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I do the exact same thing as well. Haha! Some people have said that I look haughty and cold when in fact I'm nervous and shy as hell.

Like @derlierina, this is exactly why I find it hard to make friends with attractive people and get into a relationship.

I agree with @TheWarOfArt that approaching and getting to know them helps. On a couple of occasions this has helped demystify my crushes and realise they're not who I thought they were.
 

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I suck at communicating my feelings in general. I'd ignore them 'knowing' that if I try to speak to them FIRST, I'll creep them out. That's probably the reason I've only dated extroverts in person. They usually have the nerve to initiate conversation and, if I feel like they're pretty open minded, I'll contribute. That tends to be the only way I can even begin to get to know them in person.
 

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I used to be like this when I was in my teens and early 20s. I put people on a pedestal and assumed that they couldn't possibly be attracted to me and would just laugh if they were aware of my crush.

It got better as I became a more confident person. Now in my mid-30s, if I meet a man who is single, seems to share my values, etc, I'll try to get to know him in a low pressure way (invite to coffee for example). Life is short and at this age it's much harder to meet single men who I'm attracted to and share my values. So I figure what's the worst that can happen? He says "no thanks"? I'll survive.
 

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Im gonna T off on the wrong end of the golf course here as an intp and aim for the hole/flag

When I read this(and its out of complete dispair, as I also like an infp)

Whats even more interesting is that many others do as you do.

In the world of law and order pursuing someone who shows no interest(is deemed stalking or harrassment) so the problem with your ignore crushes and treat the non-interests just fine is that you will end up with
1. Nothing
2. A harrasser or person comfortable with breaking laws
3. Seem like you are engaged to persons you actually dislike.

And yet there it is. If I laugh at this, im sure you'll take offense as INFPs dont handle criticism well. This has to be the strangest thing Ive ever learned.

I want to add this.

If you for whichever strange reason ignore an INTP you like...

This will be what goes through his mind:

... but we had such fun... ? Did I do anything wrong? Why wont she talk to me? Is there someone else? Was I just being used? Then Id wait a few days.. now I friggin really miss the infp... then I get a response... a one liner. "Sorry, I was busy"

Then I go... holy shyte... whats wrong in her life.. it must be serious.. i should help. Then I try and get a picture of the problem ... another one line response...

This will go on for six months until I found out there was someone else but my gut feeling tells me she liked me more. Then 2 years go by and she contacts me to buy chickens. I dont have chickens... my brother has chickens, I give her his number, but she continues to discuss order via me. At this point the INTPs least developed Fe is basically roadkill. Im schredded in so many pieces.. but chickens it shall be. You can buy chickens anywhere, Id reason.

So... am I to read from this that I am unliked, and that really she likes everyone else on the planet... in other words... everyone but me... causing more injury to the already dead looking roadkill which once was my under developed emotional side.

Sorry about that, but I just needed to get that out of my system...

My advice would be this, and you may verify this on nat-geo also.

1. Run from dislikes
2. Run to likes

Problem sorted for both person 1 and person 2.

Good luck INFPs.
 

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So... am I to read from this that I am unliked, and that really she likes everyone else on the planet... in other words... everyone but me... causing more injury to the already dead looking roadkill which once was my under developed emotional side.

Sorry about that, but I just needed to get that out of my system...
[/QUOTE]

Do not be sorry. This is your honest opinion on how the other person feels and this knowledge is vital for INFPs. When we are healthy enough we use our Te.

Thank you!
I must say that this Is finally a really good insight someone ever gave me. Straight to the point. I’m going to print that and put on the wall to remind myself what will happen if I let my Fi me in an unhealthy way.

When I am experiencing attraction to someone I tend to loose the gut that is usually right. And I am reading their behaviour as they may like someone hence they behaviour but I doubt it’s me. I am absolutely out of controlling myself. And if I see a slight disaprovement from my crush (It may be imaginary) I will be hurt and guarding my emotions to the point that I’ll start an unhealthy loop.
Be nice and kind -> ignore -> feel guilty and try to be nice -> angry and ignore -> show that you are cool with others hint-> depression -> being oversensitive -> try to keep in touch -> finally get into the fight -> depression, apologizes -> ocassional check in forever

The order may vary but it is mostly what I do when the other person doesn’t let me know straight that they are interested in me. I’m guarding my feelings. When I start to show my affection I expect other person to take the lead, to validate.

So... when you an INTP actually gave a real and honest opinion what happens on the other side of the wall then it finally makes sense. I can see the changes in my crush but I blame it that probably they have different problems and that me ignoring them has nothing to do with it. I have a low esteem about myself when I am vulnerable being in love.

If that girl checked in with a completely nonsense qestion about chickens this could mean she is still in love with you. This is like „help me and take me because I am stuck” INFP style. At least it would be my style. I did this many times. Now I am officialy ashamed of that.

I know a couple INTPs. My mom and my brother and my friend. It is hard for introvert to connect with other introvert because we tend to be too quiet, overanalyzing, and procristinate with talking any action. When an extrovert want you they just tell or are so over the place that even the blind person would see.

If you want, now you can tell how you feel about her straigh to the point. Be gentle but precise. Good luck.

And it seems that I might ruined my crush too. I’ve ruined myself too to add. And I will have to embrace my long forgotten bravery and do the same thing as I adviced you.
 

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Yeay!!! No stonings today!!!

Il have to read your response again at a better time. Setting up for a meeting, but I sense a gold nugget is near.
I gave you hope and I hope that this is accurate. I can’t speak for any INFP but I know quite a few and I know how they act - similar. Again good luck, my fingers crossed. If you get a weird response from her, feel free to share. We’ll see what it may mean.

I usually don’t do this, but I am stuck with my crush problem. You are INTP and your intelligence is very high. And you are confused with INFP. My crush is INTJ and I wrote in their section to get an answer but... INTJs doesn’t seem to be too helpful with their answers. Maybe you could take a look? You could benefit to see my perspective as an INFP crushing on someone in a specific situation and and as for my benefit maybe you’d be able to point out something I am missing. I am missing hard I sense it.
If you don’t want to do this or don’t have time then I am absolutely chill about that. Anyway, thanks in advance. Cheers!
 

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I don't know if Im' messing up this next post. Havent figured out the quote function. But I'm loving this scam already. Evil laughter .... (I have my secret pool of INFP agents to help me crack this one INFP and you have access to the INTP mind... inappropriately honest, but useful info...Its like fishing with dynamite. How smart it is to take dating advice from an INTP is another of kettle of fish altogether, but I'll attempt to be useful.)

So if I got this right then in your case the INFP has this dilemma:
"When I am experiencing attraction to someone I tend to loose the gut that is usually right. And I am reading their behaviour as they may like someone hence they behaviour but I doubt it’s me. I am absolutely out of controlling myself. And if I see a slight disaprovement from my crush (It may be imaginary) I will be hurt and guarding my emotions to the point that I’ll start an unhealthy loop.
Be nice and kind -> ignore -> feel guilty and try to be nice -> angry and ignore -> show that you are cool with others hint-> depression -> being oversensitive -> try to keep in touch -> finally get into the fight -> depression, apologizes -> ocassional check in forever "

Concepts applied there appear to be

initial mindset (universal thinker) and then sees
1. Admiration
2. Trying to match admiration
3. Intuitively fearing failure (identity crisis, mindset changes from universal to personal thinking)

Lets forget about dating for a second. Lets pretend we're going to war. When in normal state you use both left and right brain, and when you hate (like) someone you become leftbrain dominant, which is your weak side. You're trying to mirror that which you're attempting to destroy(love).

I think the concept of identity is over exaggerated in school. We are individually judged and that places an artificial reflex on our hearts that adjusts our behavior under stress. So you meet the object of your hatred and you try and mirror or project a set values you don't know anything about to try and better your discard to a person as best you read them. So basically what you are doing is you are engaging the enemy on their terms prior to battle. In battle at least you want to engage on your terms, your playing field etc.

Now lets flip over to love
So you meet the object of your affection and you try and mirror or project a set values you don't know anything about to try and better your appeal to a person as best you read them. So basically what you are doing is you are engaging the lover on their terms prior to marriage. In marriage at least you want to engage on your terms, your playing field etc.

conclusion:
Alliances are not formed by being the same. You cannot sell someone sand if they already have sand. You need to sell them cement or steel or skills. Something that has actual value.

So lets look at INTJ quicks (I'm quickly googling them)
OK. They may not admit it but they like being in charge. LOL. Just taking Thomas Jefferson as an example. Clearly seriously intuitive and seriously bright. I admire the guy for how he worked out that there was intelligence behind ancient building techniques. (long story, but he worked out there was a coordinated method behind measuring length, mass, volume etc) Thats no small feat.
So it appears to me that they like understanding things deeply and that they use this information to elevate their command over reality. So that would be a King-like mindset. INFP's I think primarily utilize the Queen like archetype. So the marriage in the loose sense of the word might work. As you know the queen is generally the more kind hearted and universally considerate soft voice that whispers into the ear of the King. You gotta learn to accept that role. The queen is the most powerful piece on the board for a reason. She has the power of influence. Mirroring is a great maternal instinct, but you cannot mirror a crowd. That would be my take on the matter.

And now that you've hooked your king.. then what? eventually your universal type mind will be restored and the false identity role will be discarded. That's probably a topic for another day. But then again. Life isn't perfect. Happy hunting.
 

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you have access to the INTP mind... inappropriately honest, but useful info...Its like fishing with dynamite
Wow, that is some interesting INTP mind here I see. ;) Here is my quoting tip: Highligh what you need to quote and then click "quote" under the post you are quoting and then come back to your reply, put a cursor in a place where you want to paste the quote and then you see "insert quote" next to Post reply button

initial mindset (universal thinker) and then sees
1. Admiration
2. Trying to match admiration
3. Intuitively fearing failure (identity crisis, mindset changes from universal to personal thinking)
Same meaning, but looking ten times smarter 😅 You got it right.

Dating is a war. Love is a war. Now when I think of it it is true, and there is no way to win something over mirroring, as it is setting you on a loosing position from the start. But in a love case, both sides can do the same thing, and the values that they try and mirror or project are completely wrong for both parties, it may be the case why the relationships break after time, because they are set on a fake fundaments. It is something that I believe would rarely happen in a battle mode.

Although in my case I couldn't do this because I don't know the values so I represented my values. And I became lost so I've invented new values. This INTJ is a silent black King and her kingdom is her own life and I feel more like a White Queen in a separate kingdom. We need to merge our kingdom, but is it even possible? It is checkmate.
 

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So I told my match that i've been talking to a few days for that I'd just rather be friends and I'm not looking for a relationship. She hasn't responded since, hope shes not mad... but she might be catfish anyway, right?
 

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This is fascinating... what is a catfish... its a whole new concept? Is it a bottom dweller, feeding off dead... what is a catfish? I can only imagine what its like in the ladies room at a pub etc...

Please tell me more...
 

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This is fascinating... what is a catfish... its a whole new concept? Is it a bottom dweller, feeding off dead... what is a catfish? I can only imagine what its like in the ladies room at a pub etc...

Please tell me more...

This is powerful stuff. Just imagine Donald Trump armed with some of this ammo... "That Joe Biden... He's a catfish... HUGE catfish... biggest catfish you'll ever meet... total catfish..."

... i want more!
This could topple governments...
 

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Im sorry you got hurt, and I apologise(risking blunt trauma to the head, here)

Jimmy Hendrix singing about an extramarital affair is not the correct response, and Im sorry.

Ill shut up about the concept of being creepy.
 

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I honestly have no idea what you're talking about; I didn't even listen to the song. It's just that you, whoever you are, are giving me bad vibes at the moment
 

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Im always in trouble. Dont worry, you're not the only one.

My reason for being here is try and learn something from infps to see if I can correct or salvage another relationship... and then I went off on a tangent and now the whole vibe is spoiled.

But I also think healthy disrespect to a concept is a good thing as it forces one to re-evaluate a thought.

I think the original thought was that peeps tend to go silent on their crushes. I think I was still okay there.

You then asked if someone was catfishing you and I was unfamiliar to the concept, my elaboration or exploring of that concept is what ticked you off.

Do you see the pattern though? Infps close off when things get risky?

In a way me creeping you out is actually useful in understanding the study of infps going radio silent.

As illustrated higher up, both love and war drag people out of their comfort zone, but the logic of both appears to be the same.
.
So perhaps its useful to be creeped out by me? Dont chop off my head... it was only a jam tart?
 
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