[chickydoda]

Maybe its just the people I've been mixing with, but I don't seem to be the leader of things that I wish to be. I always have ideas for parties, hanging out etc, but people don't want to go along with it. Except for my ESFP friend, shes always up for some ENFP craziness.

I suggested going for a picnic with my friends, walking my dogs and then going to the mall for a few hours, and she was really excited about it. My sister was going to tag along too. Then I made a list of recipes I wanted to make, food I wanted to collect, and I checked in with my friend, and she didn't want me to spend more than $10- I don't care about the money, I just want to have a good time. I was really excited about the meal plan I had drawn up, and about getting a chance to cook and impress her, but now we're pretty much just taking one thing each.

I'm thinking maybe its my fault, because I didn't tell her the whole plan from the start. She asked if she could bring something, and I said sure, not realising that would cancel out my plans.

I want her to show up, but I didn't expect her to do anything else. I was really excited about this, but now I don't want to go, I feel stupid about the whole thing. Oh, and my sister backed out.

When I start dating and stuff, I want to do alphabet dating, go to costume parties together, go hot air ballooning, do exciting things like that. I feel like I'm one of a kind, and everyone else just thinks I'm a freak. Maybe the picnic doesn't sound like much of an adventure, but it was just an example.

When I was a kid, I used to be really popular, and have lots of friends, but now people don't really care what I'm doing... I'm sick of going along with everyone elses plans all the time, and not being able to come up with my own.

To be fair, this girl has gone along with everything else I've invited her to, its just been an issue I've had with people in general, not specifically her. I've just been feeling really disappointed today, because I was hoping to dazzle her!

 

[chickydoda]

I feel really stupid for posting this, please don't judge me too harshly. Apparently I'm ''food obsessed'', but I would enjoy sharing meals whether I was thin, slim or fat. I'm pretty sure I only get ridiculed for it because I'm fat. If I were slim and active, no one would care.

 

[chimeric]

I do relate. What I suspect may be true is that other people also get ditched or have their ideas pooped all over -- but for us, it's maybe a bigger deal, because we invest a lot of emotional energy into that sort of thing.

That said, you will find the right friends and the right relationship. It'll just be a little harder, because there are a lot of people who think they're "above" the kinds of things that kids enjoy.

 

[chickydoda]

Its weird, I don't know her type, but I'm pretty sure shes an NF too. We really do have a good time together. Maybe she was just conscious of the money thing- things are usually evenly split though, I don't always have to spend money, I just wanted to do something special.

I don't really see picnics as being childish, people go on them for dates or family outings. I've always liked them (minus the sandflies!)

 

[White River]

I feel like I'm one of a kind, and everyone else just thinks I'm a freak.

...

When I was a kid, I used to be really popular, and have lots of friends, but now people don't really care what I'm doing... I'm sick of going along with everyone elses plans all the time, and not being able to come up with my own.

I find that as you get older, the majority of people around you start to mature and become more focused on the things that they are 'supposed' to worry about like mortgages, work, family and other 'grown-up' things. You're probably one of the few people who is not as susceptible to the social pollution that plagues the world. That's a good thing. Unfortunately, it just means you'll have to look a bit harder to find people who are similarly minded.

To be fair, this girl has gone along with everything else I've invited her to, its just been an issue I've had with people in general, not specifically her. I've just been feeling really disappointed today, because I was hoping to dazzle her!

I know that if you have any friends that are remotely like me, they'd value their own way quite highly and are unlikely to go along with something else if they aren't 100% comfortable with it You might just need to hook up with some more ENFPs

 

[chickydoda]

@Blue Ocean But I'm only 22, and my friends are about the same age... they seem to spend all their money on text books, social events and clothes. None of them have husbands, homes or kids yet.

 

[White River]

@Blue Ocean But I'm only 22, and my friends are about the same age... they seem to spend all their money on text books, social events and clothes. None of them have husbands, homes or kids yet.

Maybe so, but at 22, I know a lot of my friends had already started adjusting priorities mentally, although it may not have been apparent on the outside.

Social events and clothes? What a waste :laughing:

 

[chickydoda]

Social events and clothes? What a waste :laughing:

Well, theres also rent, school fees, transport money, food etc... I just forgot to mention those things. I guess I was thinking about ''spare money'' if they have any.

 

[White River]

Well, theres also rent, school fees, transport money, food etc... I just forgot to mention those things. I guess I was thinking about ''spare money'' if they have any.

Yeah so was I! Don't worry, I was saying it in humour.

 

[MuChApArAdOx]

Its weird, I don't know her type, but I'm pretty sure shes an NF too. We really do have a good time together. Maybe she was just conscious of the money thing- things are usually evenly split though, I don't always have to spend money, I just wanted to do something special.

I don't really see picnics as being childish, people go on them for dates or family outings. I've always liked them (minus the sandflies!)

Picnics aren't childish, i actually really enjoy them. Its nice way to get out in the fresh air and have some fun. I thought it was a great idea what you mentioned. Taking the dogs, walking and eating outside, nothing wrong with any of that. Everything cost money, even simple things like a picnic. I would spend my money this way if i was planning a special day with a friend. Enjoying the simple things in life is not a bad thing. Too bad she didn't see it as more of an adventure than worrying about the cost. Sometimes you just have to let the expense ride and do things that make you happy.

And yes, i do have people at times that over think my ideas. It almost feels as though they are trying to talk themselves out of things instead of just going with the flow and see where it takes them.

 

[Agelaius]

I have trouble getting myself to go along with my adventures/ideas, let alone anyone else. I guess I get all ramped up in my head over a thought and then second guess myself as to whether it's feasible, even if it is.

Now, who's up for an adventure to find my self-esteem? :tongue:

 

[shedreamt]

It sounds like you just haven't found those people you click with, chickydoda. Are you at a university? What's your living situation like? I tend to not get disappointed about people flaking since I don't rely on just one or two to do things with all the time. Perhaps if you can broaden your social circle by getting involved in activities you are passionate about, you won't feel let down by a couple unreliable friends. Having a positive aura, a self love that radiates from you, attracts people magnetically. Do you love yourself? I get a sense that you are a bit self pitying from your posts...do you project this vibe in real life? Its easy to feel unattractive and like you're doing something wrong when you're not getting what you want out of life- I can relate to that, if that's partially what you're going through. At the same time, your attitude makes such a huge difference in turning things around. How you perceive yourself is how others end up perceiving you! I know this might sound like optimistic babble, but I was at a low point a couple years ago and turned things around completely. The more in love with myself I fell, the more love I seemed to pour outward towards others. Fake it until you make it, chickydoda! You seem to have a big heart and I hope you do find many more friends who are deserving of your love.

 

[Matt Cork]

I'm assuming these are college kids. I'm 21 and in school and it's no different buy me. The people some of my friends hangout with blow all their money on weed, alcohol, cigarettes, phones, tv's, games, etc. 5 people living in one apartment and their all broke, yea...

As you get older you'll start finding more people you relate with. Or maybe not, I can't tell the future. There's a bonus to being friends with almost all NT's, we never fight about anything and everything is objective(as much as something can be objective).

 

[chimeric]

Its weird, I don't know her type, but I'm pretty sure shes an NF too. We really do have a good time together. Maybe she was just conscious of the money thing- things are usually evenly split though, I don't always have to spend money, I just wanted to do something special.

Could be. Of course, if you offered, I don't see why it makes sense to turn it down. I'd only turn something like that down if someone was spending way out of their budget and I was worried about it. If someone wants to treat you to something -- shoot, go ahead and let them! The best way to mitigate the guilt factor is to do something nice back.

I don't really see picnics as being childish, people go on them for dates or family outings. I've always liked them (minus the sandflies!)

I was more referring to the costume parties and hot air ballooning, actually (which are both awesome, by the way). I've definitely merry-go-rounded/mini-golfed/etc on dates, so there is no judgment here; only agreement.

 

[chickydoda]

Picnics aren't childish, i actually really enjoy them. Its nice way to get out in the fresh air and have some fun. I thought it was a great idea what you mentioned. Taking the dogs, walking and eating outside, nothing wrong with any of that. Everything cost money, even simple things like a picnic. I would spend my money this way if i was planning a special day with a friend. Enjoying the simple things in life is not a bad thing. Too bad she didn't see it as more of an adventure than worrying about the cost. Sometimes you just have to let the expense ride and do things that make you happy.

And yes, i do have people at times that over think my ideas. It almost feels as though they are trying to talk themselves out of things instead of just going with the flow and see where it takes them.

I'm glad you feel that way. I hope your friends come around at some point, and try things your way.

I think with some people, its better just to meet up and do things spontaneously. One of my best days was when I had just gotten my bellybutton pierced, and we had gone on holiday. My whole family was visiting the hot springs, but I wasn't allowed to, because of my piercing, and it needing to heal, so me and one of my older cousins that I didn't know that well, went to this miniature golf course then through this Amazonian maze- we had such an incredible time! It was really funny, because I'm not an athletic kind of person (although, I have a swimmers body), so it took about 200 hits to get around the course! The average person probably took about 30... you should see me when I go tin pin bowling- I'm an embarrassment to the human race, haha.

It sounds like you just haven't found those people you click with, chickydoda. Are you at a university? What's your living situation like? I tend to not get disappointed about people flaking since I don't rely on just one or two to do things with all the time. Perhaps if you can broaden your social circle by getting involved in activities you are passionate about, you won't feel let down by a couple unreliable friends. Having a positive aura, a self love that radiates from you, attracts people magnetically. Do you love yourself? I get a sense that you are a bit self pitying from your posts...do you project this vibe in real life? Its easy to feel unattractive and like you're doing something wrong when you're not getting what you want out of life- I can relate to that, if that's partially what you're going through. At the same time, your attitude makes such a huge difference in turning things around. How you perceive yourself is how others end up perceiving you! I know this might sound like optimistic babble, but I was at a low point a couple years ago and turned things around completely. The more in love with myself I fell, the more love I seemed to pour outward towards others. Fake it until you make it, chickydoda! You seem to have a big heart and I hope you do find many more friends who are deserving of your love.

Wow, I'm not sure if you really want to open that can of worms! I personally think I'm awesome, but I do experience some doubt sometimes, because others are not always a fan. I'm not really sure what you mean by changing by attitude. I have my own awesome ideas, and I wish other people were interested. Most of the time, when I hang out with friends, I do what the group/individual wants to do, see the movie they want to see etc etc. I wish things were a bit more even. Still, I think I'm talking about one specific group of friends... the other friends I don't see as often.

I'm assuming these are college kids. I'm 21 and in school and it's no different buy me. The people some of my friends hangout with blow all their money on weed, alcohol, cigarettes, phones, tv's, games, etc. 5 people living in one apartment and their all broke, yea...

As you get older you'll start finding more people you relate with. Or maybe not, I can't tell the future. There's a bonus to being friends with almost all NT's, we never fight about anything and everything is objective(as much as something can be objective).

I know lots of people/have lots of friends, but they are scattered all over the country/world, and I've only lived in this city for about six months. Since I occasionally go to church, haven't started working or studying, I haven't met anyone new. I hope you're right! I feel like the world is full of people who think I'm ridiculous!

Could be. Of course, if you offered, I don't see why it makes sense to turn it down. I'd only turn something like that down if someone was spending way out of their budget and I was worried about it. If someone wants to treat you to something -- shoot, go ahead and let them! The best way to mitigate the guilt factor is to do something nice back.

I was more referring to the costume parties and hot air ballooning, actually (which are both awesome, by the way). I've definitely merry-go-rounded/mini-golfed/etc on dates, so there is no judgment here; only agreement.

It wasn't really way out of my budget, I was mostly going to use the food in the house, and if I had done that, I would have been able to leave some lunch for my parents, and since I don't socialise that much, they wouldn't have cared. I guess she had her reasons. Next time I'll be more like ''hey! I'm going on a picnic, and I've got a great day planned, just bring yourself, everything else is already sorted out, I'm looking forward to seeing you ''.

I'm still not getting how hot air ballooning is childish... what child can afford to go in a hot air balloon? Its like $400 a person here!

 

[MuChApArAdOx]

I'm still not getting how hot air ballooning is childish... what child can afford to go in a hot air balloon? Its like $400 a person here!

I don't think its at all childish. I haven't been, although i would jump at the opportunity. What a romantic adventure. Wow, that's expensive, although if i had the money i would do it in a heartbeat. I'd toss all logic aside and probably spend my bill money too..heh

Not all my friends are against my ideas, and the ones who are at times have good reason..heh, not everyone wants to go along with the silly random things i can pull out of my @ss.

 

[funcoolname]

Then I made a list of recipes I wanted to make, food I wanted to collect, and I checked in with my friend, and she didn't want me to spend more than $10- I don't care about the money, I just want to have a good time.

Why didn't she want you to spend more than $10? Was it her money? Try to just go for what you want next time, you don't have to be defensive or rude or anything, you just have to plead your case e.g. "I really want to do this, I don't care about the money, etc." I don't know if it's a P thing or an F thing and also depending on the dynamics in a relationship, it can be easy for us to have an idea and then someone says "No" and we just go "ok", especially when we're young. It's a really annoying vicious cycle because it leads the other person to think we aren't capable when they're taking charge all the time, and they continue to believe we aren't capable because we're never given a chance. The rest of my nuclear family are Js and they just sound so damn sure when they talk, and I'm finally beginning to realize that obviously they're humans so they don't know what they're talking about 100% of the time and I see angles and arguments that they miss. So I'm starting to speak up for myself, and it's making them back off, and I'm beginning to trust myself more and it feels really good. And as an ENFP, I know when to back off too and not get too bossy already

 

[chickydoda]

Why didn't she want you to spend more than $10? Was it her money? Try to just go for what you want next time, you don't have to be defensive or rude or anything, you just have to plead your case e.g. "I really want to do this, I don't care about the money, etc." I don't know if it's a P thing or an F thing and also depending on the dynamics in a relationship, it can be easy for us to have an idea and then someone says "No" and we just go "ok", especially when we're young. It's a really annoying vicious cycle because it leads the other person to think we aren't capable when they're taking charge all the time, and they continue to believe we aren't capable because we're never given a chance. The rest of my nuclear family are Js and they just sound so damn sure when they talk, and I'm finally beginning to realize that obviously they're humans so they don't know what they're talking about 100% of the time and I see angles and arguments that they miss. So I'm starting to speak up for myself, and it's making them back off, and I'm beginning to trust myself more and it feels really good. And as an ENFP, I know when to back off too and not get too bossy already

No, it was my money. She offered to bring dessert. I got really upset about the whole day, but we ended up getting all the same foods, because my sister came along, and requested them. My friend didn't complain.

I'm sure of myself. Others would be too, if they gave me a chance.

 

[Zster]

I don't know if I have trouble getting people to join in or not, because I tend to do what I want to do, with people or without them. I guess "without" ends up being fairly frequent, now that I think about it. A lot of folks will talk a big game, but don't mean it. They seem to think that fun is ok, for OTHER people. Their loss!

Oh, and I am in my 40s, my parents are in their 70s - we all still do crazy things for entertainment. I have the mortgage covered and have to buckle down and be semi-serious at work. You bet I'm going to play in my free time!

Having kids gives us a GREAT excuse to continue playing by the way. I am having tons of fun cosplaying, dancing, basically acting nuts etc with my kids. I do think such unhinibitedness is an ENFP thing and many adults are too self conscious to similarly let their hair down. it helps that I don't care much what people think about me.

 

[Zster]

...please don't judge me too harshly. Apparently I'm ''food obsessed'', but I would enjoy sharing meals whether I was thin, slim or fat.

WTH?? I am not sure why anyone feels compelled to ridicule about it at all. I loved your idea of going all "Food Network" for entertainment. It's not like you were suggesting doing that 3x per day, and if so, whose problem is that?

Food, like sex and a few other things, can serve as a basic physiologic function OR be a major event. Since my philosophy is that life is to be experienced, I'll take the event ANY day!

Call me next time - I love getting the kitchen crazies!