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I over heard someone saying that I need to come out of my my shell. This person doesn't even know me, and plus just because I don't know them doesn't mean I'm ultra shy. I almost find this as an insult as if the person thinks they're better than me and that coming out of my shell is the best way to go.

Then I also hate that when I become more comfortable around a person that they say "You finally came out of your shell." It pisses me off. "My shell" I hate that and I wish people would realize that that I'm just a quiet person, and that probably I'm not coming out of my "shell" because I'm uncomfortable around them. Some other people I'm fine and I have no problem.

Anyway, I just wanted to put that out there, what are your thoughts or experiences on the phrase "Coming out of your shell?"
 

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I think it just comes from a misunderstanding of shy vs. introverted, people often mistake one for the other or just don't get the difference. I've heard this before too but it doesn't bother me, really.
 

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This phrase seemed to be constantly drummed into my head all throughout my childhood. I actually resent it now come to think of it, pressurising me to be extroverted. This might sound a bit controversial but a friend of mine who has a daughter who is selectively mute is being put through psychological evaluation, she is booked to see a speech therapist. When she is at home, she is sociable and chatty but as soon as she goes to school, she becomes very quiet, doesn't say anything. I just think she should be left to it when she is ready to start to talking rather than being coerced into being more talkative.
 

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YES! That is so irritating! :angry: I can't even try having some alone time without someone telling me to come out of my shell. This need people have to make me extroverted is what helped create an imbalance in me. Now I have trouble switching fluidly from 'introvert mode' to 'socializing mode' and vice-versa. Entering in one of them seems to prompt me into staying there. Thankfully I'm learning to working on it; but it still gets hard to separate an hour or two for introspection.
 

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Context will always matter to me. Did they say it as though I was somehow flawed and needed to change to make them feel comfortable? Or is it because they care about me and just want to see everyone having an interactive time together?

What has the most effect on me isn't telling me I should come out of my shell, but showing you want to get to know me by engaging me. Make an effort to come half way and I'm sure to reciprocate and come the other 50%. And for goodness sake, have something worth engaging about. Gossiping about people will not excite me, but concepts that have a grander scope will.
 

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I have taken that comment the wrong way in the past. I've been offended. But I really have no reason to let anything faze me, and moreover, I think theyre probably right
 

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If they say it 1 on 1 with me and I trust them not to go tell someone, than it is great, because they are saying they like what is underneath, and it makes me feel good.

Otherwise, it either focuses attention on me when I was trying to get comfortable and therefore works against me, or it makes me feel judged.
 

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I over heard someone saying that I need to come out of my my shell. This person doesn't even know me, and plus just because I don't know them doesn't mean I'm ultra shy. I almost find this as an insult as if the person thinks they're better than me and that coming out of my shell is the best way to go.

Then I also hate that when I become more comfortable around a person that they say "You finally came out of your shell." It pisses me off. "My shell" I hate that and I wish people would realize that that I'm just a quiet person, and that probably I'm not coming out of my "shell" because I'm uncomfortable around them. Some other people I'm fine and I have no problem.

Anyway, I just wanted to put that out there, what are your thoughts or experiences on the phrase "Coming out of your shell?"
Why are you being so eh...'defensive' ?
 

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I think more often than not, what someone really means when they say that is that you have more potential than you will acknowledge, so just be confident in it. It strikes me as an encouraging remark.

I guess it does very much depend on the situation. If someone said that to me about how quiet I can be, I'm not sure how I would take it. I would probably make a comment like, "Yeah, I don't talk too much." If I was convinced they saw that as a weakness, I might be offended, but if I could tell they appreciated it and saw something good in it, then I would be fine with it.
 

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They probably mean well by it, but it does seem a little condescending, and lacks understanding. Screw coming out of my shell, maybe you should come into mine.
 

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I always what prompts one person to tell another person they should come out of their shell. It's not one of those things that comes up in random conversation. There's lead up.

I come from the other side where I get annoyed when people who don't readily open up and don't care to try, complain that they wish they had more friends or that they're lonely or feel disconnected. Duh. What do you think is causing that? You made your choice. Deal with it.
 

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Discussion Starter #17
Why are you being so eh...'defensive' ?
This happened recently and the person doesn't even know me and has only met me a few times. It's just annoying when people say that, and that specific phrase, as if I've never come out of my shell before, and never will, or that I have a shell to begin with. It just seems like symbolizes weakness and that's not how I view myself. It almost seems condescending for someone to tell that to me.
 

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This happened recently and the person doesn't even know me and has only met me a few times. It's just annoying when people say that, and that specific phrase, as if I've never come out of my shell before, and never will, or that I have a shell to begin with. It just seems like symbolizes weakness and that's now how I view myself. It almost seems condescending for someone to tell that to me.
What makes you think it's condescending?

I can sit alone at a party and enjoy myself. My friends now that, and let me. Sometimes a person comes to me, to check if I am all right. Usually they're extravert types who find it hard to understand you can enjoy like that. I don't see that as condescending. Often they care about you.
 

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I always what prompts one person to tell another person they should come out of their shell. It's not one of those things that comes up in random conversation. There's lead up.

I come from the other side where I get annoyed when people who don't readily open up and don't care to try, complain that they wish they had more friends or that they're lonely or feel disconnected. Duh. What do you think is causing that? You made your choice. Deal with it.
It depends on what the situation is and if that person is obligated to talk. Introversion is not necessarily a choice!
 
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