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Do you feel like other's emotions are your responsibility?

2774 Views 18 Replies 12 Participants Last post by  The Nameless Composer
I get this every now and then, especially when there's someone who is getting too close or attached to me. I intuitively know that their feelings for me and mine for them are mismatched and that since I know this, I should prevent them from getting any closer in order to spare their feelings. It's a weird place to be in, because there's always a bit of doubt that comes with these pieces of intuition, so there's part of me that tells me I'm just being cold for no reason. There's also a part of me that obviously cares abut them and wants them to be in my life. So then I get stuck in a position where I feel guilty for staying and guilty for being cold about it because I can't decide what to do... :confused:

Anyway this also happens with things that have nothing to do with me. Like forgiving people or sparing them certain criticisms or thoughts because I can tell where they are in life emotionally and think that it would do them more bad than good. Then others think I'm to easy on people or that I'm spineless because, they take people at face value and I see things that for all I know might not even be there.

Have you guys experienced this before, do you have any words of wisdom to share about these types of situations?
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Everyone is responsible for someone else feelings to SOME degree.

-Person bullying and humillating me. Yes. Bullies are responsible for the feelings of someone else, having to cope with shame as social - regulating mechanism, because human beings need to belong in the group.
No. I'm not responsible for feeling shame. They are responsible for my feelings in this case.
-Guy flirting, displaying attraction, searching girls attention actively, making me feel things, and then have to take it back, because he already has a girlfriend. Yes. He's responsible for my feelings.
-However: if I feel an old sense of shame crippling over me, because he let me expose myself. He's not responsible for my feelings. I don't have to lash out to the guy because I feel a certain way. I know it's an old coping - mechanism. While I was bullied I reacted - like the normal human reaction, with shame + shutting myself in, to avoid further human rejection. Guy who was attracted and painfully sorried himself. Romantic feelings his responsibility. Yes. He lead me on. Responsible for my emotional reaction of shame, no!
-Me trying to help my depressed friend, and she cutting of the friendship and lashing out to me, because she can't talk about her emotions. Me being responsible for her angry reaction. Hell no.
-Me feeling sad because that friend reacts that way. She responsible for my feelings? Only partly, I can regulate my own thoughts and see it from a different perspective.
-NT - dad says something that offends me, that wasn't meant to be offensive. Is he responsible for my emotional reaction? No.

So am I responsible for someone else feelings? Yes. I am responsible. I can bully people to suicide, I can lead someone on, I can comfort someone, I can make someone happy, I can make someone sad.
Yes. I am responsible for what someone else feels. And do take my responsibility for that as much as I can and don't ever misuse it.
However, when the person has personal issues, or is tuned in the wrong way, reacts in a way, lashes out to me, feels offended, hates me for actual now reason. I am not longer responsible for that persons feelings towards me. It's something inside the person itself.

We're all responsible for our own and each others feelings. It's important to respect the feelings of others, it's also important to regulate the own thoughts and feelings and knowing yourself. Why are you feeling this emotional reaction towards a neutral someone or statement. You can't blame the other party for every emotional reaction they cause inside you. Not everyone else is responsible for your feelings. Neither are you responsible for all your own feelings. Humans are social creatures. When someone mistreats you, you're not responsible for your own feelings. Yet, you have to regulate yourself. You can feel hurt, but you can't stay forever unhappy, because bad things has overcome you in life. You are responsible for your own feelings and mental state to some degree. Because to some degree you can regulate yourself, even when the other was responsible for what you felt.
Responsibility of feelings, is mostly shared.
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