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Discussion Starter #1
So this happened to me during the last week of a job that I had decided to quit. It was a toxic job environment where the boss basically threatened everyone very often ("I'm gonna fire you ", "You're just stealing my money" ,
"I'm gonna take disciplinary action if you don't do better"), even people that were on their FIRST day of working.

So, because the 'emotional wheater' was set to this, I soon decided to completely shut off, not talking, not laughing, keeping communication to a minimum so that he couldn't attack me. Well, he started to complain that I needed to talk more, and the last day his secretary came to me and asked : "You never laugh, don't you?"

And I coldly replied "No, not on the job"

Now, I'm not working there anymore, but that question hit a sensitive spot I think, on the way people perceive us.
I just had to take my emotional response out of the equation to survive in that environment, but the result was not the one I expected. They started to see me in a negative light somehow. But besides that, there was really nothing else they could accuse me of .

Similar experiences ?
Should we be 'less serious' ?
 

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Happened to me once. Not-too-subtle people can mistake my intensity for harshness.
I never focus like that when I interact with people, but such misjudgement could happen to someone looking at me while I'm working on a document, for instance.
 

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Happened to me once. Not-too-subtle people can mistake my intensity for harshness.
I never focus like that when I interact with people, but such misjudgement could happen to someone looking at me while I'm working on a document, for instance.
I am decidedly middle-aged. My mom recently looked at me and said "What's the matter?" to which I replied "I'm, um, thinking?" lol

Resting b**** face I believe they now call it.
 

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The workplace that most of the introverted and HSPs types experience is emotionally hell, I have only loathing for the narcissistic control freaks who use other people as emotional blood bags to get their fix. Business, government, organized religion, ect attracts them like flies to a decaying carcass. To be happy one must distance themselves from what both drains and holds oneself down from being true and happy.
 

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The workplace that most of the introverted and HSPs types experience is emotionally hell, I have only loathing for the narcissistic control freaks who use other people as emotional blood bags to get their fix. Business, government, organized religion, ect attracts them like flies to a decaying carcass. To be happy one must distance themselves from what both drains and holds oneself down from being true and happy.
Also beating a printer or something from time to time works too:

 

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So this happened to me during the last week of a job that I had decided to quit. It was a toxic job environment where the boss basically threatened everyone very often ("I'm gonna fire you ", "You're just stealing my money" ,
"I'm gonna take disciplinary action if you don't do better"), even people that were on their FIRST day of working.

So, because the 'emotional wheater' was set to this, I soon decided to completely shut off, not talking, not laughing, keeping communication to a minimum so that he couldn't attack me. Well, he started to complain that I needed to talk more, and the last day his secretary came to me and asked : "You never laugh, don't you?"

And I coldly replied "No, not on the job"

Now, I'm not working there anymore, but that question hit a sensitive spot I think, on the way people perceive us.
I just had to take my emotional response out of the equation to survive in that environment, but the result was not the one I expected. They started to see me in a negative light somehow. But besides that, there was really nothing else they could accuse me of .

Similar experiences ?
Should we be 'less serious' ?
I used to, and still do, get a lot of questions in regards to my demeanor. I can't remember when, but one day I decided to just...not care anymore. What matters is how I perceive myself, and I know my resting b face hides it, but I'm usually waiting for the chance to smile and chuckle. If someone asks what's up with my face, I just brush it off. No one is entitled to an emotional performance from me. If I want to smile, I do! If I want to frown, I do! Obviously, at work [where I am face to face with clients every day], I'm happy, so I'm smiling, but besides that, my supervisors have seen me in a range of emotions, and I'm comfortable with that.

I suppose my desire and love for reflection and focus is categorized as 'seriousness', but I like to call it 'being calm in my own quiet'. :p My default state is a gentle happiness.
 

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If anybody thinks this about me I would be glad. I hate the idea of someone looking at me and thinking they could mess with me and get away with it.
 

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Discussion Starter #14
If anybody thinks this about me I would be glad. I hate the idea of someone looking at me and thinking they could mess with me and get away with it.
Well, as toxic as that environment was, noone ever dared to yell at me like they did to other employees, probably because I always made sure to keep my head high and always mantain eye contact with the boss :)
 

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On a recent project some of the crew I worked alongside made the comment that I never laughed. I think it was more a commentary on what I find funny compared to what they find funny. I almost always am aware and take advantage of wordplay humor and absurd humor. They were more inclined toward slapstick humor and sophomoric humor often sexual, related to intoxication, and/or misogynistic in focus. It seems to me that most of the crews I work alongside are STP types and some STJ types that have high school educations only.

By the end of the project one crewman had noticed and commented on some of my absurd offerings that he described as being delivered with a serious demeanor ("without cracking a smile"). He thought that my jokes and delivery were funny. It's strange to me, though, because I always feel as though I'm smirking when I deliver them. :unsure:

When I do find something funny I tend to laugh out loud. For the funniest I can laugh to the point of tears (such as the first time I saw the Fawlty Towers episode, Basil, the Rat: "Care for a rat?"). :laughing:
 

 

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I would have been tempted to ask that boss "Are you paying me to laugh?" Might have gotten me fired though. When people criticize my behavior or personality traits I just take it they don't know me & let it go. Usually when people do that it's not us, it's them.
 

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People can be so involved in their drama that if you stop contributing they will feel uncomfortable because their own cage materialises even more. INFPs have a way of giving attention that people do not forget easily and when people are in chaos they seek our presence without thinking. In these times we ought to keep aware of how much we can give without putting ourselves in a existential coma. Arriving at the point of closing yourself off to people is due to numerus poor interactions in a short space of time that depleted energy, which then only remains for self nourishment. While like this some get hungrier, and you are disturbed because you can not be of proper service to the hungry as they come to you in lack and leave the same. If there are too many mouths to feed at once find a different workplace that offers a more nuitritional menu that keep peoples appetite away for longer so that keeping balance is not so turbulant for you.
 

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Discussion Starter #18
I would have been tempted to ask that boss "Are you paying me to laugh?" Might have gotten me fired though. When people criticize my behavior or personality traits I just take it they don't know me & let it go. Usually when people do that it's not us, it's them.
HAHA that was really great ! Well if he had fired me, he would have done me a favour :D
 

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In that type of work situation, I usually try my best to fight back negativity with my kindness. They threaten to fire me? I say "I'm sorry, if you feel like you need to fire me feel free! But i will continue to try my best!" Usually showing your intuition, kindness, and enthusiasm shuts up most toxic bosses.

Sometimes that's hard for me though, because I'm super shy in real life ;-; so I would probably just crumble to the pressure...
 

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I did try to fight negativity with my kindness; however, most often then not it did not work.

OP, of course, a laugh a lot just not around a radioactive waste like your boss. I had bosses like that. They create a negative working environment and they tell you that you should smile.

I laugh at my own account. Sometimes I laugh in public when I remember something funny. I also like to tease family members a lot. However, I am very spontaneous with it.
 
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