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Well? Do you?

  • I'm male and yes.

    Votes: 6 19.4%
  • I'm male and no.

    Votes: 11 35.5%
  • I'm female and yes.

    Votes: 7 22.6%
  • I'm female and no.

    Votes: 7 22.6%
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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I mean this very generally. Like do you call him/her 'mine?' Or say stuff like 'you belong to me?' Do you expect them to not do certain things you do not approve of? Do you feel jealous/possessiveness when they get attention from members of the opposite (or same, as applicable) sex? Do you sometimes feel the need to 'mark' them as yours in situations where they might be seen as desirable by others?

Do you think this kind of thing is a natural result of forming a bond with someone? How much is too much? If it's not present is that a sign of maturity and trust or a lack of passion/desire? Or does it depend on the individual couple? Individual couple. ANYWAY. Should this feeling of ownership be mutual?
 

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Biblically, it's argued as so...it's an interesting conundrum. But, it's actually like the two people own each other. Not as much as the male domineering. I kind of like this idea in a way, but I kind of understand about having too much ownership and not completely depending on your spouse over your own identity.

I don't know though, I used to get really jealous of my girlfriends....I still may get jealous in the present and future. I am just a huge follower of monogamy. I understand now that flirting and physical attraction of other people outside of your partner is possible and hard to avoid at times, but I don't think you have to follow through on it or anything. A committed relationship will follow through and stay faithful.
 
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Only in terms of BDSM. Other than that, no. I don't get jealous.

I don't think it's healthy at all. Being natural doesn't automatically make it good. Earthquakes are natural. I don't want to own them but they like to be owned by me. That's why BDSM helps. BDSM sometimes is about displaying animal instincts. Let that all out in sexy times and not let it affect us in other activities. We still remain as independent individuals.
 
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I do say that when flirting usually, or just to install a sort of dom game yeah, other than that hell no
 

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To a lesser degree, yes. I'm not usually jealous of my partner getting attention from the opposite sex. But if my partner expresses that they find someone else attractive and/or want to have sex with them, I might feel jealous - especially if it's someone they're already close with. I think that's normal... Why wouldn't you get nervous when your partner expresses interest in someone who could potentially take them away from you?

I don't feel ownership toward them, like expecting my partner to do certain things or act a certain way, etc. I feel more of a familial bond, almost like one would feel with their parents or child. I don't want to lose this person from my life, and I know that if they fall in love with someone else that's exactly what will happen.
 

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Sharp Cutting Thing
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I mean this very generally. Like do you call him/her 'mine?' Or say stuff like 'you belong to me?' Do you expect them to not do certain things you do not approve of? Do you feel jealous/possessiveness when they get attention from members of the opposite (or same, as applicable) sex? Do you sometimes feel the need to 'mark' them as yours in situations where they might be seen as desirable by others?
Yes to all of this.
Do you think this kind of thing is a natural result of forming a bond with someone? How much is too much? If it's not present is that a sign of maturity and trust or a lack of passion/desire? Or does it depend on the individual couple? Individual couple. ANYWAY. Should this feeling of ownership be mutual?
Yes, very much so, at least for people like me who find possession very hot in bed. Obviously, though, it's something that becomes unhealthy when pushed too far, like when it becomes about control instead, obsession, stifling your partner and not allowing her the freedom to actually live her life. That shit can become dangerous. Whether or not it's present varies from couple to couple -- I should think Sx's like me find it sexier because at a certain level we're all about marking things. Whether you're mature about it or not depends massively on your restraint, your ability to control yourself rather than giving in entirely to the desire to control your partner.

And finally, absolutely! It isn't just about possessing your partner, it's about being yourself possessed by them. The reciprocity is important here; there's a whole lexicon of flirting in possession that can be badly misread and misunderstood by someone who can't access it.
 

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Like do you call him/her 'mine?' Or say stuff like 'you belong to me?'
Nope, though I might be like they're my girlfriend/partner as a way of conveying i'm in a relationship with them

Do you expect them to not do certain things you do not approve of?
I might express dislike of somethings but I kind of wish to let them be independent of me and do what they do, if what they do is an issue discuss it and find some resolution. But not interested in the slightest to dictate what they do, what a drain, barely do that for myself XD

Do you feel jealous/possessiveness when they get attention from members of the opposite (or same, as applicable) sex? Do you sometimes feel the need to 'mark' them as yours in situations where they might be seen as desirable by others?
Nah, I don't think it bothers me if someone finds them attractive or gives them attention, in fact thats the very thing that annoys me, when people infer that you're hitting on someones girlfriend because you bother to engage in conversation with them.
I don't feel the need to, I generally trust them to assert themselves, though if I saw they felt uncomfortable I might pop into the situation.

Do you think this kind of thing is a natural result of forming a bond with someone?
Natural? I don't know, there's people that could be arguably natural for them to not be monogamous. I think there is certainly a preference and that with monogamy there is setting of a boundary of infidelity, which can be a bit like they share their love only to me in this way and so on which is perhaps inherently possessive but need not take the negative connotations like the thought of owning someone.
Rather I think of it as a mutual partnership to which if it's no longer mutual they're free to leave but they're willing to stay, more of an agreement than something coercive.

How much is too much?
When its distressing the relationship, perhaps for me when they're too much inequality in power or perhaps just abuse of ones power which could be defined by perpetual harm. People who commit domestic violence are quite controlling, in the research a lot of studies don't include a single incident of hitting as evidence of domestic violence necessarily but emphasis that its controlling the partner and evident in their psychological state, that it's not about hitting but controlling them mentally and that physical violence is merely a means to that end.
So mental distress from a toxic person is too much.

If it's not present is that a sign of maturity and trust or a lack of passion/desire?
Both perhaps, it takes maturity to not be so insecure as to be anxious over a guy talking to your partner, but do think it can also be a sign that the other person perhaps isn't invested if they show little concern for their partner, but that doesn't necessarily entail possessiveness.

Or does it depend on the individual couple? Individual couple. ANYWAY. Should this feeling of ownership be mutual?
Hmm, I think i'd just state that if it's a problem then it's a problem, for some it may not be much of a problem but if the other person doesn't like it than it is a problem, up to the couple to resolve.
 

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Yes, I do feel a mild sense of possessiveness!

It seems reasonable to me because my SO and I have a mutual agreement to be loyal to one another before any other peers; in that sense, he "belongs" to me as my first priority, and I "belong" to him as his first priority. I also feel it with my family members, and arguably there is less rationality there: we were placed together by chance, not agreement. But love is a funny thing and does not always follow the rules of logic.

Regarding the health of the feeling, I assume it probably has a lot to do with how individuals demonstrate and interpret intimacy and fidelity. I don't think anyone lacks passion or desire if they don't experience it, but nor do I think having it is due to a lack of trust or other detrimental factors. As I said before, it seems reasonable given that it derives from a mutual agreement into which both parties willingly entered.

Personally, I don't think it matters much if my SO feels it too. It'd be cute if he does, but I don't find it concerning if he doesn't, as long as he still desires to be with me and promises to be loyal to me. What I do expect from him is for him to keep good on his promise to be loyal to me. I recognize that he can't always know exactly what I would want, so I just expect him to behave in a manner that treats me with respect and affection, making a reasonable effort to prioritize my wellbeing when it's not detrimental to him, and not raising anyone else to the same level of priority.

As for more outwardly... yes, I will sometimes call him "mine", though that's mostly between us to demonstrate affection. I definitely experience a stronger feeing of possessiveness/jealousy around "competition", and I believe that I do tend to behave a little more possessive around him when we are with other females my age, even when they're taken - and especially when they have attributes I know he finds attractive. To me it feels like a very natural impulse. I tend to initiate physical contact with him more and to engage with him in a "couple-y" way more. It just feels like a nonverbal way of saying, "we are firmly together; don't even bother." I suppose it is a little defensive/aggressive, but I like to protect my investments, and he seems to enjoy the extra attention.
 

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I voted No, because I don't think you own another human being or shouldn't. Any healthy relationship is more like a consensual, mutual responsibility to one another, and each couple can define their own boundaries.
 

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Do you feel some sense of ownership towards your significant others?

Ownership? Only of their problems. My mission is to free them, not to cage them up. I encourage them not to resist their temptations. Love and sex should be free at all times and consequently not contractual items of marriage. Supply and demand. Better is the enemy of good. Nur nicht aus Liebe weinen ...
 

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Like do you call him/her 'mine?' Or say stuff like 'you belong to me?'
No. Sometimes I say stuff like "you're my person".

Do you expect them to not do certain things you do not approve of?
Yes, but mostly related to cleanliness and organization. We live together, and I am really neat and organized whereas he is really messy/oblivious. So I expect him not to throw random stuff on the floor rather than putting it where it belongs, not to get crumbs all over the floor whenever he eats something, not to let clutter pile up (ie. mail that has not been sorted through) etc. I also expect him to be reasonably put together when we go out (ie. not with stains all over his clothes) and to shower regularly. I also get upset when he eats too much sugar or when he doesn't want to eat vegetables, but that's because I don't want him to die.

Do you feel jealous/possessiveness when they get attention from members of the opposite (or same, as applicable) sex? Do you sometimes feel the need to 'mark' them as yours in situations where they might be seen as desirable by others?
No, my fiance is like the most monogamous person in the world, so it's really irrelevant if someone else finds him attractive. He gets upset if someone shows attraction to me though, but more because he sees it as the other person disrespecting our relationship. If someone else started flirting with him I think I would just find it funny like "aww! they think they have a chance with him!"

Do you think this kind of thing is a natural result of forming a bond with someone? How much is too much? If it's not present is that a sign of maturity and trust or a lack of passion/desire? Or does it depend on the individual couple? Should this feeling of ownership be mutual?
I think two people in a relationship should encourage each other to grow. And anyone in a relationship has to set boundaries of acceptable behavior.
 

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Yes, I call him mine. He calls me his, but due to the D/s setup, his words can carry more than one meaning with that sentence, haha. I will say that while I feel possessive, I don't feel like I 'own' him. Our relationship is mutually agreed upon and can be terminated if just one decides to. Ultimately, he can leave whenever he wishes to. That being said, I do feel like as long as the agreement is still valid, I get exclusive rights to him romantically. Monogamy has been agreed upon. I feel like feeling some possessiveness over your SO fine as long as it stays healthy. Getting visibly upset anytime he's just talking to someone of the opposite gender is too far, but I'll admit when he's going to do something alone with someone, I do feel a bit of a kneejerk uneasyness. I trust him, I really do, but just those setups still kinda bug me haha. He's aware of this and will do his best like telling me where's he's going and for how long and maybe send me a cute message when he gets time while he's there. I can control how i react to my emotions, but I can't really control what I feel though I still feel bad for it as I feel it means I'm too attached and distrust him.
 

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Yes, she's my bitch, and she is my property. No... wait! it's the other way around :dry:

Treebob hurry up! Remove 10 points from me, because I made an innocent joke that seemed like it was against women, but actually I was the joke. Hurry up Treebob! Don't let this male-chauvinist be. Protect the flora of the forum before it spreads like cancer.
 
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