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Why or why not? How did you get to that point...? Weird questions, but I'm genuinely curious how this happens either way. I've been trying to figure my own self out, where how I feel about myself came from in the first place, but I haven't been able to articulate it yet.

And For me I think part of it is kinda like...if I let myself feel okay, rather than the normal scrutinizing my every move, then I feel like I'm being... I don't know. I don't even know what the worry is, but I can't let go of the perfectionism. It's like I'm afraid I'll slip and do something dumb or jerky or less-than-thoughtful or conscientious. Does that even make sense?


I feel like I'm not explaining myself well...but please feel free to share your thoughts and feelings.
 

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I can't make my mind up about myself.

Honestly, metta helps, it overrides the survival mode/hyper-self critical thing pretty effectively, by stimulating the executive-control and social-egagement networks (prefrontal shit), which alone seems like the critical bit to start with (mirroring what you said more or less).
 

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"You're so vein you probably think this song is about you ...." *sings*

Yeah I probably have a vanity streak or what I would like to say self love. I love my job, my life is kind of comfy, I think I look pretty, I'm talented, have great friends/family, and educated. Just missing a relationship and I would almost call it a perfect life but I'm not going to rush into one either to gain that unlock just yet.



Sometimes the imperfections make life beautiful :D
 

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Why or why not? How did you get to that point...?
I do...mostly. Age is part of it. I've stopped caring about trying to fit in and I'm happy with who I am. I'm happier with having a few people that like me than worrying about mass approval.

I really relate to The Augusten Burroughs quote, "I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions." I'm completely flawed and imperfect and I do beat myself up over it. But I try to see mistakes as an opportunity to improve, not as a reason to hate myself. I know, logically, that brooding doesn't improve anything, but it's still a constant struggle. Ni-Ti loops are a bear.
 

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I like myself.

I take time to acknowledge the good parts about myself. I also acknowledge my weak points, but in a way that is positive. I prefer to work toward change and try to encourage myself when I mess up as opposed to beating myself up (though sometimes I still do that). This was a conscious decision I made a while ago (I used to just beat myself up a lot when I messed up). The reason I made it is because I realized encouraging yourself by telling yourself you are capable and can do better in the future is far more effective toward change than berating yourself for failing.
 

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I've always felt that rejecting yourself was the only true sin. I'm huge on the prospects of self empowerment and just embracing who you are, regardless of who or what that may be. Guilt, shame, or similar, tend to be things the outside world has really pushed into your head and is a by-product of an idealized model or standard to live up to. While the intentions may be good, it causes such grievous suffering and fails to take in so many elements of what make up a person. I like to think everyone has a darker side or inconsistencies in them and those who fail to acknowledge or accept that are simply not complete or whole.

All that in mind, I'm pretty big on myself. I see failure as an opportunity to improve, which is far more than the complacency success would ever bring me. I enjoy the prospect of testing myself in certain situations to see how I'd really react vs how I think I'd behave in my head.

It's interesting how little people know about themselves, yet still manage to figure out a way to be so critical or negative. It's like having such a small piece of a puzzle or picture and thinking that from what you're seeing the rest must be shit too.



 

 

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I do like myself, yes.

Though I think I still have some growing to do. I am trying to care less about looks and to be less self-conscious. Also, I think I could be more friendly. I can get all socially awkward sometimes. Lastly, I am great with self-discipline when it comes to working out at the gym but I would love to increase my self-discipline with other productive activities. Like gardening and while I am very clean, I could clean a bit more throughout the week to avoid big clean up days. Less time watching TV and web surfing (which I am doing now!) would be awesome.

I'm nearly 25 and still feel like a 16 year old teen sometimes. :tongue:
 

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Yes I like myself.

But I must admit that it wasn't part of my nature in early years, I used to have a little low self esteem. With time and maturity I've reached the point of loving myself for who I am :)
 

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Yes, I do like myself.
What's helped is learning about my energy type. I've learned to work with and understand myself instead of comparing all the time. That's pretty much how I handle other people too. I try not to judge and I only try to understand others.
 

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I judge myself more than I judge anyone. More than all of the enemies I have had judged.

It's hard to trust myself sometimes and that is confusing.

I try not to get to close to myself. Otherwise, I let myself down.

Yea I like myself. I'm stuck with me all the time. I'm starting to get over the past and do whatever I want.
 

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I like myself, though I do have flaws that I would find irritating if I were friends with me. I tend to dominate conversations when I'm excited and energetic, and I can be inconsistent. Overall, though, I'd be very happy to have myself as a friend, and I feel good about myself a big majority of the time, so I'd say I do like myself!!

I liked myself the least in middle school, probably. (about 4 or 5 years ago) This was due to my disappointment in my social anxiety developing so far, and troubles with the recent divorce of my parents at the time. I'm mostly over both events now!
 

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I believe I do, sometimes I am hard to myself, maybe it's just a common thing but yes, I like myself.

That's the key for everything.
 

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Yes I do. Don't know why though. I know my hearth is on the right place and if I would met another person like myself I think I would like him/her. I used to be not so happy about "being me" but I got some confidence.
 
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Nope.
Hard to like yourself when the people who mean the most to you (whether you wish they meant the most to you or not is irrelevant) don't seem to like you for you.
I have a book's worth of reply to this in my head, but not enough time or energy to write it all out so I'll be a lot briefer than I'd like.

I was raised by a narcissistic mother, my much older sister and only sibling was the "golden child" and I was the scapegoat. They were both only really happy if I was sad. And could only seem to feel good about themselves when they minimized my achievements or happy events. I was enmeshed with my mother though and was so devastated by her death that I couldn't return to my job for more than 3 months and it took years after that for the nightmares to ease up. She was always cold and unfeeling where I was concerned, yet I was the one who would say "I love you" all the time, and I meant it. She would just give me a cold heartless glance.

I was 30 when my mother died and I became closer to my sister. I finally realized that I couldn't share anything good with her either as she'd turn cold and mean if I did. When I was upset and/or needed help though, then she was the first one there for me. She'd make sure I knew how lucky I was to have her though and what a failure she felt I was. But she would help. She died a few years ago when I was 47.

I've now lost almost all my family, and no longer have contact with the rest. This has been the best thing that ever happened to me, as sad as that sounds. No one around any more to make sure I feel bad about myself has been the most healing and healthy thing that's ever happened to me.

I have a very dear friend that I've been helping for years now overcome difficult, cold and controlling parents. It was during the time I was researching information for him, that I realized my mother was a narcissist and my sister probably was as well. And it was no fault of mine that they treated me so poorly. Even though I started healing long before I read about personality disorders, I felt terribly guilty about it. Now I truly understand and no longer feel bad I don't miss them any more.

My friend will be moving away from his family and cutting off most contact in a few months, for his own mental health. That is often the only way to heal; to understand what's happening and then to eliminate those negative influences. We both hope, that when his family realizes they could lose him forever, they will change how they treat him and think of him. And that a break away from that will allow him to heal, gain confidence and be happy which hopefully will then allow him to have contact again, but with the strength to stand up to them, control the tone and ensure it's positive.

Maybe you aren't old enough to live on your own, but when you are you may want to think of ways to take charge of your family contact and refuse to tolerate any negative from them any longer. Until then, you might want to do some online reading and learn as much as you can. You also sound "enmeshed", a term I learned during my researching.

I know so well how you feel. /hugs
 

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Yeah, I do actually like myself now. Which was definitely a major part in curing my depression and anxiety.

It wasn't until I was about 23 or 24 when I began to learn to like myself. And I had to have someone help me, after a decade of... blah. But I can be proud of myself now, for all the progress I've made and continue to make both mentally and emotionally. I am who I want to be. I still have some insecurities, but I don't blame myself for them, and try and help myself instead. And of course there's always room for improvement. :mellow:

And I actually feel like that whole process has built an immunity to depression and anxiety that only gets stronger. I still have bouts of feeling blue or being anxious, but it's not depression, and the anxiety is only temporary. I don't think I'll ever (mentally) fall into such a place again. Because I can counter it now.
 

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I lurves myself. Why wouldn't I?

As for where it came from? I dunno. I was born with it? There were times, when I was young, when I lacked confidence and believed myself to be stupid because people (teachers, lovely lot that they are) kept telling me I was stupid. Being a kid, after a while, I started believing them.

And yet... though they caused me to believe I was stupid and dropped my confidence into the toilet... I never disliked myself for it. I just accepted that's who I was... and... carried on.

I have no idea why that didn't have the full negative effect it should have... but neither did bullying. I never took bullying personally and always just thought that the people who seemed to hate me for no reason (or reasons they created in their own mind) were weird. It never really bothered me. It had an impact in that I remember it, very clearly, but it never hurt my feelings or anything.
 

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Sadly I have tendencies toward self sabotage depending on my mood. That is why I can't really make up my mind about how much I might like myself.

*shrug*
 
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