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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hello all.

I think I read somewhere than an INTP said that they would often question any compliments they were given and this would often be misinterpreted as 'fishing' for more/other compliments.

I can totally relate to this as whenever anyone compliments me (especially when it's to do with intelligence/academic achievement) I'm also quick to challenge their compliment and ask them why they thought that. Not out of arrogance, but just out of pure curiousity.

So, to cut a long story short, I was wondering if any other INTPs experienced this, and what their take on it was.

Any contributions would be very helpful, thank you!!

Clog :happy:
 
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Ohh, you have no idea. I actually talked about my problem with two female friends at school. They were laughing their asses off...

Basically, I question compliments, often have a wierd reaction to them. I almost never replay with another compliment, or even say 'Thanks'... Thats wierd.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I also analyse the life out of almost everything of importance said to me that day, because there could be so many meanings masked behind it...if only everyone said what they actually meant the world would be a much easier place!

I also rarely say 'thanks'...but mainly because I don't often believe what they're saying - if there is no validation behind it I'm usually quite hesitant to believe that they actually have something good to say about me, although that's probably strongly linked to my lack of self belief!
 

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I'm not comfortable with compliments either, especially if I don't think I've done or said anything to deserve them (which is 99.99% of the time). Instead of feeling flattered, my mind goes on hyper-drive, analysing everything leading up to the compliments. It's insane, and unnecessary. :unsure:
 

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I usually respond with indifference to compliments when I think they are true and I challenge them when I think they are false. I have tried to be more social, but it's just really difficult to constantly think within a 'social behaviours matrix' when my thought patterns are subconsiously operating within more logical 'matrices' that subdue and numb my feelings.
 

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Yes I absolutely have trouble receiving compliments. I always assume the complimenter is doing it out of obligation or that I don't deserve the compliment or something, so I always get all embarrassed and laugh it off all awkwardly :p
 

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Back in high school, my artwork received recognition and it was the same in elementary school. Yeah I know what you're thinking, "You bragger." But my actual point is, I've grown used to compliments since I was a kid. It does get very awkward when multiples of people compliment me in a row as I would awkwardly thank them -- all in a row.

However, if someone compliments me on something that isn't artistic, I'd usually be a little doubtful. Either I don't believe I deserve it, or I think s/he said it to make me feel better. I have to admit that my reaction towards compliments are a bit poor though. I would be truly thankful, but somehow end up saying something weird aside from "thank you".

...Or I stutter and say two words at the same time, thus combining the two words into what sounds like another spoken language.
 

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In general, I think it could be because a lot of us are living below our potentials... So even when complimented, we know we could have done even a better job. So instead of appreciating another person, we hate on ourselves.
That's true! We're so self-loathing, with our high standards and expectations.
We might be so self-critical and self-conscious that we'll know someone is telling a lie, and then it'll become necessary to view the compliment as valueless and/or less meaningful.
 

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Um...Well, first off, I've got to sort out the types of compliments. (But yes, I do have problems with them overall.)

I'm dating an ENFJ who tends to lavish me with compliments and affection, and it can get a little overwhelming, because I just feel so awkward and don't know what to say when someone calls me sweet or beautiful. I've really been hoping he doesn't think this means I take him for granted; I just really prefer not to get compliments because I don't know what to say besides an "Oh, no, not really" or a mumbled "Um...Thanks..."

Intelligence: It ticks me off big-time when people call me a genius, because I hear it so much and it feels like the person is just brushing off all the work I do to understand things in favor of my having some kind of magic intelligence. So, if I don't think the compliment is well-thought-out, or if it rubs me the wrong way, I might react to it in a way I really shouldn't. ;;^.^

I do like constructive praise, but I'm so bad at giving it myself...I don't want too much. :frustrating:
 

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Hummmmm, I get amazingly embarrassed. And then usually downplay everything I did.

I fear people think I'm fishing for compliments, but for the 'opposite' reason.
 

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I LOVE compliments... so I don't know why an INTP would react oddly to them.
I embrace with my arms and say, "Ah... why thank you, my fellows," as I rise from the clouds above, glorious and god-like.
Hey... a guy can dream... and I love to fantasize! =[
Lol. I would agree with you, but I'm not sure if you're just being sarcastic. :proud:
 

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I generally don't have problems with compliments as long as they seem sincere. If a compliment is overly gushy or if the degree of praise seems far greater relative to what's being praised, then I might become suspicious that there is some ulterior motive in complimenting me.

In the past, I had a problem of dismissing compliments too frequently. Then the complimenter got offended when I seemed to be rejecting it. So now I always thank the person giving me a compliment even if I secretly question their sincerity. Much of the time I underestimate myself so alot of the compliments I didn't think were well deserved most likely were sincere.
 

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Hmm, I have 3 types of reaction:

- I think the person is not being true about them: I may call them on it or make a joke implying I do not believe it.
- I think the person mean it and:
1. I agree - A polite thank you
2. I disagree - embarassment

But isn't that for everyone?
 

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I had a huge problem with compliments in highschool, but now I've learned to react to them in a civil way. I like it when people say nice things about me and they mean it. Tell me I'm awesome and tell me that right now! :proud: Still, I usually have problems with compliments that I do not believe are true. Usually people tend to overestimate my intelligence and I feel very stupid when they do. I do not know what to say then, because I do not think I deserve the compliment and if I deny it, people will interpret it as a sleazy instance of false modesty and fishing for more.
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
Hmm, I have 3 types of reaction:

- I think the person is not being true about them: I may call them on it or make a joke implying I do not believe it.
- I think the person mean it and:
1. I agree - A polite thank you
2. I disagree - embarassment

But isn't that for everyone?
Arguably, I suppose everyone is slightly adverse to compliments but I was wondering if it was a general INTP thing - what with our high expectations of ourselves and our questioning nature, it would seem to make sense that we would take compliments with a pinch of salt/analyse them to death...

Although, obviously that was only my theory - I could be completely wrong!
 

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Yeah I don't like compliments either. Don't like when people raise me up on a pedestal it feels uncomfortable. Like yesterday my Muay Thai instructor was gettin all enthusiastic and complimentary about how I was sparring brilliantly. I just kind of mumbled a thanks and changed the subject and started sayin how I needed shinguards. LOL.
 

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I feel a little weird about compliments because I don't give them out very often. So it's just really a one sided thing. It's not because I'm trying to be an asshole or anything, I just don't put a ton of value into them.

There's been several times when people have tried to complement me and I don't really give a response. When I do a good job on something my satisfaction mainly comes from the challenge I got. That feeling I get when I finally figure it out. Other people's approval doesn't really factor too much into my motivation, I do care...just not very much.

The only downside to this is that I can be very sensitive to criticism. Ignoring any positive feedback but paying attention to negative feedback is unbalanced and probably not the best approach. I'm not sure why this is the case with me, definitely something to work on.
 

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I feel a little weird about compliments because I don't give them out very often. So it's just really a one sided thing. It's not because I'm trying to be an asshole or anything, I just don't put a ton of value into them.

There's been several times when people have tried to complement me and I don't really give a response. When I do a good job on something my satisfaction mainly comes from the challenge I got. That feeling I get when I finally figure it out. Other people's approval doesn't really factor too much into my motivation, I do care...just not very much.

The only downside to this is that I can be very sensitive to criticism. Ignoring any positive feedback but paying attention to negative feedback is unbalanced and probably not the best approach. I'm not sure why this is the case with me, definitely something to work on.
But I think knowing what you're doing wrong is more important than knowing what you're doing right. Else how you going to improve?
 
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