[heartturnedtoporcelain]

I don't think I ever really do. I've been thinking about this the last couple of days because I'm trying to get some friends together for dinner and it occurred to me how incredibly rare my actions are.

I always let others take the reigns.

Is this aversion apart of being an introvert - like I'd rather not initiate something I know will be draining? Is it laziness? Is it my unwillingness to impose on others and force them to do something they don't want to do?

(I can think of a good instance of the last: I never make others see the movies I want to watch but I'll always go to the movies my friends want to see even if I despise them *cough* Twilight *cough*)

So, do you ever do so? And, if not, why?

 

[Rogue Eagle]

I go like "we should do something" and hope that someone else plans it.

 

[snc1878]

I try sometimes, but so timid of being rejected that it is hard to reach out and then not be sure who may show up. So usually I don't initiate so much.

 

[Nostalgic]

Only if it's amongst one or two close friends. Other than that, I don't plan anything.

 

[Manwithaplan]

I dont much either I get the butterflies and wonder how to get quick to the point. Even when Ive done so its just one close friend.
I think the easy answer is nerve.

 

[refugee]

i never initiate anything, usually others will try to get me involved in something. i have more pressing concerns like listening to my alter ego whisper sweet nothings to myself. :bored:

 

[Lad]

From time to time, but usually I get the invites (that I never go to).

 

[Nasmoe]

I usually say we should hang out some time and they agree, but we never get around to it and I'm either too timid or too lazy to set anything up. The most I can come up with and follow through with is spontaneously saying let's walk somewhere or drive somewhere and that's only with friends that live nearby. Friends who I have to call up who live pretty far, I never initiate anything really.

 

[under skies]

I am such a horrible friend... I rarely even strike up conversations with my closest friends. I just feel like they've all got something better to do. It's so stupid to think that way. It's just... ground into my mind.

And, for me, I feel that it's really a mixture of things which have already been mentioned. I don't want to impose my wishes on my friends, I don't want to be an inconvenience, I am a little afraid of rejection, I am a little bit lazy, I know I might want everyone gone before they're ready to go...

 

[Ekeh Mayu]

I think because our main decision making function is internal, that to make that type of decision, you have to start within.
It feels to complex when you need to think for a group of other individuals. Sort of like trying to be a group counselor, that would rip all the fun out of it.
If I had to plan it putting everyone in mind, then i'd probably take a really long time - more then others would want.

I have two, old best friends in Kansas that I don't know if i'll ever regroup us to see again.

 

[rbt]

Only like 3 of my friends will I even contemplate it, otherwise I just wait for someone to invite me... Never really realized this till now. Whenever I make plans I'll only invite my really close friends, but when all the guys get together for pool, poker and going out for drinks and I don't get invited I still feel slighted... Hmmm. Dammit now I have all this to digest and I'm supposed to be studying for my french class:mellow:

 

[Halcy0n]

I've been learning to initiate slowly...it's not what is natural for me, but it can be quite enjoyable! It's nice to lead the way sometimes - it often brings out my playful side. :happy:

 

[infpblog]

I've always been a social introvert. So I remember organizing and hosting D&D parties back when I was 14. But back then it was only the 5 friends that I had for years and years.

In my early 20's, on a whim, I held cooked a winter solstice party for 8. I'm not sure why. I just remember the hot and sour soup didn't thicken properly. However, I had fun and started throwing an annual solstice dinner for a couple of years after that first one.

Luckily, I met and married another social introvert. My wife and I like having guests over. We're having some photographers whom we've never met over for dinner in 2 days. They just moved into town from out of state. They were friends of relatives who asked us to look after them so that's why we invited them over for dinner.

Here's where the story gets interesting. One of the photographers liked some semi-famous band in Seattle or Portland. I don't remember which. He decided to put post on his blog and put that intention out into the universe. After some social networking, he's doing a photoshoot with this band. We didn't know any of this when we invited them over for dinner.

My wife wants to do the same thing. She wants to shoot a music video for a semi-famous musician here. So we'll ask our guests how they went about getting their photoshoot and see if we can get any ideas we can use.

And this is why we have strangers and new acquaintances over for dinner. The conversation is new and we always learn something the improves our lives.

The problem with hanging out with the same great friends is that you end up having the same conversations. You know what movies they like, their philosophies and you've already debated your differing theories on linear vs non-linear time a couple of dozen times. In other words, with friends you've known for years, you don't really talk about anything new.

 

[Roze]

Come back to me when I make actually make friends ;____;

I haven't in at least 5-6 years, but as a child and in my young teen years I always had friends come over and we would all play games and just hang out together on the front stoop. Too bad all of that is gone now.

 

[Away With Fairies]

I've initiated more social gatherings/evenings out/whatever this year than I had done for the past thirty. It got to the point where I realized that if I want to be included in things I had to organize it myself. It's a big step forward for me, and to a point I enjoy it. There's a hospitable part of me that needs to be exercised from time to time. The only problem is when it's not reciprocated by people who are able to do so. You start to realize who your real friends are that way...but I'm not bitter or anything.

 

[Thinker96]

yea many times actually, mostly because my circle of friends are also 'I's lol.

 

[wisdom]

It's not something I even thought about doing until adulthood. Maybe I finally got non-shy and lonely enough. The biggest thing I've ever tried to coordinate was a four-person gathering, not by myself. It was a bitter experience. Many times I have invited one or two people to restaurants, one of the few places I like to go. Many times my invitations have not been accepted I even had somebody agree and then forget to be there. I wish other people would take the iniative and come up with new ideas, but I suppose I like the control aspect of it. Even if I lived in a nice home, I'd be extremely reluctant to invite all but very close people over.

A few times I met a possible INFP who set up small, semi-public gatherings. I've heard of a self-described INFP who sets up bigger semi-public gatherings. They are not young people.

 

[agreenbough]

When I visit my family in another state (I don't stay with them) I'll arrange a couple of things to do with them. A shopping trip or going to a restaurant. Mostly I just hang out at my mom's house, though, for a few hours at a time.

Back at home, I never have anyone over or go out with anyone other than my husband and kids. It takes me so long to recover from the houseguests who stay with me for two weeks two or three times a year that I'm totally put off even thinking about inviting anyone to my house. My husband doesn't help get the house ready for guests, but even if it was spotless, I get a feeling of being trapped when people are over. I guess I'm just socially awkward. I hate small talk, but don't want to get involved enough to talk about anything deeper.

I'm a bad friend. I won't call and won't want to talk when they call. I'm better in a small group than one-on-one, becasue in a small group there's less pressure on me to have to carry the converstaion.

 

[Stallout]

Nah, I never initiate things with the people I know and definitely not with people I dont. When I think about it right now it seems like Im a bit selfish, expecting my friends to plan and initiate everything we do but I cant help it. I hate it when people call me up and Im in the middle of something, why would I try to impose an event on somebody in the same situation? I assume that if they want to do anything theyll call me because their free... its never been a problem before but now that I think of it, some people might feel like I dont want to hang out with them and it could send the wrong message...

 

[wisdom]

Probably only with a specific of relatives and one other person have I tried arranging things over the phone. Email feels safer. Calling someone up and saying, "Hey, let's hang out right now" - not me.