The mismatch, as I believe I have discovered, is in the fact that I have no real idea of how close other people expect me to get with them. I dislike being called upon to be an emotional support for others even though I can empathize with their loneliness and desire to connect with others.I get this every now and then, especially when there's someone who is getting too close or attached to me. I intuitively know that their feelings for me and mine for them are mismatched and that since I know this, I should prevent them from getting any closer in order to spare their feelings. It's a weird place to be in, because there's always a bit of doubt that comes with these pieces of intuition, so there's part of me that tells me I'm just being cold for no reason. There's also a part of me that obviously cares abut them and wants them to be in my life. So then I get stuck in a position where I feel guilty for staying and guilty for being cold about it because I can't decide what to do...
Anyway this also happens with things that have nothing to do with me. Like forgiving people or sparing them certain criticisms or thoughts because I can tell where they are in life emotionally and think that it would do them more bad than good. Then others think I'm to easy on people or that I'm spineless because, they take people at face value and I see things that for all I know might not even be there.
Have you guys experienced this before, do you have any words of wisdom to share about these types of situations?
It seems to me that I'm drawn to those who also are uncomfortable with closeness and when I reached out to them in the past, they have shown a cold or disappointing response and it never develops.
I take what seems to be the easiest and most natural paths with people (forgiveness comes easily, sparing them criticism) because I want relationships to be as effortless as possible. when they get overly demanding or leading me into an uncomfortable direction I immediately begin to back away.
I don't like this about myself, but I have learned that I am of no use to anyone if I try to accommodate the role they seem to be demanding of me.
