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I have been alone a while now. I am finding it really difficult to make new relationships. It has gotten increasingly difficult with age. Is anyone else the same way?

It's kind of sad. I've tried online dating sites. It doesn't seem to be working out for me.
I just find it really difficult to make a connection with people, or the people that I think I would make a connection with have no interest.

I'm incredibly jealous of people that find love so easy.
 

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I have a hard time finding someone who I can relate to on a deep level. I tend to have a hard time keeping relationships, more so than getting into. I just can't stay rooted to one person for too long in that way. There was only one person I ever regretted not confessing to, and he tested out as ENFJ. Ni-Fe to Fe-Ni. It could explain how we simply just linked.
 
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I find it hard indeed to bond with people. I've met this INTP girl 5 years ago and it was love at first sight...

We spent like at least 2 or 3 hours with each other almost everyday, i've never felt that with any other girl. Yet we were so unsure of each other feeling and so shy that nothing ever happen! So yeah i've a hard time getting into love relationships. Nowadays, i know i should listen to my guts more often.

I'm trying dating website too, and it's really annoying, the only interesting person i can find are on the other side of the planet...

Love might be a life long quest for us INFJ, but once you find your soul mate it can last forever.
 

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This is definitely true for me. I'm very much the introvert, but I'm so happy in my introversion that I don't often open up enough to let new people in. It drives a wedge between me and even the people I see every day.

I've been trying out the dating site angle over the past few days, because it's so much easier for me to get to know people in a pen-pal sort of way than with face-to-face interaction, and I must say, it's really disappointing. So many of the women on OKCupid - the site I've tried - are exactly the types of women I was, frankly, expecting to find on a dating site. "OH GOD SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME I'M BEAUTIFUL I CAN'T AFFORD ANY MORE CATS." They try to hide it behind the carefully constructed "meh" language of their profiles, and they think their pictures look natural, when really, it's obvious that they've painstakingly photographed only their best angles, presented themselves only in situations that other people might construe interesting. I've come across two genuine people so far on the whole goddamned site, and neither of them is a great match for me.

So, yes, when even the anonymous dating sites that do half the work for you have failed, I'd say I have a hard time getting into relationships.
 

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I don't fine "love" easy, but I find friends easy, especially online. It's harder in-person and it's harder for me to know what to say to a person and how to approach them about doing something together. I am an odd person and I don't think many people would want to date me once they got to know me. That's not low self-esteem talking, either. I just have a lot of issues and disabilities and am very eccentric. I'm sorry you are having problems finding romantic love, though:(
 

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Personally I want a relationship, but at the end of the day i'm like.....no you don't.

Something my teacher said: "You can have either Freedom or Love, never both."
 

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I have been alone a while now. I am finding it really difficult to make new relationships. It has gotten increasingly difficult with age. Is anyone else the same way?

It's kind of sad. I've tried online dating sites. It doesn't seem to be working out for me.
I just find it really difficult to make a connection with people, or the people that I think I would make a connection with have no interest.

I'm incredibly jealous of people that find love so easy.
@descending Can i ask, how many friends do you have? I mean friends in the "old fashioned" sense, not in the facebook sense.

I feel that ideally you need to have mastered friendships before moving on to a romantic relationship in as much as friendship will be one element of the romantic relationship. (Sometimes you hear a woman say sonething like "He's not only my husband and my lover, he's also my best friend").
 

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Romantic relationships aside, my impression is that it's quite difficult for INF types form relationships generally becaue we often care too much.....how the other person is feeling.....have we offended them.......are we coming on too strong.......@Vivid melody mentioned co-dependency........are we doing the right thing .........ad nauseaum....

I often marvel at how some other 'types' can engage in conflict, name calling, arguments etc and it seems to make their social bond stronger......how they are so damned relaxed in situations where I'd be second-guessing and questioning myself and my surroundings.

I have learned it comes easier with age....a cliche to be sure, but you do just have to be yourself, expect nothing in return and go into relationships motiveless. Things seem to click along a lot better that way.
 

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This is definitely true for me. I'm very much the introvert, but I'm so happy in my introversion that I don't often open up enough to let new people in. It drives a wedge between me and even the people I see every day.

This is totally true of me. When I am at work, I am very serious. Outside of work, I find it easier to get along with people my parents and grandparents' age. Therefore, I get involved with activities involving them which of course really prevents me from meeting people my own age. For the most part I am okay with that. Other times, I wonder what I am missing out on.

I've tried online dating sites, but what frustrates me is how shallow they are. I have went on to a couple of Christian dating sites (thought they would be more mature), they asked me questions on how good looking I thought I was and one of the characteristics people chose people on was how good looking they were looking for. That instantly turned me off.
 

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I've discovered I actually can't make deep relationships with people any more. I'm close to my family and one friend and that's it. I can't seem to connect with anyone else. It's really weird and confusing. Sort of like all my ability to open up and allow people closer has just... vanished. It's something I've only noticed recently, but must have been going on for a good year or so. Interestingly, I've also grown more confident over that period.

It's not that I don't care for people, or empathise with them, but they just don't seem like they could ever be close to me. They're very much just acquaintances. I can safely say I only have one or two friends, both of whom are attending different universities so I don't see for 5 months a year or so.

Needless to say, I have a very difficult time getting into relationships, as there never feels like there is one.
 

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I was just having this conversation with a friend of mine. I told her how I'm beginning to fall for a lady friend of mine. She said she didn't know I was interested in women, since I've only dated men. And I told her, "It's hard enough meeting people I want to be friends with. So when I meet someone I'm attracted to his much, I'm not even concerned with the fact that she's a woman." I have seriously amazing friends, and it took me a long time and many hard lessons to learn what makes a good friend. It's an ongoing process -- people are unpredictable. It's difficult have to wait for something you want so badly, but that's life. Accept the fact that you can't be happy all of the time. The pain is worth it, makes your reward sweeter, makes you stronger, and is beautiful. I used to hear statements like this and refuse them, but as I'm maturing I'm experiencing the truth. Seriously, though-- keep yourself open, don't be so damn stubborn, and relish in the time you have to be alone, use this time to make yourself a better person.
 

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Yet we were so unsure of each other feeling and so shy that nothing ever happen! So yeah i've a hard time getting into love relationships. Nowadays, i know i should listen to my guts more often.
i hate this feeling! i don't know if it's just me romanticising, but when my best friend and sister tell me "he's just not that into you" / "he doesn't like you", i can't...agree...wholeheartedly

i think the guy i like is an INFP, hence all the gentleness he has in him...it's really sad it isn't developing into something more. we'd be happy if we had each other. (people laugh at me when i say this. but i genuinely believe so)

yes i've had a hard time too. not sure why. i'm just bad at promoting myself? (is it even a legit reason?)
 

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I've discovered I actually can't make deep relationships with people any more. I'm close to my family and one friend and that's it. I can't seem to connect with anyone else. It's really weird and confusing. Sort of like all my ability to open up and allow people closer has just... vanished. It's something I've only noticed recently, but must have been going on for a good year or so. Interestingly, I've also grown more confident over that period.

It's not that I don't care for people, or empathise with them, but they just don't seem like they could ever be close to me. They're very much just acquaintances. I can safely say I only have one or two friends, both of whom are attending different universities so I don't see for 5 months a year or so.

Needless to say, I have a very difficult time getting into relationships, as there never feels like there is one.
@laurie17 My hunch is that what you describe is only temporary.

In my experience we don't progress / mature in a straightforward, linear way but more in a spiral way (probably not the greatest analogy there i realise). So I doubt that your losing the ability to connect with people is permanent but is likely tied up with some development of you as a person, eg, as you say, the growth in your confidence.

Probably at some point soonish you'll hit an opportunity to make a good friendship (or even for a romantic relationship to start) and you'll find your ability to connect is 100% back. Perhaps even 110% - better than before.

I'd also mention that i think most people have relatively few friends (again, i'm not talking facebook friends!) and maybe for INFJs the number tends to be even smaller.
 

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@laurie17 My hunch is that what you describe is only temporary.

In my experience we don't progress / mature in a straightforward, linear way but more in a spiral way (probably not the greatest analogy there i realise). So I doubt that your losing the ability to connect with people is permanent but is likely tied up with some development of you as a person, eg, as you say, the growth in your confidence.

Probably at some point soonish you'll hit an opportunity to make a good friendship (or even for a romantic relationship to start) and you'll find your ability to connect is 100% back. Perhaps even 110% - better than before.

I'd also mention that i think most people have relatively few friends (again, i'm not talking facebook friends!) and maybe for INFJs the number tends to be even smaller.
Hmmm, you're probably right. Thank you! :) I think it's kind of a habit too - I've been so used to not making new friends/not even thinking about romantic relationships, I've kind of just stopped. Maybe it's self-repression, because I fell in love once (six years ago) and it didn't work out which, I suppose, made me thinking about love differently. I also retreated from people for a number of years to develop and pursue writing. I tend to do everything very slowly, so maybe now I'm conscious of not being connected, it's a sign I'll develop out of it? Who knows, lol.

As for Facebook friends, they just don't count XD
 
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