I think the reason I have this problem of getting my hopes up over things is because I seem to so often think that I'm the reason better things don't happen, that I'm responsible for this, and if only I get out of my own way. So in a way I have to keep believing in things because I can't find any other explanation for why I have painful experiences and disappointments, except that I'm causing it somehow. (I know it's not right, but that's how I often think.)
I think there is some irony to be found here because there's a sense in which it really is me bringing about things I don't want, it's just not quite for the reasons I understand or recognize. This has always been a difficulty for me. I always respond somehow taking too much responsibility for the way things go. In defense of idealists, I don't think this is a problem is a matter of being idealistic. I think for me it's a self-esteem or self-identity issue, but then there I go thinking I am the one responsible.
Ultimately I'm at a loss. I can't think my way through it and just left to find some comfort in what it really feels like being this person. I can't really make sense of this experience so I just have to try to enjoy myself and always try to find reasons to be happy and make light of things.
I`m guilty of this. I`m not sure if this is "INFJ" thing. If you are an idealist, your view will always clash with reality, right? So, I have enough of those clashes to serve me until last breath. From one side, it`s bad experience, a disappointment again and again, feeling useless and separated from the world. From another, I seemingly can come back from each such setback a little faster, and little stronger than before. What motivated me to those idealistic follies still remain, in my core, so to speak. I just hope I can use it better and in more efficient manner.