[heartturnedtoporcelain]

I find it incredibly difficult to say something mean to someone directly - to tell them off even if they deserve it.

For example, the other night when I was really drunk at a gathering of family friends, I started typing everyone. I told this ENTP guy that he was an asshole and that it fits because a lot of ENTPs are assholes (sorry all those nice ENTPs out there). Anyway, afterwards I felt incredibly regretful because I insulted him to his face (and not in the playful, teasing way that friends tease each other) even though I was reassured by everyone that 1. he is an asshole 2. he wasn't offended 3. I was really drunk.

I don't think a lot of people have the same qualms that I have about it. I wonder if it's because because it's an INFP thing. If it is, I think this ties in neatly with the whole idea that us INFPs get taken advantage of because we don't say anything. Although you could argue that being upfront is not necessarily being mean ... unfortunately, in some cases, I can't help but think that it is.

 

[Rogue Eagle]

It's an art form I've been working away at for a while now. I'm mindful of everyones feelings, and often if I hurt someone, I mean it.

 

[Nasmoe]

I feel very bad when I hurt someone's feelings, but usually only if they didn't mean to. I try to be nice to them like forever after the fact. With people who did offend me I don't care about their feelings very much. There's only a few times where I actually did care, but usually I'm all for equality in that sense.

 

[espresso]

this is very common among us infp

I think with age we become less susceptible to manipulation and more courageous to put our foot down like you did

 

[Memphisto]

It's always hard for me to be mean or hurtful on purpose... I can really only be mean if I get really angry or am provoked...then I can be pretty merciless, I will say exactly what's on my mind with no filter and no regrets. Of course I'll think about it later and feel bad but also feel justified. Usually whoever sees that side of me deserved it. As I get older and wiser I'm learning that some people just are assholes and they deserve exactly what they get...

 

[Musician6120]

Yes, I find it incredibly difficult. Oh, I can come up with some things to say that would completely cut them down and not even in a base way, but in more intellectual way. Mwahahahaha But do I ever??? No, and I don't know why. Between one...who has destroyed me with lies to employees, and management (all the while, I kept thinking there's no way someone would do that and even less that others would be dumb enough to believe it-I was wrong on both counts), and another ... who lied to me over and over about that he wanted to be friends and wasn't using me, for nearly a year, then when he felt better, he just completely stopped calling.
Maybe there should be a thread of angry letters to those who wronged us!!!

 

[Ehre]

There are two ways it becomes really easy for me to be mean to people:
If they're friends or I just know them well enough, scathing jokes are just part of the package that is me. Normally it's just teasing or witty banter.
If they're annoyances or just shitty people I don't give a damn about them until after I say something to them. Then afterthought kicks in, and depending on how bad it was and how bad they were, I may feel guilt.

 

[Sily]

Yeah, I'll just feel bad about it. This is the way it usually goes with me ---> I'll post a nasty something-or-other about someone & in about 1 minutes I'll go back and erase it or delete it. I start to feel bad about the public display of hostility. Then I'll start to pity the person, then I'll think I'm going to hell for the posting or all that karma crap comes into play, lol... I'd love to have a little backbone and write really, really make-you-cry type stuff on the intronets about people, but it just ain't gonna be happening here, from me. I feel I do have pretty good self-preservation skills tho, I won't stand for anything but the best from family and friends. I think I'm pretty strict that way.

 

[SenhorFrio]

even when i am"mean"i sorta always start the sentence with"look" or"alright well" i have to sound like i'm giving an opinion or something

 

[Blackbeard]

Nope but it takes a lot for me to get to that point. If I feel mistreated when I am going out of my way to be kind, then I find easy to let a person have it.

 

[Azura Nova]

I do find it difficult to be directly mean to someone though I usually don't let myself be a push-over.

I don't really remember a particular situation where I did say something mean directly to someone... Well I remember telling off an ex-friend when she had told multiple people about my best friend's crush on this guy. I think I had never felt so mad... I'm quite protective of the people I care about roud:.

I never really insult people... I'm more likely to tell them how I feel by saying things like: I felt what you did was innapropriate, I think you should apologize, That was insensitive...

I find it hard to call someone an asshole or a bitch because maybe I don't know the full story or maybe there not always like that (though yeah I know a lot of people who would deserved to get called that based on what I've seen of them)

I sound like a push-over now .

If I'm ever intentionally mean to you or if I insult you, you probably deserved it.

 

[SenhorFrio]

I do find it difficult to be directly mean to someone though I usually don't let myself be a push-over.

I don't really remember a particular situation where I did say something mean directly to someone... Well I remember telling off an ex-friend when she had told multiple people about my best friend's crush on this guy. I think I had never felt so mad... I'm quite protective of the people I care about roud:.

I never really insult people... I'm more likely to tell them how I feel by saying things like: I felt what you did was innapropriate, I think you should apologize, That was insensitive...

I find it hard to call someone an asshole or a bitch because maybe I don't know the full story or maybe there not always like that (though yeah I know a lot of people who would deserved to get called that based on what I've seen of them)

I sound like a push-over now .

If I'm ever intentionally mean to you or if I insult you, you probably deserved it.

i never call someone an asshole or a bitch, usaually when i do insult people i call them stupid,annoying or i make it an opinion"i fucking hate it when you talk". to me calling someone a bitch or an asshole has nothing behind it , all it says is"youhave character traits i find undesirable!". like i jsut recently had a conversatinowith my friends about this, i think most people write people of as assholes or bitches("cause their mean to me")whereas i write people off as stupid because i can't see why a intelligent person would behave in that manner, basically saying"they're stupid they can't help it"

 

[Unnursvana]

Yes, being mean or telling someone that they are hurting me or that I don't like the way that they think or talk or something like that, or they are saying something wrong in my opinion I just cant walk up to them and shake them and just tell them to shut up! I just smile or something and act like it doesn't bother me, even if people insult me right in the face... it isn't until thy really get to me that I might yell at them back but in most cases I don't

Even if people hit me or just take there anger out on me or hurting me in some way, I just don't defend myself for some reason, even if I want to hit them back I don't do it. I just can't bring myself to do it. People are always telling me to stand up for myself but I can't, I don't want to hurt them the same way that they are hurting me I guess. Because I know that it hurts and I don't want to do that to them.

But someday I will... I have promised myself that, it is for my own good.

 

[3053]

I have a friend. I hate this friend. She's done so much to hurt me in my life and is not going to stop anytime soon.
I have A LOT of hatred for her, I detest her.
But when she puts on this false, sweet act to my face to turn me I'm my sweet nice self back to her. And everytime I go home I regret falling for it. I have so much awful things to say about her, so much, but I can't do it to her face. I don't think I ever will be able to, I'm just not assertive enough. It's a shame really.

 

[Zeta Neprok]

I hate being directly mean/rude to someone. If I ever have to do it I usually begin with "I'm sorry to say but..." or "I really hate to say this but..." Although I do find it a lot easier to be "mean" to someone when the both of us know that I'm joking.

 

[Blueguardian]

Sometimes I don't think I have a mean bone in my body. I am never "mean" to anyone directly, and rarely indirectly... (I think.) Unless its my intention, I don't let people walk all over me. I don't know how to explain it, but I have never had to get "mean" to stop or prevent this.

If I felt that I am mean, or have wronged someone... I feel a lot of guilt. It goes against what I believe in for myself.

Also, I don't tie my anger of someone to being mean. To me they are different, similar... but different.

 

[PoppyPeedOnMySofa]

Yes....I just can't do it. But sometimes I subconsciously say something underhanded to someone that I have a lot of bottled up resentment for. Yeah, it's not good.

 

[Lad]

I have trouble doing it to GOOD people.

However, some people are just pricks or insensitive and need a mouthful (or more).

 

[AutumnMarieGrey]

I have trouble being mean to people, full stop. Whether it's directly or indirectly, at some point in the very near future the guilt will set in. I think it's probably the reason I pick my battles quite carefully, because if you send me into a slanging match with someone, it sort of ends up looking like you've sent a puppy into war - I just stand there a bit nonplussed.
That makes me sound a like a bit of a push-over as well, but it's mainly because I just don't feel the need to bother standing up for myself in those kind of situations.

But anyways, I get that 'lie in bed, can't get to sleep, thinking too much' kind of guilt in that kind of situation...annoyingly, I sometimes know the other person we probably barely register what I've said, while I can't sleep for worry for the next three nights :sad:

 

[heartturnedtoporcelain]

I sometimes know the other person we probably barely register what I've said, while I can't sleep for worry for the next three nights :sad:

Yup, I'm exactly the same.

I'm quite protective of the people I care about roud:.

I never really insult people... I'm more likely to tell them how I feel by saying things like: I felt what you did was innapropriate, I think you should apologize, That was insensitive...

If I'm ever intentionally mean to you or if I insult you, you probably deserved it.

You hit it right on the head.