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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
This has been on my brain for awhile.

I personally don't care what other's think of the person I'm dating, or whether or not we "fit" as a couple, but I do find myself gravitating toward men with features that naturally complement my own.

Do you care about what you and your partner look like, as a couple? To the public? To yourself?
 

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i never cared. i didn't know this was an issue for people until relatively recently
 
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Yes & No

I dont feel the need to prove things to the outside world.

But I care that any person I am with serious cares to take themselves and our relationship serious enough.

Hard to explain, I dont care what Sally Lou across the street, or the baker, or the church lady think (who cares). But I care about bringing my best as an individual both of us individually so its important to me that they care about self presentation not to impress others but because they want to be their best (I am not referring to staging facades).
 

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I do.

When you look suited for each other (within reason) people tend to leave you alone more. I didn't care before, then I've had (one too many?) comments of "But isn't he (too) ugly (for you)?" and a few can be ignored, but not a pattern. The underlying sentiment was "You can do better.", purely physical/appearance societal judgement, and in a considerably more harrowing flip for me-- I'd rather not wondering if my partner friends' are asking similar questions to him.

Maybe he'll start thinking that he deserves better.

Then there's the matter of insecurity; if one is markedly less attractive in the looks department...

Well, as much as possible, I prefer not to complicate my relationships.
 

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No, why should I? I'm the one in a relationship with him, not them.

Although it gets annoying to hear backhanded compliments or being compared to other people.
Especially annoying with mixed race couples (ie "I didn't know you liked [insert race here]" or "you're so brave") though it applies to other situations too, anything strongly deviating from the "norm" which is a ridiculous concept.

I agree with @Vanitas that it's a breeding ground for insecurities if one of the partners gets constantly asked about why they're 'settling' for this person though I'd assume that if they're actually in love or interested in a relationship, they should simply silence the naysayers and reassure their partner since taste is subjective for the most part. What society deems as attractive and what an individual personally finds attractive are two entirely different things, even more so since personality and feelings play a huge role.

Luckily this is not my case though I occasionally hear some crap about LDRs or our age difference.
 

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Why would I? I feel proud to have the partner I have and I want to show it to the world no matter what they think. Yes, sometimes it can be very annoying when people makes comment about you and your partner, but we will have to deal with this all our life. People talk, they love to do that, we just have to deal with it.
 

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It's interesting how similar mindsets congregate. I care very much about looking my best for ME and my guy. The guys I had dated are all in the same camp. They care very much about their presentation (fitness and clothing choices), too. I've never dated a guy who doesn't match me in taking care of appearance department.

Interestingly, when I stopped caring about my wardrobe and weight was one of the signs I stopped investing in the relationship.....
 
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So many angles here so I'll just post a bunch of stuff which I think is related to the topic.

1. I always end up with guys with amazing cheekbones, go figure I have pretty prominent ones myself. I don't consciously choose that but good bone structure has been a feature of all of my exes.

2. My last partner was someone I considered to be about 10x times out of my league in terms of physical attractiveness. And yet everyone remarked that we appeared to be the perfect couple. Either I have a really skewed opinion of what I look like or they were just being polite. Either way I just figured guys are incredibly picky when it comes to looks. If he thought I looked the way I thought I looked chances would be good that we would never be together. Still it was difficult to wake up next to someone I considered to angelic featured and then look at my own features in the mirror. There was a definate disconnect there in my head.

3. My last partner was also someone that confused other people. Was he gay, was he a transwoman? Was he even a guy at all? No-one could really figure this out. None of that confusion bothered me in the least what bothered me more was my own perceived ugliness. I had no fears that he would leave me for a prettier girl, I just felt a horrible kind of envy that he was everything I would like to be.
 

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I do, yeah, but not as a status thing. It's more of an aesthetic concept I hold. It's not about ugliness or height, etc, but whether or not you "go well together", like pairing the right skirt and blouse. But this matters so much less than the emotional/mental compatibility.

Some of it does translate into physical aspects too, as far as attraction goes; if someone made me question it, then it's because I was already questioning it.

I will also admit that I may prefer to be the better looking one, if there is an obvious unevennesss there. I would rather someone say "what do you see in him?" and be proud to explain it than the other way around. :X
 

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i never cared. I didn't know this was an issue for people until relatively recently
dont u dare get with that pink bow tie, sock beardo. Sure, she has googly eyes that goes in the same direction but do u really go together?? think of the children... oh the horror...
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
I do.

When you look suited for each other (within reason) people tend to leave you alone more. I didn't care before, then I've had (one too many?) comments of "But isn't he (too) ugly (for you)?" and a few can be ignored, but not a pattern. The underlying sentiment was "You can do better.", purely physical/appearance societal judgement, and in a considerably more harrowing flip for me-- I'd rather not wondering if my partner friends' are asking similar questions to him.

Maybe he'll start thinking that he deserves better.

Then there's the matter of insecurity; if one is markedly less attractive in the looks department...

Well, as much as possible, I prefer not to complicate my relationships.
I've dealt with this. One of my guys female friends met me, after a couple of months of him gushing about me, and because of my race and other things (Who knows, with insecure women) she made it very clear that she thought we were a bad match, and she didn't approve. Shit danm near broke us up.

And don't get me started on what my family/friends have said about my men in the past - I've had family members make "bomb" jokes about a middle eastern guy I dated. Things got ugly, quickly.

My family will always think I can do better, preferably with a Barak Obama clone.

I just accept it as life.
 

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@TWN I can deal with friends questioning, as long as they're doing it not out of malice/stupidity/ignorance (which also serves a point -- one can judge someone from the people they choose to surround themselves with, their friends).

Friends are supposed to question. I cultivate my friends so that they can tell me when I'm being an idiot (my judgement is hardly infallible when it comes to relationships). There was this guy who all my friends were against, it made me stop to rethink the relationship/dynamic, and it was true enough he was all sorts of bad idea and I just couldn't see.

I also listen to my older brother, he's a very world-savvy ESTP that I believe do have my best interests at heart. I've cut friendships with people he said I shouldn't befriend ('tolerate', usually), and he's so far have been right about the men I dated, as well.

So yes, there are counsels that I listen to, and for me they're worth a million times the opinions of the rest combined.
 

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I can honestly say no, I don't really care how another person and I look together in others' eyes. For instance, it would not bother me one little bit if I were to go to a restaurant with a man in his mid 60s, or anywhere else in public. I'm pretty sure we'd get some stares, seeing that I look like I have yet to leave my teens (according to some) and he's the same age as my parents (including his hair being completely grey). This would especially be true if he has qualities that I have just about an impossible time finding in just about anyone.

Even marriage to someone like this would not be a problem for me.
 

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It doesn't bother me.
I like being the weird couple. I like being in public with people who dress weird, or seem weird, or are 20+ years older than me and knowing that people are confused by it.
 

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NO.
My partner and I are oddballs, haha !
Sometimes we will purposely do things to make people talk.
And why would people care about what other people think ?
I look at others and think they look odd together then smile.
I like to be the better looking of us two, It's fun to hear people
tease my partner about how he landed himself a Princess ;)
Personally I prefer strange looking rather than polished, I
enjoy weird strange people over your typical norm, always.
Anyone can look good in a suit, however only the rare ones
can pull off mixed matched and still look amazing.
 

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I've never had an issue with trying to hide that I'm with someone out of some kind of shame for it. That just sounds ridiculous.

But care about what we look like? Yes in some ways, like if my partner is not communicating our bond to other people--if they are just acting as if we are not in a committed relationship when we are, then that would bother me, because I would wonder why they couldn't be clear.

If it was about looking very inappropriate, then I would probably be irritated with all the weird stereotypes around it. For example, I was in a relationship with someone fourteen years older than me and I encountered the image of having both our generations exaggerated, and it sort of bothered me a little bit, but not that much.

I find it most annoying when people think they know more about your relationship and the bond you and another person have together, than you each know or feel. Those people who assume to know best are the biggest problem, because I'm not really a fighter and just expect people to respect boundaries. But there will always be that person who wants to push the boundaries of a relationship, because of their own views about it.

But generally, no. I only care about the damage other people do when they aren't thinking.
 

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Well, I get just a touch self conscious about dating blonde women just for fear of looking like a couple out of a nazi propaganda film (what with me being pretty "aryan" looking), but that passes :wink:. In all honesty, being in a relationship is all about the connection you have with that person, so anyone else's opinion is fairly inconsequential in my opinion, especially if it's merely an aesthetic judgement.
 

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I must admit I am not really thinking that far ahead when I am admiring women. First of all when I admire women, it is obviously based on their looks (because I don't know them yet) - Then I find it pretty important that they "fit" me and I fit them "physically".

I am 6 feet / 1.83 m tall
and my weight is 160,93 lbs / 73 kg.

I have a pretty slim bone frame + just slim in general because I use the bike a lot / run / do sports / work out in the gym. I am like a cardio guy, cyclist body.

So naturally when I am that slim myself, I don't really feel too attracted to women who are too puffy/big volume, because I guess it makes me feel less masculine when the woman is bigger than me. Like a female spider, and a little bitch male spider. (That is how I feel to most women in this society eating a high fat diet)

So I naturally seek towards women who are slim like me, and where I am taller.

At the end of the day, I think we end out looking pretty good to the outside world and compatible, because we already live a certain lifestyle which match. But I don't start with looking at a woman and think "Hmm, we could look like a million together, baby"

But I can honestly admit that some very curvy women are beautiful as hell. I really find them attractive. But in a way I still feel pulled away from them, because as I say, if I feel like the "little one" I begin to feel like a bitch, and because I am a head type, I worry pretty much about stuff, so it would probably be nagging me a lot. Unless I reach enlightenment ;)

But I have some prejudice that certain people fit together. For example a woman with fake tits, botox, and tattoo's all over her body fit more naturally with some skinhead on steroids with a tattoo in his face.

But again, is that not logical to a certain extend? That people living the same lifestyle, or practicing the same culture, also look more like each other, and therefore "fit" each other more in their own culture. For example imagine a goth girl with a high class gentleman wearing a suit. From a fashion perspective it doesn't really match/fit each other. But from an aesthetic view, it makes you think, and philosophize that love has no boundaries.

The woman I care about the most. Is a very private person like myself. So people are not really going to see/judge us that much in public anyway. Because we are not really wanting to party among a lot of other people, and we are not really family-oriented people. We are more private-romantic people. For example I would prefer to be alone with her on a picnic, and feed her grapes, massage her, and make her feel special. Or take her to some wellness dungeon, where I could massage her, and treat her like a Goddess, I don't really like being around other people when I am intimate with a person.

I am the kind of person, that if I was with her in public, you would not even know we were a couple. Because we are that private. We would probably not hold hands, or kiss in public. But in private, I treat her like an angel visiting earth.
 
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