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Recently I've just been feeling like my honesty has made me too vulnerable and caused me to get taken advantage of. I've always believed that honesty is the best policy almost 100% of the time. I know there are a few exceptions, but I personally cannot remember something that i've recently flat out lied about. And I can't lie anyway, because the guilt would eat me up inside...It's just; the #1 thing I desire from people is authenticity, so I strive to be an authentic individual myself. But I have been realizing that people are often not authentic...and this deeply saddens me. How does our world function with so much deceit?? It just seems so wrong to me :/

I don't know... has anybody else experienced a similar feeling? Do you wish you could change yourself so you weren't as raw and vulnerable? Do you feel like people think you're stupid for being so 'simple' in the sense that you don't play mind games with people.?

Any feedback would be greatly appreciated, as this has really been bothering me lately and I just need to know if I'm the only one or not!

Thanks! :happy:
 

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Seems to be my experience as well. Sometimes people ask me for my honest opinion & I give that to them, only to learn they wanted 80% honest opinion & 20% of "tell them what they want to hear". And they may think I'm not clever enough to catch onto the game but I just prefer not to play it. So right off the bat I come off as stupid & offensive, for being honest.
 

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Well, there comes a time when you have to check or to ascertain if the other person is also worthy of your honesty too. This is whereby, I often find that, I need a form of emotional connection first before the honesty comes out. I am sure you will find your own way. Even on this board, I have broadcasted something before only for a few individual to slate me, and I was so vulnerable, cos I opened up myself for them to attack. I do realise that people indeed need to have this "friendship" built first or this unspoken rule to build up a form of relationship first before you should be honest. It sound so bad actually but.. this is what western society is like. To me, I am so much more honest with those who comes from a collective society. I have yet to find a happy medium for myself.
 

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I have always prefered honesty and openness. While it can make you vulnerable, it also makes you stronger in that you don't have secrets that people could find out and use against you or suddenly turn on you because of. It's also less likely that you'll be misunderstood if you're straightforward about things, rather than people guessing at what you're not saying.

But I do think one can sometimes be 'too honest' in giving way more information than people really need to know, and one can say a 'hard truth' at the wrong time or in the wrong way and cause problems that way. Sometimes, no matter how kindly you say something that someone doesn't want to hear, it'll still hurt them or you know they'll take it differently than you mean it, and in those cases I guess I think about the ultimate truth in the situation. Like a friend who asks what I think of her painting, and I actually think it looks like crap, but I know that her skill is improving and that she put a lot of herself into it and it's THAT which is important, it's the part of herself that she's showing me, not so much the steadyness of her hand, and what she's really actually asking for is not whether I like it, she's really asking me to encourage her - so I do. - I think there are sort of layers to things, and it's easy to focus on the surface meaning/surface facts and say the truth of those when that isn't really what it's about and the meaning of the surface responce is applied to the underlying issues quite wrongly. Well, that's how I think anyways.
 

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I'm 28 and learned through challenging life experiences that authenticity needs to be tempered by social intelligence. Being transparent without discriminating wisdom will lead you into the clutches of extremely manipulative people, I assure you from experience.

I strongly advise you to accept that you need wisdom when being transparent because social games, social perception, and emotional fragility are a reality with serious consequences. I advise you to learn to be tactful, tell half-truths, give vague answers, and outright lie.

The perchant for manipulation in (any form of) relationships, and overestimating emotional resilience (emotional fragility) is a part of the human condition. Something I had trouble accepting (and it seems many INFP's do) is that the human condition has simultaneous inclinations towards cooperation and domination, empathy and selfishness, self-awareness and self-delusion. Once you accept (even if you don't like) the human condition, you realize the need to develop wisdom regarding context.

Another thing that is helpful is to become mindful of the narcissistic, passive-aggressive, manipulative games that you play with people - once you recognize those tendencies within yourself you can accept (meaning be aware, not condone) it as part of the human condition.

This video (and the second one in the series) is a great start for recognizing social games that you and others play;

 

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Recently I've just been feeling like my honesty has made me too vulnerable and caused me to get taken advantage of. I've always believed that honesty is the best policy almost 100% of the time. I know there are a few exceptions, but I personally cannot remember something that i've recently flat out lied about. And I can't lie anyway, because the guilt would eat me up inside...It's just; the #1 thing I desire from people is authenticity, so I strive to be an authentic individual myself. But I have been realizing that people are often not authentic...and this deeply saddens me. How does our world function with so much deceit?? It just seems so wrong to me :/ I don't know... has anybody else experienced a similar feeling? Do you wish you could change yourself so you weren't as raw and vulnerable? Do you feel like people think you're stupid for being so 'simple' in the sense that you don't play mind games with people.? Any feedback would be greatly appreciated, as this has really been bothering me lately and I just need to know if I'm the only one or not! Thanks! :happy:
I'm not sure if I would rate myself as (really) honest. Stuff that I don't want to talk about I usually keep silent about, unless I can trust the person to not speak about it. I would classify myself as more like "authentic". I'm not that affected on average by peer pressure I think. Maybe that is not all. I try to avoid people that I don't deem decent enough. Thankfully there are other types that have ethics similar to mine. I knew and was a friend with a very honest (I think she was even more honest than me because she didn't accept codependent stuff of others -- I have a tendency to be more aware (if that is the right) of some others feelings and I sometimes accept others "self-defeating" behaviors) and kind INTJ. There are so many times I've been dishonest with myself to be honest. Though I have no intention of changing myself unless I percieve I have some flaw I want to redeem.
 
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