I don't like to tell people my dreams because I'll get bummed if they poo-poo them, which happens quite often. So, I'd rather not, if that's "living a secret life (?)" than I guess I do...though most of my family and friends know my "dreams" though I think I keep the strength of the desire for these dreams very much downplayed.

I relate well with this. Thanks for putting it that way! The "strength" is a very nice way of saying it :happy:

amanda32 said:

...though most of my family and friends know my "dreams" . . . I think I keep the strength of the desire for these dreams very much downplayed.

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I made a decision maybe 2 years ago or so to live more transparently, and it was scary at first, but ultimately I've found that I've only gained from it. There's little about me that isn't publicly available knowledge - my sexuality and all of that is visible to everyone on Facebook. I figure I have nothing to hide, and... what are people gonna do, chain me up and beat me? I'd probably like that, so whatever! :tongue:

Sort of... I have interests that I don't really talk with much other people with... but I think it's just cause I figure they wouldn't be interested anyway so why waste the time, and if they were a little interested they wouldn't be as passionate about it as me so eah.. I'm pretty open about my dreams though, sort of, kinda halfway open, I'll censor some stuff out to not seem too weird, but I'll give people the general idea.

Heheheh, rawr! I wish I had the courage to say that on such a public a venue as Facebook :crazy:.

Yeah, I definitely lead a secretive lifestyle, though I've become slightly more open with my friends over these past few months... figures, none of them really pick up on anything I let "slip" anyway. I have secret dreams I only trust people crazy as me to listen to, I don't tell my parents anything, and I don't really list my ambitions as anything except the default realistic occupation I have chosen for myself.

rowingineden said:

and... what are people gonna do, chain me up and beat me? I'd probably like that, so whatever! :tongue:

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Yeah I do. It doesn't help people see the real me when I come across as scatterbrained and absent minded to others who see me as nothing as a fool or a borderline lunatic. Of course this cements an often exciting secret or double life scenario with a big unhealthy dose of idealism involved in it as well. I guess in a way it invokes the feelings of fantasism or escapism associated with the idea of a double life, like a secret agent who works for themselves.

I want to be more like this. I can totally see how one can gain from being more open, but it's so hard for me. I always think people will judge me so I hold back. :frustrating:

rowingineden said:

I made a decision maybe 2 years ago or so to live more transparently, and it was scary at first, but ultimately I've found that I've only gained from it.

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Wow...I thought I was an INTP before and then I came over here and this is one of the zillion things I found that made me realize I'm all F!!!

I most definitely live a secretive lifestyle. I'm a closet smoker...if we have family staying with us or something I will not smoke, I do not take smoke breaks at my office and I will not let ANYONE see me do it.

I moved across the country from my family and as much as I miss them I enjoy it. I like not having to live up to anyone's expectations or judgement. I always am SO terrified of "getting in trouble"...like I'm worried about an adult reprimanding me for something...but I'm 25. I keep wondering when I'm going to realize I'm an adult and there's nobody to be in trouble with, other than the police.

My husband's parents are desperately trying to get us to move back with them, provide us employment, pay for us to go back to school, and help watch our child and why do I not want to do it? Because I am terrified of leaving my secretive lifestyle and having to live with them, totally out in the open, unable to continue my closet smoking, having them judging my parenting and my habits...

So yeah, I'd say I can relate!

Yes there are some things that I prefer to keep to myself especially when it comes to my fantasies. Most of the things I hide though are from my parents, my boyfriend and close friends know almost everything about me, I like that.

There are all too many things I keep hidden away safely under a cloak of privacy, away from the vision of people I do not trust absolutely to not ridcule or criticize me on. I feel I would be heavily disowned by my family, had they learned how I feel about certain things, and things I like, in general.

that I doess

My whole life is a secret. Its just I don't to tell anyone what I do nor never want to talk about it.

Very much so, though I suspect that everypne lives a secret lifestyle in some sort of way.

I know for me, that there are some things that will never, ever, ever be uttered to another human being...and I'm okay with that.

Just brainstorming here, but there seems to be different groups that I can reveal my internal self to. The groups are...

Strangers: Strangers I don't really have much to say to. When talking to a complete stranger my task is to utilize small talk as well as I can (I've gotten better as this, but I don't think I'll ever accel at it). There's basically nothing important I share to a complete stranger.

Friendly folk: These are people who I'm sure are agreeable due to the small talk step going relatively well and conflict free. With these people, however, I don't share much more than I would to a stranger, but my stress level does decrease by a decent amount.

Friends: It takes me a lot to call somebody a friend and so I only have a few amount. With my friends the stuff I reveal about myself takes a humongous leap. I tell them all about my interests and goals in life. I will talk to them about any problems in my family with ease. I'm able to talk about self-actualization and my constant struggle to align my internal mind with outward action. And with my friends I am mostly successful with this.

The internet: This is a true gift. The internet (specifically PersonalityCafe), has allowed me to completely reveal anything about my self. On top of all the things I talk about with friends, I can talk about my extreme passion for love and how I am a hopeless romantic. This is the greatest part of life for me, and yet is the part that I am most afraid to talk about in the real world. I am afraid of scaring people with my passionate views on romantic love and I only know that talking about it in the real world would be too risky. I can imagine sharing this information and everyone backing away slowly. Thank goodness I am able to share this information with some people, even if I know that I've done it through anonymity.

I am open to a fault, I will pretty much tell anyone anything about me unless I think it will hurt someone (I can keep iron clad secrets). I don't necessarily tell people things if they don't ask, because maybe they don't want to know. I have found that some people love me for it because they know I am honest and trusting, others don't believe me because they have never really known people to be so open. It has at times hurt me, obviously too much trust can equal pain. Over all though I feel it's a good thing because it enables more people to feel comfortable with me and I make deeper friendships more quickly.

There is a lot I hold back. There are a few people I occasionally want to share something with, but normally I think they won't understand my concerns or it is something I feel I shouldn't burden them with...so it goes unsaid. Some things I will gladly talk about if asked (or if it is related to something that is said) like what I'm hoping to do with my career once my contract finishes (the first person who I voiced my thoughts to is my boss), but more personal things are rarely mentioned. I find the internet helps at times, but even then I'm concerned someone will realize who I am even on an anonymous forum or chat site. Similar to admama I am 25, but most of the time I think of myself as a teen and don't realize I am an adult. Other than talking about work, I often feel like I have more in common with my boss's son in his mid-teens than with the 30-something adults.

yes i do... i write a lot in all kinds of notebooks. i hide my notebooks in my room under some clothes, because they are my dearest thoughts. i don't want anyone to know about it and because im being very honest in the notebooks. and often i change my mind, so if somebody read them and thought i was like that it would kill me because i probably just felt like that at the time.. i move on and forget.

i heard that infps forgive but dont forget. i forget.....

jasonm said:

I read that INFPs often live secretive lifestyles. I’m curious if many of you do.

I definitely do and always have. I have dreams and aspirations that I hold so dearly, I sometimes guard them under a cloak of secrecy. Perhaps I do this to shield them from ridicule or obscurity. Perhaps it’s something I developed during my turbulent childhood. I’m not really sure why I have this tendency, but I’ve come to respect and recognize it; and I try to use it more to my benefit than my detriment, as in the past it has sometimes been detrimental. I’m much more open and feel more secure about sharing my dreams and aspirations with others nowadays. The college environment helps me with this, but I still maintain a degree of secretiveness.

So, I wonder, do you also maintain a degree of secretiveness?

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p.s. i dream big!
others wouldnt understand

greatexpectations said:

yes i do... i write a lot in all kinds of notebooks. i hide my notebooks in my room under some clothes, because they are my dearest thoughts. i don't want anyone to know about it and because im being very honest in the notebooks. and often i change my mind, so if somebody read them and thought i was like that it would kill me because i probably just felt like that at the time.. i move on and forget.

i heard that infps forgive but dont forget. i forget.....

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Yeah I'm an undercover extrovert

been in the closet for the longest but its time to let my true colors shine! Haaaay!