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It's not something that I think about all the time. But generally when I observe, I see people who have found their "one" and are very happy in their whole lives, but is this the way it's supposed to be? Is this a normal ideal world, how about for an INFP? How about in your experience? Or is it all just temporary, and not mortality temporary just relationship temporary, and then there are some people who think they have and then fall out terribly and just have to move on... Not really sure where I'm going with this thread... but as someone who is young and has absolutely no experience on this matter to speak of... I'm kind of asking for opinions here.

One of my favourite shows "Peep Show" has a character who is always convinced he has suddenly found "the one" and it's very cringe inducing when he thinks it, but after a while it seems like his perfect match just never shows up, so he goes into a crisis mode when he can't decide whether to marry someone he gets along ok with in the hopes that it'll all end reasonably well off, or whether that is condemning him to a life of misery. For those of us who have found our perfect match it's a fortunate place to be as you'd never have to make any decisions of that sort.
 

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Hiii Adonnus~

Alright.

Assuming there are multiple "the one(s)" out there, then yes, it's normal to find one of the many "ones". Meet another "one" while already engaged with a current "one". Multiple "ones" at the same time. Commit to a single "one" out of many "ones" for life. All totally normal stuff.

Normal ideal world for people to find their "one"? Probably not. A lot of people won't subscribe to that ideal and still be 'normal'.

A lot of factors that play into "til death do us part" relationships beyond love/soulmate. Both likely have an individual belief in monogamy. Perhaps reinforced by socialization. Religion/tradition, values/morals, non-romantic compatibilities. Things are easier if there's similar life direction and goals.

The way it's supposed to be? Everything outside of your brain/body is data. You can take it in, process, organize, filter, interpret, formulate, and present it back as opinions, insights, truths, patterns, etc. But regardless, everything in life is just data. What if this "the one" happy relationship "IS how it's supposed to be?" Does it help your life? No? Then it's not how it's supposed to be, at least not for you. It's only how it's supposed to be for that specific couple. It's helpful for them.

Is it "right" to find the "one"? Not sure what "right" means. What is even right in this crazy existence we all share?

I met someone that I thought would be my "one", back when I believed in a singular, one-soul-out-there-for-me. Yeah, I'm over that now. I still love her, but realize there's many many others and that love =/= relationship.

Actually, Entheos brought up multiple points on this in another thread.

http://personalitycafe.com/infp-forum-idealists/868626-search-non-existent-soulmate-apparently.html#post40016410

Hope this helps, kachow! :cool:
 

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I think "the one" should be a threshold and not an expectation.

When people make a requirement of what "the one" would be like, it seems that they often neglect to include how that person treats them. I have known people who thought they had "the one" while that person treated them like absolute garbage but they endured the treatment because that person checked their list of things they thought they wanted to be happy. If I've learned anything, it is that I do not entirely know what I need and part of relationships is discovering those needs.

I also think a lot of false "ones" were ideal for a specific period of your life while the one should be a person that grows with you and you with them.

That said, I don't think there is anything wrong with the belief - I think when we find a compatible person, they are "the one" in the sense that you are not looking anymore. I think perhaps the idea of "the one" insinuates a reciprocated loyalty and commitment, which is what makes them the one - not the idea that they are the singular ideal person for you walking the planet. That just sounds stressful haha
 

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I like astrologys view on love. You have a short term, passionate lover and a long term but less satisfying marriage partner.

I had a really strong soul mate connection with an ENTP who I was never physical with. I would call him the love of my life but we couldnt even have a physical relationship.. it was almost as if our relationship was purely spiritual. It almost broke me when it all fell apart but my INTJ love was waiting in the background for me. [we had an off and on again relationship, partly because I was attracted to the ENTP who is monogamous and partly because my INTJ has a lot of obnoxious flaws.] I would call him my lover because it was brief and passionate while it lasted. I have a fetish which means I can mentally orgasm and he made me do that all the time to the point where I was addicted to him. The ENTP knew how to hurt me worst than anyone but he also made me happier than anyone else could. Our love was literally electric. He was constantly challenging me to the point that it became stressful

My INTJ and I are much more physical, we can have actual straightforward conversations about anything our hearts desire. We are on the same page, physically. Our opinions dont differ so much, we dont hurt each other as deeply or make each other as happy, but we feel calmer in each others presence and feel like we can be our whole selves around each other. He takes me on the dates Ive always dreamed of and he knows how to touch me and give me space when I need it. It isnt perfect because hes poly and that bothers me a little but it works out better in the long run because Im a Gemini venus which means I sort of have wandering eyes. Hes not jealous and neither am I. Well probably never be married but we have a solid relationship that is made for longterm. We have the same goals in life. We are devoted to each other. Also my Natal chart said Id never be married.. so yeah.. being a Gemini venus sort of sucks. I would call him my marriage partner because hes always been there and always will be.

I like this idea of love.
To love is to walk together, and in walking together to seek the best path.
Thats a quote from .hack GU, from the character Kaede. I agree 100%.

After experiencing the heartwrenching feeling of losing my ENTP spiritual lover than finding love with this more solid INTJ made me feel more wise about love. I would go through that ordeal again and again just knowing theres a light at the end of the tunnel.

Ill always love the ENTP but maybe someday in another life well meet again and be together again.

Interestingly they share the same birthday and have met each other. Actually my INTJ told the ENTP that I liked him before I could confess my feelings to the ENTP.
 

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I don’t know. Love is an ongoing series of decisions that never ends. Don’t think that because you find someone who is your “one” means you won’t have to make painful decisions, won’t meet other “ones”, won’t second-guess or doubt. People grow and change. Find someone you like and are attracted to who shares your basic values. Find someone whose broken places are tolerable to you, because we are all broken. And then commit to making it work.
 

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I don't think it has to be right to find the one or not find the one.

But I do think that people should try to be kind to each other, and especially avoid harming those in intimate relationships with them. Trust and idk...people are important.

If someone doesn't particularly care for 'the one' concept, but prefers more, then I think that is 'right' so long as they are making an effort to leave people in as good condition or better than they were, and they are clear about their goals and also their plans with that person.

If someone does want to find the one, then I think that's right too so long as the same. That they treat them well as people.

I usually do think of finding 'the one' but it could also just be how I tend not to really want to get close to a lot of people, or at least spend an extended amount of time with them. So I probably wouldn't be interested in someone who's also not trying to find the one, but I don't think that makes them less 'right,' but perhaps less right ​for me.
 

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It's not something that I think about all the time. But generally when I observe, I see people who have found their "one" and are very happy in their whole lives, but is this the way it's supposed to be? Is this a normal ideal world, how about for an INFP? How about in your experience? Or is it all just temporary, and not mortality temporary just relationship temporary, and then there are some people who think they have and then fall out terribly and just have to move on... Not really sure where I'm going with this thread... but as someone who is young and has absolutely no experience on this matter to speak of... I'm kind of asking for opinions here.

One of my favourite shows "Peep Show" has a character who is always convinced he has suddenly found "the one" and it's very cringe inducing when he thinks it, but after a while it seems like his perfect match just never shows up, so he goes into a crisis mode when he can't decide whether to marry someone he gets along ok with in the hopes that it'll all end reasonably well off, or whether that is condemning him to a life of misery. For those of us who have found our perfect match it's a fortunate place to be as you'd never have to make any decisions of that sort.
Well, a 'one' would be based off expectations and ideals...which may or may not fall in line with actual standards desired in a romantic partnership. For example, my 'one' has a specific set of characteristics physically, personality wise, etc. but my standards are simply for someone to provide me security through solid communication and support. Everything else is icing on the cake. I think identifying in the simplest terms what we crave in a relationship is key, because INFPs tend to get bogged down in frivolous details.

I will say though, that someone will choose to be with you, it's not something simply by chance. Relationships don't survive off chance, but by intention. They don't die by fate either, but by conscious choices by one or all sides to not continue.
 

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Just my opinion - - ->> don't ever sell yourself short by not ending up with "The One".

With 7.4 billion on earth, the odds are stacked in your favor, she/he is out there. When he/she arrives, you will know. There will be absolutely no question at all in your mind, as to what has happened to you.

Life is long -- you deserve a life spent with "The One" not with a partner, known as, "Not Even Close, To The One".

Be idealistic in your search. Don't settle.
 

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In order to find "the one", you have to know two things.

1. Who you are.
2. What you want.

How to know who you are?

Through relationships with others.

How to know what you want?

Through relationships with others.

How do you maintain relationships?

Through compromise.

When do the compromises we make for the sake of a relationship become unworthy of the effort?

When we realize that we are no longer respected.

But does respect disintegrate or was it not there from the very start when we analyze a failed relationship.

Often it is a matter of one or both partners not really being clear on the two things necessary in order to find "the One".
 

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I don't think about it. Even if you find them, there's no guarantees you'll end up together. It's not my main focus in life. If I find her great, and if not I can function alone. It's not my first priority like how it is for some people.
 

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It depends on the cafes you go to. Some do nicer scones than others: if they appear excessively larger than they ought to be, it might be fair to say the mixture wasn't very good and the chef/baker wanted to get rid of them as soon as possible without causing wastage. Sometimes I go a bit adventurous by eyeing the cheesecakes: you can get these delightful cookies-and-cream ones that are ultimately divine alongside a pot of tea (so long as you brew your tea right); if you or the barista brews the tea poorly, or perhaps the boiled water was too boiled and burnt the tea, all the pressure is on the cheesecake, which can alter your perception of taste if you find yourself overwhelmed with expectations, leaving you with crumbled spirits. I can never mention a cafe without thinking of their sausage-rolls: I love a good sausage filling, so if you're familiar with eating them, you will know what you're looking for when you observe the pastry (is it crisp and flaky, or underdone and floppy; how about the caramelisation? Too dark, too light, etc?), and always ask if it comes with a salad.

But generally when I observe, I see people who have found their "one" and are very happy in their whole lives, but is this the way it's supposed to be? Is this a normal ideal world, how about for an INFP? How about in your experience? Or is it all just temporary, and not mortality temporary just relationship temporary, and then there are some people who think they have and then fall out terribly and just have to move on
I hear you. Nobody is happy their whole lives - if they were, I would be asking whether it's right/normal to feel that way, too. Personally, I think it's everybody's ideal to fin the right one: one with good atmosphere; good feels in the seats and cushions; good dealings with customers but putting your needs before their own: and this is irrelevant of type. Sure, some people might be more of a bar/restaurant style, or something with big ratings, but those findings are usually expensive, and tend to reject customers who don't dress a certain way (sometimes, for you might hit a jackpot). Anything in relationship to human life is temporary: even our "forever" is temporary. Never assume a cafe's forever will be longer than yours: you may find one with a strong owner who runs their place like there's no tomorrow; but you may find one where the owner gets bored and wants to try new things -- if you're going to a cafe by putting your needs first, you can hardly expect the owner to not think about their needs, too.
 

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In order to find "the one", you have to know two things.

1. Who you are.
2. What you want.
Perfectly agreeable, with the caveat that those two things are what the ego/conscious mind, and generically people's psyche, spend the best of their effort, during their entire lifetimes, to never know.
Because that would disrupt too many other things the mind needs to live.

Let's not even mention the compelling needs, often playing an important part in the conscious, to believe the reverse of what it is (regarding both 1. and 2.).
 

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Anything in relationship to human life is temporary: even our "forever" is temporary.
This depends on a myriad elements best resumed by: how close to either end of the simian-highly-conscious,
fully integrated Self
continuum every person falls.
The first trait standing out among the others is: one mind's horizon's temporal width: how far in time it can foresee. This is linked with self-consciousness, and consciousness of one's part, of course.

It's true, each person, when using words, does something comparable to a monetary institutions issuing currency.
The value/reliabilty/... of the currency derive, and mirror, their source's.
And of course, we all have the same words (more or less) at our disposal to communicate — and nothing is as natural as the illusion, in the people who'd never have conceived some ideas and ideals, that they are using words not for them.

Actually... and this has its logic to it, the less they know what certain words imply, the most ease they spell them out with.

It's part of the game of interpersonal communication and relations — and the illusions of equality society couldn't do without at the stage of development it has reached.

It's a jungle — but no-one's uses such a word as a jungle, nor do they all the vocabulary of the wild, engendering confusion, and sharp disillusion in the innocent — until he has figured out the chasm between words and things.
 

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I don't know if I believe in "the one" but they're not someone I actively look for, regardless. If I tried, I think I would eventually become discouraged from so many failed attempts, and wouldn't recognize them when I met them after that.

Besides, I don't even know what they would be like. They might be someone I don't initially even want to speak to. If I look for specific types of people, I could exclude others in the process. They could literally be anyone from a homeless man to Judge Judy for all I know.
 

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I also think there a several people that can meet my standards, believing in 'the one' would be quite depressing actually (1 in 7 billion is not the type of odds I like, then again I'm not a gambler).
If I find someone that meets my expectations and actually loves me too, I'll do everything in my power to make it work. If for whatever reason the relationship ends, I won't give up on love though (that sounds like a cheesy 80s love song hehe).

I've got a friend who got rejected by a girl he thought was the one, so he just decided to stay celibate (and asexual I think), it saddens me but it's his choice and I respect it.
 
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