Personality Cafe banner

1 - 20 of 28 Posts

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,247 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Not sure if it's an INFJ thing but I do this a lot. :unsure:

I often fear people taking advantage of my kindness so I hold back myself from giving too much.

Anyway, just wondering, does any INFJs relate to me about this holding back thing?
Do you find yourself holding back your kindness because you don't want your kindness to be taken advantaged by people?


I don't mind being generous toward beggars/homeless people because I only see them once and they have a low chance of taking advantage of my kindness, but toward family and friends I am more reserved in showing my kindness toward them because I fear being taken advantaged by them


Can any INFJs here relate to this? :ninja:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
556 Posts
I see INFJs handing out the kindness a little too freely imo...

That said, fuck everyone! I save my kindness for the deserving! XD (Actually, maybe that's partly why I avoid people so much, because everyone always want favours and I really dislike like having to say "no" all of the time.

For me it applies to everyone; I never ask anything of anyone else. Nothing. Never ever ever. So I feel it's totally fair for other people not to expect anything from me in turn - yet a lot of people seem to have issues with said mentality?

Edit: My ENFJ mother is the absolute worst when it comes to this. Incapable of saying no, gets used and walked all over on an almost daily basis; she gets annoyed, vents to me, gets over it and then repeats the cycle (for ten yeeeeeeeeears~ rofl!)
 
  • Like
Reactions: scude and QrivaN

·
PerC Waiter
Joined
·
2,398 Posts
I find myself holding back my kindness often, but not because I don't want to be taken advantage of, really. The reason I do it is because people have grown so paranoid nowadays that a random act of kindness hardly gets appreciated. People are likely to become wary of the underlying motives behind a genuinely nice action, or write it off as a joke. Nit that I mind being appreciated too much; if the person doesn't want me to be nice to them, isn't it sort of nice to not be nice to them? It's like leaving an introvert alone when it seems like something's wrong.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,125 Posts
I hold my kindness back because of embarrassment. Sometimes people take things the wrong way. For example, there was a guy who was talking to me about how his brother died. I really wanted to hug him. I felt though it would look weird and he or others would think badly of me.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8,949 Posts
I don't. I help whoever might need it. However, that being said, I dislike nothing more than someone expecting me to help them. For instance, I have a friend in a new apartment, and I offered to help pay for one of his monthly rents, and then the next time he came to me and said, "Hey, can you help with this month." I don't like feeling as if I'm a tool for the person to use when please, or as if I'm being forced to do something, so I said no.

Of course, he's now mad at me for being selfish and not a true friend.

I will say, I'm a scrooge when it comes to me being poor. I once won a writing contest for 25K, and I used a lot of that money to help friends and family out, freely just making sure everyone was well off. I didn't care. But now I have 40 bucks in my account, I'm a college student, and my sister asked if she could use my car, and I kind of blew up on her because she happened to be that last straw of people asking to use my gas when I don't have the money to pay for them and survive myself.

That's something I have to work on. :/
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,245 Posts
Yes, quite often these days, especially when my paternal side is what so many notice in my quiet contemplative side. Instead I can at times find it easier to decrease compassion and kindness displays unless people actually need this side in some way (I have seen many play helpless or incapable just to get others to do tasks for them), for example when some seek spoonfeeding to overcome issues rather than thinking for themselves.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
360 Posts
The last time I was openly being nice cos it was this guys birthday. He ran up to his girlfriend saying I liked him == it was the most obnoxious thing lol
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,454 Posts
Sometimes being loving or kind means holding back because you know the person would take it for granted and the kind action would only serve to ruin them further.

In general, it is usually very hard for me to hold back kindness because I WANT to give to people. I don't like feeling like I have to hold back. It sucks. I just want people to learn how to be truly thankful for one another instead of walking around with a sense of entitlement.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
209 Posts
Sometimes I hold it back, but more often then not, I'll help anybody who asks, even if I hate that person ( but then I'll be annoyed at myself afterwards >: )
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
662 Posts
Somewhat, because I have noticed most people will take advantage of the kindness I show or get thrown off guard and think I am trying to manipulate them or something. People just aren't used to people being nice nowadays haha
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,223 Posts
Not really :p I mean I might be more reserved about it when I'm around people I don't know that well, but my kindness is something I never thought to hold back because I've met people who I didn't think my kindness affected them, but later I found out that they appreciated it greatly. I like to help people even if it's accidentally. But if someone takes advantage of me, well shame on them. I'll make sure I don't show them that kindness again until they've proven to me that they can be trusted again.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,871 Posts
Um, I tend to have this fear yet somehow fall trap to it no less. The overarching desire to aid, assist, and promote often overthrows the desire to be inert or slightly snappish until I think about it. I prefer not to think most people will take advantage of me, and alas, most people do not. However, you can occasionally step on that rotten egg that makes everything smell like shit the whole entire day. Try to wipe it off and keep on truckin'
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
421 Posts
I believe in being kind to everyone, even when people don't first show you that they deserve it. You just assume that they do because they are human beings. If I think that I'm being taken advantage of then I will withhold it somewhat. But I like to do things for people that I am close to, like family. Sometimes kindness is also simple courtesy and politeness, such as holding a door for someone or apologising when you cross paths too closely.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
142 Posts
For the most part I let it out. Why live a lie? Sometimes this results in people thinking I'm fake (how can someone really care THAT much?), sometimes it leads to people trying to take advantage of me (denied), but most times people really love and appreciate it. I have SO much love and I know it can be overpowering to people so I learn how to show my love in ways that work for both sides.
 
Joined
·
4,926 Posts
I believe in being kind to everyone, even when people don't first show you that they deserve it. You just assume that they do because they are human beings. If I think that I'm being taken advantage of then I will withhold it somewhat. But I like to do things for people that I am close to, like family. Sometimes kindness is also simple courtesy and politeness, such as holding a door for someone or apologising when you cross paths too closely.
I agree - I try to be kind to everyone but there are some people that you don't gel with which isn't anyone's fault. Just a clashing of personalities but I will always have manners and respect for people even if not vice versa.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
507 Posts
I view it practically. There's my kin: my bestest friends who have shown me through their actions over the years that they've got my back and it works both ways. I like the idea of loyalty but blind loyalty is for the dumb. People go through the trial of time before I hand them that "part of the pack" status. That's a very small group. I'd do most anything for these people.

Then there are the rest of the world. I'll give as much as I can, and no more, because giving is what ultimately drives me. I genuinely like making people's lives better when I can. I don't give at the expense of my own well-being anymore, though, and expect that people will return these "favours". If they do, it absolutely makes my day, and it fuels that "giving" tank in me. If that makes any sense. But I don't think I should expect that same mentality with giving back, it's my own choice to give and I acknowledge that every single time I do something "nice" for someone.

But I still think it's a good thing to be kind when I can, even to strangers. Even in small ways. Like opening doors, picking something from the floor when they drop it, paying compliments. It's not like they take a lot of effort from me. These things make my day when I'm at the receiving end of them, maybe they will make someone else's?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
77 Posts
I tend to be quite liberal with helping people in my personal life, but at work I get much more reserved unless I know the person, and then they sort of end up in my "personal" brain and get treated like a friend and I'll do anything I can for them. I think overall I probably commit to too much rather than too little.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,774 Posts
Depends,
When it comes to social grace and people less fortunate than me,
I will try my best to spread "The love",
People who have not gotten our advantages at least deserve out respect,
And not the sass we as humans sometimes dish out to them!

And with social grace I find it easier to open someone up when you return their kindness,
With respect and kindness with your own.

BUT,
If I know someone has a reputation,
Or I have observed that someone is not deservant of any respect,
I will cut them off and become colder than anything anyopne can dish out,
I just don't waste time with those who detract from others and myself.

My kindness is a given until proven otherwise,
But my trust and my care is something wholly different and takes a LONG time to get!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
932 Posts
I've had to hold back, but only because people tend to take advantage without knowing it and I can never say no.
 
1 - 20 of 28 Posts
Top