[chwoey]

I know for me, when somebody does something that hurts me or challenges my morals I get very upset and have a hard time letting it go.

I'm an advocate for pro-choice and vegetarianism, and when someone starts debating and putting down my ideas(if they have good reason, I accept their position, but once they start attacking or using illogical arguments just to bash my opinion) I start getting mad, and afterwards I have a hard time forgiving them. It almost changes my perception of them.

What about you guys? Do you experience this? What can you do to forgive and forget?
If not, what DO you experience when facing similar situations?

 

[yello]

I never forgive or forget.

 

[basementbugs]

Yeah, I definitely have trouble with this. Of course, it depends on the individual situation... but I do have trouble letting go of things. I'd say this is because, quite often, my imagination plays the scenario/words/images/whatever over and over and over in my head, each time rekindling whatever negative feelings I have.

I'm not sure what exactly to do to help this issue. Sometimes the importance and/or hurt naturally fade(s) over time, such that I just genuinely am not bothered anymore, but when that doesn't happen... well, I've been mostly unsuccessful at trying to get over things on purpose. I've tried, I really have... I guess I just haven't found the right method or I suck at it or something. Having a really sharp memory for those sorts of things doesn't make it easy.

 

[kaleidoscope]

Couldn't even if I wanted to, haha. Unless that person REALLY wronged me, in unforgivable drastic ways, I'm pretty sure I could let go after a while. Letting go doesn't mean staying friends with that person, but I wouldn't resent them anymore, and I would go on with my life. I'm unable of harboring hatred towards someone. Sure, I replay things in my head, sure I do feel whatever I felt about what was done to me, but I don't feel the anger anymore towards that person.

 

[JigglyJello]

I hold grudges, but they'll never know. :kitteh:

 

[chwoey]

Couldn't even if I wanted to, haha. Unless that person REALLY wronged me, in unforgivable drastic ways, I'm pretty sure I could let go after a while. Letting go doesn't mean staying friends with that person, but I wouldn't resent them anymore, and I would go on with my life. I'm unable of harboring hatred towards someone. Sure, I replay things in my head, sure I do feel whatever I felt about what was done to me, but I don't feel the anger anymore towards that person.

I guess this is true to me. I sadly, often cut ties with people after they have done something bad to me (when they cross my internal "line", I suppose, because I have taken a lot of abuse in my life). But after a while I don't hold resentment, but no part of me wants to be associated with that person anymore.

 

[cloudcompeller]

@chwoey

I have no cure so far...just let time do all the work.

If that really happens, I usually win the argument. :wink:

Well...I think you may divert them from the argument. Like for the vegeterian debate, saying stuff like 'So you think killing animals, though not by your own hands, but through the hands of a butcher is justifiable then?'; or 'Following your logic, eating dogs are right then? Do you not eat them because you think they are cute and it's cruel?'

I really like to use examples in arguments, having some analogy or metaphor may confuse them sometimes, depends on their intelligence lol.

 

[perpetual daydreamer]

I used to have a friend-turned-archenemy growing up. It started when I was 7 and went on until after high school (when we moved away), and we hated each other for so long that we originally forgot why!

I guess part of growing up now is not letting people get to me. I don't usually get upset when someone attacks my point of view (I just smile or laugh and concede to their point, but secretly think they're wrong haha! It's just easier not to argue with idiots. Get riled up only hurts yourself. Save your sanity and peace of mind). Try not to burn bridges; it's a small world, after all.

 

[ethylester]

I suck at holding grudges. Something always happens that makes me reconsider. It could be a slight smile from the person, a look in their eye, a funny thing they say, and suddenly I don't have the grudge anymore. I might still be confused about what went down between us, but I'm willing to forgive and forget.

A few spats have ended not with me holding a grudge, but instead learning something about this person that I will have to consider next time a similar situation arises between me and them. For example, I have a friend who has a huge problem with jealousy and trust. He has blamed me for so many things that I did not do, it's ridiculous and very frustrating. Yet I continue being his friend. I just know that next time, if I am around the same people who set him off into his weird jealousy delusions, I will not invite him along, nor will I tell him about it later. He just can't handle it. So I don't let it happen anymore. We hang out one on one now. Never in groups. I learned that he can't handle groups.

I am a classic example of someone who sees the good in everyone. It's nearly impossible for me to look at someone and not see even a tiny good thing about them. Or make an excuse for them. I am good at reasoning with myself when someone does something horrible, so that I don't hold a grudge or hate them. You can call it denial, delusion, blind optimism, unrealistic thinking, or whatever. But it's easier for me to love than to hate, and I'm sticking by it.

 

[Stable Genius]

I definantly hold grudges. Once you wrong me, watch out. It may be years later, but I never forget.

 

[Marimeli]

Hahahaha, no way. I couldn't hold a grudge if I tried. My anger is like a nuclear match--it'll flare up to epic proportions for about five seconds. Then I forget what I was mad about.

Although recently I did end a friendship because someone told me it offends him fundamentally that I'm multilingual and asked me never to speak anything other than English where he could hear me. I don't really consider that a grudge; it's more that I think it shows that he didn't really want to be friends with ME at all, in the sense that he showed a lack of respect for (and maybe undstanding of) who I am. What's the difference between holding a grudge and standing up for your values and identity when they're repeatedly challenged in a demeaning and derogatory fashion?

 

[infpblog]

No, I don't hold grudges. It takes up way too much mental and emotional energy that can be best put somewhere else. However, I haven't really encountered anything in my life that I've considered grudge-worthy.

I've lost $25K in my early days of investing to a sham company. But that was my mistake and I just chalked it up as learning experience and moved on.

People argue against my positions on life all the time. It started with my parents at age 7. So what? I'm use to it by now. I don't view arguments against my positions as personal attacks.

 

[QueCueYew]

If it's serious enough and happens to crack the bubble I find myself in, then more than likely there will be a healthy grudge against the perpetrator. Otherwise I'm more likely to forgive and forget. It honestly takes a lot for someone to make my 'do not make this list', list.

 

[Luke]

I can hold powerful grudges. But the strange thing is that it usually only takes one kind word or action from the person I have the grudge against and it fades away.

 

[robespierre]

lol unfortunately I don't.
(depending on the deed) If someone does something to me, I would never forget it, it will change our relationship forever (I might still interact with the person the same way but inside my head, I would know to never open my heart to the person) but I won't hold on to feelings of hate/disgust. I probably won't even voice my concerns with the person...this has happened with about 3 different people lol.
Example...a friend lied to me about test resources that he had and was supposed to share. I joked and said "i thought you didnt have any extra cheat sheets?" As he continued to lie, I dropped the subject and simply laughed it off. I will never forget that he lied (happened about 5 years ago) but he's still my friend.
I guess I forgive but don't forget.

 

[krentz]

I'm also of the "forgive, but never forget" variety. I made a promise long ago that I would try my utmost not to forget anything that happened to me in life because every bit of it makes me the person I am today. However I forgive other people more for my benefit than theirs. I can't stand that lingering resentment eating away at me. But I will always be wary of the ones who go too far. I have a memory like an elephant for emotional stimuli - whether good or bad.

 

[Gideon]

Same. The stereotypes that INFPs can get verbally mad at others for going against my internal morals doesn't happen for me. I definitely notice it, and respect the person less, but I rarely confront them about it.

 

[Oh_no_she_DIDNT]

I hold grudges for about 3 seconds at the max. haha

I can be momentarily upset at someone, and in the moment it might feel somewhat overwhelming, but usually with a little time, those feelings quickly subside and it usually becomes a non-issue, and is yesterday's news.

 

[Sily]

Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't.

For the people that I do hold grudges against- please know this -not only do I hold the grudge, I have it bronzed, polish it & illuminate it on a pedestal, with floodlights.

There are some people in my life, well.... out of my life now, that I should have never given 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th chances to.

lololololol...mistakes were made.

 

[Acey]

I don't hold grudges. I always give people the opportunity to get on my good side, but eventually my patience wears thin, and I give up trying to maintain a relationship with that person. I believe myself to be a very forgiving person, but I'm not ignorant.