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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
This might not be related to being a 4 at all -- I'm just curious if other 4's have this problem. I definitely dwell a lot on the past, both good and bad. My nostalgia is intense, even for relatively difficult points in my life. I just miss the past easily. I also have a problem (due to my PTSD) of dwelling on people in my life who have hurt me. Even if I have forgiven them (like my father) I'm still always trying to figure out *why* these people acted certain ways and trying to figure out their mentality. I also tend to totally cut out any reminders of ex-boyfriends. I get rid of any gifts they gave me, usually. I delete all emails, etc. I also can do this with ex-friends. I think my greatest barriers to being truly "healthy" and remaining in the healthy stages are my focus on the past and my mental health instability (now thought to partly be related to my hypothyroidism). I want to just be able to accept the past and not think about it very much.
 
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I have dwelled on the past way too much. I expressed a lot of that through my writings. When I was looking back through my writings I noticed everything had a part of me in it....either it was the pain I felt or the experience I felt. And I spent way too much time trying to understand it. But then I stop thinking about the past and I start thinking too much about the future. I am trying to find my balance and remain in the present. I feel like a yo-yo sometimes. :unsure:
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I have dwelled on the past way too much. I expressed a lot of that through my writings. When I was looking back through my writings I noticed everything had a part of me in it....either it was the pain I felt or the experience I felt. And I spent way too much time trying to understand it. But then I stop thinking about the past and I start thinking too much about the future. I am trying to find my balance and remain in the present. I feel like a yo-yo sometimes. :unsure:
I am the same way, @snowangel. I really admire people who are able to be mindful of the present. That is definitely something I need to work on.
 

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I dwell on the past as well. What's worse is even in situations where I was pretty happy in the past, now I can look back on them and think, "Oh, that's not good enough" or, "What was wrong with you? Why were you so stupid?" Now I realize that in itself is normal, but it gets me really upset sometimes, to the point where I can't move past it, even though nothing was actually wrong.
 

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Well Unico you beat me to the punch. I was actually planning on starting a thread just about this over the past few days, just hadn't gotten around to it yet!!! Great minds think alike, eh?
Ok, so, for me DEFINATELY. Now, I dont really find myself constantly dwelling on it, but its almost always in the back of mind if I'm doing something else. I was actually going to ask if other 4's experience this, because I too feel this is what is truly hindering me being fully content and happy in the present. I am in a good place in my life, but I keep feeling like I have to retreat into my past (the painful parts) in order to heal from it. I feel like its easy to forgive, but so hard to forget what happened, what people did to me. I keep asking the question, "why? Why did this have to happen? What went wrong? Why did these people hurt me so? Why did it hurt at all? I just don't understand." Etc.
I actually also "had" Complex PTSD. I believe I have gotten rid of most of the symptoms but not the effects it had on my being. Still healing etc.
Anyway yada yada.....rambling.
I also find that I avoid things that remind of pain, like places something bad happened. My old room feels *bad* to me at my parents place.
I also find I dwell on the good things I miss, sometimes overlooking the bad but then the pain of the bad that followed the good will come screaming in.
I feel like I am making progress for sure, but I really wish I could just press a button and all the things that bother me from my past would go away. All the pain at least. I really wish I could completely rewrite my whole life from childhood. Age 17 and on was hell, I wish I could change so much and it bothers me knowing I can't. I also feel like I wish sometimes I could just up and dissapear into some foreighn country or part of the US, Alaska or Hawaii or something, just depart from all the things that remind me of where I was, sever all contact with ppl of my past, start anew, have no connections to that. But that's pretty much impossible atm.
 
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I also feel like I wish sometimes I could just up and dissapear into some foreighn country or part of the US, Alaska or Hawaii or something, just depart from all the things that remind me of where I was, sever all contact with ppl of my past, start anew, have no connections to that.
I did that eight years ago. I don't regret moving but the connection was still there to my past. Once the newness of relocating wore off the past was still there...lurking in my mind. A big part of it was because I was not accepting the way the past was. I wished it could have been better. I wondered why I was born into the wrong family. Why did I get the parents that I did.
And until I could accept the past as it was... I was stuck living that hell over and over in my mind no matter where I was.
 

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I did that eight years ago. I don't regret moving but the connection was still there to my past. Once the newness of relocating wore off the past was still there...lurking in my mind. A big part of it was because I was not accepting the way the past was. I wished it could have been better. I wondered why I was born into the wrong family. Why did I get the parents that I did.
And until I could accept the past as it was... I was stuck living that hell over and over in my mind no matter where I was.
What did it take for you to let it go, to accept it? How long did it take? I've been trying...that's how I feel....I want a different family, different parents, different way of being raised up.
 
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What did it take for you to let it go, to accept it? How long did it take? I've been trying...that's how I feel....I want a different family, different parents, different way of being raised up.
It took me years because I fought accepting it. I also had some counseling in the past mainly for relationship issues. Just this past year I really came to that point of accepting my past. I sat down one day and starting writing and putting all the things I had kept inside to words on paper. It took me a while, and a lot of tears, to do that. But over the course of a few months I worked on expressing it and getting it all out. I am very quiet and I never told my parents or anyone who hurt me in the past how I felt. I kept it inside all these years. What I wrote was for me...so they never seen it. But I wrote everything I felt about them and a few other people. I had to give my pain a voice. It helped me to realize that the past was over and I had to make a choice to either keep living in it or free myself from it. I don't know how others let go of their past pain but for me expressing what I felt helped me in so many ways.
Letting go to me means that I have accepted it, I have learned to live with it, and that I will not let it be a hindrance to my life anymore. I don't want to be a victim of my past...I want to be the victor of it. And I want to use what I have been through to help others.

If you ever need to talk, you are welcomed to message me.
 

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Yes, I remember the mean things people have said/done to me when I was in 3rd grade. I even remember some thoughts I've had in the past and hate myself for having such thoughts.
 
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It took me years because I fought accepting it. I also had some counseling in the past mainly for relationship issues. Just this past year I really came to that point of accepting my past. I sat down one day and starting writing and putting all the things I had kept inside to words on paper. It took me a while, and a lot of tears, to do that. But over the course of a few months I worked on expressing it and getting it all out. I am very quiet and I never told my parents or anyone who hurt me in the past how I felt. I kept it inside all these years. What I wrote was for me...so they never seen it. But I wrote everything I felt about them and a few other people. I had to give my pain a voice. It helped me to realize that the past was over and I had to make a choice to either keep living in it or free myself from it. I don't know how others let go of their past pain but for me expressing what I felt helped me in so many ways.
Letting go to me means that I have accepted it, I have learned to live with it, and that I will not let it be a hindrance to my life anymore. I don't want to be a victim of my past...I want to be the victor of it. And I want to use what I have been through to help others.

If you ever need to talk, you are welcomed to message me.
Thank you. :) I have done that before at various times, but as my memories resurface, perhaps its time I did that again. Another layer of cleansing so to speal. *sigh*
 

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Alllll the time...

I remember everything people said that was hurtful, everything I said that was hurtful and everything that blocked me from becoming a better person closer to self actualization.
 
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