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I forgot to add, me and my only female friend who’s close to me over 8 years occasionally have sex with each other as if we’re in an open relationship lmao
 

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I guess I can only speak for myself, but there are women I have a purely platonic relationship with. But most women in my life are acquaintances and nothing more. If I'm genuinely friends with a woman, usually on some level or another, I wanna bang them 🤷‍♂️ Not like a hardcore feeling or anything, but more like "if she stripped naked in front of me, I wouldn't say no". There's one woman I'm like that with now. Purely platonic, I have no interest in dating her, and USUALLY don't think about her in a sexual way at all. And if I do, it's for a fleeting moment. I don't talk to her with the intention of banging her or anything....but on some level, I would. And for me, if she's the type that I wouldn't touch with a 50 foot pole, then I'm probably not even interested in a friendship with her. There's another one I work with. She's married and we've never tried anything with each other and we're good friends. And even if she was single, I can't see myself making a move on her because....we're just friends like that!! BUT....if she made a move on me, I wouldn't say no.

So yes, I believe men and women can be just friends, but I also believe that when they are, on some level or another, one or the other person in that friendship would be very okay with it going past that point.

Now that I think about it, I briefly dated someone (and slept with her a few times) who I'm now friends with and neither of us seems interested in dating....or even banging...the other. Although we both get mildly flirty from time to time, but we started as more than friends and now it's strictly platonic. But I mean....if she took her pants off in front of me again....which is very likely in the near future since she's been lonely for a while and has texted me much more frequently.....I wouldn't kick her away and call her gross 🤷‍♂️
 

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I have a lot of close male friends and I can’t speak for them or how they feel about me. But pretty sure most don’t have feels.

If they did I’d kind of expect them to do what friends of my X did when we broke up last year: crawl out of the fucking woodwork with their misguided feels and intentions. (Ugh. A hard pass).

But maybe a clue is to establish a sibling-like friendship? Cause of my long term male friends, that’s basically what’s going on.


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Only if he prefers the fellas. Otherwise, I have never met a man to talk to a woman for friendship outside of who to bed, who to wed, or who to preen his ego.

Nice to meet you. I have a few actual female friends. But I'm not your average bloke.
I like anyone who is an introverted thinker, and the women I know who are don't have much of an outlet.... because let's just say female social groups aren't so interested in talking philosophy or world politics.
Mostly met through kids, or people I knew growing up. But it is not normal to come across them.
 

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Nice to meet you. I have a few actual female friends. But I'm not your average bloke.
I like anyone who is an introverted thinker, and the women I know who are don't have much of an outlet.... because let's just say female social groups aren't so interested in talking philosophy or world politics.
Mostly met through kids, or people I knew growing up. But it is not normal to come across them.
Pleasure to meet you as well. True indeed on many female social groups. extends handshake, fist bump or elbow bump your preference
 

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I am still really surprised by this thread, that so many seem to see it as such an obstacle. I am starting to wonder if it is a cultural thing, because I have not experienced it like many at all have seen that as much of an obstacle (even if there certainly seems to be a clear tendency that most have more samesexfriends than oppositesexfriends), or if I have just been oblivious about it?

Myself I have always been a bit socially anxious, and so it has been a worry of mine, as I worry about lots of things, that people might think I fancy them if I am friendly (and more men than women then, as many don't seem to consider I might as well do so if it is women(I am a woman)), but I thought most people were less neurotic about that :) . It is just one of many worries though, and in adulthood I have not really discriminated between men and women in being friendly and trying to get to know them (and it tends to be equally as unsuccessful). I guess I might have been protected from unwanted attention by being in a relationship and generally not being considered attractive. I often feel more at ease around men it seems for some reason. I have thought it might be that I feel less judged, for not following the unwritten "code of conduct" for women. Communication if often easier with women though, faster and less stuttering, especially in groups. Though these are generalisations(more often, more likely), there are both of both of course.

In groups of friends/acquaintances, it seems to me that a mixture seems to be the nicest, because then less of the norms are applied, freer. Among my aquaintances/aquaintaces on the verge of becoming friends, I think there have been about as many men as women.

I can see that it might be a little bit more difficult in bestfriendquality-friendships, the really, really close ones, that there is a risk that the lines blurs. But for myself, as I am bisexual, that would always be a risk. To some extent I guess the conflict of loyalty still exists, even without romantic or sexual attraction, in that kind of really close friendship. Who will get your time? who will be confided in about what? I don't think a romantic relationship automatically stand above a really close friendship, those relationships can be as strong, just of a different character. Even if it might not be one's ideal, a lot of romantic relationships only last so long, and there certainly is no guarantee friendships lasts, but I think I see a lot of bestfriend-friendships that seem to last lifetimes, though they change some, people might meet less often, but they are still there. So for quite a lot of people, their true life companion, seems to be a friend (or sibling), though for periods in their lives, their lives are intensely shared in a romantic relationship.
 

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Maybe it is a cultural thing? I find it's easier to be friends with guys when it's a whole group interaction thing.. It's so much easier, especially as you're viewed as a second family outside of your primary family, but one-on-one has always turned out to be an odd mixed emotion.

Or if you're virtually family, as you've grown up with each other as siblings, there's a boundary that's almost kind of taboo and you just don't cross.

I guess I'm confused, because some people say they've slept with their best-friends of the opposite sex and remain in contact with these so-called best friends, and bring their new partners around. I haven't had sex with people I consider platonic friends, and should the issue come across and I don't feel the same way- I think it's in the person's best interest as well as their future partners' that I not get involved (as it gets very messy and chaotic). Although, I had an ex who swore up and down nothing was happening between him and his best female friends, one of which he ended up sleeping with while we were in a relationship. He even wanted us (she and I) be "friends." So much for self-projections. Just because some people sleep with their friends of the opposite sex, doesn't mean we all do.

Maybe some cultures are a heck of a lot more socially conservative about sex with just about anyone, and it depends on the individual persons involved (how honest and sincere they are)? In my culture, sleeping with anyone has a cheapening effect, as it means you don't respect yourself and your body enough to care who you share your most intimate space with (your body shouldn't be abused for any reason- including sex, drugs, alcohol). We see it as mere mental distractions from the root cause of an issue stemming from glut, ignorance, and mindless behavior. But we also practice the ideas of zen in our daily lives, so it's merely a matter of being balanced within oneself- and that means seeing the situation for what it is and confronting what could be problematic in the future with full honesty.
 

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WOW this thread is nutty whirl [not the right word, but wtv] for me, as an asexual person.

I'm a girl and most of my good friends are guys. I'll admit that for a number of them I've considered whether I might be romantically attracted to them, but the answer is almost always a resounding NO. Obviously sex never even comes into my mind.

It's uh...quite concerning to hear that a lot of guys here are saying that on some level they do want to have sex with their friends who are women. :oops:
 
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