Personality Cafe banner

21 - 27 of 27 Posts

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,147 Posts
I strongly prefer to have real meaningful connections with people however the lack of depth with people is serious turn off and sometimes a source of my frustration. I don't know the whole truth to it as to why people are lacking in depth but two conclusions comes to mind that either they are very uncomfortable or they simply don't have it at all. I blame society for it. Had two such friendships but sadly life happens and we had to part ways.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
460 Posts
I do have many acquaintances that could be considered friendships in that I see the person everyday and thus have to have a relationship with, but nearly all of my relationships are those that sprouted for the sake of it due to the environment, not a relationship that I actively sought out because I wanted to-- it was just because that person was there, not because I really wanted that relationship. There are a few friendships that stay a little longer than usual, or that I hoped would last longer, but ultimately they all come and go as the environment changes. It would seem outwardly that I have many people around me, or that I have a lot of friends, but really a lot of it is shallow. I know that we will only really know each other for a year or two, and that I won't really mean anything to them or their futures afterwards, and neither will they to my own. I see some of these people everyday, but they'll never cross my mind a year or two later.

I did have a great friendship with an ENFJ, until a conflict erupted and she moved to New York a several years ago. We reconnected, but it's still a little awkward and strange being around her, I'm never my natural self and don't really let her see the negative parts of me since I know how her Fe stresses out a lot. I have a friendship with an INTP at the moment, and we get along quite well, though I'm not quite myself around them either. The only person that I can say won't disappear easily, that I can really honestly not stress out around, is my sister-- she's been several hundred miles out for many months now, but we're still getting along fine.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
120 Posts
Great question! I can count the number of people in my life who I would consider a friend on one hand. My closest have been women. It just felt safe and judgment-free to be who I really am with them. I have had superficial "buddies" who I have enjoyed hobbies with in the past, but I have long since lost contact with those. When I move, or just move on, I don't feel inclined to maintain a shallow friendship. I don't even have any guilt when I ignore an email from someone who has found out my email address.

I have actually been giving this a great deal of thought over the last couple of years. I expressed to my wife that I am longing for a friend and she replied, "Aren't I your friend?" That kind of broke my heart that she said that and I quickly tried to explain that she is my best friend, but I feel that male companionship is missing. She didn't say anything else after my reply, only a thoughtful look on her face.

There is a sense of longing to have another man to hang out with that thinks similar to me. Even better if he had a wife who got along with mine. I consider myself a pretty practical, handy man. I don't like to ask for help and would prefer to do it myself. As a result, I have acquired a number of skills and am pretty good with anything mechanical, home improvement related, wood working, carpentry, etc. I have put myself out there, offering my expertise and physical labor. People (usually co-workers) that I extend myself to usually just politely nod and don't take me up on my offer to help. I wind up further withdrawing from people and have gotten to the point where I don't feel like even speaking up to let someone know that I have something to offer with no strings attached. I internalize it as rejection. I'm sure they have their reasons for not taking me up on my offers to help, which has nothing to do with me. My family and extended family readily ask for help, but outside my family, nothing. Being interested in self-improvement, I know that I just have to keep putting myself out there and will find a good friend.

Posting comments on-line replying to articles anonymously has been very therapeutic. Being able to articulate my true feelings without fear of judgment is a great relief. A huge burden gets lifted from my shoulders. In a way, having these forums is like having a friend, or special family. Even if someone posted a rude reply, it doesn't matter, because they are hiding behind anonymity as well and have their own issues. I still have put it out there into the universe and feel better getting the thoughts out of my head and into words.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
103 Posts
I've had 2 friends in my entire life who I felt I could be 100% myself around, both were in elementary school. After that it got harder to make friends as my Dad was in the military and we had to move every few years. And because it takes me about a year to finally start opening up to people, you can imagine I didn't have much luck making solid friendships. Now I'm in this weird limbo were I'm not really sure how (adult) relationships are supposed to work. I've made acquaintances that I would've liked to turn into friends but life circumstances always get in the way. It doesn't help that social anxiety has taken a firm hold on me making me awkward and insecure in myself, and I always wonder if the other person actually likes me or if they're just being polite.

That said, I don't know if I would like someone to be that close to me anymore (about 70-80% myself sounds better). In theory, it seems nice but in actuality maybe it would be more suffocating. I truly have the personality of a cat when it comes to how much attention I'm willing to give other people. You'd have to come looking for me if you want to talk to me, otherwise I'll only come to you if I'm feeling especially lonely and have a good enough reason to break the silence.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,118 Posts
No. I stick to my family. I stopped making any more friends when my school friends dropped me like a stone after 5 years of building our relationships.

If most people are like that then I simply don't want to know most people.
 
21 - 27 of 27 Posts
Top