Personality Cafe banner

1 - 20 of 50 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
98 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
I am at the end of my tether.

Feel free to construe this entire post as melodramatic.

I have a disease. No, a tic.

I ignore my crushes.

You can tell when I like someone, because I will literally go out of my way to AVOID them.

And then I die a little inside, because they interpret my behavior, as any normal human being would, in a negative light and in turn avoid me as well which makes me feel sad. Even though I know it's all my fault.

Yes, I know, I could just stop and greet them. But the words are stuck behind my teeth, like clumps of glue. Honestly, I walk past them and it's like my legs aren't my own I just keep on walking and I don't look back and I don't make eye contact and I don't say a single word even though inside I'm screaming: You're really cool and funny and just LOVELY, I'd really like to get to know you. My body just keeps moving away, even though my heart is just like: Noooooooo.

The whole ignoring thing is like a compulsion. Like a reflex. Gah. Why.

Out of all my crushes, I have only really spoken to one of them.

Is this just a teenage thing? Have any of you experienced this?

It feels awful.

If you have, how did you get past it? Was it just a phase?

Or am I doomed to a life of loneliness forever, with just my books and cats? An existence of slaughtered hopes, all because of this silly, silly habit? It's like there are two sides of me: a cold ice queen, who doesn't want to show any signs of affection, and weepy, sappy little romantic who spends her days doodling hearts in the sky.

I can talk to people I don't like fine! In fact, I'm perfectly charming with them.

Oh, the irony.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,058 Posts
I'd imagine that's (ignoring crushes) a very common reaction. I know I got that growing up. I was way too nervous at that age; but you kind of don't know what to do regardless.

I could give you the pedantic advice (ask them out!) but I know that's difficult and your own journey/decision to make. Instead what I want to tell you is that a) it's natural, and therefore b) there's nothing wrong with you for having that reaction. When I was a teenager, and when I wasn't just hiding from everybody, I was making internal excuses as to why I wasn't dating/even approaching people I liked. All of those excuses involved putting myself down, and so eventually I gave myself a self-image/esteem problem. Over what's essentially a typical human reaction :laughing:
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
377 Posts
I refuse to ignore it so much more now... telling you, the only real barrier was more conflict and drama that would have or may have occurred the moment Id have said certain words.

Most people I attract too back then was just mysterious decent looking woman , not many men were that gay or femboy-esc at that shitty A&W college so was like meh...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,035 Posts
There was this INFP guy that confessed to me and ran away the next day. He just disappeared, and I was sitting there with a "WTF look" on my face. It was really sad, since I considered him as a great friend, and I did like him back, but he refused to give me any chance to say anything.

My advice is to calm down first. You probably aren't as awkward as you think you are, nor do you need to feel self-conscious. In fact, awkward can be sort of cute. The next is to strike a simple conversation without running away. Say a "hi", ask them how they are, tell them what you are up to and gradually move from there. The topics will come naturally so long as you remember that you aren't going to be devoured any time. I guess the most important part is understanding that nobody can read your mind. The only way for someone to tell that you like them is when you actually tell them yourself. Other than that, there's really nothing else to be scared of. Be friends with your crush, talk to them, get to know them better...and maybe it will turn out to be a wonderful relationship, or your feelings will vanish.

Good luck. :proud:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
252 Posts
I often ignore them, especially when they are completely inappropriate. It's not that I've never spoken to a crush before. It's just that I never bring up my feelings. If anything, someone will have to bring up what they feel before I start pouring out all those feels.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,809 Posts
I'm getting old enough now that I go for it ;) J/k. I'm actually quite impatient and will ask if I am interested after speaking a few times, and I figure he's not gonna bloody go for it, so I have to roll up my sleeves and do the work lol.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
369 Posts
It sounds like the thing that prevents people from doing new things. Whenever this or that happens to me and I think back on it, it feels like being afraid of feeling happy.

“It is a risk to love.
What if it doesn't work out?
Ah, but what if it does.”
Peter McWilliams
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
14 Posts
I used to do it, because ignoring them is pretty risk free; it's almost like it's better keeping the dream alive rather than letting reality come in and ruin it all. In my case it was a fear of rejection, but I ended up rationalising it in a way that made it slightly easier to try and approach them, and that's essentially that if you try talking to them and it doesn't work out, your position generally reverts to how it was before, and if it does work out then, well, it works out. Of course it's not that simple, but in my experience, once you've made the first jump with it, it becomes a lot easier to try and talk to them. It's a reasonable response to have, but it doesn't last forever, and it certainly won't doom you to anything. I think to make it easier to talk to them, have a go at approaching them in a way where you're not really trying to get anything out of it, and your main concern is just getting used to them. Once you've got used to them as people, it should make it a tad easier to try and get to know them better, because your preconception about who they are will be slightly more in check with reality, so any development's a lot less intimidating.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
93 Posts
I usually do the same thing! But today I have spoken to my crush, and smiled at him, and then gave him the money for the book I had just bought from him - he he. So he should not think I hate him, but probably thinks nothing special of me either (but in my book that is a major improvement). ;)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
93 Posts
I'm getting old enough now that I go for it ;) J/k. I'm actually quite impatient and will ask if I am interested after speaking a few times, and I figure he's not gonna bloody go for it, so I have to roll up my sleeves and do the work lol.
...by that you mean?
You just ask for his number? Or ask if he wants to go on a date?

...like, could you give an example of what you say? [Maybe I can learn something]
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,154 Posts
When I have a crush on someone, I tend to think of them as superior to me, god-like even. I idealize them. What I learned to do was take them off the pedestal, and humanize them again. This usually comes from actually talking to them, so you have to kind of solve the problem by doing. The more you know about a person, the more you know about their "human" qualities. You start to see them less as a character you've written into your story and more as just a dude. But it also just helps to remind yourself to think realistically, and and to think about yourself as someone worthy of your crush's time. If you tell yourself, "I am just as cool and amazing as this person, they would be happy to speak to me" instead of telling yourself "Shit they're so cool how do I talk to them?" it gets a lot easier. It does take time though. And in the end it's just something you have to do. (And it will get easier the more experience you have.)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,809 Posts
...by that you mean?
You just ask for his number? Or ask if he wants to go on a date?

...like, could you give an example of what you say? [Maybe I can learn something]
Ask if he would like to go out for coffee sometime, if that proceeds to a yes then exchange numbers and wait 1-2 days and call to follow up. That's what I did. Or if the conversation leads so, set up a date on the spot when it works. It was like in a friendly voice, "hey there, I was wondering if you would like to for coffee sometime?" Simple and to the point.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
80 Posts
Oh my gosh I do that too! I can relate on every level to everything you've said. The way I've gotten anywhere with my crushes is when someone has seen past the shell and insisted on pursuing me anyway. You're not doomed to a life of loneliness. :) I'm sure you'll meet someone in a very INFP-approved way, where you'll feel comfortable and happy....like maybe online....or someone approaches you while your quietly reading a book and enjoying coffee at Starbucks and insists on making conversation with you. :) It'll happen. :)
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
16,307 Posts
Yeah your biggest obstacle is what @cosmia said. He's not even human to you so you're afraid of feeling human around him. But you have to get it through your mind that the two of you are both human. And humans don't hate people who like them. Even if they don't like them back. There is no hate. :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
566 Posts
I do this too usually, in fact, I don't htink I ever dated someone i was super into until recently because. I couldn't speak to them...lol! My mouth and stuff doesn't work right, sometimes i can only smile but often i actually would act like i was less interested in them than everyone else because i was scared of the intensity of emotion. Its so easy to get taken advantage of issn't it? plus my emotions can turn me into puddy in someones hands! not cool! Try having a drink if you're of age...maybe? Its good though in a way, this way only the crushes you have that are REALLY into you will make it to getting to know you cause they'll have to approach you, it would be a little worse if you was a guy though sinse women dont approach much...
 
  • Like
Reactions: dreamerrambling
1 - 20 of 50 Posts
Top