[Angelus]

I've always looked up to genuinely selfless people. People who listen instead of talk and people who give instead of take. And they do it willingly, without expecting anything in return. I have always looked up to, but also envied this kind of people. I've always wished I was more like that. I wish I was completely selfless, and that it'd come naturally. I wish I was a better listener, without ever having to force it. I wish could see greatness in absolutely everyone.

But I never feel like I'm as good as I want to be. However, I do feel better about that than I did a few years ago. I've become better. But I want to become even better!

Sometimes I fear that I can never become like that. So I want to make up for it by doing selfless acts that speak for themselves. A while ago I donated blood. It made me feel great for a while. Now I'm thinking of becoming a bone marrow transplant. Maybe I feel like I'll never be good enough unless I sacrifice myself for the sake of others.



...Is this normal?

P.S.
Sorry about the thread creating frenzy btw. I'm on fire! Ahem...

 

[E_N_T_P]

If you pass the road test you're good enough. Or do you wanna be a saint?

 

[Angelus]

Or do you wanna be a saint?

I wish. :blushed:
As a matter of fact my name has the meaning 'saint'. I wish I could live up to that.. ^^'

 

[E_N_T_P]

Saint in what language ?

 

[Solitude315]

You create interesting threads. In any case, I feel like this sometimes, and I imagine most do at some point; whether or not they care to admit it is a different matter entirely. In the last month and a half, I've been seeking inner-peace a lot more, and though it'll take a long time to achieve it completely, I do feel relatively calmer (Even when going through depression and such). I have been making an effort to grow up and become a better person. There's always room to improve as a person, though you have to realize that you'll never be perfect.

I do think that INFJs have a tendency to devote their lives to others which often leaves their own in shambles (Though they usually find inner-peace in older age, they do tend to be haunted by the mistakes of their youth from what I've seen). In your case, I think you have a strong desire to be different. I think that you have many personal problems that you ignore and don't fix, so you focus solely on choosing to help others because it makes you feel good knowing that you at least improved someone's life, even if it wasn't your own. I would take some time to introspect, and genuinely work on solutions to your problems; it'll bring about greater inner-peace which will solve your 'goodness' crisis .

 

[Angelus]

@Solitude315

Thanks! I appreciate your insight...I'm taking that advice to heart and I will think about it.

It's always a matter of wanting to be different, but at the same time wanting to blend in and also realizing that we're all the same.

 

[missushoney]

I've always looked up to genuinely selfless people. People who listen instead of talk and people who give instead of take. And they do it willingly, without expecting anything in return. I have always looked up to, but also envied this kind of people. I've always wished I was more like that. I wish I was completely selfless, and that it'd come naturally. I wish I was a better listener, without ever having to force it. I wish could see greatness in absolutely everyone.

But I never feel like I'm as good as I want to be. However, I do feel better about that than I did a few years ago. I've become better. But I want to become even better!

Sometimes I fear that I can never become like that. So I want to make up for it by doing selfless acts that speak for themselves. A while ago I donated blood. It made me feel great for a while. Now I'm thinking of becoming a bone marrow transplant. Maybe I feel like I'll never be good enough unless I sacrifice myself for the sake of others.



...Is this normal?

P.S.
Sorry about the thread creating frenzy btw. I'm on fire! Ahem...

well when I'm the most "good" one around and I'm doing good things while everyone else isn't, I feel pretty good. But there are those times when there's people around who are even more good than I am. Then I feel annoyed that they're taking my spot. Now what am I supposed to do? Be "sort of" good? I think you want to be a saint or be really good so that you can have something you're identified as. your niche. But if you keep donating your body you won't have anything left. T_T It's good to do selfless acts but you still have to make sure self is taken care of. Besides, those selfless people you see, how do you know for sure they are what you think? they could seem selfless but in other ways are lacking. Don't get obsessed with a fantasy way of being because you'll never be good enough. If you really like helping others try doing constructive things like volunteering in other countries (if you can) or just in local places. Maybe gear your career towards something humanitarian so you can help others everyday. ^_^

 

[Angelus]

If you really like helping others try doing constructive things like volunteering in other countries (if you can) or just in local places. Maybe gear your career towards something humanitarian so you can help others everyday. ^_^

Yeh, that's the plan! Thanks for your post!

 

[TheBackwardsLegsMan]

I literally said "Oh, I'm an asshole" out loud when I read the title of this thread. I wish I could be nicer to people, but I never go out of my way to help people. I'm actually sitting in my living room right now, on a laptop, doing nothing with the full knowledge that when my mother gets home from her stressful job that she works to support me, she is going to clean the the very room that I'm sitting in right now.

 

[Solitude315]

@Tenshi: Exactly, I know how you feel; you seem like you're Enneagram 4, by the way. It is a constant struggle, but once one actually overcomes it, they usually gain tremendous wisdom and insight which makes it all worth it. And thank you

 

[Sybok]

I feel, that I never will be good enought to...
not the good enough. I dont like to be good. to be good has more negative effects for yourself than to be not good. you want to help someone and he spits on your face (metaphorically)... you want to have peace for yourself, but someone else has problems, you want to have a solution, have none and you feel bad for this...
one thing, Ive learned in way to many negative experiences: dont save the world, save yourself... it sounds bad and I accept it for myself. It does not mean, that you become some hedonistic and egocentric person, but to become someone, who loves himself and want the best for himself.

 

[Ntuitive]

Type 4s in the building (possibly)

Btw I do really like your threads. Better than a lot of garbage ones I've made. Sometimes I used to wonder if I was being a good person or not. But really, it was more of a feeling like I wasn't doing good enough for the planet. Or that I wish I wanted to feel more motivated to accomplish whatever kind of charitableness I had in mind. I would worry a lot about not doing enough for the world really. I also had this idea in my mind that I should want to help and volunteer more than I actually wanted to. Like I should want to do it. If that makes sense. It might be along the lines of what you're talking about.

 

[Angelus]

Type 4s in the building (possibly)

Btw I do really like your threads. Better than a lot of garbage ones I've made. Sometimes I used to wonder if I was being a good person or not. But really, it was more of a feeling like I wasn't doing good enough for the planet. Or that I wish I wanted to feel more motivated to accomplish whatever kind of charitableness I had in mind. I would worry a lot about not doing enough for the world really. I also had this idea in my mind that I should want to help and volunteer more than I actually wanted to. Like I should want to do it. If that makes sense. It might be along the lines of what you're talking about.

Yeah I get it. Although I've finally gotten to the point that I genuinely feel like I want to participate. I think you can achieve that once you get to enjoy the feeling of purpose you get from it.