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I just can't seem to "click" with anyone I meet. When I talk to my friends it doesn't seem sincere, and I feel like a phony, like the real me isn't talking to my friends, just some random personality I made up. It's like I have this chest of masks inside of my mind, and for each different person I talk too I put on a different one. I think I've forgotten who the real me is I guess. Have any of you had this problem before?
this song is helping me feel better. (warning: Black Metal ahead)
 

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Definitely had this issue(s). Everyone has their own solution to not being able to relate to people.

What helped me was to really enjoy being alone. That involved being okay with not having a romantic relationship or any friends. Can do completely fine on my own if I was. I don't have any expectations from the few friends I do have and enjoy instead what they offer. With a relationship though that's something else on a higher level but I think I've made my point. :laughing:

It's fine if you're on your own as long as you can be happy with yourself.
 

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Yup. Trust me you're not alone. I just focus on my breathing, and try to be honest and accepting of myself about my thoughts/fears/feelings and authentic with whoever I'm around. Being real is scary though, and you have to love yourself.

I love this video, it talks about the importance of being vulnerable, and how shame can prevent us from creating meaningful connections. You probably use those masks as a way to prevent yourself from being vulnerable, because you're ashamed of parts of yourself and/or you're afraid that other people wouldn't/couldn't accept you the way you are.


*virtual hug*
 

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I could try that, but I'd have to be completely cut off from anything social, even this forum, cause when I talk to people in real life and even online, I get this weird sense of rejection if the chat doesn't go how I thought.
This honestly sounds more like a self-esteem issue rather than not just getting along with people. How much can you say that you like yourself? If you've lost sight of yourself then of course this would be a problem.
 

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I just can't seem to "click" with anyone I meet. When I talk to my friends it doesn't seem sincere, and I feel like a phony, like the real me isn't talking to my friends, just some random personality I made up. It's like I have this chest of masks inside of my mind, and for each different person I talk too I put on a different one. I think I've forgotten who the real me is I guess. Have any of you had this problem before?
this song is helping me feel better. (warning: Black Metal ahead)
That's exactly how I feel. I feel like I've been living a lie the whole of my life because nobody seems to accept the real me. I need to act in order to achive anything I want to, and it's deeply depressing. There are times I don't know who I am, too - it's depressing because it almost feels like something has died inside.
 

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Yup. Trust me you're not alone. I just focus on my breathing, and try to be honest and accepting of myself about my thoughts/fears/feelings and authentic with whoever I'm around. Being real is scary though, and you have to love yourself.

I love this video, it talks about the importance of being vulnerable, and how shame can prevent us from creating meaningful connections. You probably use those masks as a way to prevent yourself from being vulnerable, because you're ashamed of parts of yourself and/or you're afraid that other people wouldn't/couldn't accept you the way you are.


*virtual hug*
This was awesome; thank you so much for posting it. her message resonated with me so well and even made me tear up a bit (a rarity).
 

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Only when I'm very very stressed out and feel like I'm doing everything wrong, and therefore communicating wrong. When I'm in a good place, I feel harmony with others...
 

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I could try that, but I'd have to be completely cut off from anything social, even this forum, cause when I talk to people in real life and even online, I get this weird sense of rejection if the chat doesn't go how I thought.
I understand- it's in your mind, though, and it's not real. We are not rejecting you, and if we did because we thought differently, we would be wrong, no matter how "right" we think we are in rejecting your views. And it's ok to be "disliked", especially if it's not your fault, and you are just being honest with yourself and who you are. The important thing is not "how the chat goes", but that you were true to yourself, while respecting their right to be true to themselves as well-if somebody gets offended because you were being honest, even though you were nice and respectful in expressing your views, how could you blame yourself?

I understand these feelings, as it's something many of us have dealt with before. I do think that you do not need to cut ties with people as a defense mechanism. Fleeing from war won't make the battle go away. Develop a sense of unshakable identity (not talking about "INFP identity" but self-identity), and be happy about it. There's nothing to fear by being yourself, and if people judge you harshly because of this, understand that it's ok, and you won't die due to it. A simple fact of life is that no matter how we try, there's somebody out there who won't like us just for being ourselves. They'll miss out on getting to really know you better, but it's their choice, and you gotta accept it. It doesn't mean that you must be flawed, and that's why they don't like you, but that they simply don't relate to you. That's ok. Let them be free to not relate. If we would pretend to please everybody out there, and try to change/accomodate who we are to every standard out there, how could we live as ourselves? Once I understood it's ok to be disliked for being myself, and that there's nothing wrong with that, my life became much easier and happier-I found peace with myself, and in consequence, with every other human being, ironically enough.

Addendum: It is also ironic that feeling less and less restricted to be yourself will make many people appreciate the fact that you are an individual, and not a clone-there are many out there would who rather get to know the real you, rather than any people-pleasing image you may come up with. AND being ourselves must not mean that we must be disagreeable-perhaps that's what you fear, but in reality, it may be far from the truth. Feel free to live (and share things) happily as yourself!
 

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Yes. I understand. I can't relate to most INFP 4s. Also I can't relate to the angsty teen INFPs because I'm so old. INFP 5s... I can find some common ground - they are usually drama-free.

When I find a drama-free, calm, cool, happy, optimistic, INFP/9 in this forum... I feel sooooooooooo good.

 

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Discussion Starter #12
This honestly sounds more like a self-esteem issue rather than not just getting along with people. How much can you say that you like yourself? If you've lost sight of yourself then of course this would be a problem.
Maybe that's why, considering I have horrible self esteem.
 

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I've felt exactly the same way. Like I'm just trying to get through the conversation, to something fulfilling and then it never happens. I go home after hanging out with a friend, or going to a social event and I feel lonely.

I understand the masks as well. My parents and family had one (often the grumpy one), my best friend another (probably the closest to reality), my other friends had another, more toned down version of me, and my co-workers yet another, more friendly mask. Just working in customer service, with a fake smile plastered to my face probably counts as well. It's hard when you try to judge yourself by what others think of you, and unfortunately I do it a lot.

I try to make a generalization of who I am and it's just impossible to mush all of those facets down to the real me. The thing is that they are all the real me, and just different manifestations of how I handle different situations. They are often defense mechanisms as well. I'm very vaulted and defended in every way, and I think it makes my personality fuzzy for other people, so it's hard for them to feel like they can get to know me.

Recently, I've sort of conceded to the loneliness, and then I just realized there are just a few people I can be myself with and that's okay. There are two people I feel I can really talk to, and they might not be similar to me, but they care and want to know what I think, even if they disagree. And that's really all I can ask for.

I hope you can come to terms with yourself, because you shouldn't change who you actually are in order to "figure out" who you are. And the people that matter will be the ones you can relate to. I know that's a common thing to say, but it's just so true.
 

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Maybe that's why, considering I have horrible self esteem.
Here's the thing. If people don't like you for you (granted you don't have issues that would really harm others) fuck 'em. It's not your job to please others... unless it's lierally a JOB that you need, but yeah, social situations just be yourself. :laughing:
 

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Maybe that's why, considering I have horrible self esteem.
I can relate to everything you wrote a lot,

since I've never met (knowingly) an INFP in real life I cant really say for sure, but I fear that I would have the exact same problem to not relate to them at all.

and actually that thought frightens me. Somewhere inside of me is still the hope (intensified by the MBTI) to find someone similar to me .. I dont want it to die :/
 

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Yes I relate (ironic choice of wording, IK). Pretty much everyone I've ever met irl there has been some kind of variaton from my real personality; I've let my weird, eccentric self out briefly in test runs and that burned down to the ground. I've decided to just remain cold and reserved for the forseeable future (until high school finishes) and to just lose respect for everyones opinions.

It's not something I particluarly want to do, but it seems best. And the shyness, self esteem and in general talent of going against every "masculine" ideal doesn't help either.
 

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These are my beliefs-The more fear of rejection fades, the easier it is to connect. If you are still left wanting, know that we are meant to be a group of individuals. People aren't really supposed to have to click. To accept each other as we all are, without needing to relate so strongly...that will help people start relating. Does this make sense? We are all alone, in the end, and yet we are never alone.

I also think that you attract what you believe. Believe you aren't connecting with others, focus on that, and you will never connect. Focus on and believe that the connection you want is coming to you and watch your relationships get more and more fulfilling. Have low self esteem, you will attract abusers and users. Have high self esteem and you will attract great people(but don't expect them to be just like you or perfect).

We are all meant to be alone in the sense that we are individuals more than anything else. A species of individuals. Clicking is not so important, in the grand scheme of things. What is important is being able to accept others for what they are and get your energy from deep inside you.

"But the wildest of all the wild animals was the Cat. He walked by himself, and all places were alike to him."--Rudyard Kipling
 

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I'm not a part of your magical race, but I just wanted to say I relate at the moment. :/ Has nothing to do with rejection, I just can't seem to relate with anyone.

People think they fully relate with me, but the feeling hasn't been mutual for a while. Guess I have a hard time letting people in anymore.
 

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Hmmm...some people I relate to better than others, but at the end of the day, everyone is different. However, I feel that I'm more different than most others. The vast majority of people either don't share my values, my philosophy on life, my interests or all three of those things.

Being called 'weird' since childhood simply emphasises the differences between myself and pretty much every other Australian I've come across. :dry:
 

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I relate to some INFPs more than others. And healthy INFP's do indeed exist, those are the one's I most aspire to. Its no big deal though that I don't always relate to other INFPs. I also think thats the nature of our functions, we want to be original and unique even if that means seperating oneself from other INFP members on this forum. But the fact that we are that way inclined, says we relate and have a commonality in that respect.
 
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