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I just feel like I'm at the mercy of other forceful personalities. Especially if I'm in love, then I REALLY lose myself. Do you have any techniques on how to not have this happen? I'm also attracted to troubled emotional types sometimes. I want to save them, because I've been through the same thing, and have survived. But can I really save someone else without losing my identity or drowning? Is it our duty to save others from the same things we've been through? Sorry I'm in an infp mood...so I'm just thinking and venting...:sad:
 

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I just feel like I'm at the mercy of other forceful personalities. Especially if I'm in love, then I REALLY lose myself. Do you have any techniques on how to not have this happen? I'm also attracted to troubled emotional types sometimes. I want to save them, because I've been through the same thing, and have survived. But can I really save someone else without losing my identity or drowning? Is it our duty to save others from the same things we've been through? Sorry I'm in an infp mood...so I'm just thinking and venting...:sad:
I'm for sure not qualified to give advice on this...I could have easily written this about myself word for word... Hopefully someone more wise will come along...
 

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I don't think I lose my identity often at all. However, some may argue that I don't have a really defined one to begin with. Basically, I don't compromise on core values. I refuse to give in to my no's without compensation from the other party (if not a core value). I have a desire to save people as well... but really, I keep in mind the most I could ever do is help them along. They, ultimately are the only ones that can truly save themselves. As for drowning... while I feel that I haven't drowned in the past... I am pretty laid back on many things, with little in the way of solid opinions on many things. Sometimes its just easier to go with whoever's position to spare me a conflict over something I couldn't care less about. I suppose one of my core values would really apply to this situation, though I am not sure how others would interpret it. "Stay true to yourself." As long as you remain truly you. I don't think you have to worry about drowning from other people. Just because you may not scream as loud as others, and make a scene (figuratively) doesn't mean you have to go along with the mob. Also, it isn't our "duty" to save anyone... though, perhaps it is our desire.

Sorry for the sub-par reply. Describing my actions in this context was a bit harder than I thought it would be. :bored:
 

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I often lose myself, I become a mindless, idiotic and silly person around others sometimes and I remember that its not me because I realise I am not being true to myself and I'm taking the goal of fitting in too far.

I think that being in love or caring enough about someone to do anything for them brings out the best in us, but in my experience it can be unsustainable. The gravity of the prospect of sacrificing dreams for instance catches up with me and fills me with doubt sometimes. I don't think its something you should avoid, but my advice (if it's any good as I suspect I may be psychologically damaged when it comes to relationships) would be to ask if a relationship or love is what you really want at this point. It's in my experience that INFPs either want to or secretly rebel in their own way from a situation they don't like or don't agree with. If it's what you really want for yourself, then you probably have nothing to lose in losing yourself for a bit in a good way, we're all about adapting. But I think there's nothing wrong with being true to yourself either. I think its something you must learn to handle as it happens and devise ways for a relationship or love to work with it.

As for saving the emotionally damaged, I can only speculate in terms of empathy because I don't think I've suffered overly much but I think you have a better chance of saving someone by being true to yourself. It can't be easy to be yourself under those circumstances but having a friend as an INFP seems to remedy a lot I have heard. It may also help them re-discover themselves too, to re-discover their true selves, however the biggest part of this type of recovery must be instigated and wanted by the person themselves.

In terms of duty, I think we have no duty. I believe duty is just a social expectation imposed on people who either don't or won't think for why they do such things themselves. In the end I think we have only our choices and feelings, our intentions and their resulting consequences. I think there is less nobility in a duty to help than there is in a choice to help. The bottom line is to choose to help or choose not to help, and reflect and live with the consequences and feelings of your decision.

Sorry for my long post there. I'm in a major introspection mode and I don't know how much common sense my post makes, if any at all.
 

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I'm kinda in the same boat right now. I've been married for four years and wondering "What do I want out of my life? and "What do I need?" I feel that I have probably lost myself in my husband's identity and am working to get my own back.

I guess techniques to find yourself again would be to figure out what you love and what you want out of life aside from everyone else in your life. I want to be live a happy, fulfilling life where I want to use my full intellectual capacity and also make a difference people's lives. I also want to live in a bigger city (I live in a small city right now). I'm also beginning to make decisions based on my happiness again and not the happiness of others. I just made one today actually.

As for the troubled, emotional types, you have to realize that you cannot "save" them and that people can only help and change themselves when they want to help and change themselves. It's like dealing with an addict. You may want the addict to change but he's not going until he wants to. You don't have a duty to save anyone. In fact, you can't rescue someone else from their inner demons. If someone would like your help in getting through a tough situation and you feel like you can do it without draining yourself then go ahead. However, remember that your happiness should come first.
 

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I suppose it's just another wonderful life lesson to learn. The more you experience, the greater your strength of character becomes. It's one thing to put your 'stuff' aside for a little while to help someone, but losing you identity? Sounds a bit drastic!

Sorry, it's late and I'm not making much sense. If any.

I'd say overall that it isn't necessarily our duty to save others, no. By all means point them in the right direction and offer help / guidance, but sometimes people just have to save themselves and nothing you can do or say will change that. I suppose the feeling of helplessness could cause you to feel like you're drowning but don't let it; you can only do your best and if that isn't good enough, that isn't your fault.

I'm speaking from experience as a friend of mine isn't too well at the moment. Very severe depression, he's on the edge. I've done everything I can for him but ultimately he has to sort himself out. I've felt like I've been banging my head against the wall as I just couldn't get through to him. Watching someone you've grown up with go under is... well, it tore me to pieces if I'm honest.

Just be there for them when they need it but don't let them dominate you. As harsh as it may sound, you have to look after number one at the end of the day. You can't let the situation drag you down, you have to keep strong.

As I say, just another life lesson. Good luck to you :)
 

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I just feel like I'm at the mercy of other forceful personalities. Especially if I'm in love, then I REALLY lose myself. Do you have any techniques on how to not have this happen? I'm also attracted to troubled emotional types sometimes. I want to save them, because I've been through the same thing, and have survived. But can I really save someone else without losing my identity or drowning? Is it our duty to save others from the same things we've been through? Sorry I'm in an infp mood...so I'm just thinking and venting...:sad:
It is something to be aware of. I have to say that I have had a very lucid sense of self. I had taken a good handle of it and it wasn't that long ago either that I had. But after being abruptly dumped out of a three year realtionship and my mom passing not long after that I am vonerable to strong personalities. My new boyfriend and I have been friends for a long time. But I'm finding now that I am moved in that he is overwhelming me. His hystarics and out bursts and zero confidence in himself are pulling me down into a caregiver roll, I'm not his mom. I was having full on panic attacks as I packed my stuff to move cuz as we have limited space in our place I had to leave things behind and leaving my things and my home (I moved 1200 miles), with the loss of a parent has left me sitting in a new home, new city, new lifestyle entierly from the one I'm used to living that I'm stitting here wondering "who am I now" "how didn I lose me, how do I get her back" and "does he fit into who I really am or just the me I'm trying to be." Strong personalities can overwhelm mine/ours...be cautious....and keep thinking...and venting...clearlly I needed to vent too lol :crazy:
 
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