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I'm not talking about romantic love. I know there's a lot written about 4's and romance. I mean, do you meet people and just find it so easy to love them.

I know with me, it's so easy for me to love people. I think crushing on people easily is an extent of how easy it is for me to love people in general, and even when people make me angry like all the time, as long as they're sincere and, at some level, mean well, it's easy for me to continue loving them.

So thoughts...?
 

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Enneagram 3w4 ENTJ
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@dulcinea I think that's a very lovable and admirable trait! :D

I do as well, I'm a very loving, accepting person. I look for the good in people and I find it.

Even for those who aren't loving, it's usually just fear. They don't feel safe enough to open up to people, or they feel threatened by people. I don't feel threatened by (most) people or things in general, so I'm able to love freely, deeply, and openly!

It's that fear/safety dichotomy, I think, even if it's only fear of an ego-diminishment or of a diminished reputation in the eyes of others.

When people don't feel safe, it's hard to love. :( So really, strength and the ability to love go hand in hand.

Also, what a virtuous cycle: be loving/give love, be lovable/receive love.
 

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Aww yeah that is a good quality.

But in my case, no, I actually have a hard time really loving people. I'm anywhere from neutral to nice towards most everyone but it's hard for me to go further than (varying degrees of) appreciation or admiration, unless they're family. I deeply care about some of my closest friends, but not quite love. Maybe it's fear or not feeling a sense of security (I do have type 6 second in my tritype), or just feeling distant.

I do get crushes quite easily, and I give people the benefit of the doubt more times than I should, and I want to focus on their good traits, yet I haven't really seen that as a sign of loving people easily.
 

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I experience the platonic 'love' as a strong bond, a 'spiritual kinship' in a way. In general, I am cautious and picky with whom I allow to see the full extent of the real me. I try to be authentic, but I still maintain a protective persona/facade. The shame/ rejection/ inadequacy thing basically.

Nonetheless, there are a few people in my life who made a big impact on me, they draw me out of my shell and help me to transform from the melancholic, brooding hermit to a more worldy, active and positive person. I am in love with a beautiful soul, a bright smile, honesty and warmth. I love my immediate family - parents and a few selected relatives, small in number. There is an extroverted friend, however, whom I perceive as a bright person, a light in a way. Not the metaphoric savior, but quite close to it. Another (introverted) person and I went trough a lot of pressure during our studies, they reduced applicants from 300 -> ~60 to weed out the relaxed ones as they called it. We had many interesting discussions, connect well due to our educational background and we 'shared the pain' (stress, red-bull induced study extravaganza, sleep deprivation, knock out exams). There are two more of these people in my life. They are more to me than merely friends or acquaintences, I love them for who they are and feel a strong kinship to these individuals. Sounds cheesy? - so be it. Platonic ofc.

Things have changed greatly im the recent years though. On my path to spiritual growth, I have learned that being cautious, distrustful, cold and distanced leads to a self-fulfilling prophecy in a way. The law of attraction, you get what you give. Nowadays, I try to be genial and compassionate towards people by default, inclination changes however with further actions and discussions. People are like icebergs, to overuse the metaphor :D You only see the tip, but the real self is submerged and one needs to dig deeper.
 

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It used to be so effortless for me. Platonic love, that is. Sometimes it felt I was just bursting with love and adoration and hope for the people in my life (those I liked, lol), and appreciation for how they fit into the vastly complex web of this world. I can still very easily see individual strengths, and adore people for who they are, buuuuut I am a lot slower to become attached.

I mean, even back then, it was kind of a distant attachment, where I would scarcely reciprocate the degree to which people opened up to me. But I think eventually I realize that this was just a way to feel close to others without becoming vulnerable, and then it started feeling like a sketchy power issue - even though I never exploited or tried to manipulate others, it never gave them the same opportunities to influence or affect me in a vulnerable state. I just liked the fact I was so trusted/admired.

That, combined with overextending myself for the sake of like... curiosity, and disoriented navigation through life... I started withdrawing more and more.

Now, I still feel at my core like a deeply loving person. But I channel it more by burying myself in pursuit of knowledge, and mentally connecting it to humanity. When I do meet someone I truly connect with, it's fulfilling and thrilling more so than perhaps anything else in the world. And I would do almost anything to help protect them or help them find happiness. But it takes a very strong intuition or special connection before I make myself truly vulnerable (even though I am VERY open, like, inappropriately so), and even then I am afraid and wary to give up a lot of time or commitment, for fear of over-extending/letting people down.

So my social world is a lot smaller, and I feel a lot colder inside, and I've always been very comfortably oriented towards my own thoughts and private pursuits. I'm both extremely okay with this -- like I'm not really motivated to change it and I don't think it's inherently a bad thing... *and* I also miss people and still manage to feel guilty for letting others down in my absence. Can't win.

I guess the point is - yes, I love easily, when I let myself. But I'm not overly willing to let myself.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
It used to be so effortless for me. Platonic love, that is. Sometimes it felt I was just bursting with love and adoration and hope for the people in my life (those I liked, lol), and appreciation for how they fit into the vastly complex web of this world. I can still very easily see individual strengths, and adore people for who they are, buuuuut I am a lot slower to become attached.

I mean, even back then, it was kind of a distant attachment, where I would scarcely reciprocate the degree to which people opened up to me. But I think eventually I realize that this was just a way to feel close to others without becoming vulnerable, and then it started feeling like a sketchy power issue - even though I never exploited or tried to manipulate others, it never gave them the same opportunities to influence or affect me in a vulnerable state. I just liked the fact I was so trusted/admired.

That, combined with overextending myself for the sake of like... curiosity, and disoriented navigation through life... I started withdrawing more and more.

Now, I still feel at my core like a deeply loving person. But I channel it more by burying myself in pursuit of knowledge, and mentally connecting it to humanity. When I do meet someone I truly connect with, it's fulfilling and thrilling more so than perhaps anything else in the world. And I would do almost anything to help protect them or help them find happiness. But it takes a very strong intuition or special connection before I make myself truly vulnerable (even though I am VERY open, like, inappropriately so), and even then I am afraid and wary to give up a lot of time or commitment, for fear of over-extending/letting people down.

So my social world is a lot smaller, and I feel a lot colder inside, and I've always been very comfortably oriented towards my own thoughts and private pursuits. I'm both extremely okay with this -- like I'm not really motivated to change it and I don't think it's inherently a bad thing... *and* I also miss people and still manage to feel guilty for letting others down in my absence. Can't win.

I guess the point is - yes, I love easily, when I let myself. But I'm not overly willing to let myself.
I'm like this too
Just because I love easily doesn't mean I let someone in easily
It just means I accept people for who they are and find something to love
I find it extremely difficult to see even the worst behaved person, and think "this person is not lovable"
It hurts me to think like that.
But I do have a sense of what people might harm me emotionally if I get close
So I just love them from a distance.
 

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Love and opening up don't come easy to me. I would even say I'm a bit detached from others. Well, in a way; I can understand them well enough to relate and can even usually understand people that are fundamentally different. But I definitely create distance, especially lately when I'm doubting whether my best friends are even my friends at all.

I guess I'm just a cross of the 4w5/5w4 stereotypes; detached observer and melancholic idealist.
 

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I don't love easy. I do fall in love easily. I become very intimate with friends even to the point it's borderline in love. It's just how i am. I love to know people deeply, get to their core. I tend to be very passionate about people. I can't help it. But I'm very all or nothing about people. Certain people will draw me in and I'll become incredibly fascinated, but most people bore me because they're too afraid to go deep and dark within themselves and the universe

What I notice is that I always have someone I'm fantasizing about. One person for an extended period of time so long as I'm single
 

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but most people bore me because they're too afraid to go deep and dark within themselves and the universe
Huh.
Like many 4s I imagine, I crave this level of acceptance, but yet I tend to detach and avoid intimacy. When I read this statement, I got a strong mirrored feel, like it's the opposite of me but somehow still on the spectrum of relatability. What a confusing feeling.
 

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Absolutely I feel you. Healthy 4w5 are extremely loving and I find I am especially so with children. Like I FUCKING love kids and maybe its because Ive been an amazing aunt most of my life but I see children down the street or in movies and I literally am gushing love over them. It also spills over into love of movies, books, characters, ideas, settings, etc as well.
 

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I love/like people and in the most expected extrovert way, interactions with people in general (even neutral, and especially nice interactions) make me feel great. I think for 4s its easy to love people because of their emotional intensity.

I love to know people deeply, get to their core. I tend to be very passionate about people. I can't help it. But I'm very all or nothing about people.
I also relate to this, however contradictory it might be to my previous paragraph. I feel like I can truly love people for who they really are only when (I at least think) I know their essence (or core) really well and when I truly understand their motives and passions (and for me to think this doesn't necessarily take a long time).

What I notice is that I always have someone I'm fantasizing about. One person for an extended period of time so long as I'm single
Yes...this...I find that I do this sort of unconciously and that my target is usually someone who I see on an almost daily basis. I think I like doing this because my fantasies about the person kind of entertain me emotionally, if that makes sense (but I rarely act on something like that because in the end reality always blows my bubble and then I move on to someone else haha)...
 

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I find that I find good in people easily but it usually takes time for me to get the point where I completely trust and love them. Yes, I do mean in the general platonic sense. There are some people I hit it off with right away but in a group setting, this can be a bit harder for me. I love having that connection and knowing that we are going to be good friends. People are great but I really need to get to know them. I start out liking them and trying to learn more about them. The more I know I can be safe around them, the more I let my guard down. There is a certain barrier that needs to be broken down. I wish people well in general but I have different comfort levels with different people.

That is just general love, as for crushes, I don't get crushes that easily if we are talking about people in general. However, there is a certain type of person that I fall for easily. Okay, there are multiple qualities that go into it and when I do fall for people in that way, I get it really bad. I can't stop thinking about them and am very reluctant to let the other person know. It also takes me time to realize and admit it to myself but once I do then I can't stop thinking about them.
 

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I don't love easy. I do fall in love easily. I become very intimate with friends even to the point it's borderline in love. It's just how i am. I love to know people deeply, get to their core. I tend to be very passionate about people. I can't help it. But I'm very all or nothing about people. Certain people will draw me in and I'll become incredibly fascinated, but most people bore me because they're too afraid to go deep and dark within themselves and the universe

What I notice is that I always have someone I'm fantasizing about. One person for an extended period of time so long as I'm single
I relate so hard to this.
 
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