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Yes. As long as they don't have sex.
That's easy.

Well, anyway I have managed to retain good enough relations with someone after feelings of attraction faded away.

But generally, I am not attracted to most so it is really easy to just be friends with them without worrying about such complications.
 

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That's easy.

Well, anyway I have managed to retain good enough relations with someone after feelings of attraction faded away.

But generally, I am not attracted to most so it is really easy to just be friends with them without worrying about such complications.
Indeed. Being attracted to all would tear me up. Being selective eases the tension. Leave the roses on the bush and the lilies in the pond.
 

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It is important to be the attractive one so you do not suffer when someone gets rejected. Actually, even rejectors do feel bad sometimes.
Here is the way I look at it. An imbalance in attraction can often occur. The rejected one can gain by learning a lesson. They were not for you. Since a balance is desired for an ongoing relation, why not learn if you are the rejected one? Even if you don't get a specific clear reason for the rejection, one can still speculate: competition, distraction by a competing life event, anything ... .

Rejection: one can aim too high. If you are the rejector, maybe you aimed too low. Or maybe it was temporary self-interest. You will feel badly, but the other person will learn.
 

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In general, my answer to this thread would be, between any two people, the personal with the higher sexual marketplace value as perceived will usually be quite happy to be 'just friends'. Effectively, friend zoning is like declawing something. You deny the vulnerability of care by keeping things only comfortable. So, of course there are far more situations where men and women are just friends than there are where passion is a thing experienced by both sides.

The most common of all relationships are those wherein at least one side refuses the friend dynamic steadfastly, and the other side refuses both that and any chance at a passion dynamic. This is perhaps honest (from the side refusing both passion and friendship).
 

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Here is the way I look at it. An imbalance in attraction can often occur. The rejected one can gain by learning a lesson. They were not for you. Since a balance is desired for an ongoing relation, why not learn if you are the rejected one? Even if you don't get a specific clear reason for the rejection, one can still speculate: competition, distraction by a competing life event, anything ... .

Rejection: one can aim too high. If you are the rejector, maybe you aimed too low. Or maybe it was temporary self-interest. You will feel badly, but the other person will learn.
Well, for the rejector maybe you weren't aiming for anything. So you feel burdened and guilty that someone else came to feel that way about you but you could not reciprocate. Well, that's the nice version of it anyway. I think are plenty of people who probably also don't feel particularly bad about it. It isn't exactly shameful to reject what you don't want, and nobody would hold it against you. Except maybe the person being rejected whom you might never speak to again.
 

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Well, for the rejector maybe you weren't aiming for anything. So you feel burdened and guilty that someone else came to feel that way about you but you could not reciprocate. Well, that's the nice version of it anyway. I think are plenty of people who probably also don't feel particularly bad about it. It isn't exactly shameful to reject what you don't want, and nobody would hold it against you. Except maybe the person being rejected whom you might never speak to again.
Aiming. I chose the wrong word. The rejector may have discovered they have other requirements. In rejecting one doesn't have to be cruel. "I like you but I don't/can't think of you that way."
 

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Ah, isn't this interesting. You know, I think I actually had an experience like this. I got to know someone and we had friendly interactions, understood each other well, spent a good bit of time together. I didn't feel like there was "magnetism", but we enjoyed each others' company. People started suggesting things to us and I started to consider. But actually, quite interestingly, at some point I ended up close to him and I didn't like his scent, and that was that. The physical attraction ceased. What romantic-ish feelings may have cropped up followed shortly thereafter.

And actually I wonder about female friendships, too, would I have considered them in a different light if they were widely modelled and accepted or even encouraged as a conduit to romance? I am thinking of a particular friend who seemed "more" to me in a way I had no notion of expressing at the time, before I understood that same-sex attraction was something that could happen.
yes, i found it really interesting, from a pansexual perspective this lead me to identify as lesbian too at my first teenages, all of that weird environment, friends reactions exc. just annoyed me, i felt a certain pull out from that guy if it makes sense? i just don't want anyone to get in my personal area and i wanted to get out of that situations immediately. and i guess many married couples are like that too, there is a huge push from society that never recognizes firstly, it places in humans minds subconsciously.

and the thing you asked is really really interesting and it could show how much our social stigmas affect us. and how social animals that we are actually. many years ago, when LGBT wasn't supporting like as now, there were less common cases, and i know many of them hidden as well too but, with the acceptence and the socially recognition, we start to see those people more. it's a really interesting subject. and if there is a world like that, which is same sex relationships are normal and the hetero is abnormal, probably many people wouldn't shout out their voice and would try to hide, even though it is more common in people naturally. and the most interesting thing is, even many of them could believe that they were %100 homo as well? (there is a work that which says actually none of the humans are %100 homo or hetero, its nearly impossible) that's a really interesting point because, we never talk about what is right or wrong, even common or less, the main thing is always about how many people believes in it or not.
it's the same blindness with the current system too, many people won't be okay about slaves when you ask now, but many people did this years ago because it was socially acceptable. no one is okay with killing people but many people killed each other and was okay with that at WWs. i know there many different aspects but i tried to simplified it.

we act with the current paradigm and it affects us more than we think. that's a very huge and scary power as well.

take care!

sorry about my english btw
 

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I don't see why not. Just because someone is attracted to the opposite sex doesn't mean that they want to hook up with every single person of the opposite sex. Following the same logic, gay people wouldn't be able to be friends with people of the same sex, and bisexuals would have no friends (says the bisexual with no friends).

In all seriousness though, my boyfriend and I have been friends with a few couples over the years. I've always considered the guys to be my friends too, not just the girls. In fact I tend to get along better with guys.
 

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yes, i found it really interesting, from a pansexual perspective this lead me to identify as lesbian too at my first teenages, all of that weird environment, friends reactions exc. just annoyed me, i felt a certain pull out from that guy if it makes sense? i just don't want anyone to get in my personal area and i wanted to get out of that situations immediately.
Yes! I went through something a bit similar! I remember always being bewildered by all of the "boy craziness" in high school. I had some romantic-y crush feelings towards individuals of both genders, but I got the feeling I was just different when it came to physical interest, since I barely had any. Eventually in college I decided to try fooling around with a guy who seemed friendly and nice (and he was!) but I didn't even enjoy what little we did. After that I joined a lesbian dating site out of curiosity, but I also realized I wasn't feeling any sexual attraction that way either. I decided to just focus on school and figure things out later.

and i guess many married couples are like that too, there is a huge push from society that never recognizes firstly, it places in humans minds subconsciously.

and the thing you asked is really really interesting and it could show how much our social stigmas affect us. and how social animals that we are actually. many years ago, when LGBT wasn't supporting like as now, there were less common cases, and i know many of them hidden as well too but, with the acceptence and the socially recognition, we start to see those people more. it's a really interesting subject. and if there is a world like that, which is same sex relationships are normal and the hetero is abnormal, probably many people wouldn't shout out their voice and would try to hide, even though it is more common in people naturally. and the most interesting thing is, even many of them could believe that they were %100 homo as well? (there is a work that which says actually none of the humans are %100 homo or hetero, its nearly impossible) that's a really interesting point because, we never talk about what is right or wrong, even common or less, the main thing is always about how many people believes in it or not.

it's the same blindness with the current system too, many people won't be okay about slaves when you ask now, but many people did this years ago because it was socially acceptable. no one is okay with killing people but many people killed each other and was okay with that at WWs. i know there many different aspects but i tried to simplified it.

we act with the current paradigm and it affects us more than we think. that's a very huge and scary power as well.

take care!

sorry about my english btw
Your English is excellent. You definitely don't need to apologize! And I agree... my dad and I were actually talking today about how kids born into our area in the current generation are entering a world with a lot more lesbian and gay acceptance than a generation ago, but trans acceptance and acceptance of some other sexual orientations and minorities still has a long way to go. My husband and I have also talked before about the 100% concept and I thought it was interesting that he believes that women tend to have more fluid and less specific sexual orientation than men, who he thinks tend to have a smaller range of preference that doesn't tend to shift. I don't know enough about the data to speak to that - much less if there even is enough data to speak to that - but just the idea that men and women could, on average, have some broad-level differences in how we personally experience sexuality was interesting to me as well.

Like you said - paradigm matters.
 

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I myself always feel sexual tension with people of the opposite sex. That doesn't mean I act on that tension, but yeah. It's there.
 

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Duh of course they can he he he he. I do not crave sex or romance with any other woman apart from my SO and we all know Chesire Cats be crazy XD. On a more serious note I think even though biologically it would make sense to a degree (More romance= more babies) I don't think humans need to mindlessly breed like insects or rabbits so we can just be friends :p. Plus we are "enlgithened" beings so no need to mate away.

I have had many female friends in the past and there was no prospect of romance of any kind as we just were happy being buds no more than htat.
Wdym Cheshire cats
 

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Yes! I went through something a bit similar! I remember always being bewildered by all of the "boy craziness" in high school. I had some romantic-y crush feelings towards individuals of both genders, but I got the feeling I was just different when it came to physical interest, since I barely had any. Eventually in college I decided to try fooling around with a guy who seemed friendly and nice (and he was!) but I didn't even enjoy what little we did. After that I joined a lesbian dating site out of curiosity, but I also realized I wasn't feeling any sexual attraction that way either. I decided to just focus on school and figure things out later.



Your English is excellent. You definitely don't need to apologize! And I agree... my dad and I were actually talking today about how kids born into our area in the current generation are entering a world with a lot more lesbian and gay acceptance than a generation ago, but trans acceptance and acceptance of some other sexual orientations and minorities still has a long way to go. My husband and I have also talked before about the 100% concept and I thought it was interesting that he believes that women tend to have more fluid and less specific sexual orientation than men, who he thinks tend to have a smaller range of preference that doesn't tend to shift. I don't know enough about the data to speak to that - much less if there even is enough data to speak to that - but just the idea that men and women could, on average, have some broad-level differences in how we personally experience sexuality was interesting to me as well.

Like you said - paradigm matters.
oh thank you X)

yeah, i found it really interesting too, and sometimes everything feels very robotic as well. when i started to search and think about it more. the same think happened with enneagram and MBTI too, it fascinates me to see how much the things we live through our childhood affect us.. whatever we do, we are only able to change very specific things about ourselves, the main emptiness or concerns never changes somehow, even though we know how to deal with those and act, somehow the feeling always stays the same? i mean this happened to me at least, i felt the same things that i felt in my childhood every time.. and sexuality, it builds somehow from genes right? but our sexuality becomes fluid with the environment as well. it's a really interesting subject and i really want to learn about it more too.

and i don't really know about guys being less fluid but it makes some sense somehow. gay guys that i met says that they felt %100 gay and straight ones always says i'm %100 straight, and women that i ask always less sure about it, interestingly, i know bisexual guys as well but lesser than bisexual women, i don't really know if it's generally like this? but if it is, it could makes sense too. women generally have more complex emotions than guys do, don't get me wrong i don't mean more emotinal or deep or having something more developed, i mean having more tendency to crop it into pieces, if it makes sense? and this complexity could lead people to question themselves more? i don't really know.. it could be biological because of ''mother tounge'' stuff (language ability somehow evolved from mother-child relationship, and language is a way to make things more complex), or could be because of social stigmas as well... and even women body shape is less sharp, i know it doesn't makes sense at all, but women or maybe be we should say femininity has more flexible vibe generally, it could explain why feminine people seem more fluid as well too. maybe i should say femininity and masculanity at the beginning because it will make more sense, i don't really think we could say accurate stuff with genders. i met many feminine guys(straight) and many masculine women(straight).. and it would be interesting to talk about why we call some behaviours ''masculine'' and some of them ''feminine'', it is somehow connected with our minds, hormones and many other things.. i don't really know many things about all of this and it won't be right for me to talk about it more, i have thoughts but i should search about it first, there are lots of spectrums and i don't really want to offend anyone. it's really fun to talk about these though.

take care angelfish, it was nice to meet you X)

note: if you still think my english is good notice me lol XD
 

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I think it has to be the right combination of people to work. Obviously not being straight helps :wink: I mean, I manage to have sustained friendships with women despite being bi. I have had sustained friendships with men too, though I do admit sometimes I can be on edge and worry they eventually expect a beyond-friends relationship and I am awful at picking up those kind of cues. I think friendships naturally become deeper as they go along, and sometimes the desire for a deep friendship can be hard to discern from wanting a romantic relationship, especially in a straight opposite-gender dynamic. I think those that can separate the two and are not attracted to one another can truly remain friends.
 

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I believe they can be, yes, but I would say it wouldn't be as brotherly or vibing as same-sex friendship. A female friend would know intellectually your problems and actions, but it would not be necessarily by heart (ironically that women are deemed more emotional, but I digress). Because of differentiating biology, a guy will just need a guy friend to know and understand what he is going thru BECAUSE he himself has experienced that as a male. Balding, being drafted for the military for combat roles, being disposable, testosterone, anything that pertains to him as a male. And to be fair, I believe this is the same for a woman and her inherent femininity no matter what. A bro for a bro; a sis for a sis. It's not outdated: it's just that humans experience events differently and a local expertise to your problems is best.
 
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I think it has to be the right combination of people to work. Obviously not being straight helps :wink: I mean, I manage to have sustained friendships with women despite being bi. I have had sustained friendships with men too, though I do admit sometimes I can be on edge and worry they eventually expect a beyond-friends relationship and I am awful at picking up those kind of cues. I think friendships naturally become deeper as they go along, and sometimes the desire for a deep friendship can be hard to discern from wanting a romantic relationship, especially in a straight opposite-gender dynamic. I think those that can separate the two and are not attracted to one another can truly remain friends.
Hah, yeah a friendship with a lesbian is super easy for me, and rewarding. We automatically have some common ground--like liking woman and discomfort with society.

It can be tough to be friends as a CIS male with the opposite CIS sex if I'm single attracted and in an unhealthy state. If it's trouble causing and not possible, I'll distance myself. Otherwise friends with the opposite sex is NP. I'm guessing those who say no just plain hard up.
 

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Yes I think that's possible. I mean, I'm bisexual, technically I could bang anyone I befriend with.

But obviously I don't. It's not hard for me to see my friends as friends. Some people are just not my type lol.

Don't see why hetero people find it so hard.
 
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