[Transcendence]

Your first impression of me would probably be that I'm extremely extroverted.
And why wouldn't it be? Let me explain.

When I first meet new people, especially if they're normal people who aren't that good at seeing other people, I act like a crazy person. An overly talkative one at that.
I'll say (and sometimes even do) whatever to make them laugh. Laugh with me or at me, I don't care, just laugh.

Most of the time people do tend to think I'm fucking crazy.
Examples of this behavior can be seen in posts where I say the most bizarre or weird shit or in posts where I'm incredibly bitchy about something or someone. If you do notice these things, please note that the more serious I am, the more genuine I'm acting.

Do you guys relate to this at all?

 

[SilentScream]

Yeah. I do to a certain extent. I think it's just how extroversion works, right? Direction of energy. People energize me, especially new people because there I feel I can be more free to create an image specific to those people. There's no past baggage, so I can either choose to be completely "me" and feel free of any kind of judgement being sent my way --- or carefully craft an image that would endear me to the entire group. I study and observe the dynamics. I can tell a lot about what a person likes in another person very quickly and then I project those aspects of myself to that person.

I saw this happening at an employment workshop I was at. It was so easy for me to become like the "sweetheart" of the class because I consciously crafted that image. I crack jokes. I lighten up the mood. I involve people in discussions. I ask questions that I can tell others have in their heads but are too nervous to ask.

I give and receive the most smiles .. in fact, I noted that people are greeting me with bigger smiles than they are greeting others. I suppose I'll just have to accept that I have a presence and that presence attracts people to me.

That was the long-winded explanation about how I approach a new setting.

On the flip, if I've been exposed to a large group of people for an extended period, I start feeling like I have to do too much to "keep up appearances". It starts grating on my sense of self which starts exerting itself ... The real self [that I am] is serious and introspective and appreciates serious / intellectual conversations much, much more than ridiculous bantering about non-serious topics. What I term as non-serious topics are things like shopping trips, and discussions surrounding materialistic acquisitions and desires. Tell me about how you felt when you had dinner last night, but not what you actually ate ... I avoid superficiality and can sense lack of depth a mile away - and after spending a few minutes talking to such people, I kinda black-list them and avoid talking to them again - or cut them off with short, sarcastic jabs and go looking for someone 'deeper'.

So in other words, I can be pretty much like Jekyl and Hyde ... it just depends on how I want to be perceived by someone. I decide how someone else sees me ... and over time, I ease them into who I really am .. usually the disconnect between my masked self and my real self isn't that great ... If I know I'm going to be interacting with someone, or a group of people over a long period of time, I shed my masks extremely quickly ... but if I'm in a social setting where I know I'm probably never gonna be back in ... It's just one projection after the other.

 

[Transcendence]

Yes, but I can't control it. It just happens, you know?
I'm not acting a certain way and being fake on purpose, it just happens!

But in retrospect, I notice that I act the way people expect me to act.
I know what they expect me to do, and so I do it. Just not on purpose.

What is up with that?

 

[SilentScream]

Yes, but I can't control it. It just happens, you know?
I'm not acting a certain way and being fake on purpose, it just happens!

But in retrospect, I notice that I act the way people expect me to act.
I know what they expect me to do, and so I do it. Just not on purpose.

What is up with that?

Well, I only learnt to temper my inherent nature after I turned 30 and explored JCF and Enneagrams. Before this, I was very much a slave of my own impulses and inherent pulls. Now .. I make it work for me instead of letting me work for others .. Can you see how that can be?

I know that my inherent pull [i.e. first thought] would be to act a certain way --- so I consciously counter that first thought by introducing 'noise' --- I have made specific controls in my head that start going off soon as I realize that I'm falling into the same olf habits again.

I just go silent and withdraw [even during a social setting], introspect and come back out - it allows me to control the pull to just be, instead of being with purpose.

 

[Transcendence]

Been doing the same thing recently. It's been working out well for me, though people tend to grow worried when I stop talking, even if just for a little while.

 

[heavydirtysoul]

OH YEAH. :wink: Be aware.

 

[Daniel Joseph]

i do have the control to become a "social monster" and make all the friends and connections i want, but i'de rather be a secluded whimsical autodidact who lives his life away from the conventional hopelessness of society.