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I've noticed that most ENTJs I know don't date a whole lot- only when they meet someone they really connect with. Do you tend to be attracted to the same types of people (i.e. "only jocks", "only nerds", "they all have black hair"), or have all your romantic feelings been for radically different people with radically different personalities? What common threads were there? I feel as though most ENTJs would adjust what they were looking for in a partner based on what didn't work in their last relationship. (I've got lists of things that I did that caused past relationships not to work out, and they're really helpful at knowing what not to do the next time.)

Alternatively, if anyone wants to offer advice on how to fall for someone that isn't an INTP, that would be lovely. :dry: I haven't liked a guy who wasn't an NTP since... ever, actually. Unless one of them was an ExFP instead of an ENTP, which he might have been.
 
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I've noticed that most ENTJs I know don't date a whole lot- only when they meet someone they really connect with. Do you tend to be attracted to the same types of people (i.e. "only jocks", "only nerds", "they all have black hair"), or have all your romantic feelings been for radically different people with radically different personalities? What common threads were there? I feel as though most ENTJs would adjust what they were looking for in a partner based on what didn't work in their last relationship. (I've got lists of things that I did that caused past relationships not to work out, and they're really helpful at knowing what not to do the next time.)

Alternatively, if anyone wants to offer advice on how to fall for someone that isn't an INTP, that would be lovely. :dry: I haven't liked a guy who wasn't an NTP since... ever, actually. Unless one of them was an ExFP instead of an ENTP, which he might have been.
The young me: I don't know any way to describe it but what I jokingly now call "lumberjacks on motorcycles." Tall, handsome, cocky, funny, hardworking, a bit wild. I dated men like that and married one like that (and spent most of my adult life with before leaving him). I think I picked this type because I don't intimidate them. The problem with them is many are self-destructive and I don't want to clean up their messes anymore.

The older me: Attracted to somewhat nerdy gentlemen with quick wit and humor. Men who know exactly who they are, aren't afraid to be it, and stimulate my mind with possibilities, ideas and fantasy. The problem with this type is I often do intimidate them when they try to put a square peg into a round hole, and I don't fit. I've even shocked a few of them who have watched me go from a feminine lady in a dress carrying a basket and tending my flowers to a camo-clad woman pulling apart a yard tractor or shooting an English House Sparrow off the top of bluebird boxes.

The dual world thing causes me a lot of problems, but I don't want to give either of them up for anyone. And I won't. Life is too short to be boxed up in a stereotype. If I ever end up with someone again long-term it will be because they accept that I am multifaceted.

But underlying any type, I require honesty, loyalty and respect, and I've hurt like hell a few times thinking I've had those when I haven't.
 

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Chatterbox, MOTM August 2013
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I used to date guys that were all different, but had things in common - like @ToughLilCookie's men: tall, handsome, cocky, funny, a bit wild and unpredictable. (Looking back, probably mostly XSTPs). What I thought I wanted. What sounded good to me on paper. Never really connected with them in anyway that really mattered, though. It felt like trying to nail Jell-o to the wall. Just sort of biding my time.

Then, one day, (future) Hubby asked me to go out to dinner and a ballgame. Not tall, not cocky, not wild, not unpredictable, but really funny, handsome, and a really nice guy - with real job, and a car he actually owned. Totally had his shit together. Exactly the opposite of everyone I've dated before. I'm thinking: He's going to bore the hell out of me. Meh. Went on the date anyway.

So Hubby picks me up, we go out to eat, and about half way through the meal I'm thinking .... "oh shit, I'm in trouble. I really like this guy." At that moment, he makes a big sweeping hand gesture and launches his entire plate of BBQ ribs down my leg. Just nails me with them. I'm covered in BBQ sauce. He looks mortified, and I just start laughing - I thought it was hilarious (he tells me later that that's the moment he "knew").

We go to the ballgame. We're drinking beer, eating peanuts, kicking back watching the game, talking, ... and it's just so effortless. Feels like I've known him forever. He says something about how I'm different from other women and how I'm scaring the hell out of him. I look over at him and he smiles at me with this knowing twinkle in his eye (that's the moment I "knew"). He totally "got" me. Accepted me as is. First date. Been married for 30 years. (He's ISTJ - not supposed to be a good match for me)

You can make a list of what you think you want, and try to find that person that matches the wants. Sometimes, though, it's just instant chemistry that has nothing to do with cognitive functions, or interests in common. It's more about just being who you are and having no expectations about the other person and just letting them be who they are. You either click, or not. I think it happens when you're NOT looking for it - that's when you are the most relaxed and most comfortable in your own skin, and show yourself as you truly are.


ETA: :tongue: Hey, @maust:

http://personalitycafe.com/entj-forum-executives/603522-relationship-questions.html#post19411450
 

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I'm kind of in a phase where I'm dating ESTPs and ISTPs. :rolleyes:
 

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I keep dating xNFPs and it's annoying me because the sensitivity and easygoing nature that attracts me to them is what ultimately dooms the relationship. I like dark haired girls, smart, geeky, fit. Ideally, I like them to have their shit together, educated, competent, dependable, and self-sufficient -- ideally.

I don't have an E/I or P/J preference but I do have a strong bias towards N and T.
 

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Glasses wearing, short-dark-haired, wide/squarish bone structure, taller than me (not hard, I'm 5'4"), preferably geeky and can hold a conversation about ancient cultures/civilizations.
 

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Hmmm... let's see...

Something in a Kate Mara meets Katie Holmes. Brunette, shoulder length (or longer), straight hair. 5'2" to 5'6" or so. Slim build. Big brown eyes. "NF" will capture my heart, but "NT" will capture my mind.
 

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My ideal type mature smart blond fit girl with common interests who can have fun and be crazy but also serious when necessary. E to keep up with my social needs and preferably F to balance me out so EXFX. Because having two cold and calculating people in a relationship would be tad too cold and calculating. I mean, there is nothing wrong with that but think of the children!

The more I think about it the more I wanna know stories from someone who lives with both parents XNTJ. That would make a good comedy show especially with ENTJ and INTJ parent and non-XNTJ kids. I would laugh at it. Suddenly, I feel like a terrible human being. I wonder why.
 

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Discussion Starter #14
My ideal type mature smart blond fit girl with common interests who can have fun and be crazy but also serious when necessary. E to keep up with my social needs and preferably F to balance me out so EXFX. Because having two cold and calculating people in a relationship would be tad too cold and calculating. I mean, there is nothing wrong with that but think of the children!

The more I think about it the more I wanna know stories from someone who lives with both parents XNTJ. That would make a good comedy show especially with ENTJ and INTJ parent and non-XNTJ kids. I would laugh at it. Suddenly, I feel like a terrible human being. I wonder why.
I've got an ENTJ dad and ISTJ mum, and all my siblings (minus the one, think he's an ENTP but he's too young to type) are feelers.

I know you meant this as a joke, but they're actually really, really good parents. We got very, very lucky. They're rational and they listen to us and respect us, and you have to have actually done something to get in trouble.
 
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I've always had a preference for quiet intellectual types who have a nerdy streak in them. I am attracted to well read people who can hold their debate with strong arguments. Also I find independence and ambition very important in a partner. Clingy people are a big no-no. When it comes to looks, I was always attracted to black hair/dark eyes combo, think Italians or other South European natives.

Right now I am in committed and very low maintenance relationship with my college friend who is an INTJ and surprisingly fits all of the requirements above. I couldn't be happier.
 

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When I was young, I was attracted to tall, dark handsome men. Latin. Men in uniform. Tough guys. Facial hair.
Now I am attracted to men in baseball uniforms and tall nerds with facial hair. (But this hipster beard thing is a little lame. Somewhat sexy on some guys. But trying too hard on most.) (ENFP)
 

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Discussion Starter #20
So that's why you lurk the INTP forum so often. ;)
shhh don't tell anyone

Though I have discovered the guy I was into two years ago was an INFP instead of an INTP, which is why everything basically imploded.

Came here to scout bang-able PerC ENTJ chicksobserve.
we're not here, we're all busy being outta your league
 
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