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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
NFPs are Fi users, meaning they fundamentally believe all personal feelings are sacred and that they can and should always express what they are feeling if that's what they feel is the right thing to do. Introverted feeling doesn't mean it's kept inside or not shared with others; it just means it's motivated by an internal source rather than an external one.

As Fe users, NFJs are more likely to hide their own feelings in favor of supporting the collective morality or cultural standard of the groups they feel are important to their identity. As such, even if they are offended, they won't say anything unless they have the backing of the collective group opinion. If your joke violated that group ethos, they'll be glad to skewer you for it, but for Fe it's about the group's ideals more than the user's personal feelings.
I find this interesting to contemplate. I have recently witnessed a few infps' on here openly expressing what they think is right. Personally, I have done this here on one-two occasions, and it was mainly my education in psychology that made me do it, and not my personal values...

In real life, I don't think many people around me would really know what I value and what I "believe". And I don't shove it down peoples throats either. To be honest, I'm not really used to expressing my own opinions etc... I think spending time online has really helped me with this though. Along with tutorials at university, where you have to develop your ideas and express them in a group context. I personally don't "believe" I can and should express what I think and feel whenever I want - if I would really want to, I think there is a time and a place, and I don't think people deserve to hear what I have to say most of the time. And for the most part, I wouldn't know how in the first place because I find it quite uncomfortable, let alone the notion of finding words to express what I think/feel is a draining and complicated process sometimes. For the most part, I have no desire to express what I "feel" personally, but when something transcends my "self", i'm probably much more likely to see reason in expressing it (like political philosophy).

I remember being much younger, and if someone said something that I didn't believe in or what not, I wouldn't really say anything to oppose them. If I saw someone behaving in a way that I abhorred, like bullying someone else, I would try to be a "peace keeper" and negotiate with the parties to try and reach a resolution. Putting my values out there "your actions are wrong!" would leave me vulnerable to attack, so i'd rather hold them back. Along with that, I don't think my values are so defined and refined enough to express, really. My "values" take the backseat when something is happening on the outside, that is hurting numerous people. My focus is more on the resolution.

I do however, find myself challenging others' on their beliefs and thoughts. Inconsistencies are one thing I tend to pick up on. Sometimes people see this as an attack, when it's really just me probing the origin of their thoughts. My attitudes have nothing to do with it.

When it comes to others' expression... I actually like it when other people express their selves. It kind of makes me more open myself too. I like fostering openness in relationships... not because I feel it is right, more because it lends itself to better communication -> more successful relationship.


So; do you believe you can and should always express what you think and feel? + please elaborate :proud:
 

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Let me make it simple. Yeah dude!

And if your opinion is it's not worth it to express it to anybody just express it by not expressing it. :D Problem solved. lol
Seriously. If the feeling is right say it. If there is doubts - don't unless you don't have a choice.
 

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I do believe I can, and always should express what I feel because I feel that it's the only way I can genuinely show my heart and show my feelings for a certain thing, and what my heart speaks out for that thing. I adore doing this, I adore laying what my heart desires out on the floor and what I feel, because at least that way I know that I'm giving it what I have and then if someone says something about it, it'll be about my genuine feelings and I don't like to hold back, not ever.

In real life, I'm quite the same way. I will try my absolute hardest to genuinely show how I feel about a certain thing, or situation and let my passions run free in the world and express me in the best way I can. Especially in what matters most to me. My love for cars being a good example. ^^ And if I can't express through words, I will express through dance and through art. I honestly don't care much about what society thinks of me. I know that if I'm expressing myself, and showing myself, then at least I know I'm trying my hardest.

...Also part of the reason why I dyed my hair. XD
 

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I think the idea of expression itself is that it can be self-interpreted and then self-defined. What is expression for one might not be for another. Expression is important if the individual deems it to be fundamental for their happiness.

The problem lies within the purpose for their expression. Expression shouldn't be a selfish act. Expression of feelings and ideas is the only attempt as humans that we have to explain and show ourselves the only way we can. That's why any channel of it, is SO precious. We should always have the option, but having the option doesn't mean we should always decide to.

I think people get scared if they ever imagined living in the body of Helen Keller. Why? Because she couldn't EXPRESS and release what she thought and felt the way we do. But, our man-made language and small actions defined by sentiment are nothing more than an attempt to connect. We should NEVER stifle a means to connect. It is the only thing that binds us. Anything that goes against this, is advocating loneliness.
 

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I personally don't "believe" I can and should express what I think and feel whenever I want - if I would really want to, I think there is a time and a place, and I don't think people deserve to hear what I have to say most of the time. And for the most part, I wouldn't know how in the first place because I find it quite uncomfortable, let alone the notion of finding words to express what I think/feel is a draining and complicated process sometimes. For the most part, I have no desire to express what I "feel" personally, but when something transcends my "self", i'm probably much more likely to see reason in expressing it (like political philosophy).
I personally believe that people should say whatever they want to say whenever and wherever they want to say it, whether or not their ideas are refined, undefined, smart or just downright stupid; because the potential for something transcendental to happen - something fun, something dangerous, something crazy, is too much to just ignore.

You only live once, so why live a life in which you're always holding back something? Sure, saying what you want whenever will get you into lots of trouble, but it's better than boredom town.
 

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Coming from someone who is close to an INFP who typically doesn't express her deeply held beliefs. What I find troubling is that I can get suddenly attacked if I say something that gets too close to those beliefs. They're kinda like a hidden landmine. I have a good idea what those beliefs are now, but I think it would've been easier if she would have been more upfront about them.
 

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I would prefer to speak my mind. But if the audience is not receptive I can be a lot more withdrawn. Sometimes people reiterate something that is contrary to my beliefs and they have done that countless times and I know nothing I say will change them. In such cases its not always worthwhile to try yet again.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
I personally believe that people should say whatever they want to say whenever and wherever they want to say it, whether or not their ideas are refined, undefined, smart or just downright stupid; because the potential for something transcendental to happen - something fun, something dangerous, something crazy, is too much to just ignore.

You only live once, so why live a life in which you're always holding back something? Sure, saying what you want whenever will get you into lots of trouble, but it's better than boredom town.
I see what you're saying. My beliefs are that others can and generally should if they need to. I like being around people who openly communicate their thoughts and feelings regardless of how difficult or "weird" they may be. I find I grow when in such environments.

But while I strongly advocate for openness of other people, I personally don't really need to express myself to others', and I prefer to hold back to be honest.. for the reasons I outlined earlier. This generally ends up killing my relationships now that I think of it, haha.

Coming from someone who is close to an INFP who typically doesn't express her deeply held beliefs. What I find troubling is that I can get suddenly attacked if I say something that gets too close to those beliefs. They're kinda like a hidden landmine. I have a good idea what those beliefs are now, but I think it would've been easier if she would have been more upfront about them.
It's good to hear an outside perspective on this. I bet this is a common theme in relationships with infps'.

Beliefs may be hidden to prevent one from being vulnerable to attack. But when they are suddenly trampled on, or even questioned, they come to the fore. And it's very easy for them to lose focus and calm, and overreact when this happens. Because it's like being really struck at the 'core'. And they aren't used to handling such a situation.

A question- In what way would you prefer someone to be upfront to you about 'sensitive' things?
 

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I see what you're saying. My beliefs are that others can and generally should if they need to. I like being around people who openly communicate their thoughts and feelings regardless of how difficult or "weird" they may be. I find I grow when in such environments.

But while I strongly advocate for openness of other people, I personally don't really need to express myself to others', and I prefer to hold back to be honest.. for the reasons I outlined earlier. This generally ends up killing my relationships now that I think of it, haha.



It's good to hear an outside perspective on this. I bet this is a common theme in relationships with infps'.

Beliefs may be hidden to prevent one from being vulnerable to attack. But when they are suddenly trampled on, or even questioned, they come to the fore. And it's very easy for them to lose focus and calm, and overreact when this happens. Because it's like being really struck at the 'core'. And they aren't used to handling such a situation.

A question- In what way would you prefer someone to be upfront to you about 'sensitive' things?
1.) There you go! You were open and honest about your feelings (this ends up killing my relationships etc) Lady, you need some ROCK N ROLL!!! Live up to your PerC username!!! Come screaming from out of the black then explode, and rise...into the ether. Go tell the mountain that Nova was here!

2.) You probably anticipated this from me, but here's my answer to your question: I prefer a person to just confront me directly about sensitive things. Just stick it to my face - yeah, there will be lotsa drama and shit like that but I'd rather that happen; that is to say, I don't want to be pacing to and fro in my room wondering what's wrong, and the other person trying to hold it in and therefore messing themselves up too. It's better to just let it all out than to let it pile up and rot.

I'd really appreciate it sometimes if people would just tell me if I have hurt them, or made them feel uncomfortable, feel ill at ease. Sometimes I think I make people feel in a bad way, but I'll never know because they never tell me. And I never confront them and just end it (so there you go, I'm a hypocrite. I'm not always forthright about my feelings :frustrating:).

Those were all popular crimes.
 

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Absolutely not. The time and effort I would have to waste telling everyone why they are wrong would exhaust me within an inch of my life. When one is pretty much coming at most problems with a greatly differing perspective from most people it just isn't worth it. While we may view our points of view as more valid than the next person, we should keep in mind that all perspectives are equally meaningless in the long run.

For instance: I think trash like facebook and the like is more damaging to humanity than the worst of tyrants throughout history. Reasons include (but by no means are limited to!) culturing narcissism, providing a false sense of worth, illusory bonding, and worst of all deluding people into thinking that their lives are 'special', that they are somehow unique in the history of space and time and somehow different than all who came before or will come after. It is void of stifling magnitude.

Now are you really any more enlightened because I shared what I felt, or did you regulate me somewhere in the back of your mind to 'crackpot' status?
 

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I see what you're saying. My beliefs are that others can and generally should if they need to. I like being around people who openly communicate their thoughts and feelings regardless of how difficult or "weird" they may be. I find I grow when in such environments.

But while I strongly advocate for openness of other people, I personally don't really need to express myself to others', and I prefer to hold back to be honest.. for the reasons I outlined earlier. This generally ends up killing my relationships now that I think of it, haha.
It has made the relationship more difficult.. Sometimes she'll be open, sometimes she won't. When she isn't, sometimes I've misjudged and upset her.

It's good to hear an outside perspective on this. I bet this is a common theme in relationships with infps'.

Beliefs may be hidden to prevent one from being vulnerable to attack. But when they are suddenly trampled on, or even questioned, they come to the fore. And it's very easy to lose focus, and overreact when this happens. Because it's like being really struck at the 'core'.
I can see the fear of being vulnerable. In my case I'm more accepting. "I'll respect your beliefs if your respect mine" is the way I handle it. With my INFP friend, most of her beliefs are close to mine in the first place. And differences are in minor details.

A question- In what way would you prefer someone to be upfront to you about 'sensitive' things?
Good question. I guess when I express an opinion, I don't want to anyone to feel hurt by it. It's just an opinion, most likely it has changed before and may change again, I'm always reexamining my beliefs.. Even worse when another person is upset in silence. I guess I like people to be direct but not confrontational. For example "I didn't like it when you said ____, it's something I feel strongly about". If you approach me that way, I will respect it and not attack back, if you're confrontational, I will.
 

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...So; do you believe you can and should always express what you think and feel?..
Absolutely not. I withhold lots of info & opinion depending upon the audience and impact. Brutal honesty I think was a concept created by the devil 'imself. Also, I would have been banned from here long ago if I express all I'm feeling. :crazy: It's like that song by kenny rogers goes "you got to know when to fold 'em.. know when to hold 'em.. know when to walk away.. know when to shine..." or somethingorother like that.
 

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my policy is to speak my mind or say nothing.i hate lying, i hate holding back. sure i say things people disagree with but i just say "ok whatever we'll never agree so we'll leave it at that". people holding back to"spare"my feeling i one of things that made me as messed up as i am now-i don't want anyone else to have some knid of false reality that can be smashed. i know this isn't easy forall the INFPs-i'm lucky enough to have good friends who listen and understand to what i say and that. i mean jsut look at all these well written posts-we have the gift of self-expression and it would be terrible to hold it back
 
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It depends though I often will if I can do it quick and short because most of the time I just have so much trouble trying to explain how I feel and just explaining stuff in general, Most people just don't seem to understand me or get what I'm trying to say which then just makes me get frustrated.

Only time people usually understand me is after ages trying to make it understandable in which they will understand it but by then I'm irritable because of the frustration. Not always worth it. :frustrating:
 

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There are many places on Earth where saying what you thought and felt would get you killed. There are many situations you might face in your life where to "speak your mind" would get you hurt or killed. It follows then, that there can't be an absolute rule of "yes, always speak your mind" or "no, never speak your mind". Context matters. Context always matters.
 
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I'm very, very vocal about my deeply held political and social views and when someone completely violates them or dismisses them, I will say something.

I don't, however, express everything I think and feel. I do have an internal boundary but I don't think that it's to do with my deeply held values - it's just that there are things that I like to keep to myself. In other words, if you know me, you know which boundaries you shouldn't cross (mainly because I love ranting about my pet subjects). I will have a friendly discussion about them but I will push back if you push me on them.

I am extremely unlikely to say what I feel about someone to their face if it's negative. I will usually give a bunch of clues as to how I'm feeling, but they won't be verbal. It takes a lot for me to do something about it. So if you push me, you can probably keep on pushing me for a long time because I won't defend myself.
 

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I think that if you don't wish to let others know what you think or feel, you shouldn't. If you don't feel like drinking a cup of coffee, then don't. The only time and place to do something against one's own will is when not doing it will result in oneself or someone else (or both) getting hurt.
 

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I CAN express what i think and feel, and I used to do this liberally. I have learned (later than sooner) that this is not always the safest thing for my
personal wellbeing to do. I pay a price, though, when I don't in terms of feeling less myself and less real. I have the NEED to be able to express what I think and feel to the extent that this does not jeopardize my being in the world. I'm referring specifically to work situations.
 

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I think expressing our feelings is generally a good thing to do so people will know our boundaries in order to avoid harming us. If everyone did this, we could eventually train ourselves to be less harmful to each other. Expressing our opinions is another matter. It can be good or bad depending on what those opinions are and whether they are rooted in compassion for ourselves and others. It is very important to express an opinion if the failure to do so would enable another person to violate somebody's rights, or would allow them to cause psychological or physical damage. In fact, in some situations, I see it as a duty, even when it causes conflict.
 
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