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I've found out that I do this. I mean, I've always done this. It might be the little 'acting' gene I have in me, but I change my manner almost always depending on the person I am with. Is this a normal INFP trait, or am I just so afraid of not being accepted I will alter my mood to make people feel comfortable around me?
 

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MOTM Dec 2012
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yeah i used to do this frequently. it's incredibly tiring to create the perfect mood for other people so that they will like you. at some point, I lose interest in people, and they lose interest in me. i've accepted the fact that most people/experiences are transient and therefore not worth investing my mental resources.
 

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Good question. I do this and don't even notice. It's never a major change in personality but to outwardly show that I am not in a bad mood to complete strangers I smile a lot and try to be more enthusiastic (which is not me at all) when I would rather be my old reserved self. It is pretty silly now that I think about it because the person that some people get to know is not my natural self, and when I am my natural self with them, they think I'm upset about something when I am not really just laid back being me I suppose, don't feeling like smiling all of the time.
 

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it is pretty silly now that i think about it because the person that some people get to know is not my natural self, and when i am my natural self with them, they think i'm upset about something when i am not really just laid back being me i suppose, don't feeling like smiling all of the time.
exactly.............
 

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I adapt my behavior for other MBTI types. I show up on time for J's. I hold more linear conversations with S's. I try to get along with as many people as I can among the widest range of people as possible. I find that people like to do things for me if I'm nice and get along. The counter person at Qdoba completely fills my bag when I order chips. My car repair place rearranges schedule to fit me in. I've been referred to jobs because of someone I knew. I get introduce to really awesome people because who wants to introduce you to their friend if you're cranky.

In Richard Wiseman's book the Luck Factor where he talks about his 10 year study on luck, he discovered "lucky" people, the ones that seem to get all the breaks are pleasant people to be around. They get all the breaks because they know so many people who will give the a break when the need it.
 

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yeah, actually! i dont even try to or realize im doing it. i notice that around my family, the people i am most comfortable with, i am more myself than with anyone else. the less i know the person the less 'me' or 'infpish' i am. to friendly strangers or acquaintances i act way more extraverted than i can really handle, which is why i really hate talking to people i dont know very well. it makes me feel really uncomfortable and stressed, even though i hide it really well to the person im talking to. idk if that makes sense.
 

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I adapt my behavior for other MBTI types. I show up on time for J's. I hold more linear conversations with S's. I try to get along with as many people as I can among the widest range of people as possible. I find that people like to do things for me if I'm nice and get along. The counter person at Qdoba completely fills my bag when I order chips. My car repair place rearranges schedule to fit me in. I've been referred to jobs because of someone I knew. I get introduce to really awesome people because who wants to introduce you to their friend if you're cranky.

In Richard Wiseman's book the Luck Factor where he talks about his 10 year study on luck, he discovered "lucky" people, the ones that seem to get all the breaks are pleasant people to be around. They get all the breaks because they know so many people who will give the a break when the need it.
Interesting. So we should all become better at Social Engineering so we can become 'lucky', yeah?


I believe everyone should just be them, no giving or taking. Just. Them.

The People who are worth it WILL stick out, and become your friends.


but I will keep it in mind that Social Engineering sometimes will be required for me to live that comfortable life I'm dreaming of.
 
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Interesting. So we should all become better at Social Engineering so we can become 'lucky', yeah?


I believe everyone should just be them, no giving or taking. Just. Them.

The People who are worth it WILL stick out, and become your friends.


but I will keep it in mind that Social Engineering sometimes will be required for me to live that comfortable life I'm dreaming of.
Being pleasant really isn't about making your life easier, because it takes effort. It's about making someone else's life easier.

The problem with the old adage of "just be yourself" is that no one ever asks themselves this: what if I suck as person?

What if I'm a total ass? So my friends are the ones that are willing to put up with me. What does that say for the people who want to be friends with me? The most likely result is you don't end up having any friends. Because who really wants to be around someone who makes their life harder.
 

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Yea I feel like I copy their energy... it's really hard for me to try and raise/lower someone elses' energy by myself, it's like I have no set energy for myself it's just taken from the people I choose it to be. I can't create it, just manipulate it.
 

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I'm a total chameleon. I don't think I'm ever myself with anyone but myself when I'm alone. It is the only time I actually feel like me, rather than when I need to be "on" and consider every action and every aspect of my surroundings when others are around and think about the image I'm projecting to them.

This discussion makes me think of the song "The Stranger" by Billy Joel.
 

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Discussion Starter #14
I'm a total chameleon. I don't think I'm ever myself with anyone but myself when I'm alone. It is the only time I actually feel like me, rather than when I need to be "on" and consider every action and every aspect of my surroundings when others are around and think about the image I'm projecting to them.

This is exactly what I mean. Exactly. I've always been like this...
 

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I've long been many people around other people. I'm even been a loudmouth, idiotic male around others on more than one occasion. I have been stupid yet a bit cute around others. Often though, now that I am older I often feel "icky" and dirty whenever I have used a persona of myself. It feels like a need a shower and I often physically cringe and shudder in embarassment at what I said or did. I don't enjoy being ruled by characters and parodies of myself so I've also improved in trying to make "myself" filter through like water running down through cracks in an attempt to open avenues where I could potentially truely be myself one day for others to see. I know this is likely a pipedream but in many ways its a counter to the possibility that my personas I present are eating away at me, all of which have their own strength and they make me worry that I may be subconsciously becoming someone else. It can be a bit distressing at times.
 

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I'm a total chameleon. I don't think I'm ever myself with anyone but myself when I'm alone. It is the only time I actually feel like me, rather than when I need to be "on" and consider every action and every aspect of my surroundings when others are around and think about the image I'm projecting to them.

This discussion makes me think of the song "The Stranger" by Billy Joel.
hmmm, i always struggle with image vs identity... if you're confident in your identity, then image follows.
 

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I can relate as well. It's a nice gift to be so adaptable and empathetic, but sometimes it gets a little out of hand. It can be like a trap - I'll blindly waste so much energy and time doing this with someone without realizing that it will not result in anything real or sustaining when I'm not able to be myself(/voice my opinions with them as they can with me). Of course it feels great to be accommodating to others and that's part of who I am, but I am still learning (and always will be) where to draw boundaries and how and when to voice my opinions before I get myself and others into something unworthy of anyone's time.
 

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haha, wow. yes. i do this all the time. i even change the way i communicate in written word depending on the friend i'm talking to. it's silly and very exhausting but it's a hard habit to break. sometimes it leaves me doubting my self-identity and feeling rather drained and lonely. in a way though by doing this it's also easier to figure out what i like in an interaction and ultimately, to find out whom i'm compatible with. i think that i can pretty much be anyone and and get along with different people if i want to but then there's the moment when i realize how comfortable i feel when trying to fit myself to to fit the interaction style of a certain person and i find that's because i don't even need to try hard because the interaction flows easily without me morphing myself that much.
 
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