firestar17]

This topic has come up a lot recently in my life and I believe love at first sight is completely possible. It has happened with my parents, and my friend just experienced it. They described it as being nothing like they've ever felt before. My friend described it this way: "I've looked at cute guys before and sometimes gotten a crush, and sometimes that crush escalated to where I thought I loved them. But after this experience I realize I knew nothing about love before. I want to know everything about this guy and share my life with him. I feel a very deep connection with him and when we talked it felt like everything just clicked."
My other friend who is ENTP doesn't believe in love at first sight, but in lust at first sight. I explained to her how it was not lust but she still doesn't believe me.
So my question is: do other INFP's believe in love at first sight?

 

[IcarusDreams]

Love is not easy to define, and there are differents levels of love. Your friend is "right" in that most of so-called "love at first sight" are indeed immediate crushes, so most qualify as "lust" (mere physical attraction) at first sight. Do note that even your friend that had this "LAFS" experience actually had a conversation with the person, so technically speaking, this is not really a "first sight". especially not to an INFP (we like to bond on meaningful conversations, so getting a glimpse at somebody's essence like that is more than just a physical glance, if that makes sense.) I would not deny true love at first sight (love can even exist *without* any sight as well, which is even more rare), but to be fair to the naysayers, it is really uncommon, and shouldn't be expected to happen in order to find "true love"-true love, on the other hand, is much more common, and something much more realistic to expect/desire.

 

[IAmMe2010]

I've gotten that woozy heading, heart pounding, weak at the knees feeling over a guy I had just meet (turns out he was actually the first real crush I had ever gotten back in like 3rd grade XD ) but it was clear the guy didn't get that same reaction for me so I just ignored the feeling and it went away...so I'd say that though I do believe that a person can meet another person and instantly click I do not believe in trusting your emotions to such things -_-

 

[firestar17]

Do note that even your friend that had this "LAFS" experience actually had a conversation with the person, so technically speaking, this is not really a "first sight".

She actually had the LAFS experience as soon as she saw him, but the converastion she had afterwards strengthened it

 

[Murnando]

Nope.

Sorry, it's not a very romantic belief to hold, but if you see somebody for the first time then what you're feeling isn't love, at least not in my opinion. Love is a product of spending time with somebody, adoring every single part of their personality, and eventually being with them for so long you feel as if you couldn't be without. It relies on two people knowing each other so well that they "become one", if that doesn't sound too cheesy. If you have only seen somebody, the only thing you know about them is that they're attractive. The brain often releases extremely powerful chemicals at these first sights if this person looks "just right" to make you feel very powerful emotions, but they are all too shallow to possibly be considered love, as they are all derived from the base instinct of "AH MA GAWD PERSON IS PWETTY MAKE OFFSPRING NOAW".

EDIT: I'm familiar with the feeling though, of not knowing somebody but feeling as if you love them, but it isn't love, it's infatuation. Infatuation is different, it strikes suddenly and for no reason, springing out of nowhere, whereas love grows slowly, and couldn't possibly be any other way.

 

[firestar17]

@Munando
You don't believe in any kind of spiritual connection?

 

[ethylester]

I believe in infatuation at first sight, but not love. I believe you can be drawn to people instantly and feel an urge to get to know them and spend time with them, but I don't think it's love. Love is something you work on, it doesn't just happen in an instant.

 

[firestar17]

Hmm. Obviously LAFS is not an F ideal. Thanks for the imput guys!

 

[unclebigs]

I doubt most INFP's would believe in love at first sight because we are after a deep authentic relationship that inevitably takes time to develop. I think there can be very strong interest at first sight but not true love.

 

[infpblog]

It entirely depends on how you define love. If you define love as a feeling of connection and wholeness, then yes. But I consider that definition immature. I tend to define love as an action. Love is something that you do and not something you feel. Love is taking action in their best interest without trying to change them.

My question about love at first sight is this: what happens if they don't love you back? Does that spiritual connection only exist if there's potential they love you back? If you find out they don't love you back, do you stop loving them? If so then that would mean love is conditional?

Here's the other thing. Just because you love someone and they love you back doesn't mean that both people have the skills to be able to maintain a long-term relationship. Contrary to popular belief, love doesn't solve all your problems because love isn't a relationships skill. Loving someone more doesn't solve gambling issues, or abuse issues or any myriad of things that come up during relationships. If one person wants kids and the other person doesn't, loving someone more doesn't resolve that issue. Relationship skills solve relationship issues.

So ultimately, love at first sight or love after you've known them for years and years, doesn't really matter if you don't have the skills to have a relationship.

 

[perfectcircle]

I don't even think I am capable of falling in love at first sight because while I can find someone really attractive, that isn't what makes me love them.
I could fall in love the first time I read someone's words though.

I believe it is possible but I do not believe that love at first sight conquers all.

 

[firestar17]

I doubt most INFP's would believe in love at first sight because we are after a deep authentic relationship that inevitably takes time to develop.

I agree with the fact that we're after a deep authentic relationship, but I've heard many stories of relationships (even friendships) that didn't have to take time to develop for it to become deep and intimate. I would have thought that INFP's would be the most likely to believe in love at first sight because of our open-mindness that anything can happen, and the fact that it's kinda romantic

My question about love at first sight is this: what happens if they don't love you back? Does that spiritual connection only exist if there's potential they love you back? If you find out they don't love you back, do you stop loving them? If so then that would mean love is conditional?

The problem with them not loving you back would not be a problem if it were a spiritual connection like that. I believe that if such a connection were to happen then both people would feel mutually. Otherwise, why would there be a connection at all?

 

[infpblog]

The problem with them not loving you back would not be a problem if it were a spiritual connection like that. I believe that if such a connection were to happen then both people would feel mutually. Otherwise, why would there be a connection at all?

That's a false assumption that the spiritual connection is mutual. There's been a few threads over the years asking if anyone has ever felt a connection with someone but that feeling wasn't mutual. It happens. You could start another one.

Just because your mind tells you that you feel this spiritual connection with someone doesn't mean the universe is conspiring to match you up with someone who feels the same. You won't know if they feel the same in return until you talk to them. So you can continue believing that spiritual connection is always mutual without every seeking verification or you can ask all the INFPs here and find out for sure.

That's the great thing about Personality Cafe. You have hundreds of active INFPs. You can ask and validate if all the many things you believe are true are actually true.

 

[Acey]

I fall in "love" all over the place, but it's not real love.. just infatuation.
I do believe in that instant connection you have with someone, which is a mixture of attraction/intrigue/lust even. Love seems to be something you can only experience knowing all the ins and outs of someone.

I think love is being able to view someone's self-perceived flaws as strengths...

 

[La Li Lu Le Lo]

Yes I'm certain that it happens all the time.

(I just wanted to answer with a Beatles lyric)

 

[Aqualung]

I can only speak for myself, I'm not capable of falling in love with someone at first sight. I have to know them. I can be interested, curious & lustful but it takes time for me to fall in love.

 

[Bellerose]

I have been drawn to someone's energy on rare occasions, not because I love them, but because I'd like to get to know them. I don't believe love at first sight is possible. Real love is complex and requires intimate knowledge of the other person, things that can't be gleaned from only a glance. Lust, however, doesn't need the emotional connection love requires to exist. Lust at first sight is very possible.

 

[DiorLips]

I only believe in love at first sight.

 

[Ode to Trees]

I believe in extreme infatuation (physical and possibly emotional that is even rarer, but perhaps even intellectual if there is a little time to talk, and it is still rarer because it takes that time) at the first sight, and that is all a rare phenomenon by itself. I noticed when I was younger that someone physically good looking can make me look dreamily in the person, but it was short. As I got older, not even the most beautiful person can make me develop such as fast infatuation. It is like looking into something beautiful from aesthetic reasons, like a beautiful flower or a painting.

A real love really really requires a lot of work A LOT; it is not developed immediately; it seeks patience, and it seeks understanding; it needs a lot of forgiveness, and tolerance despite all the imperfections that a person has. It seeks maturity. It really allows a long term commitment. Most importantly, it seeks mutuality in actions not just thoughts or emotions. It is not selfish, but very protective.
But, what could happen, and I believe this because it happened to me not caused by me– that a person could develop an obsession toward the subject of his/her attention that is not even attraction, but at the moment he/she thinks it is; in fact, it is a reaction to something that you cannot have (this one is annoying, and it could be dangerous because it is almost misleading “love”/hate thing). It is very scary and at the same time annoying – you want to run from such person. Very weird in fact.

 

[Uncouth Angel]

Attraction at first sight, definitely. Love at first sight? No.