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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
I can easily strike up a long conversation with strangers and pick up where we left off after an extended period of time separated. However, I've noticed that while I have a large network of friends, I don't have any close friends. And even though the things I say on first meetings of just with friends could definitely amount to overshare, from crazy ideas to bowel movements, I tend to hold things back, or simply downplay their importance. I feel like I don't have anyone to really depend on or a base of safety to go back to.

I know I'm young, but I'm worried about that. One thing that really struck me and that I think conveys my situation is that I go out with various groups after school fairly often and get together for studying at places like the library, but I've rarely gone to another person's home under casual circumstances.

So I guess I'm wondering if anyone else is experiencing this, whether the dynamics have naturally changed with time (or if it's something I need to work toward), and which category you fall under.
 

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I have 1 close friend and 1 really close friend. Also 2 very special INFP but on the net friends, one from this forum and another one that I met years ago.

Thats it :) all the rest are friends, old friends, or just like, you know, people
 

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I can easily strike up a long conversation with strangers and pick up where we left off after an extended period of time separated. However, I've noticed that while I have a large network of friends, I don't have any close friends. And even though the things I say on first meetings of just with friends could definitely amount to overshare, from crazy ideas to bowel movements, I tend to hold things back, or simply downplay their importance. I feel like I don't have anyone to really depend on or a base of safety to go back to.

I know I'm young, but I'm worried about that. One thing that really struck me and that I think conveys my situation is that I go out with various groups after school fairly often and get together for studying at places like the library, but I've rarely gone to another person's home under casual circumstances.

So I guess I'm wondering if anyone else is experiencing this, whether the dynamics have naturally changed with time (or if it's something I need to work toward), and which category you fall under.
Well, you see, yes, I have a very large number of friends. Some people I have never even spoken to consider us friends. That's what I'd called Area FRIEND. Then, I have a small network of about 3-5 people, that I actually tell people information I wouldn't tell people in Area FRIEND. I call this AREA (C)FRIENDS. I don't know how I feel it but I have an unspoken deep bond with some people, and even with some people I don't even know! It's like my entire body shifts gears, into unknown territory, and I'm not conformtable with this change, or say, state of mind. People in Area (C)FRIENDS see the real me. Know the real me. Then there are some people in Area FRIEND, who decide they really want to actually FORCE their way into AREA (C)FRIENDS. And my body just responds to the endeavor in a negative way completely. Like no, you are an annoying, loud, funny, and needy person, who is desperate for anyone's attention. But you do not, in any way, have clearence for that area. You don't have the qualifications to even enter that area. Stay in my huge networking space of friends. The ones I talk to daily for 10 minutes at a time, not the ones I venture out to talk to, for hours at a time on a daily basis and share my experiences and secrets with.

Basically, I think ENFP's can Friend-Zone x2 people. Like if someone could make a circle map of just this, Outer Ring: People I say Hey to when I want to, people I talk to about current events about what we're gonna have for the lunch, or if it's gonna rain tomorrow, people I talk to about help on a current project, people I talk to about very casual things. Inner Ring:People I talk to about personal issues, people I debate with on serious topics, people I tell who I may be flushed towards, people I tell who I may hate (and I don't hate anyone really, unless they offend my religious beliefs or ideals), people who I tell about ongoing stressful situations in my life, people I talk to about very deep matters. Central Circle: Me. Now know that the Outer Ring is exponentially large, and the Inner Ring is exponentially small, yet it exists. I'm not sure if this answered your question, but this is just my personal account with People; The Production.
 

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I was the same in high school. I had many friends and I loved every conversation we talked about. It's so easy to just go up to anyone and have an interesting chat. However, I have a handful of friends now. Those are important to me and the rest of the people I know are just acquaintances which are a lot of 'em.
Which is pretty chill. :)
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Basically, I think ENFP's can Friend-Zone x2 people. Like if someone could make a circle map of just this, Outer Ring: People I say Hey to when I want to, people I talk to about current events about what we're gonna have for the lunch, or if it's gonna rain tomorrow, people I talk to about help on a current project, people I talk to about very casual things. Inner Ring:People I talk to about personal issues, people I debate with on serious topics, people I tell who I may be flushed towards, people I tell who I may hate (and I don't hate anyone really, unless they offend my religious beliefs or ideals), people who I tell about ongoing stressful situations in my life, people I talk to about very deep matters. Central Circle: Me. Now know that the Outer Ring is exponentially large, and the Inner Ring is exponentially small, yet it exists. I'm not sure if this answered your question, but this is just my personal account with People; The Production.
I really want to build up an inner circle like yours, but I've never found someone who's willing to talk for a long time about things like politics, public debates, or personal issues seriously and when I attempt it, the conversation usually dies pretty quickly when I start to get insecure about those blank eyes and our one-sided discussion. So instead, we're joking about day-to-day events and talking about school, and I feel like you can only go so deep with talks like those.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
I was the same in high school. I had many friends and I loved every conversation we talked about. It's so easy to just go up to anyone and have an interesting chat. However, I have a handful of friends now. Those are important to me and the rest of the people I know are just acquaintances which are a lot of 'em.
Which is pretty chill. :)
So did you ever consider the conversations and relationships you had with friends in high school somewhat lacking? And did you naturally downsize to a smaller group of close friends?
 

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@SummerSen Don't worry, I'm pretty sure ALL ENFPs go through this. When I came to the conclusion that I'd rather have a small circle of close friends over thousands of friendly acquaintances, I completely stopped associating with anyone I felt couldn't meet my needs. If you talk to someone for a bit, you can quickly tell if conversations with them are too shallow for your tastes or not. If they are, just move on. Any more time spent on those people is just a waste of time and energy, and counter productive towards finding those you DO like talking with and hanging out with. Just to clarify, I'm still friendly and polite towards everyone. I just don't go out of my way to talk to them once I've mentally tagged them as non-close friend material. As a result of this screening process, I now have a small circle of NFs I'm close friends with, and I'm content with that.
 

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@SummerSen Don't worry, I'm pretty sure ALL ENFPs go through this. When I came to the conclusion that I'd rather have a small circle of close friends over thousands of friendly acquaintances, I completely stopped associating with anyone I felt couldn't meet my needs. If you talk to someone for a bit, you can quickly tell if conversations with them are too shallow for your tastes or not. If they are, just move on. Any more time spent on those people is just a waste of time and energy, and counter productive towards finding those you DO like talking with and hanging out with. Just to clarify, I'm still friendly and polite towards everyone. I just don't go out of my way to talk to them once I've mentally tagged them as non-close friend material. As a result of this screening process, I now have a small circle of NFs I'm close friends with, and I'm content with that.
I'm a little different, I have a number of close friends but not all of them are NF. I agree with the rest...you shouldn't worry OP, with age you will learn to spend time with the best people you come across and close friendships will develop as you learn to spend time more wisely. We can end up with pretty lame groups of friends sometimes when we are younger as we are too tolerant and indiscriminately friendly!! Maybe if you are struggling find some good friends out of school, or try people of different ages :)
 

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Well, you see, yes, I have a very large number of friends. Some people I have never even spoken to consider us friends. That's what I'd called Area FRIEND. Then, I have a small network of about 3-5 people, that I actually tell people information I wouldn't tell people in Area FRIEND. I call this AREA (C)FRIENDS. I don't know how I feel it but I have an unspoken deep bond with some people, and even with some people I don't even know! It's like my entire body shifts gears, into unknown territory, and I'm not conformtable with this change, or say, state of mind. People in Area (C)FRIENDS see the real me. Know the real me. Then there are some people in Area FRIEND, who decide they really want to actually FORCE their way into AREA (C)FRIENDS. And my body just responds to the endeavor in a negative way completely. Like no, you are an annoying, loud, funny, and needy person, who is desperate for anyone's attention. But you do not, in any way, have clearence for that area. You don't have the qualifications to even enter that area. Stay in my huge networking space of friends. The ones I talk to daily for 10 minutes at a time, not the ones I venture out to talk to, for hours at a time on a daily basis and share my experiences and secrets with.

Basically, I think ENFP's can Friend-Zone x2 people. Like if someone could make a circle map of just this, Outer Ring: People I say Hey to when I want to, people I talk to about current events about what we're gonna have for the lunch, or if it's gonna rain tomorrow, people I talk to about help on a current project, people I talk to about very casual things. Inner Ring:People I talk to about personal issues, people I debate with on serious topics, people I tell who I may be flushed towards, people I tell who I may hate (and I don't hate anyone really, unless they offend my religious beliefs or ideals), people who I tell about ongoing stressful situations in my life, people I talk to about very deep matters. Central Circle: Me. Now know that the Outer Ring is exponentially large, and the Inner Ring is exponentially small, yet it exists. I'm not sure if this answered your question, but this is just my personal account with People; The Production.
That's interesting, I've never had the need to systemize my friends in circles. And I think you can guess why.
 

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So did you ever consider the conversations and relationships you had with friends in high school somewhat lacking? And did you naturally downsize to a smaller group of close friends?
Nah, It wasn't lacking in my book. I never stayed with a "squad" lol! Always seeing a different person to hang out everyday, it was nice.
It did downsize naturally, when people move to different places for college life takes its course and you don't see the people that you used to everyday. But the small group of friends are my world, like family. And i did choose to stay with those people because they are the ones I trust wholly.
 

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I really want to build up an inner circle like yours, but I've never found someone who's willing to talk for a long time about things like politics, public debates, or personal issues seriously and when I attempt it, the conversation usually dies pretty quickly when I start to get insecure about those blank eyes and our one-sided discussion. So instead, we're joking about day-to-day events and talking about school, and I feel like you can only go so deep with talks like those.
You just have to go out there and people, and yes, I just made people into a verb. You need to talk, joke, and just generally have fun with people, and if it feels comfortable, sometimes with people you don't even know! It makes for a long-lasting albeit weird first impression. You can do it man! You've got this! From one fellow ENFP to another!
 

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That's interesting, I've never had the need to systemize my friends in circles. And I think you can guess why.
Ah, the loneliness of an INTJ. This is why we're attracted to you guys, you're lacking friends, and we're more than overjoyed to fill the position!
 

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Ah, the loneliness of an INTJ. This is why we're attracted to you guys, you're lacking friends, and we're more than overjoyed to fill the position!
I only keep one or two close friends, and they'll suffer a bit for a while when I fall in love, where I put all my focus on my new interest. It's a hard position to fill, but I think an ENFP would be able to do so comparatively easily. ;)
 

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Interesting; Me myself have few but good friends. I mean sure,I know a lot of people - that I never spend time with (anymore) it's mostly that core group of like 4-6 that I almost always hang out with.
 

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I don't really have m/any friends. The people I like seem to have no interest in me and vice versa. I have some friends, but we're not close. Its quite sad really.
 
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