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Discussion Starter #1
I have repressed parts of myself over the years because I began to wrongly internalize what others said of me. I felt very negatively about being "too emotional" or "too sensitive," and felt as though somehow these things made me weak or unintelligent.

ENFJs have you battled this as well? How do you reconcile with your feeling center in a world that stigmatizes strong feeling types?
 

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Just reading your short description reminds me of years and years of being told I'm too emotional, too sensitive, with the implication that I'm just an illogical, dumb, naive girl who lets everything get to her. I've felt weak, disgusting, like I don't deserve to cry, or crack or be anything but unmovable, unbreakable rock. I became good at feeling only one thing: numb. I lied to myself and said I was happy. I think the worst part for me was my ex loved to pull this card on me, this too emotional, lighten up card. And because of everything I had already been brainwashed to believe (because even my mom thought I was way too sensitive), I let him cash in that card every time he did something horrible to me.

Now I try to work with my emotions, figure out their true cause rather than lashing out at people and bottling them inside. I've come to accept that there's nothing wrong with my emotions... Or hmmm. Maybe I'm still in the process. Either way, I'm trying to be more responsible with my emotions instead of letting them run rampant and do whatever they want :p
 

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there are different types of sensitivity.

there is always a right time and place. i personally do not know what i am sensitive to (i can't think of anything currently)
i would be a lot more accepting and less dismissive if someone i valued or cared about decided to express their sensitivity in private. the people that know me know i am the last person you want to express your 'sensitivity' around in public.

it really depends on the context of said sensitivity. what you call sensitivity, i call hypersensitivity. you can contain yourself. ask, 'will all this be worth it? was my reaction necessary?'

i like my women sensitive, not overly sensitive... i need to be with someone level-headed too. she cannot express melodramatics either.. i'm not built to tolerate it.

i don't think all sensitive people are illogical. again this depends on the context of sensitivity.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
Just reading your short description reminds me of years and years of being told I'm too emotional, too sensitive, with the implication that I'm just an illogical, dumb, naive girl who lets everything get to her. I've felt weak, disgusting, like I don't deserve to cry, or crack or be anything but unmovable, unbreakable rock. I became good at feeling only one thing: numb. I lied to myself and said I was happy. I think the worst part for me was my ex loved to pull this card on me, this too emotional, lighten up card. And because of everything I had already been brainwashed to believe (because even my mom thought I was way too sensitive), I let him cash in that card every time he did something horrible to me.

Now I try to work with my emotions, figure out their true cause rather than lashing out at people and bottling them inside. I've come to accept that there's nothing wrong with my emotions... Or hmmm. Maybe I'm still in the process. Either way, I'm trying to be more responsible with my emotions instead of letting them run rampant and do whatever they want :p
That's very inspiring, Etherea, thanks for responding. I also had difficulty gaining emotional validation from my mother. I must say you do have quite a few fantastic "rants" in the rant thread. :] I actually miss the feeling of letting all that stuff go. I think if we don't do something with it, it's easy to become bitter and twisted. It's like a plant that has sat for too long under the sun and has dried out and shriveled up.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
there are different types of sensitivity.

there is always a right time and place. i personally do not know what i am sensitive to (i can't think of anything currently)
i would be a lot more accepting and less dismissive if someone i valued or cared about decided to express their sensitivity in private. the people that know me know i am the last person you want to express your 'sensitivity' around in public.

it really depends on the context of said sensitivity. what you call sensitivity, i call hypersensitivity. you can contain yourself. ask, 'will all this be worth it? was my reaction necessary?'

i like my women sensitive, not overly sensitive... i need to be with someone level-headed too. she cannot express melodramatics either.. i'm not built to tolerate it.

i don't think all sensitive people are illogical. again this depends on the context of sensitivity.
I am sensitive to excess stimuli, to scary or depressing/graphic films, to blood and gore, animal cruelty, to criticism, to body language, to tones in another person's voice, to the feelings of others, hell sometimes I feel sorry for inanimate objects. Sometimes I tear up over a newspaper article, or a news report on how a man brought his business back from the grave. I would probably tear up if I saw a teddy bear lying by a dumpster.

I am incredibly sensitive, but I am incredibly strong in spirit. That is who I am.
 

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@Happy about Nothing.

I am sensitive to excess stimuli, to scary or depressing/graphic films, to blood and gore,
we wouldn't have a lot of fun. i enjoy gory, violent, and scary films. horror films are amusing to me. :]
you don't like horror films?


wow. you're sensitive. it's kind of cute. endearing. don't change for anyone.
i have my own deal of sensitivity. nobody will know that, however.

you can cry and feel for me when i injure myself.
 

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i find your sensitivity beautiful in it's own right. why do you think it was a problem?
 

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I'd say I'm emotional and overly sensitive as a guy. The only difference is I don't think feelings are a weakness. There strength. There what keep me from being insensitive to others and there problems. Getting rid of them(which is impossible for me) would make me weak and egocentric in my eyes. And that's true FOR ME. I'm selfish when I'm not sensitive to myself and others. I'll act for me and me alone and that only ends in guilt. I feel that it's my job to care for others. I love helping and caring for others. I want to lead now. I actually want to lead!?! and that's something I feared. Still fear it but I want to overcome it. I want the control my organization and Judging preference can allow me. I know I need to learn to control my emotions, but that hardly means shutting them off. I want to let them be there, but in the healthy doses. I need my emotions. And sensitivity. They help me when I'm with my strong Thinking friends. They help me with my strong feeler friend who is hurting. It helps me to not be to blunt unless I know they need me to be blunt. It helps me recognize when I've crossed my bounds and yeah I own it and say sorry. I messed up. I'm learning to control my emotions. Because up until tonight I was a nervous wreck who acted tough to most people. but it wouldn't be hard to see my nervousness if you got to know me. So now I'm learning to not read into my emotions to much. Or my intuition to much because it's underdeveloped and it can cause me to see things that are simply not there. I'm emotional and sensitive and open and frankly quite feminine in many was but hell I own it. And when controlled and used correctly I'm a really caring guy who loves people and that's very important to me. I Like this thread. And I want a sensitive person. because we can talk.
 

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Personally, I've gone through just so much of this shit and when the dust finally settled, I just didn't care anymore. I became much more apathetic towards myself and the emotions around me and I just focused on the other people that needed help outside of me.

Deep down inside, I know that I'm being used, at least 85% of the time but I just keep telling myself that it's worth it in the end.

Despite being a natural extrovert, I keep a lot of my feelings buried deep down inside and that perhaps gives me a much more INFJ vibe instead.

When I'm outside, I show much stronger thinker traits rather than feeler which might make people think that I'm a very cold person. I don't blame them, I just "accept" it.

I think it all just comes down to acceptance.

I'd say I'm emotional and overly sensitive as a guy. I want to be strong like @Jawz.
@Jawz

Hey Batman, I think we found your new Robin :3
 

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I have found analysing and taking note of my different emotions helps me understand myself better and why I react to certain things. In terms of dealing with my sensitivity in relation to the outside world, I find being honest amount my emotions with myself and people helps me to feel better about myself. I will often tell people serious or joking that I'm sensitive. As far as I am concerned that is who I am and my emotion is valid just like anyone else's.

There used to a time when my emotions ruled my life, like I would literally wake and be frightened of where my emotions would take me. Now with a better understanding of myself I try to never let my emotions get the best of me and because of this I love myself more. I am sensitive and always will be - sometimes that is a bonus and other times it's not but its still what makes me, me.
 

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I think the worst part for me was my ex loved to pull this card on me, this too emotional, lighten up card. And because of everything I had already been brainwashed to believe (because even my mom thought I was way too sensitive), I let him cash in that card every time he did something horrible to me.
Wow, you and me both, my friend. Except my mother never told me I was too emotional - she's more emotional than anyone I know. But she also has trouble dealing with other people's negative emotions, and would often yell at me for feeling bad (those years I was knee-deep in depression had a lot of that). As we all know, sensitive, emotional kids HATE to be yelled at. And so I associated feeling sad or angry with "punishment," and somehow got it into my head that I was not "allowed" to be upset about something. And I had an ex who acted the EXACT same way yours did...it's amazing how "love blinders" and insecurity can make us believe such horrible things about ourselves.

My father, on the other hand, is interesting in his views on this sort of thing. When he gave his speech at his high school graduation, he talked about the most important tools you need in life. His number one? Sensitivity. Not necessarily sensitivity as in reacting to EVERYTHING all the time, but more as in being sensitive to one another - empathy, I suppose. And I've noticed that that's exactly how he deals with people even now. We're very similar in that way, but while he's more of a "talker," I'm more of a "listener."

I suppose emotional stability isn't so much about keeping your emotions "in check" as it is being aware of what they are and what they mean. And knowing how to handle them constructively. I never liked feeling guilty for being sensitive - I do not fall apart at the slightest hint of distress, nor am I particularly expressive when it comes to my emotions...at least, not in public. But it's nice when you surround yourself with people who actually appreciate that about you. When sensitivity is appreciated, it can manifest itself in empathy and warmth. Unless you're an attention whore...then you're just histrionic-ing all over the damn place. Ugh. I knew kids in the drama club in high school who would freak out at the slightest thing. It was annoying...

Freaking out over a legitimate crisis? Understandable. Bursting into tears because you ripped a seam in your costume? Not so much.
 

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It's interesting to see that these feelings are amongst girls as well. I met an ENFJ girl real life, we talked for only about 5minutes, then texted for a few hours and I could just feel that she was ENFJ as me. She, unaware of the personality system, I made her take the test and she said she got ENFJ. As I got to know her better I kind of got envy of her for her gender. I could see how all the ENFJ traits fit much better on women and are much more accepted amongst them. She became a reflection of myself in another gender.

However... Not to take attention from your thoughts, sensitivities and generel life issues... But imagine how it would be if you were of male gender.. And all your kindness were seen upon with suspiscion and interpreted as insincere..
 

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I suppose emotional stability isn't so much about keeping your emotions "in check" as it is being aware of what they are and what they mean. And knowing how to handle them constructively. I never liked feeling guilty for being sensitive - I do not fall apart at the slightest hint of distress, nor am I particularly expressive when it comes to my emotions...at least, not in public. But it's nice when you surround yourself with people who actually appreciate that about you. When sensitivity is appreciated, it can manifest itself in empathy and warmth.
I like this quote.

Thank you very much for this thread. It is very fitting considering how I felt today.

I have been dealing with strong emotions for a long while. I was told often whenever I was very sad (by a very well-meaning and caring person) that I was "too sensitive and needed to be stronger." I believed I was weak. I wondered why other people didn't seem to get upset over people's words the way I did. I cry whenever someone would yell at me. I would hold my feelings in and when I found a quiet place, I would sit with their words and cry for a long while. And in those-not so-common instances whenever I get really angry, I'm so overcome that I end up crying. If I am very frustrated, I cry. And because I believed such strong feelings are a sign of weakness, I cry even more because of my shame.

Through the type theory, I am able to accept this part of myself more and realize it isn't shameful to be sensitive. As someone mentioned earlier in the post, trying to "understand the feelings"-why they are there, what does it mean-rather than condemning them, has worked wonders in making me understand myself better and what my needs are. When I get strong emotions, I never really understand why at first, until I think about it later. The thoughts that come are very insightful and I think helps me to be more compassionate to myself. Because it is then that I realize truly what kind of person I am; what are my needs and what I truly care about. Then if needed, I can make a decision which considers the needs of others and finally, with mine as well.
 

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I know an ENFJ that went through this. You people are almost as good at hiding your feelings as I am.
 
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