It seems to me like there is a mechanism inside of me that detects whenever I might be enjoying something, or experiencing the first stages of happiness or satisfaction, and it swoops in and steals it away. Does this happen to any of you?
Examples:
1. A couple of nights ago I laid down to sleep and I noticed how wonderful the bed and pillow felt at that moment, but at that very moment something in my mind jumped in and said something like, "You've done nothing to deserve feeling this good, and here you are feeling good when there are other people much more deserving who have NO bed." Right then I tense up and I feel bad, guilty.
2. Yesterday, looking up through the trees, with beautiful lighting and colors, I was starting to feel good, but then my mind said, "It's not all that amazing, you've seen better...what's so special about it?"
3. Whenever I have a nice meal, and I'm starting to appreciate the flavor, I immediately feel bad and have the thought, "How could you be so indulgent? You are relishing this food, and people are literally dying of hunger...what's wrong with you?"
...The source of all of this seems to be guilt and inadequacy. But this same thing occurs whenever I start to feel good or happy, and I'm trying to learn how to defeat it. Right now I am trying to remind myself that if I have been presented with an opportunity to receive happiness or enjoyment from something that is good, it is a gift of life, and gifts are usually not about how much you deserve the gift.
How about all of you? Have you experienced this? Found a way to defeat it?
Examples:
1. A couple of nights ago I laid down to sleep and I noticed how wonderful the bed and pillow felt at that moment, but at that very moment something in my mind jumped in and said something like, "You've done nothing to deserve feeling this good, and here you are feeling good when there are other people much more deserving who have NO bed." Right then I tense up and I feel bad, guilty.
2. Yesterday, looking up through the trees, with beautiful lighting and colors, I was starting to feel good, but then my mind said, "It's not all that amazing, you've seen better...what's so special about it?"
3. Whenever I have a nice meal, and I'm starting to appreciate the flavor, I immediately feel bad and have the thought, "How could you be so indulgent? You are relishing this food, and people are literally dying of hunger...what's wrong with you?"
...The source of all of this seems to be guilt and inadequacy. But this same thing occurs whenever I start to feel good or happy, and I'm trying to learn how to defeat it. Right now I am trying to remind myself that if I have been presented with an opportunity to receive happiness or enjoyment from something that is good, it is a gift of life, and gifts are usually not about how much you deserve the gift.
How about all of you? Have you experienced this? Found a way to defeat it?